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 ABritInBurnaby
Joined: 8/31/2012
Msg: 1
The "my place" datePage 1 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Hopefully this is the right forum for this.

I've just seen a few threads involving dates at a persons home and how they have progressed and it makes me curious about the whole "my place" date.

First of all I'd like to say I think a date at someones home could be a really nice way of developing closeness with somebody. It's difficult to be truly comfortable in public places developing any sort of closeness, so I can completely understand why somebody would ask for a date in their own home.

But all too often I am seeing the same old story of guys using this nice date prospect as a way of bedding a woman. If I were a woman and a guy asked me on a date at his place, unless I was fully prepared for sex I would say "hell no". Which is a real shame, because as a guy who would love a date at home without having to have sex, it ruins that possibility as the girl could easily misread your intentions because of the amount of ***holes who do use a date at home as a tactic of sleeping with a girl. I would almost feel like I would have to say when I invited them "don't take this as me trying to have sex with you", which in turn could be taken the wrong way as well, as assuming the girl would think that could be bad also.

It's not always the guy that invites the girl though, do girls ever use a "my place" date as a way of sleeping with a guy? I would imagine it's less likely, but I'm sure it happens also.

I've never personally had a date at either my or a girls home, but it is something I would really like if it wasn't for all the assumptions of sex that comes along with it.
 Texan_Gal
Joined: 10/22/2011
Msg: 2
The my place date
Posted: 12/30/2012 1:15:19 PM
I went to a guy's house for a second date, and I knew he wasn't expecting anything sexual. I guess it depends on the people involved.
 soitscometothis72
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 3
The my place date
Posted: 12/30/2012 1:31:42 PM
I've had a few girls over for a date. Even a first date. Cooked her dinner. I never did it to try and sleep with them. Yes, it has happened, but it was never my intention. Most of the dates that they have come over nothing has happened. Depends on the chemistry.
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 4
The my place date
Posted: 12/30/2012 1:31:58 PM
I would not do the "my place" thing until I felt I had gotten to know the person a bit better. And *no way* on the first date, especially.
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 5
The my place date
Posted: 12/30/2012 1:36:32 PM
I wouldn't go to a man's house until about the fourth date. I like to get to know the guy a little first so I can assess the likelihood that he may turn out to be they type that doesn't take no for an answer.

The last man I dated from here - he invited me to his house for a lunchtime BBQ the first time I went there. While I would never assume a man was going to expect sex just because I'm at his house, the daytime BBQ seemed much less 'indicative' than a nighttime dinner might have. No logic to that at all, it just seemed that way. (And, for the record, we BBQ'd, watched a couple of movies and no move was made for sex from either of us - a nice afternoon :)

If you haven't been pushing towards sex so far in your dates with a woman, she may take an invitation to your house at face value and not assume anything about your intentions.
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 6
The my place date
Posted: 12/30/2012 1:39:05 PM
I don't invite a woman to my home for a date because I now know their presumption is always sex & it's a quick way to end things if that's all she believes I'm interested in. Unless it's something planned in advance with others, like a BBQ, then I have asked dates to join us.

You'd be on safer ground for a home date after the 5th or 6th date when some trust is established.

The "I'm a nice guy" thing is naive on your part. If she came over & threw herself at you you'd boink her in a heart beat, so save the good guy BS.
 Debisusanne
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 7
The my place date
Posted: 12/30/2012 1:41:51 PM
gosh.. i am fearful of the "myplace" dates.. I'd like sex to evolve from feeling comfortable and ready.

But i know for a fact.. if I go to "his" house for a steak and a movie.. he is gonna try something.. so i just say no until im pretty close to ready...

its not like when you were a teen anymore.. we used to make out make out and make out more.. and sex never happened... now, if you make out at all.. they want a finale! Even if its in the car.. :))
 mosena87
Joined: 11/19/2012
Msg: 8
The my place date
Posted: 12/30/2012 1:57:42 PM

The "I'm a nice guy" thing is naive on your part. If she came over & threw herself at you you'd boink her in a heart beat, so save the good guy BS.


Thank you!

Seriously OP, how exactly does trying to get laid make a guy an ***hole? Are women who try to get laid also ***holes?
 ABritInBurnaby
Joined: 8/31/2012
Msg: 9
The my place date
Posted: 12/30/2012 2:47:19 PM

The "I'm a nice guy" thing is naive on your part. If she came over & threw herself at you you'd boink her in a heart beat, so save the good guy BS.


Actually, I probably wouldn't. Not all guys are hardwired into wanting sex, regardless of who, when and where. Maybe I have a more feminine approach to sex, but I would like to develop some closeness and feelings towards a person before that happens. Sure, if I had those and she threw herself at me, then yes, but not otherwise.


Seriously OP, how exactly does trying to get laid make a guy an ***hole? Are women who try to get laid also ***holes?


