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 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 1
Needs the approval of friends before being in a relationshipPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Here's the situation you just met up with your date with in a week. You and your date talk about family and friends, your date brings up this " If you're going to continue dating me, my friends and my family are going to have to approve of you, before I will ever allow myself to be in a relationship with you. " In other words EVERYONE that is friends with your date and the date's family I have to be LIKED by them.

The way I feel about that is I don't need the approval of friends or family to date anyone. I only want HER approval if we are going to continue dating. I am not dating her family and I am not dating her friends. I am dating my date.

What if her family and friends don't like you but yet you treat that person like they are everything to you, make sacrifices, support them and be a good partner but yet is not liked by family or friends. What happens then? Ya break up?

What I am getting at is, what would you do in the situation?

I'm just asking for your input and advice.

Thank you.
 oldfashmntman
Joined: 10/20/2009
Msg: 2
Needs the approval of friends before being in a relationship
Posted: 1/12/2013 12:14:07 PM
Her family = possible in-law problems down the road.

^^^^^^ I agree with one exception, it is likely rather than possible.

OFMM
 lobo65
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 3
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Needs the approval of friends before being in a relationship
Posted: 1/12/2013 12:16:52 PM
Sounds like a woman who can't think for herself, and must have validation from many different people before making important decisions.
 spot4username
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 4
Needs the approval of friends before being in a relationship
Posted: 1/12/2013 12:30:51 PM
Well that sounds silly and immature. Can she not trust her own instincts? Has she been so off base in the past that her inner circle feels the need to approve? I would cut bait on this one.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 5
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Needs the approval of friends before being in a relationship
Posted: 1/12/2013 12:38:47 PM
Find a grown-up to date!
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 6
Needs the approval of friends before being in a relationship
Posted: 1/12/2013 12:46:32 PM
Ask her if her "friends and family" are joining the two of you when you are into a session of body fluid swapping. If so, ask for test results from said "friends and family". In other words, turn the table on the dumb biatch. How old is she, 10?????
 ladysuccubus
Joined: 12/13/2012
Msg: 7
Needs the approval of friends before being in a relationship
Posted: 1/12/2013 12:54:16 PM
No way! I don't need approval from friends or family, it is none of their business! And I had people like that not minding their own business and telling my boyfriend that they don't like me. Usually for no reason. One guy was his best friend, said I followed him around like a puppy. The other one was the guy's mother. Said she didn't think I gave a first good impression, yet she was unemployed, a cheating skank and had pink hair like a 16 year old. No no no..if someone needs approval from their friends and family, then I will move on to someone else..lol
 Fatuglybaldcreeper84
Joined: 1/5/2013
Msg: 8
Needs the approval of friends before being in a relationship
Posted: 1/12/2013 12:57:43 PM
It's bad news man, the bottom line is for some girls, you really ARE dating her family and friends, because she needs their approval. I've had nightmare experiences before with this, where one of a girls friends said "He has all the signs of a mental abuser". I was like uhh...what? I'm with you man, I don't need anyone's approval of the girl I'm dating. I'm a big boy and can make my own decisions about people.
 venusenvy777
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 9
Needs the approval of friends before being in a relationship
Posted: 1/12/2013 1:30:27 PM
I see red flags all over the place, I would run like my ass was on fire!
 brisco414
Joined: 4/20/2012
Msg: 10
Needs the approval of friends before being in a relationship
Posted: 1/12/2013 1:35:51 PM
I think you're in for some big trouble down the road. I don't want and or need anyone's approval whether it be family or friends ...just their support and well wishes.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 11
Needs the approval of friends before being in a relationship
Posted: 1/12/2013 2:19:34 PM

The way I feel about that is I don't need the approval of friends or family to date anyone. I only want HER approval if we are going to continue dating. I am not dating her family and I am not dating her friends. I am dating my date.


You are correct. However, it sounds like she doesn't want to date you as the person YOU are, but someone who has jumped through whatever hoops are held up by her friends and family.

IMO she doesn't know what she wants and is too dependent on what everyone else tells here = immature and needy. If I were you, I'd bail now while it's really early...
 Texan_Gal
Joined: 10/22/2011
Msg: 12
Needs the approval of friends before being in a relationship
Posted: 1/12/2013 3:02:12 PM
While I've never said this to a guy and never would, I do want my family to like a guy I'm dating, or at least not hate him. They hated my ex, and that just ended up sucking. We were never able to all hang out as a group and have fun. I spend a lot of time with my family, and my siblings' spouses/mates join us for a lot of things, and it made me sad that he couldn't be there. So yeah, I definitely want my family to be ok with a guy I hope to be serious with, and I want his family to be ok with me too. They already know he's not going to be exactly the type of guy they like (especially since my father would like to be able to fish and drink beer with him, ha), but he has to be honest and hard-working.
 msright78
Joined: 12/11/2012
Msg: 13
Needs the approval of friends before being in a relationship
Posted: 1/12/2013 3:36:58 PM
When I'm dating someone, I don't need my family and friend's approval till somewhere down the road. Not right off the bat.

If a person puts that condition upfront with me, then I'm outta there. Cuz that clearly tells me that if somewhere down the road their family begin to hate me, what's he gonna do? Dump me based on what they feel? Not how he feels about me?

