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 jab66
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 1
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Im 47 She is 56Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I am very interested in a woman that is 9 years older than me. We have many common interests and always have a good time together, but She sometimes says "I'm too old for you". I have NO problem with the age difference and would like some advice on how to handle this and make her feel more comfortable with the age difference.
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 2
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Im 47 She is 56
Posted: 1/16/2013 5:29:10 PM
Well, first off...I'd ask her what she was thinking before allowing your relationship to get this far...and what has proved unworkable since then?.....BUT, before you put her on the spot for answers...what are your true intentions for the long term....or does she sense that you don't have any?
 Deadliest_Snatch
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 3
Im 47 She is 56
Posted: 1/16/2013 5:50:26 PM
9 years isn't a big deal.
Maybe there's some other reason why she's not interested.
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 4
I'm 47 She is 56
Posted: 1/16/2013 5:53:55 PM
I've been there, and it took me a while. There wasn't really anything much my boyfriend could do or say to make me feel better about it; I had to get there on my own.

I'd also always previously gone for men at least a little bit older, too, some much older, so it was a big adjustment for me in that way as well.

Eventually, it occurred to me that I probably ought to feel pretty good about having drawn the attention and devotion of this cute younger man! That put things into perspective and I began to feel much more at ease about it.

We didn't last anyway, but it ended over something completely unrelated to age.
 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 5
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Im 47 She is 56
Posted: 1/16/2013 6:19:07 PM
I was engaged for 4 years to a man 8 years younger than I ... we were so
completely compatible in so many areas, spiritually, intellectually and
physically ... we never married due to our emotional incompatibility
which wasn't evident initially ...

it was remarkable how long he faked being emotionally stable before he
allowed things to completely deteriorate ...

I believe our break-up had nothing to do with the age difference ... although
... really ... who knows? I considered him emotionally immature ... I believe
that's not actually an age thing ... it was more a choice thing ...

in what situations does she say she's too old for you? I'd focus on those
areas ... dancing? skiing? biking? camping? then reassure her that she's
not too old for you in that area ... (if that's true!)

or is she hinting that you're immature in some way?
 jab66
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 6
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I'm 47 She is 56
Posted: 1/16/2013 6:22:26 PM
Neither of us were looking for a relationshp...we just clicked. I told her as a friend that I feel one shouldn't look for a relationship, it will just happen. All is well except the age thing comes up and I say and mean it is only a number.
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 7
I'm 47 She is 56
Posted: 1/16/2013 6:40:03 PM

All is well except the age thing comes up and I say and mean it is only a number.

But it really isn't. And saying that is trivializing her thoughts and feelings.

With a friend or acquaintance, that's a kind social falsehood. With a lover it's something else entirely. If it has any effect at all within this context, it'll be to make things worse.

Here's a thought: Why don't you ask her if there's any way you can reassure her about this?

There probably isn't... but it's a better response than the one you've been using!
 jab66
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 8
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I'm 47 She is 56
Posted: 1/16/2013 6:54:00 PM
I just don't know how to assure her that I am interested in the person she is. I always felt that actions speak louder than words and have taken that approach. I guess I need to work on communicating the verbal part. Just don't want to mess this up.
 dcinsc13
Joined: 12/26/2012
Msg: 9
Im 47 She is 56
Posted: 1/16/2013 7:00:33 PM
I don't think she is too old for you!!! I know couples with more difference in age than that. I personally like younger men and I have dated men 12 years younger. We got along great. Of course it didn't last, but not all do!
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 10
Im 47 She is 56
Posted: 1/16/2013 7:52:56 PM
Would you be asking this question if it were you being 56 and her 47? Older women with younger men as you get older makes more sense to me.
 vibrantshe
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 11
Im 47 She is 56
Posted: 1/16/2013 8:25:04 PM
I know two long time married couples where the wife is older than the husband. With one couple the wife is 16 years older than her husband and with the other couple the wife is 18 years older than her husband. Both couples met each other in the 90’s and still going strong.

