Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > Why do people wait so long to take a chance?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 licoricecat_1
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 1
view profile
History
Why do people wait so long to take a chance?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Why are people not honest to realize that each day that passes by ---you are getting older. Why is it that both men and women are looking for perfection and won't even give anyone a chance? We are not going to live forever. Take a chance. Find someone that you think you might be compatible with and communicate and take a chance. Comment on why men/women are so fussy and do not want to take a chance.
 notdating-forumsonly
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 2
Why do people wait so long to take a chance?
Posted: 1/15/2013 11:21:27 PM
This is a bit redundant with a lot of threads on the topic, but I'll contribute.

I'm not looking for perfection- most are not IMO- and I was ready to put myself out there and go all in. But I'm only

half of that dynamic if I'm in a relationship. The other person in the relationship has to want that as well and that's not

easy to find. That's the quick version.

The longer version involves timing, people being jaded sts, maybe not having (enough) relationship experience, pulling back having thought that they were ok with it all, etc, etc

I want my last relationship to last. Period. But it takes going through the above to get there. It's extremely rare for two people to not date much and get into a relationship together and have it work out. It generally takes a lot of dating and experience in dating to have that awareness and then be lucky enough to find it-and have the other person want it as well.
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 3
view profile
History
Why do people wait so long to take a chance?
Posted: 1/15/2013 11:32:36 PM
The problem is that you're not compatible with most men because you're looking for a very specific guy, a Christian vegan. Who's going to take a chance on you when they already know that they don't fit the bill?

P.S. I actually do know of a guy like this and if you message me, I could give you the url of his personal web site. He's a born-again vegan and lives in NY, too. Seriously, can't make that up.
 annywn
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 4
Why do people wait so long to take a chance?
Posted: 1/16/2013 12:39:26 AM
probably because its the interent and you have to be 5xs as careful who you expose yourself to.. I totally don't want to get murdered and all.
 makavali7dayz3
Joined: 2/15/2010
Msg: 5
view profile
History
Why do people wait so long to take a chance?
Posted: 1/16/2013 1:15:04 AM
Thats a question that each individual will answer differently. Some of these threads and questions are just silly.
 Bezoa
Joined: 7/2/2012
Msg: 6
Why do people wait so long to take a chance?
Posted: 1/16/2013 3:47:10 AM
So, somebody you wanted to didn't take that chance on you. Get over it.
 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 7
Why do people wait so long to take a chance?
Posted: 1/16/2013 4:05:36 AM
Comment on why men/women are so fussy and do not want to take a chance.


Having valid fears, a preference and an unwillingness to settle doesn't make someone
unwilling to take a chance.

If we don't choose wisely,we are told our choosers are broken if things don't work out because
we jumped the gun and found out we weren't compatible with.

I took a monumental chance with a man here(separated,no job,sh*t car,two young children,child support payments,no savings or assets of any kind,alcoholic past,b*tch ex-wife that kept him prisoner for 3 years by withholding a signature for divorce etc!) and while it's going OK,had I not been so "desperate to find someone"
and willing to overlook alot of baggage in the name of "realizing that each day that passes I am getting older",
that I won't find "perfection" and that I wasn't "all that" and came with my own damn baggage,and didn't have the right to high expectations,I wouldn't be in the shoes I am now....in love with a man who's 'baggage' sometimes get's the best of our relationship.

so yeah........waiting longer than a year without love or sex and having higher expectations might have been smarter.

Thankfully,his benefits are equal to his deficits so I can live with the downfalls. of his circumstances and gave him a chance based on his CHARACTER of I would never have allowed this to continue for the past 4 years!!!!!!!!

But in someways,you are right,people have SUCH high expectations of others,they forget that they bring thier own issues into any given situations.
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 8
Why do people wait so long to take a chance?
Posted: 1/16/2013 4:20:29 AM
Why is it that both men and women are looking for perfection and won't even give anyone a chance?

this is a bullshit statement.

most people aren't looking for "perfection" because most people are simply not that delusional and anal retentive. on the other hand, most people aren't going to throw caution to the wind and give "anyone" a chance because most people are smart enough to know that certain circumstances have to pre-exist before there is even "a chance" of two lonely, groaning, malcontent souls ever working as a couple.

ergo, between your two extremes that for all practical purposes do not exist, you only have a whole bunch of people who do not struggle with being single nearly as much as you appear to struggle with why they insist on being perfection nazis.

to answer your question in 4 words or less: "too many red flags."

would you care to rephrase the question?
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 9
view profile
History
Why do people wait so long to take a chance?
Posted: 1/16/2013 4:31:55 AM
It isn't the (mostly phantom)plethora of possibilities of the internet, or pickiness, or fear, or funk that has been causing me to wait too long. At least, not per se.

More than anything else, it has been the rot in the economy. It has delayed my divorce (thousands to lawyers, due to the quirks of Virginia law); it has upended my sense of financial stability; it has caused thousands of small interferences to being able to predict even so much as a full day, in a way that makes it possible to do the sort of mundane things that are required to court someone (this week, I tried to take MYSELF to a movie, and my car evilly plotted to die, right after I purchased the rather expensive ticket online); I lost my medical coverage, and access to paid leave, so I have been unable to attend to medical needs in the prompt way required to be a reliable potential mate; and so on.

