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Joined: 11/9/2012
Msg: 2
How do I know???Page 1 of 1    
A man will ask you out directly if he wants to date you. If he wants to get you only into his apartment I think the difference is obvious.No guy can determine though what another r guy is seeking based on going on just a few dates.
Guy should make move. He will if he is confident.
Joined: 1/18/2009
Msg: 3
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How do I know???
Posted: 1/15/2013 4:11:42 PM
I have found (from talking to younger girls and observation) that a lot of the younger men have found they dont need to step up and be the pursuer in todays world, the women have taken that role generally speaking
And frankly they dont know how.

I think you need to give them signs enough to see if he will pursue, wait or go slow on the sex so he doesnt think FWB thing.
Joined: 4/27/2012
Msg: 4
How do I know???
Posted: 1/15/2013 4:25:37 PM
unless too shy to ask.
I would buddy with girls but never ask, I was always too shy when younger.
It took a lot to get to ask someone out. It gets better but you get the idea.
Aother guy was the same and SHE had to ask him, draw it out.
Today they're married and have a family :) true story.

Have someone he trusts ask him what he thinks of you and he tells you.
Give him little subtle openings to feel things out when you talk with him.
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 5
How do I know???
Posted: 1/15/2013 4:34:33 PM
When the right guy comes along, you'll definitely know. When a guy really likes a girl, pretty sure he doesn't want to just hang out just as friends.
How do I know???
Posted: 1/15/2013 4:37:23 PM

I just am having issues finding a guy who will be man enough to step forward and put himself out there.

do you project warmth? look a guy in the eye, smile, respond with energy, crack a joke? rewards are proportional to risk - in this case, social risk. are you woman enough to take any?

you want to be 'pursued.' men want to be encouraged. your gfs who have success with guys are most likely doing that.
Joined: 1/2/2013
Msg: 7
How do I know???
Posted: 1/15/2013 4:47:27 PM
How do you let men know you want them to persue you?
As for what they're looking for you could ask them.
You don't have to be direct about it.
How about "Do you have a girlfriend?" or "What happened to your last girlfriend"?
Joined: 9/23/2009
Msg: 8
How do I know???
Posted: 1/15/2013 5:18:47 PM
You are essentially asking: How can I differentiate a man interested in a relationship from a man who is not?

Painful answer: You cannot know.

Okay, then, this thread can be officially closed now!!! :-)
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 9
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How do I know???
Posted: 1/15/2013 7:07:00 PM
While hapworth is a bit too terse, I think he is essentially correct.

Not only is it near impossible for YOU to determine in advance what the guy pursuing you is really after, it's most commonly true that the guy pursuing you, doesn't know what he's really after.

This isn't because we guys are mostly mindless horn dogs, it's much more straightforward and far less pejorative than that.

We don't know what we are after, because we don't know you yet. This is true of women as well. We know what we HOPE you are going to be for us, but we don't know that you WILL turn out to be that person.

Sure, we probably all know in a general way, whether we ultimately want to find a permanent committed mate or not. But in a very practical sense, when we are trying someone out (usually called dating, or wooing, or even friendly conversation), we don't know until we conduct a series of experiments, whether the subject is going to end up being categorized as "friend," or "short term lover," or "mate," etc. What conversation and dating and even most initial sexual contact is FOR, is to find OUT what can or cannot be.

Lots of folks come here every day, claiming to have been misled or lied to, because someone who said they were looking for a permanent partner, only stayed with them a short time. Some were certainly victims of 'players," but a lot more of them were really just found to have been not quite right enough, by a sincere person.
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 10
How do I know???
Posted: 1/15/2013 7:34:51 PM
The best way I can describe a healthy relationship is when the two of you meet, and you still look forward to seeing each other again. You'll feel your next experience will be as positive as your last one.

Now, that being said, looking 'forward' to seeing someone is NOT about having an absolute commitment to a next date! If you feel pressure to 'lock' them into a next time, you're doing it wrong. If they are pressuring you into a next time, THEY are doing it 'wrong'.

You like the idea of seeing each other again, and you are just simply confident it WILL happen - but there's NO pressure about when and where it will happen - it could be at the library, or in Church, or on the Moon - in two days, or two weeks - you're really not going to care, because you're confident it will be a good time, regardless of circumstances. That 'next time' keeps repeating enough times, and suddenly you'll realize this is COOL!.
Joined: 3/26/2012
Msg: 11
How do I know???
Posted: 1/16/2013 1:17:28 AM
Rumor has it that a guy will determine exactly what he wants from you based on your behavior. I've considered and came to the conclusion lately, that for a relationship to be a success, the two people should feel comfortable to be themselves and would be accepted with each other and have a close friendship. Its not a good relationship if you only like him because he is attractive, and his personality is not your cup of tea but you just deal with it cause you like the way he looks, unless you want to play dress up all the time to try to keep up with him. The problem with overly confident guys who come on strong and ask you out right away, is that they act a certain way in front of a crowd, but at home are boring and lifeless. I have hung out with girls who always have boyfriends. They just flirted a lot, put themselves out there without actually doing the asking. I would suggest always trying to be your best self so that you feel confident and feel comfortable enough to let your real self shine through.
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 12
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How do I know???
Posted: 1/16/2013 7:20:48 AM
Any guy that asks out a woman early and comes on strong isn't over confident but intelligent. Especially if he secures a date. Why? If you like a woman, and are interested take the risk. The greater risk is waiting and having another guy ask her out. So, a guy playing games is not really smart, and more importantly trying to be manipulative. This is a concept many women don't understand, so when they call a guy that is assertive overconfident my retort is this: Really? This guy just landed a date.

A guy that is overconfident would be someone that thinks that they can land any date with any women and then at the end of the night they have nothing to show for it. A guy that believes they can't land any date lacks confidence conversely.

