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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Just turned 40...What is up with the Cougar thing???      Home login  
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 Snug1kin
Joined: 10/14/2009
Msg: 2
Just turned 40...What is up with the Cougar thing???Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I get that alot as well. Im not looking to teach you anything I want apartner I can share with! lol I will not date anyone as old as my children. I believe its because we still look youngish that the older guys just think our minds may work like our bodys. (This could be a good thing guys LOL) Im 41 and a grandmother as well. I want a man who I can be proud to have on my arm and not someone Id freak out my kids bringing home. lol Im not dising any younger guys by saying this, Im actualy flattered , but I just cant go younger than 30. I just tell them Thank you but I dont think it would work out for us in the long run. I want a long term relationship (that seems to freak them out Lol). But the few it dont just explain that your not comphortable dating someone the age of your children, or in your case clothes lol!
 GoldinSFla
Joined: 10/21/2011
Msg: 5
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Just turned 40...What is up with the Cougar thing???
Posted: 12/31/2012 3:54:35 AM
I think nearly all of women over 40 get that. If not all, then alot of. I started a thread a while back with the same issue. While I do get men in my age range, a very large percentage of messages are from much younger ones. The young male libido is a powerful thing and this is a free site so it doesnt cost them any more money to message a 40 year old than it does to write to a 40 year old and a 20 year old. I think most are just casting many nets out there in hopes they'll get a catch.
 peakbagger7
Joined: 5/31/2010
Msg: 8
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Just turned 40...What is up with the Cougar thing???
Posted: 1/1/2013 4:14:28 PM
What's up with the Cougar thing?

It's because lots of young guys are having trouble getting female attention these days, and the problem appears to be that most of the young ladies want to go after the same guys. It's the high school model continued out into adulthood. That is most of the girls want to go after the jocks, rich guys and assorted bad boys and thugs who make up maybe 20% of the male population while ignoring all the nice decent guys. This means that roughly 20% of the boys are banging most of the girls and the rest are scrounging for scraps.

Obviously if a girl wants to have sex, she can simply snap her fingers and have ten guys ready to go, but if a boy wants to have sex, he has to get his butt in gear and be something impressive. As a result, many young men today are reaching their mid to late 20s having had maybe one or two "girlfriends" at best, while even plain girls can have as many partners as they want.

When men reach their 30s and 40s things change and the balance of power shifts, men now either are doing well in their careers and now want a younger fresh hottie and/or they've gotten the Ben Stiller Reality Bites treatment so many times and they don't want sloppy seconds on some older women who has been f**** & chucked for decades and has 2 to 3 kids from different fathers that they take themselves out of the game and have given up looking.

The end result is a lot of lonely and frustrated young man and a lot lonely and frustrated older woman.

So it was inevitable they come together.

This appears to be the new reality in modern Western Civilization - we are now largely absent any morals or values, and are reverting back to animal behavior.
 Deadliest_Snatch
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 11
Just turned 40...What is up with the Cougar thing???
Posted: 1/2/2013 6:11:29 PM
Well, OP - maybe they think women over 40 are an easy lay because we are all horny and desperate.
 JackieLyn42
Joined: 1/13/2012
Msg: 15
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Just turned 40...What is up with the Cougar thing???
Posted: 1/3/2013 1:37:50 PM
I myself have dated younger MEN , I believe some really do like The Older Lady (the rare ones) others are Looking for The Experience, The Bragging Right, A Momma figure, or The Maturity ....... I use the Cougar word *lightly* only cause am 42 and I can haha
 JackieLyn42
Joined: 1/13/2012
Msg: 16
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Just turned 40...What is up with the Cougar thing???
Posted: 1/3/2013 1:39:10 PM
and p.s i disagree a pic should not invite sex.... just my opinion
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 18
Just turned 40...What is up with the Cougar thing???
Posted: 1/3/2013 10:18:50 PM
[ Should I put qualifiers on my profile and just say...Please do NOT contact me if you are younger than 30 or older than 45? LOL This has been a really strange experience for me so far. :)]


Yes you should. Adjust your mail filters.

As for what is going here? I blame the stupid American Pie craze.
These younguns have either found a way to amuse themselves. Messaging older women for shyts and giggles.
Trying to get laid thinking the older the woman, the more horny or the more desperate (or both) she is.
Or... they genuinely prefer older women for whatever reason it may personally be.
Among my younger male friends, the number one reason is less drama.