I don't like family and friends interfering in my relationship. They can give me their opinions and that's it. But I choose to be with someone.
 relaxingwithyou
Joined: 12/2/2012
Msg: 14
Needs the approval of friends before being in a relationship
Posted: 1/12/2013 3:43:10 PM
Your new girl is on the dumb side as in low intelligence. Everyone would like it if their family and friends approved of their new partner however that's not something you pressure someone with. She should have kept her mouth shut and weighed in the opinons of you as she gets them. That's what we all do except dummy want to rub it in your face.
 Kusisankoi
Joined: 12/13/2012
Msg: 15
Needs the approval of friends before being in a relationship
Posted: 1/12/2013 5:10:58 PM
Ok, she cares.... for everyone but you. Maybe she is still too young and immature. You can always respect her desires about her family and friends opinions, but if she can't make her own desitions, and that bothers you, you can enjoy the ride while it last.
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 16
Needs the approval of friends before being in a relationship
Posted: 1/12/2013 6:03:11 PM
I don't like family and friends interfering in my relationship. They can give me their opinions and that's it. But I choose to be with someone.

This quote right here is on point, dead on. I don't want her family and friends interfering in the relationship. A relationship contains of only 2 people. Everyone else can stay the hell out it. I'm glad I found this out right away, than find out later.

Thank you for your input people.

Archangel_07
 LivvyH.
Joined: 6/14/2012
Msg: 17
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Needs the approval of friends before being in a relationship
Posted: 1/12/2013 6:13:58 PM
I do not need anyone's approval.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 18
Needs the approval of friends before being in a relationship
Posted: 1/12/2013 6:54:18 PM
boy, her rack must be amazing, b/c you already answered the question :) I think you're asking us out of the hope you may be wrong, but...gut reactions typically aren't.

If this lady in question met Denzel or Brad Pitt or whoever, would she waste time getting the green light from the peanut gallery, or would she go ahead and then tell them at Easter Dinner, "oh by the way, I'm dating a wealthy actor"?

so why are you getting the caution light? you should get what you give, as you mentioned in your post.
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 19
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Needs the approval of friends before being in a relationship
Posted: 1/12/2013 6:54:39 PM
Run, Forrest, run!

Even if her friends and family approve of you, you'll always be second place in her life...or third...or fourth.

I dated a woman like that once. Batsh!t crazy. Never again.
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 20
Needs the approval of friends before being in a relationship
Posted: 1/12/2013 7:00:38 PM
I'd run. That's just unrealistic & immature on her part to suggest it. What other life decision's need her family & friend approval.
 LathaMath
Joined: 1/2/2013
Msg: 21
Needs the approval of friends before being in a relationship
Posted: 1/12/2013 7:20:06 PM
She wants to include you flawlessly into her life.
Don't get riled. Meet them and see how it goes.
Then tell her you she not only has to meet the approval of
your friends and family but she has to be willing and eager to do
whatever you want in the sack. See how that goes.
 Love.Notes
Joined: 7/27/2012
Msg: 22
Needs the approval of friends before being in a relationship
Posted: 1/12/2013 8:32:19 PM
Well, it is one of the questions they ask upon joining up. I remember because I said it was not that important that my friends approve of the person I date. My family? Yes, they have some say in it but even than in the end it is totally my decision. Now, had someone said it the way she did to me? I'd of said well I'll save you, your friends and your family some time and walked. We all want the blessing of our parents, that's normal to expect. In the end it is you that works hard on the relationship not her friends. It is you that walks through the good and the bad times with her . She sounds immature perhaps a little inexperienced in dating.

I don't approve of one of my friends boyfriends, in fact I don't like him much at all. She is head over heels in love with him but cries daily to me about the frustration of their relationship and she's trying to keep it together. I tell her my thoughts, try to guide her through the up's and downs as a good friend would, but never would I tell her to leave him or stay. That is something she has to decide on. I can offer advice but it is the couple itself that decided if they make it or break it.

EVERYONE seems a bit much. Family sounds more reasonable.
 Smurph1129
Joined: 12/10/2012
Msg: 23
Needs the approval of friends before being in a relationship
Posted: 1/12/2013 9:18:22 PM

The way I feel about that is I don't need the approval of friends or family to date anyone. I only want HER approval if we are going to continue dating. I am not dating her family and I am not dating her friends. I am dating my date


While you are correct you certainly don't want any awkwardness around her friends or family when you are spending time with them. While it is true that you are dating her you also want to be inside the circle of trust and that means having her friends and family trusting you.
 JayneDoe40
Joined: 8/23/2012
Msg: 24
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Needs the approval of friends before being in a relationship
Posted: 1/12/2013 10:31:21 PM
well... my guy introduced me to his mum and she was VERY pleasant to my face (grin). she even spent 4 hours of alone time with me one day and proceeded to tell me everything about their family INCLUDING very personal things. i THOUGHT these were good signs but sadly, her son (my boyfriend) seems to respect her opinion above everything else.

she told him i'm "to good to be true" and that he needs to figure out what my "intensions" are in regards to him. she told him he hasn't known me long enough to consider moving here to be with me. SERIOUSLY??? he's 40 years old. i understand a mother wanting to protect her children but sometimes you have to let them make their own decisions and take risks: that's what life is all about.

i'm afraid his mum will come between us... he's FANTASTIC when he's not influenced by her scepticism. if i wasn't REALLY in love with this guy I WOULD RUN!!!! i guess what i'm saying is, if you don't have a lot of emotion invested try to decide if you could handle being with a woman that doesn't feel secure enough to just follow her own heart. i personally DO ask the opinions of my friends and family but i would never put THEIR opinion over my OWN opinion of a guy i was involved with. when my guy puts his mum's opinion before his own it makes me wonder if MY opinion on issues would come after the opinion of his mum... i don't like being SECOND.
 annywn
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 25
Needs the approval of friends before being in a relationship
Posted: 1/12/2013 10:46:25 PM
Op~ she could have made some seriously poor choices in the past and I would like my family to take to who I do, but needing approval in your 30's is a bit odd. I don't know how old she is , but should be able to make some decisions by now.
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