I guess it depends on the context. I've heard a lot of stories of guys inviting girls around and attempting to sleep with them, the girl saying no and then the guy calling it all off because he didn't get any. I find anybody on dating sites who are here just for sex, masquerading as somebody who wants a relationship, as a complete ***hole. Now, unless he was very clear in his profile or in conversation that that is what he wanted, then there would be no problem as the girl would know and couldn't have any complaints. It would be the same if a girl did it too. But that is VERY rare, guys never say they are looking for casual sex and they get no responses, ever.
 cityfangels35
Joined: 7/28/2012
Msg: 10
The my place date
Posted: 12/30/2012 3:17:03 PM
i stay away from guys that say cuddle or snuggle or want t owatch a movie at my house in their profile . its a code for sex no matter how they look at and sometimes they even have other women that same night for their place . so no when you met someone the first time never take them to your house they also could be crazy or stalkers or nuts . no thank you
 ABritInBurnaby
Joined: 8/31/2012
Msg: 11
The my place date
Posted: 12/30/2012 3:19:13 PM

i stay away from guys that say cuddle or snuggle or want t owatch a movie at my house in their profile . its a code for sex no matter how they look at and sometimes they even have other women that same night for their place . so no when you met someone the first time never take them to your house they also could be crazy or stalkers or nuts . no thank you


A prime example of why the guys with bad intentions ruin it for the good guys.

Although, I would never suggest it as a first date regardless of my intentions.
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 12
The my place date
Posted: 12/30/2012 3:31:24 PM

how exactly does trying to get laid make a guy an ***hole?
Because he's "Trying to get laid" with a woman who thinks he is "trying to start a relationship/emotional connection" with her. There's a huge difference between inviting a woman that you like to your house and hoping the relationship might progress further, and inviting a woman to your house hoping to get laid.

Smart women can tell the difference. Smart men can too.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 13
The my place date
Posted: 12/30/2012 4:05:33 PM
Well OP, you can tell by the responses the ladies don't like it, at least for the first little while. Some guys out there have ruined the "home cooked meal date" for the rest of us by their need for some quick sex. I can understand the ladies problem with it too,after hearing some of the stories.

I can tell ya, on a personal note, I accepted a home cooked meal from a young lady for a second date and for desert I basically got attacked. It was kinda funny, cause I really didn't expect it, cause I already was treading the waters gently with her, trying to get to know her,etc. But, a man has to do what a man has to do,,,,,sometimes. It just wasn't that night,with her. She got pissed and I never saw her again. I'm laughing about it as I type.
 ABritInBurnaby
Joined: 8/31/2012
Msg: 14
The my place date
Posted: 12/30/2012 4:53:19 PM

Well OP, you can tell by the responses the ladies don't like it, at least for the first little while. Some guys out there have ruined the "home cooked meal date" for the rest of us by their need for some quick sex. I can understand the ladies problem with it too,after hearing some of the stories.

I can tell ya, on a personal note, I accepted a home cooked meal from a young lady for a second date and for desert I basically got attacked. It was kinda funny, cause I really didn't expect it, cause I already was treading the waters gently with her, trying to get to know her,etc. But, a man has to do what a man has to do,,,,,sometimes. It just wasn't that night,with her. She got pissed and I never saw her again. I'm laughing about it as I type.


Ha, nice story.

I can definitely understand the ladies problem with them too, it's just a shame. I can see why they are pretty cautious about it all. I would hope they could tell my intentions based on my personality, but I think I will avoid any "my place" dates for further down the line.
 moonchildMN
Joined: 9/28/2012
Msg: 15
The my place date
Posted: 12/30/2012 5:07:08 PM
Back when I was green about online dating, I would have gone over to a guys house for dinner after the 1st or 2nd date, but not anymore.

I read enough on the forums that a lot of guys take coming over for dinner as code for coming over for sex, so I've turned down all the invites to go to their homes.

As I think about it now, I'm not so worried that I won't be able to say no to sex, but really, it can be very unsafe for both people involved. You still don't know each at all.

I think a home cooked dinner for two sounds like a lovely idea when you know each other better.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 16
The my place date
Posted: 12/30/2012 5:10:47 PM
On a first date, if we went to my place or her place after the date, about 99% of the time it ended in panties flying and chandelier hanging activity. On other occasions, after who knows, second third even fifth, I invite them over my place and I cook for them. In this cases, my approach has been like almost non-sexual. Yet the more non-sexual I got, the more sexual they got. So about 67% of those ended up in sex. With my last gf, we had a wonderful dinner and began to kiss, but she was a bit reserved. So I backed away, yet kissed lightly. When we eventually had sex (different date), she told me that she appreciated me taking it easy and that was why she then wanted to sleep with me.

So my advice to the guys. Don't assume you are going to have sex. If anything work at making her feel safe.
 SweetHeartedLady
Joined: 10/5/2012
Msg: 17
The my place date
Posted: 12/30/2012 6:18:18 PM
It is important to see how someone lives; and going to someone's house is a good way to see lifestyles.