On the good side, I probably would have made huge foolish mistakes common to freshly separated/divorced people, had I not been so restrained. And perhaps I will still manage to stumble over someone who can deal with my challenges, and still find me worth their time. But the math of it all is daunting.
 _PassionFlower
Joined: 11/27/2011
Msg: 10
Why do people wait so long to take a chance?
Posted: 1/16/2013 4:55:52 AM
^^^^ I must say this is the 1st time I've seen u be so raw in ur emotion. More emotion, and less words on a page...
 seven15
Joined: 2/13/2006
Msg: 11
Why do people wait so long to take a chance?
Posted: 1/16/2013 5:11:32 AM
They could still be paying off the last chance they took.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 12
view profile
History
Why do people wait so long to take a chance?
Posted: 1/16/2013 6:22:57 AM
After being in a lousy 20 year marriage, I realise that I am far better off as a single person than I would be in another dysfunctional or stressful relationship.
Yes I agree life is too short, to be unhappy.
At my age I am not willing to compromise my needs. If it means I am alone I am ok with that choice. Being single is hardly a terrible thing.
 sweetest
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 13
view profile
History
Why do people wait so long to take a chance?
Posted: 1/16/2013 6:38:37 AM

Because whether by inertia, insufficient funds, ill-health, too many self-perceived real or imagined imperfections and consistent self-doubt,
for many it is so much easier just to stay home with pets and chocolate foods for solace and attempt to fill some human companionship needs by typing/venting poignant words to strangers in a strange land on the internet...


^^^Is this a cry for help?? ;)


There might not be a remote control, but there is aging.

Aging blurs, softens and understands the subtle degrees of 'intolerable' vs 'perfect' and often makes the argument for 'reasonable' eventually.
 Midwest_Southwest
Joined: 9/9/2012
Msg: 14
Why do people wait so long to take a chance?
Posted: 1/16/2013 6:39:07 AM
Some people don’t care about being in a relationship as much as others do. The underlying premise to your question is that everyone wants a relationship as much as you do or also feels the clock ticking. Some don’t.
 36_Julietta_52
Joined: 12/26/2012
Msg: 15
Why do people wait so long to take a chance?
Posted: 1/16/2013 6:44:52 AM
My life is pretty complete. Amazing family and friends, career of my dreams, short- and long-term goals that keep me grounded...

I date. I give relationships a chance to grow, but if I don't feel it, I don't feel it, and there's no forcing that. Yes, I am selective, but reasonably so, and I believe everyone else should be as well. I have been head over heels in love once before. Not interested in being with another man unless I feel that way again, and I know it's possible. I would rather get married later to a man who is perfect for me, than settle sooner with somebody I am not completely ecstatic about.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 16
view profile
History
Why do people wait so long to take a chance?
Posted: 1/16/2013 6:51:11 AM
Nice guy/gal rant threads don't last long in this forum lol.
 mosena87
Joined: 11/19/2012
Msg: 17
Why do people wait so long to take a chance?
Posted: 1/16/2013 6:52:08 AM

I have been head over heels in love once before. Not interested in being with another man unless I feel that way again, and I know it's possible.


That "head over heels" feeling almost always fades after the honeymoon phase of a relationship. This is one of the main reasons romantic relationships hardly ever last. That's why I wonder if getting seriously involved is even worth it.
 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 18
Why do people wait so long to take a chance?
Posted: 1/16/2013 6:57:55 AM

That "head over heels" feeling almost always fades after the honeymoon phase of a relationship. This is one of the main reasons romantic relationships hardly ever last. That's why I wonder if getting seriously involved is even worth it.


So true.What's worth it to me,knowing this little fact of life,is that I wanted someone to share my life,love and body with even in the face of the distinct possibility that it wouldn't last forever,let alone stay in that honeymoon phase!.


They could still be paying off the last chance they took.


Exactly! And just what I realized when I took a chance on my guy.I realized that pretty much EVERYONE at my age had baggage and it was simply about finding someone with baggage I could handle along side of my own!
I helped him and he helped me and together,we have made a life built on taking chances!



On the good side, I probably would have made huge foolish mistakes common to freshly separated/divorced people, had I not been so restrained.


I figured staying away from casual sex and seeking a man who truly wanted a LTR was smarter than settling for FWB's!



And perhaps I will still manage to stumble over someone who can deal with my challenges, and still find me worth their time. But the math of it all is daunting


On paper,my guy is not most women's idea of ideal. ;)
Most wouldn't have even considered him an option.
But getting to know someone beyond thier "issues" was worth it to me!

He is an absolute GEM in all other ways besides being financially unstable and the sh*t that swirls around him isn't even his fault!