As for the term cougar... if you are NOT doing the chasing, you aren't a cougar!
Simply, a milf.
Unless you have no kids of course.
Perhaps then it would be filf (female I like to f*k) or wilf (woman I like to f*k) lol.





I’ve corresponded with a 20 year old who sends me respectful messages and has his shit together better than some men over twice his age. And since he’s a young thing he hasn’t become a big bag of bitter hot air.



Ditto
Been dating those in their late 20's the last couple years. Zero complaints.... zero.

 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 21
Just turned 40...What is up with the Cougar thing???
Posted: 1/7/2013 11:28:23 AM
Either put age restrictions on your profile or say "no thanks" to the men that you're not interested in for whatever reason. Whether it's age, distance, height, smoking, religion etc.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 23
Just turned 40...What is up with the Cougar thing???
Posted: 1/7/2013 2:18:51 PM
Youth sales be it men or women. Guys chase it and women chase it.. Everyone is using what ever they have to get some. While the younger men or women might chase the older for what they have. Its all about what you have to offer and if there are any takers. When you got nothing left to offer there would be no more takers..
Thats what its all about. Everyone does the best they can do with what ever they got. With a good dose of game to smooth things out.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 25
Just turned 40...What is up with the Cougar thing???
Posted: 1/7/2013 4:29:57 PM
As someone who did go out with older women.. First off that 20s guy grows up to be the typical 40 year old guy lol.. Mind you every 40+ year old you talk to now has been that 20 year old that was eyeing you mom lol. Do you think that he still looks at your mom same way as he did before?? now that she is much older???
One of the reason younger guys go with older women is not cause older women as desperat. Just cause they are older don't make them desperate. Its that when a younger guy pays them attention it makes them feel better about them selves more sexy if you will. So they would go with that feeling and most of the time it would lead to sex. If sex is good and she is nice hey its great to hang around togher. He would expect more sex, Stop the sex and watch that young stud start looking around real fast. Or talk to him about getting married and watch his eyes start darting around looking for an exit. Mind you I'm not talking about 4-5 years diffrence it's more around 10+ or even 20+ years. The bigger the age diffrence the better she has to look for her age.
Funny thing is that if you take the sex out and put money/power/fame instead and you got the older guy and the young women thing.
If an older guy is willing to pay extra for the young thing and she knows what she is getting her self into then why not. If an older woman want to have sex with a younger guy why wouldn't she??
Someone has to help the girls pay for college. Someone need to get the energy of the younger guys in control. So they can think with the head on the shoulders.
 easyj35
Joined: 12/14/2012
Msg: 26
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Just turned 40...What is up with the Cougar thing???
Posted: 1/7/2013 6:51:26 PM
I'm 35 I often get mistaken for being 27 or 28 so when I do try and conversate with a woman in her 40's I always get the I have kids your age Until I tell them I'm 35,and I'll let you in on a little secret It's not the mommy thing or anything oediple It's simply older women don't play games,they tell you what they want,what they don't want and if you are a real man emotionally you'll know what she and her body are telling you and act accordingly but for the record I would prefer a woman in her 40's over a spaztic 20 yr old
 Hard_B
Joined: 7/18/2009
Msg: 32
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Just turned 40...What is up with the Cougar thing???
Posted: 1/16/2013 7:16:40 PM
I disagree with some of it, but in general, I do understand what peakbagger7's saying. Though I think the "f** & chucked" or "sloppy seconds" is a bit crass. Afterall, any of us who have been in a sexual relationship are accepting of and are ourselves "sloppy seconds" if you really want to go there. That is if you're not a virgin. Some women and men don't agree with it here, but I've seen some evidence of this. I've sat in discussions between men and women plenty of times and that observation comes up all the time. Usually when men reach their mid thirties they start to feel this way. Not all men, of course. But, quite few from my view. However, I never let this perception dampen my dating life. If the woman is attractive, got her stuff together and has a good head on her shoulder's then that's fair game to me. If you are an older woman, I think you should recognize there is this perception out there, but it should deter you from going out there to date who you want. Even having children is okay, however, I have to agree that when a woman has several children from several different fathers, that is pretty much a red flag. It can be a red flag for most men, looking for something substantial, unless they are in the same situation. Not trying to be insulting, just stating a common standard that quite a few men have. Doesn't mean those women shouldn't go out there a try to meet someone though. There are men who don't have a problem with that. If your have other great qualities then men will still come your way. Cougar or not.
 vestaceres
Joined: 6/13/2012
Msg: 33
Just turned 40...What is up with the Cougar thing???
Posted: 2/22/2013 1:39:52 AM
As far as the definition of courgar is concerned in this context, it's not a label that is automatically affixed to us once we have reached a certain age; it's an earned one. I don't appreciate being automatically labeled as one, because I don't think sexual conquests of any sort are healthy; I would rather be in a relationship that is mutual satisifying for a higher purpose.

