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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > When you miss the red flags on the date that you notice later?      Home login  
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 privat33r
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 3
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When you miss the red flags on the date that you notice later?Page 1 of 1    
You might be better telling us more about what happened or your thread will quickly be sucked into an orbit elliptically 'bout the planatoid of tangentiality.

The early 30's and 29ishish are a strange moment; a freeze frame. I've seen a few sorta hesitate and almost break, then recover and move on. However as you've said, "Looking for someone who is non judgmental, caring and has a romantic side", it is worth realizing, before this thread gets rolling, we're going to be judgmental, less than completely-caring and non-romantic, and it will make almost no sense unless you give us something to go on.
 LathaMath
Joined: 1/2/2013
Msg: 5
When you miss the red flags on the date that you notice later?
Posted: 1/14/2013 5:03:26 PM
1. Thinking on one's feet is not something everyone can do, especially in novel situations. Some need quiet time to reflect on what happened. Not a problem. Everyone deals with life in his or her own way. Whatever works for you.

2. Thick skin and great sense of humor, same as everything else in life. The jaded feeling is usually a sign to take a break and do something different for a while. Come back with a fresh start and usually a fresh approach. See #1 above. A time for reflection. Too much trying to think on one's feet can tire the brain.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 6
When you miss the red flags on the date that you notice later?
Posted: 1/14/2013 5:18:38 PM
I say a lot less nowadays to people that rub me the wrong way with certain things. Cel usage is one of em. You can't make stupid people smart, no matter what ya say to em. So, I tend to just get up, turn my back and walk away. The best I usually come up with, if I actually have to speak,is "go phuck your hat". Some people actually define that as "rude". I don't care about some people, either but, hey, I'm a grumpy old fart.

That's it.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 7
When you miss the red flags on the date that you notice later?
Posted: 1/14/2013 5:34:09 PM
Alas, you're picking the Adonis, the Narcissist types.

Insecure, cute girls fall for these type of guys big time, because the girl is always thinking about what they did wrong, instead or realizing what an a ss wh ole, the guy really, really is. And these guys are not going to change their modus operanda because they can get another insecure cute girl down the road, perhaps even texting one at that moment. One of these guys techniques, is the "I don't give a fvck approach." Yet they know how to put a seed in your head and make you spin, so you think about the "Why doesn't he find me attractive." Or the "What I am doing wrong..what's wrong with me." Yet, these type of guys somehow can be very sensitive and then say something that absolutely connect with your inner being, and get you again.

So picking up from your "nice girls end last" post, without the Angry Nazi Nice Guys, throwing another hissy fit because you prefer rugged paper to plastic, part of your problem is one related to that. Stop being a NICE girl. If such guy would have pulled that one, I would get up and say, thanks for your time, but I have to go water my dog. "Water your dog? That is the most ridiculous excuse, I've ever heard." To which you can tell him, "Now you have more b ull sh it to text your friends. Bye."

You need to set not only boundaries, but you need to see whether you happened to go out with one of these arrogant types, or a down to earth type of guy. The problem here again, is that the arrogant guy knows that the more you think about him and what went wrong, the more attraction and mental real estate you will spend on him. Have you ever had that friend that talked about a guy all the time as if she hated his guts, and the next thing you know they are fvcking each other. This is the psychology behind that. The sad part, may I inform you, since you are the girl in the equation, is that it works.

Now, while you may not want the perennial idiot nice guy that practically drools all over you, thus you feel that you should have brought a bib to the date. Send your picker a little to the middle, where they are not this type of narcissist nor drooling idiots.
 Yule_liquor
Joined: 12/7/2011
Msg: 8
When you miss the red flags on the date that you notice later?
Posted: 1/14/2013 5:44:04 PM

how do some of you keep from feeling jaded from rejection?


Well, its by understanding that 'rejection' is generally part of the life-experience and its helpful if you can learn something from it when it happens rather than getting "jaded".

Based on your Pix; you don't seem to have a problem in the "looks dept"; so I don't know what the basis of your difficulty comes down to. Considering what you wrote of yourself; i'm guessing that you may be a tad on the persnickety side (nothing bad inferred by it)! As such, it might be very helpful to you if you outlined clear on what your pet-peeves are right from the start; that way you can do away with the so-called "time wasters" in your dating endeavors.
 privat33r
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 9
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When you miss the red flags on the date that you notice later?
Posted: 1/14/2013 6:18:25 PM
I never support the "toss that dude on the curb" plan. Always there seems a redeeming quality- something that can be worked into a better form, a small hint of smoke to fan to a flame. Also up here in Canada, the whole notion of scary violence is some sort of joke. I haven't seen house keys in years. The only possession anyone might steal is the recycling bin or a snow shovel.

However, as that FPS Russia guy has been retired, can I suggest an M16 chopped down, fit blanks in the cartridges, full of red wax and sloppy gelatin, Baghaus handbag, just get up and pop a humungous clip into his nose and phone. He'd get it- other patrons wouldn't say a word, and you'd have to guess there'd not be one person in the entire place that would back him up on what happened.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 10
When you miss the red flags on the date that you notice later?
Posted: 1/14/2013 7:18:34 PM
1) some people fail to recognize red flag behavior as anything more than...behavior they do themselves. its when it gets done to them enough times that it causes a problem, suddenly they see its a red flag. until then, its a belief system (of what's really important in life, of what's OK to do to other people, etc) they both share and connect on at that level.

2) other people ignore the red flag b/c they are so used to "paying that price" to get love from family, etc, that they never ask, "geez, WHY should I have to put up w/ this just to get someone in my life?"

3)still others are insecure enough to rationalize, " no relationship is perfect" or they don't get many offers for a date, so they jump on what they do get.