And that's what we figured when we got together.That no one would want us thanks to our divorces and the leftover baggage we had to deal with.Thankfully we did give eachother a chance,because without eachother working as partners thru this "ordeal" of getting back on our feet,and my ability to support us both financially,thanks to an inheritance that I KEPT in my divorce,we'd both have been screwed and not in a good way!

We needed eachother and without qualms,jumped in head and heart first.

I guess,some people just have more "balls" than others and are realists at heart.Me being one of them.
Some people can't risk taking risks for fear they will just get hurt again.
Some go too fast and some go too slow but in the end,everything happens for a reason.
 36_Julietta_52
Joined: 12/26/2012
Msg: 19
Why do people wait so long to take a chance?
Posted: 1/16/2013 6:58:45 AM
I was with him for 3 years. We spent 3-4 days of the week together. I was just as crazy about him by the end as I was at the beginning. I can assure you, we had surpassed the honeymoon phase.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 20
Why do people wait so long to take a chance?
Posted: 1/16/2013 7:02:23 AM
Why do people do not take a chance?

Because of the past. Because of the future.

The past holds all those great things that you want again, yet they were never with the same person. They were spread along different persons and quite frankly you will never find ALL of the in one person. The past also has a lot of hurt. The things that one person or another person did to hurt us. Thus we yearn for a non existing idea, yet live in pain avoidance.

The future is this thing that we want it to be perfect. So when we meet someone, we see their flaws and notice how green the grass is next door, or look online and notice how many other fish are out there, so we give that person a sense of the temporary, and withhold our emotions. The future will be better. In the mean time that shield that one creates does not allow anything in, does not allow anything out.

I was reading this book about meditation and breathing and it said something quite profound. That to love we have to learn to "Accept and love vulnerably."

We have to accept that the person that we are with, it is what it is. If we do not want that, then get rid of then this moment and stop trying to change them, or keep looking at that greener grass. Then when you give of yourself, do it vulnerably. If you pretend to give of yourself but you do not allow yourself to become vulnerable, you will never open that gate. And you will feel always amiss.
 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 21
Why do people wait so long to take a chance?
Posted: 1/16/2013 7:03:07 AM

I was with him for 3 years. We spent 3-4 days of the week together. I was just as crazy about him by the end as I was at the beginning. I can assure you, we had surpassed the honeymoon phase.



^^^^^^Not the same as living together day in and day out.^^^^^^
 phoenix_55
Joined: 7/25/2012
Msg: 22
Why do people wait so long to take a chance?
Posted: 1/16/2013 8:10:19 AM
I can only speak for the men who live in my area and my opinion of what's going on. The men my age won't look twice at a woman their age and most of them have their age restrictions set for 18-35. I guess they'd rather be alone -- waiting and hoping for their ideal of perfection to come along. Don't get me wrong -- we all know what we like, but geeez, let's try to be realistic for a change.
 rockstar_nj1182
Joined: 12/5/2012
Msg: 23
Why do people wait so long to take a chance?
Posted: 1/16/2013 10:27:32 AM

Why is it that both men and women are looking for perfection and won't even give anyone a chance?


Why is it that you won't give someone the chance if he's not christian?

More people are willing to compromise than you'd think. But when you have a site like this where you can just sit back and have guys come to you, ofc more women are going to tend to constantly wait for better, and a lot of them actually admit that this site does that to them. But then because a lot of those women are passing up so many guys, they're not realizing that there's tons of guys out there willing to take the chance, they're just not willing to take the chance on that guy.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 24
view profile
History
Why do people wait so long to take a chance?
Posted: 1/16/2013 10:53:29 AM
So if you aren't interested in another person, for whatever reason you have, then you are wasting precious time you could be spending with someone you don't want to be with? Okay. How about not worrying about those who reject you and keep looking for those who want to get to know you, seems like a better idea to me.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 25
Why do people wait so long to take a chance?
Posted: 1/16/2013 11:46:28 AM
Oh what the heck...I have a full cup of coffee.

Why are people not honest to realize that each day that passes by ---you are getting older.

I'm completely honest about that - probably too much. I'm not sure what that has to do with dating, but anyway.

Why is it that both men and women are looking for perfection and won't even give anyone a chance?

I like what I like. If I don't happen to bump into what I like, I see dating anyone else as wasting their time. I don't date out of pity nor do I date to relieve boredom. If someone isn't what you want why date them, exactly?

We are not going to live forever.

Again, what does this have to do with who we date? Obviously none of us will live forever.

Take a chance.

For who? You? People who want something and don't compromise aren't bothering anyone except the people they don't choose. If they're OK with it, what's the issue here?

Find someone that you think you might be compatible with and communicate and take a chance.

For some of us, it's better to be single than try to make stuff that doesn't work, work.

Comment on why men/women are so fussy and do not want to take a chance.

Cause they don't feel like it. They may not see dating someone they're really not interested in as a "chance". Taking a chance is more accurate to say about finding someone you DO like and then fearing something about that. It's not about dating someone you really don't want to - or doing something that isn't of any interest to you.

Life is not all about who you're going to end up with. At least not for everyone it isn't.
Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > Why do people wait so long to take a chance?