That said, I have refrained from dating men young enough to be my child or nephew. As of late, I have been receiving interesting e-mails from well-educated, worldly, cultured men who don't drink and at least read in a second language; who write well; and who're in their early to middle thirties; these men I, if I were in the dating pool again, would date.

Just an aside: I find it quite intriguing that men won't date women whose children come from several fathers. Does this mean that they won't date women whose children are adopted or is this about women's (perceived) sexuality?
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 34
Just turned 40...What is up with the Cougar thing???
Posted: 2/22/2013 3:55:30 AM
Vestaceres:

"As far as the definition of courgar is concerned in this context, it's not a label that is automatically affixed to us once we have reached a certain age; it's an earned one."

That is the way it SHOULD be but isn't! It is all about PERCEPTION! We may not perceive ourselves that way, but if a woman is relatively attractive and reached a certain age (arguably btw 35 and 40+) she is perceived as such! Being called a "cougar" was a new phenomenon for me. At first I was bothered by it and tried to understand it.....now, I just don't care anymore. I have learned sometimes you can't change others' perceptions so just go with it and have fun! By that I DO NOT mean I date much younger men....I just don't.....they are not MY preference! By fun, I mean I will go out with my younger lady friends and wear a "Cougar" outfit.....it's leopard print! Lol


"Just an aside: I find it quite intriguing that men won't date women whose children come from several fathers. Does this mean that they won't date women whose children are adopted or is this about women's (perceived) sexuality?"


Interesting question......perhaps, for a different thread?
 mainelythere
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 39
Just turned 40...What is up with the Cougar thing???
Posted: 2/26/2013 10:00:01 AM
the whole concept of cougar is ridiculous. I generally find it to be used most often by unattractive women that feel a strong need to compliment themselves.
 Pisces22469
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 41
Just turned 40...What is up with the Cougar thing???
Posted: 3/2/2013 1:52:28 PM
With most of these younger guys its just for bragging rights to their friends to be with an older woman.
The funniest part of this subject is that the older women are actually taking the time to reply back to the really young guys to politely explain that they are not interested & why.
Most of the women 40's/50's on POF don't reply that much to guys their own age to give a polite denial. ( Thanks. I don't think we are a good match. ect.......)
 Dracoa79
Joined: 9/23/2007
Msg: 44
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Just turned 40...What is up with the Cougar thing???
Posted: 3/10/2013 10:38:17 AM
I honestly have always been attracted to older women (actually women of all legal ages). There is a more refined beauty to older women, in my view. Plus there's the added benefit of, in general, they no longer play the games that girls do.
 GerBear_49
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 47
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Just turned 40...What is up with the Cougar thing???
Posted: 3/12/2013 5:08:44 PM
Since I was of age to understand the boy/girl thing( 17ish) I have been interested in older women. Something that nobody has really pointed out is the preception of the Mrs Robinson fantacy and how that has a powerful effect on a young impressionable mind. Not withstanding that unfortunatley alot of women as girls have some pretty ugly hang ups and views as how to use sex as a weapon of sorts and can be very hurtful to a sweet nice guy. Yes some guys are sweet nice guys. believe it or not. At 52 still like women 40-50 as by this time in their lives have realized sex can be for them and fun and tend to be more grateful, have less false and more real expectations Besides I have never met a 20yr old that can match a truely hot cougar when it comes to treating a man...in or out of the playpen. Not that I have anything against young women...some of them just need to learn that men are senative caring creatures... too... lol
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Just turned 40...What is up with the Cougar thing???