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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > She wants to be just friends. Is there a chance for more?      Home login  
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 ironwinecoffee
Joined: 9/4/2012
Msg: 2
She wants to be just friends. Is there a chance for more?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
No. You will end up frustruated and resentful and if you really want a romantic partner then why waste too much time and energy on somebody who feels differently. Nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex except when there are differing expectations. Cut the ties.
 Yule_liquor
Joined: 12/7/2011
Msg: 5
She wants to be just friends. Is there a chance for more?
Posted: 1/12/2013 2:12:23 PM

I got the dreaded "You're a good friend and I want to remain friends, I just don't see you as my 'soulmate'".


She couldn't make it any clearer! You can stay on as a friend but only if it is for genuine reasons (not just to be around her in the hope she'll change her mind), otherwise just thank her and respectfully decline the offer, and move on.


Is there a chance that if I remain friends, show her I'm a nice guy, a go-to guy when she needs support (she's dealing with an elderly parent with dementia), the relationship could move to the next level? Or should I cut all ties and move on because there's no chance in hell she'll ever feel differently?


Anything is possible, but how probable would it be? She's already seen enough of you to determine how nice of a guy you are and if she could ever have feelings for you. For some it takes a few weeks, for some it takes a few months, but for her the verdict on you is out. If there were any doubts in her mind she would not have said what she said to you. So the advice would be to just cut her loose, because if not you are going to be the one to suffer from it.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 7
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She wants to be just friends. Is there a chance for more?
Posted: 1/12/2013 2:44:13 PM
I'm going to guess no, there's no chance, all that will happen is that you will be in misery wanting to be with her while she keeps looking for a man she wants more with. Personally I wouldn't date someone who used the term *soulmate* because they lack the common sense I prefer. My advice would be to wish her well and stop taking her calls, you want more, don't torture yourself and don't let her think she can take advantage of you. Not saying she is, but there is a huge potential for that to happen in these situations.
 RJHistoryGirl
Joined: 11/15/2012
Msg: 8
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She wants to be just friends. Is there a chance for more?
Posted: 1/12/2013 3:00:56 PM
Actually, there might be. I get it, I'm an odd duck in a sea of odd ducks, but if I see potential in a relationship, I will "friendzone" you pretty fast. If I just want the odd hookup, I have a safe place to go for that. I want a real relationship that is going somewhere. The best way for me to find it is to be your friend, get to know you, let you get to know me and see where it goes. Life and circumstances (like her taking care of her parents, kids and work- it's called having a life and responsibilities before you showed up) can make it hard to meet the "expectations" of dating. Stepping down and being friends, with all that implies, makes it easier- for the both of us.

ETA- COMMUNICATION is key.
 02HDF150
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 9
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She wants to be just friends. Is there a chance for more?
Posted: 1/12/2013 4:06:18 PM
I had this happen to me recently as well. Trust me the best thing for you to do is cut all ties with her for the time being. When you're in a better frame of mind and feel at a later date you can be friends with her without any romantic feelings, then be her friend. But trust me, being the "nice" guy or "go to" guy doesn't work.
 DevilfromToronto
Joined: 9/23/2012
Msg: 10
She wants to be just friends. Is there a chance for more?
Posted: 1/12/2013 4:21:59 PM

Fraid, you have been friendzoned. There really is no way out.


she took time to know you, and then found you not her type....
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 11
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She wants to be just friends. Is there a chance for more?
Posted: 1/12/2013 4:39:42 PM
You can remain cordial and friendly, but if she has moved on from your relationship, you're best off to start your own process of removing yourself.

If you insist on remaining friends and spending time together, you're opening yourself to a world of pain when she tells you that she's seeing someone else.

MrsF
 supplygoodguy
Joined: 6/4/2012
Msg: 12
She wants to be just friends. Is there a chance for more?
Posted: 1/12/2013 4:42:36 PM
ok... ok.. if the two of you ever become porn stars.. maybe the friendship deal can work.. but I'd suggest that if you are getting a boner for your so called "friend" unless you want to leave a legacy in your pants while you try and read cosmo and eat bad or good brownies together .. time for you to start swinging from the trees again and look for one that might want eat brownies and call you maybe .. k..
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 13
She wants to be just friends. Is there a chance for more?
Posted: 1/12/2013 4:44:16 PM
Cut ties & move on. The nice go to guy routine never ever works. Give it to her straight how just friendship isn't in your best interest.
 lostnfoundluv
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 14
She wants to be just friends. Is there a chance for more?
Posted: 1/12/2013 5:26:13 PM
It is hard to remain friends when one partner wants more than a friendship. It is time to move on if she is not smart enough to recognize your goodness now. accept the facts .
 FireMon
Joined: 2/27/2012
Msg: 15
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She wants to be just friends. Is there a chance for more?
Posted: 1/12/2013 5:38:38 PM
If you value her friendship, be her friend. If you expect something more to come from it, go die in a fire.

http://fozmeadows.wordpress.com/2012/04/09/lamenting-the-friend-zone-or-the-nice-guy-approach-to-perpetrating-sexist-bullshit/


It is time to move on if she is not smart enough to recognize your goodness now. accept the facts.