I had different men invite themselves over to my home for a first date. Which is far worse.. and of course I replied "No". :)

Even if they were not trying to be 'sexual' on a first date; did they think that I was going to 'wait and cater to them' when it was them asking me out in the first place; was it a sign of cheapness; laziness; .. who knows.. :)

Yes, the first date is not a good idea to invite someone over.. !! :).. even if you are on a tight budget as a student or whatever and want to cook a great meal. Best to just do coffee or something simple and not in your house.
 SunForSome
Joined: 7/27/2012
Msg: 18
The my place date
Posted: 12/30/2012 6:35:32 PM
I sometimes will invite someone over to my place for dinner, drinks and a video... and then invite one or more of my friends for the first home date . Then it's more like hanging out at my place or a small party rather than open season and anything goes. Of course, the friend eventually disappears.
 GoldinSFla
Joined: 10/21/2011
Msg: 19
view profile
History
The my place date
Posted: 12/30/2012 7:38:21 PM
There are two places I will not go for a first date. Number one : someone's boat and number two :to a guy's home.
Both are nice prospects after I've gotten to know and trust a man, but I've had both suggested to me for a first meet and I said no way.
Recently I had been contacted by a guy from here and we started texting. I thought the next step would be talking on the phone. Before that happened he texted me and said "Why don't you come over tonight and watch a movie with me." I said "sorry, our first meeting is not going to be at your house." This happened just a few days ago.

Another time myself and a different gentleman had planned to meet near the beach. A few hours before our scheduled meet up he texted me and suggested that instead of that, he pick up some wine coolers and we take his boat out around the intercoastal. Now if I had been dating him for a time and had gotten to know him, that would have been a nice idea, very romantic. But for a first meet? There is no way I'm going to be alone on a boat in the middle of the ocean or bay with someone I've never met before.
I feel insulted at the suggestion. Not even so much that they are trying for sex so early, but that they think I'd be so dumb as to be alone with someone that I've never laid eyes on.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 20
The my place date
Posted: 12/30/2012 8:16:54 PM

It is important to see how someone lives; and going to someone's house is a good way to see lifestyles.


This is funny.

If my place was spotless, everything too clean and perfect, they either thought there was a woman cleaning it or that I was a player.

If my place was a little messy, yet not a total pig stile. They felt comfortable, like a real man lived here. Women will observe everything in a guy's place. It's awesome to see. It's awesome to listen to them tell you three months later about that impression.
 hookupforu
Joined: 12/16/2012
Msg: 21
The my place date
Posted: 12/30/2012 8:21:46 PM
I would not go to a strange guys place on the first meet for sure. You dont know what or who you may encounter and I wonder how many women have been attacked but not reported it because of the stupidity of placing themselves in that dangerous situation. Same as getting into the stranger's car on a first meet. Just because you text and so on, doesnt make you safe. I am always amazed at women who do that sort of thing. How awkward would it be if you didnt hit it off to have to go through dinner and then extricate yourself from his house and get home perhaps later at night?? Daylight, 30 minutes, coffee. That is it.
 Breakevenx
Joined: 8/26/2012
Msg: 22
The my place date
Posted: 12/30/2012 8:37:42 PM
I would actually like it if a guy stated that prior to asking me to his house.

Guy: Hey, I think it would be fun if we would go watch a movie at my house and cuddle on the couch.
Guy: I can cook you dinner at my house, would you like that?

Then follow it with. I don't want to do anything to make you uncomfortable, and don't take me asking you over the wrong way I would just like to have a quiet night.


But I still would not go over someone's house on a first date.
 beneboo
Joined: 6/8/2012
Msg: 23
The my place date
Posted: 12/30/2012 10:08:03 PM
I would only go to a man's house for a date if we had been dating for a while. In the beginning stages of dating, all dates should be public and both parties should be comfortable. If you make me feel uneasy or uncomfortable (i.e. asking me to come over when we barely know each other), you're getting written off.
 AintNoDeal
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 24
The my place date
Posted: 12/31/2012 6:17:00 AM
Eons ago, when phone dates were all the rage, women would often ask to meet at their homes. Going out somewhere seemed to be some kind of incredible imposition. Or perhaps they thought it was flattering to have men ring their doorbells, I dunno.

Anyhow, I agreed to meet this woman at her house. Her friend answered the door. I was ushered to a room in the back where my "date" was watching TV. She didn't get up. She didn't turn around. She didn't turn the TV off or turn down the sound. I asked about her day, what she like to do, place she'd like see. She just mumbled. After 5 minutes, said goodbye to the friend who answered the door, and left.

NEVER AGAIN have I agreed to meet at someone's house for a date. NEVER. Anyone who is too lazy to get their ass out of a chair and join the world in a public place is not worth my attention.
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 25
The my place date
Posted: 12/31/2012 7:28:40 AM
I did that twice and I'm never going on dates to meet at people's houses. Just as much as I'm not bringing people over to my place on a first date. I learn that it takes a lot of trust and getting to know people, before things escalate that far.
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