4)someone attractive like the OP gets rejection? that's...comforting. oh wait, she still does get dates. not exactly the rejection others get :)

yes, it does get harder as you get older, b/c frankly, the good ones are getting married more often as you all get older. finding true passions/interests is a true blessing, it allows you take that joie de vive and drive it into something else that makes you feel alive, want to know more, etc.
 curviest
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 12
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When you miss the red flags on the date that you notice later?
Posted: 1/20/2013 3:09:37 PM
What is the correct way to deal with someone who keeps texting and phoning others during the date?
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 13
When you miss the red flags on the date that you notice later?
Posted: 1/20/2013 5:54:58 PM
^^^end the date, soon.

try to call them out on it, they won't understand and try to explain why you aren't cool and hip to the new reality. if they understood how rude it was, they wouldn't spend their first chance to make an impression,making such a bad one.

unless they just aren't that into you, another reason to end things early.

to be blunt and frank, no one who is that distracted, who can't enjoy what's right in front of them, who doesn't know what its like to be disrespected by asking themselves, "hey if the shoe was on the other foot, would I like it?", is ever much of a good date. there is no loss from cutting them loose, unless you're hoping for just a piece of tail. and even then, someone not interested in their surroundings lacks a desire for details, which makes them "paint-by-the- numbers" in bed.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 14
When you miss the red flags on the date that you notice later?
Posted: 1/20/2013 5:57:10 PM
Outmind....too bad it couldn't have panned out that way haa

Thanks for the advice


Don't sweat it. Think of it as a learning experience, not as something you did wrong. You are learning to distinguish between a dushbag, an a ss ho le, a player, a nice guy (angry passive aggressive nazis), a narcissist and the nugget of the type of guy that you want.

Unfortunately for you, you are rather attractive. And I say unfortunately, because as you have said you are mentally in the earthy side, intellectual, sort of hippie type. You probably dig meditating in a forest more than being in a club full of people, yet don't mind doing both.

The usual guy there, does not have a clue how to approach a girl like you. They are afraid of your beauty, they are afraid of your intellectualism. The player, however does know how to approach, and they may have a field day.

While in a different threat I personally said that I don't believe in leagues and that is all b u ll sh it. I do believe in lifestyles. Holy rollers and materialistic people are not going to get along with the granolas. Yet nobody really fits quite a stereotype. And that is the beauty. So look for a dude that fits in some of those things that YOU dig.

Funny, so many idiots here think that you are looking for a hot looking adonis, I know you want more of a personality that is out there. That fits that je ne sais quoi moment, than a look. Depth baby.

Let me give you an example. I drive a Jeep. My old jeep had a bike wrack, and stickers that most people have no idea what they mean: Campagnolo, Zipp, 13.1, Namaste. I did that on purpose. The more materialistic women I went out with, thought it was tacky. The type of women I liked, digged it, understood. I have gone to dates, in which I told them that I was doing a ride before hand, and since they wanted to meet early, I was partly in gear. So instead of perfect date clothes, I was wearing a cycling hat, which is short and to American taste, not as cool looking, yet to cyclist mentality, just perfect. The hat had caked salt on the sides. Some women didn't like that. Cool. The ones that were interested in MY Subculture, dug it. And actually, later on told me that was part of the appeal, because I didn't give a flying fvuck about it.

Kid, you're not going to be attracted to the typical dwibs that post here complaining about women being so unfair. But I do not believe the football player type is for you either. Or the male model type either. But rather a dude with balls, that also is looking exactly what your type is. The type of guy that understands the Zen of being in the middle of a forrest. It will take you time to find that dude.

The girl I am going out with, used to be a ballerina. I can talk rough with her, but then talk, opera an ballet. Not because she wants to, because I love ballet and opera. She doesn't fake it. I don't fake it. I am teaching her cycling. Today she helped me put my old wrack on top of my new Jeep, so I can load my bike and her new road bike and we can ride. I did 54 miles yesterday and I am trying to get to 100 soon, to be ready for a 175 mile ride in one day deal. She digs it. She is not going to do the ride, but I know she will be there with me. So it goes to the other thing. Once you find what your culture is, what you dig, then you go out there with it. You support such man emotionally, he will support you to the end. And all this dating bu ll sh it can be thrown out the window.

Good luck kid.
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 15
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When you miss the red flags on the date that you notice later?
Posted: 1/21/2013 1:41:36 AM
I hate to break it to you but there are really fckd up people out there who take pleasure in making others feel uncomfortable and not valued. This fellow knew exactly what he was doing. He was being mean and he thinks it's fun to do these types of things. He was putting you on the spot, he is a misogynist and probably a psychopath. If you think this is too strong a judgment, believe me, they are out there and more common than you think, especially among the super rich.

Pick your dates first because you LIKE the guy, and chances are, even if things don't work towards romance, you will have a good time.

You don't owe these pricks your time nor should you allow their crap to influence your behavior or upset you. They deserve NOTHING>walk away and dust off.

This should be a lesson but only in realizing that there are jerks out there, and they are guilty, so don't play with them and waste your time with them. Please don't hold it against the next guy either, he just may need to talk to his kids.

[side note], some people can figure things out using the info around them, some need time to reflect inwardly. This is the main difference between extrovert and introvert; how we process info. (not out going and stay at home types as a lot of people think). Sounds to me you are more introverted in the ways you process info. That's OK.
You can learn to process using both inward and outward with training if you like, but don't be harsh on yourself for your natural inclination. Extroverts put their foot in their mouth a lot more and jump to conclusions, want to give that a try? lol. Everyone is different and that's OK. You're O.K.

He's the jerk and he's the one who lost out. You got him OP, when you left. Enjoy your revenge.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > When you miss the red flags on the date that you notice later?