This kind of bullshit thinking is endemic to rape culture. Women are allowed to NOT have sex. For any reason. Their choices are valid. Period.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 16
She wants to be just friends. Is there a chance for more?
Posted: 1/12/2013 6:33:27 PM
My mom friendzoned my father in high school. when he went to chase after other opportunities, that's when she did them "hey, where did that guy go?" No one ever misses what doesn't go away :)

I've had a lot of females FZ me, b/c I used to ask out a lot (my mom told me never to assume a hot girl has a date, usually they are alone b/c no one dares to ask 'em out. sorry mom, but you were wrong--they all were taken, or at least claimed to be). some changed their mind and asked me out. typically, when you stop chasing, they stop fending you off...and sometimes, that's when they decide they'd like to give you a try.

thinking you'll "just be a friend" while also thinking, "this will get me somewhere", I gar-on-tee will be obvious to her. you think you'll hide it, but she'll see right thru your chivalry-for-a-reason. I was taking care of parents with dementia since 2005, and I can speak from experience--this woman is under a burden, and needs nothing that will add to it. she'll jettison it quickly to focus on what's most important. and sad to say...if she can use you as a crutch whenever its convenient, she may just do that the same way a drowning person does. which could be why things have changed--in your mind, its a little bit, but i'll bet it'll grow as the stress of title 19 and other things adds on.

she said she wants to remain status quo for a long time, and doesn't see you as a soulmate. does she have a habit of exaggerating in her other conversations with you? or does she come off as a straight shooter on other subjects, have a clear idea of what she wants in life?

all in all, this has more odds for failure than success. there's nothing wrong with investing elsewhere. if she really was the one, then you won't find the one elsewhere and will return to her. but more than likely, you will find someone just as good someplace else...and obviously, the sooner you stop wasting time here and spending it to find that other person, the sooner you will be in a happy place :)
 daffie
Joined: 5/21/2010
Msg: 17
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She wants to be just friends. Is there a chance for more?
Posted: 1/12/2013 6:53:44 PM
you seem to be a smart man.
would you hang around in the chance there may be leftovers sometime in the future?

being a "friend" means just that.
move on!...
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 20
She wants to be just friends. Is there a chance for more?
Posted: 1/12/2013 10:35:36 PM
Spare your pride and move on. There is no hope.

And DO NOT be her "friend"...this will only lead you down a path of agony as you sit patiently being "the good guy" listening to her problems and stories about other men she is dating. You won't "win her over" by being fun, nice, supportive, amazing..." No. No. No.

I was friendzoned by a guy I was crazy about, and I clung to hope that he would finally see the light that he and I were meant to be together..we hung out, went to movies, talked to all hours..all I wanted to do was leap across the table and plant one on his lips..grab him, hug him, do him. It got to a point where I realized my continuing friendship with him was more about just trying to win him over than actually enjoying the time together, because it was an investment in pain and rejection.

I wasnt going to ever become what he was looking for. Ever.

So I ended the friendship.

There are 7 billion people on this planet..half of them are women. There are alot of other people to meet that you will connect more completely with. Let go and get going.
 makavali7dayz3
Joined: 2/15/2010
Msg: 25
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She wants to be just friends. Is there a chance for more?
Posted: 1/14/2013 2:34:26 PM
NO. THERE HAS TO BE A SPARK. THERE HAS TO BE CHEMISTRY.

I may be wrong, but i am speaking from my personal experience. You pretty much know by the first or second date if you have that spark.
 makavali7dayz3
Joined: 2/15/2010
Msg: 26
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She wants to be just friends. Is there a chance for more?
Posted: 1/14/2013 2:36:55 PM
DON'TEVER EVER EVER HOPE FOR MORE WHEN SOMEONE FRIEND ZONES YOU. IT WON'T EVER HAPPEN. If someone friend zones you then you need to move on, unless you can handle being their friend.
 makavali7dayz3
Joined: 2/15/2010
Msg: 27
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She wants to be just friends. Is there a chance for more?
Posted: 1/14/2013 2:40:04 PM
"I realized my continuing friendship with him was more about just trying to win him over than actually enjoying the time together, because it was an investment in pain and rejection"

That says it all. 9 out of 10 times your only friendly with them because you are trying to win them over. Your motives aren't pure and the context of the friendship isn't real or positive.
 rockstar_nj1182
Joined: 12/5/2012
Msg: 28
She wants to be just friends. Is there a chance for more?
Posted: 1/15/2013 2:20:38 PM
OP, you're in that rare spot where "I just want to be friends" actually means she wants to be friends.

There's no chance for more. She'll never see you as anything more than a friend.

So now it's up to you, either stay her friend (which can be TORTURE for a while), or move on. Just know what you're getting yourself into if you stay friends. There's no guarantee you're going to get over her, and you can spend every day seeing her go for every other guy but you. But if you can get over it, you might have a good friend out of it.
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 30
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She wants to be just friends. Is there a chance for more?
Posted: 1/23/2013 3:58:28 AM
Ross Jeffries has quite a bit of literature on getting out of the friend zone. However, for most guys I would just suggest that you tell her that you aren't looking for yet another friend, and proceed to cut ties with her.
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