Men that are proactive are always the ones a woman should seek to date if they are attracted to. Guys that want to still hang out like they are in still in high school are not really interested in dating. Learn the difference.

As for determining if a person is serious material or just wants to mess around that is difficult for any gender to determine.
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 13
How do I know???
Posted: 1/16/2013 8:15:34 AM
Maybe you are running into "interference" with this "group meet" tactic?
Sometimes people will be more shy in a group setting. Not only is there the chance for rejection, there is an audience right there as well.
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 14
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How do I know???
Posted: 1/16/2013 10:25:27 AM
Going fishing and work on your technique!!!

If you want that fish to bite that hook of yours, one must have all the parts in place and actually cast a line, entice the fish to see it and want to be a part of that hook, line and sinker!! If you expect the fish to just swim up to you, splash and jump into your boat or just is not going to happen, and becomes just a fantasy!

Time for reality, and if you want something, make sure that they know it, and trust me, if you do, they will let you know as well!!

Joined: 12/29/2012
Msg: 15
How do I know???
Posted: 1/16/2013 1:08:50 PM
Go rent the movie "He's just not that into you" You will learn more about men from that then any man will ever tell you.
Joined: 10/29/2008
Msg: 16
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How do I know???
Posted: 1/16/2013 1:18:06 PM
There is no problem with wanting the man to take the initiative and take the first move, but it would help if you made sure he noticed you and you should bat your eyelashes in his his direction and smile at him a bit, so he knows you are interested. Otherwise, he might not try at all, nor notice you.
I know that a lot of these things are easier said than done, but still once you get past really young ages (under 25), men like women would mostly like a solid relationship too.
Joined: 1/9/2013
Msg: 17
How do I know???
Posted: 1/17/2013 2:12:58 AM
I'm wondering if, if you're wringing your hands over this first move issue, you are somehow missing the point of true love, and/or letting this first move thing get in the way.
Joined: 1/14/2013
Msg: 18
How do I know???
Posted: 1/17/2013 3:21:51 AM
Men make the moves, women give out the signals.

Signals are culture-specific. I was borne and raised in Hungary. On one of my trips, at a class reunion, a woman I passed at the party, embraced with her arms my left thigh.

In Canada, where I live now, this is a come-on.

In my native Hungary it was a gesture which was still not a come-on, only a sign of liking. I know because I asked her, she was free and unencumbered, but she made big, wide-eyed look at me, "you are asking me out? Why? I don't want to date you."

Perhaps she was insane, I don't know. But because signs given to guys by women, which are culture-specific,

there is perhaps a chance that there are no ways of giving out signs. You see, our culture, esp. our dating culture, is becoming txt- and computer driven. Everything depends on words, not on facial- or body expressions that are telling though not spoken. So the culture of signs is disappearing. We, guys, don't know how to read women, because you, women, have no consensus of behaviour that is understood across the board by guys as "signs". Since our socializing happens on the Internet, we, as a culture, have lost the ability or some of our pracical skills, to convey intent by body language and via facial grimacing (like smiles, winking, etc.)

I suggest that in time there will be new ways developed to be our cultural norm of communicating interest by women, on websites. Until such time, unfortunately a lot of guys will go womenless and vice versa.


What I am trying to say, OP, is that the guys you like at your get-togethers with other friends, and who seem to like you, are not sure how much you like them. A guy will not ask a woman out unless he has at least some assurrance she'll say "yes". This varies inversely with the attractiveness of the woman: the more attractive she is, the less positive assurance the guy needs. This can be reasoned, but explanations are not needed, can be shot down, and yet this is how it is.

So your guy friends are not asking you out straight, perhaps because you are shy and you don't give them enough reason to gather up their courage and ask you out based on a level of your attractiveness and their inner feeling of assurance that you might say "yes" to their asking.
Joined: 1/14/2013
Msg: 19
How do I know???
Posted: 1/17/2013 3:37:34 AM
Sorry, I may have answered something you did not ask, OP. Maybe you are asked out, and you keep saying "no", because you are unsure of the intention of guys.

I was confused by your statement,
"I just am having issues finding a guy who will be man enough to step forward and put himself out there."
This carries too little information. I felt it meant nobody is asking you out, nobody is "man enough to step forward and put himself out there". But maybe the "step forward" and "put out" was meant by you, as a guy who puts his cards on the table, so to speak? That is, walks up to you, and says, "I want to marry you, settle down, have kids, a mortgate, and a general middle-class existence of a nuclear family".

Well. The first one, how i saw it at first, makes more sense. The second type, the telling you what he wants, even if he does not put you specifically on the spot, that is, "I wanna get married soon to a nice girl, and bring children of our own up with her," is never going to happen. This is not what poeple say on casual conversations.

As many here pointed out, dating that eventually leads to marriage, or to anything else, like to a one-night-stand, or like to a six-month relationship, must be performed in a gradual get-to-know-you process. Nobody will carry a calling card to get signed by such categories as "Dinners only, no sex", "Dinners and sexes, for a while", "no dinner but sex" and "dinner, sex, marriage".

Yes, life would be simpler and more easy to navigate in its tupsy-turvy waves and unexpected turns if we had those cards which each one of us would required to carry and show on demand.

Maybe you can write to the President, or hire a special interest lobby company (many in the DC area) or organize a revolution, a new kind of sexual revolution which had as its main agenda your demand of clearly identified and accountably adhered to personal agendas to be determined, carried on a piece of document, and communicated on demand, as to what a person wants to do with his or her sex.
Joined: 1/9/2013
Msg: 20
How do I know???
Posted: 1/17/2013 3:49:35 AM
"Men make the moves, women give out the signals." ~ apafely

And vice-versa, and everything in-between.
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