But at the end of the day only you can decide if the age difference is ok with you.
 WesternWildRose
Joined: 9/15/2008
Msg: 12
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Im 47 She is 56
Posted: 1/16/2013 9:03:03 PM
Could be she is insecure.
Things are fine now... but in say...5, 10 years you find a cuter, younger model... someone more your age and with more in common.

this 47/56 really doesn't sound like a lot, same age range basically... so maybe you are too old for her sonny boy!!!.....lol....lol....lol....
 1388SmartBlonde
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 13
Im 47 She is 56
Posted: 1/16/2013 10:45:33 PM
Nine years is not that much at our age. Women live longer than men statistically, so dating someone 5-9 years older means you will be together longer (statistically speaking). I dated someone 9 years younger once but all of our friends thought we were of similar ages so it was no big deal to either of us. When she says "I am too old", grab her, kiss her and say"well, let me make you feel younger." If she laughs, you are home free.
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 14
I'm 47 She is 56
Posted: 1/16/2013 11:39:27 PM

I just don't know how to assure her that I am interested in the person she is. I always felt that actions speak louder than words and have taken that approach. I guess I need to work on communicating the verbal part. Just don't want to mess this up.

Now THAT would be a good thing to tell her, next time she frets. You're allowed to have thoughts and feelings, too! And these are really sweet and tender ones that I think any woman would want to know about. Good luck, this can be a tough hump to get over, but at least one of you (that would be you) is definitely on the right track with it.
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 15
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Im 47 She is 56
Posted: 1/17/2013 3:51:03 AM
I agree with "ChancesRMD", I think older women and younger men are a better match. I don't consider someone my age to be serious LTR material at all....by the time you get to know me...I probably won't be worth knowing.LOL
 Greatcatch12345
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 16
Im 47 She is 56
Posted: 1/17/2013 5:25:19 AM
i'm assumming you have already started banging her...if thats the case..dont worry..just keep it going..eventually she will stop talking about the age diff.
 phoenix_55
Joined: 7/25/2012
Msg: 17
Im 47 She is 56
Posted: 1/17/2013 6:24:43 AM
The last guy I dated was 9 years younger than me. I'll admit I had more of a problem with the age difference than he did. But some of my issues may have stemmed from having been married to a younger guy who left me for someone his own age.

All I can say is, as with me, the age thing is her problem. Not yours. Either she'll get over it or she won't. Just try to make her feel secure and that her age isn't an issue for you.
 russell5417
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 18
Im 47 She is 56
Posted: 1/17/2013 6:58:10 AM
msg 16......pretty much sums it up. LOL
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 19
I'm 47 She is 56
Posted: 1/17/2013 7:27:13 AM

I just don't know how to assure her that I am interested in the person she is. I always felt that actions speak louder than words and have taken that approach. I guess I need to work on communicating the verbal part. Just don't want to mess this up.


Good for you...I'm sure you'll work things out.


I'm meeting someone this week who is 52....or at least he says he's 52...lol He actually looks a little older but hey...who am I to judge. People age at a different pace. Regardless, he seems like a great guy and "I think" I like him. *grins*
Time will tell.

Two meet-ups in one week...what's this world coming to? This almost *never* happens to me.

Good luck OP

...mae
 olderwiserhappier
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 20
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Im 47 She is 56
Posted: 1/17/2013 8:14:41 AM
In 10 years you will be 57 and she will be 66, you're in very different places in life. If you just want a FWB this might work, otherwise I'm afraid it won't. I'm 57 and no way would I want a man 9 years younger than myself. I'm ready to retire and travel, not wait around on someone still punching a clock.
 jimintoronto2
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 21
I'm 47 She is 56
Posted: 1/17/2013 8:59:53 AM

Two meet-ups in one week...what's this world coming to? This almost *never* happens to me.


Must be that last Chinook that blew through Calgary. lol

Seriously, best of luck.
 NotyouraverageD
Joined: 5/15/2012
Msg: 22
Im 47 She is 56
Posted: 1/17/2013 9:53:35 AM
I don't think she's too old for you.

You have answered your own questions here as you stated you always have a great time when you're together.

You don't need any advice from anyone out here - you're doing fine.

The next time she says she's too old for you, make a joke out of it.

She's feeling insecure about her age - help to feel more secure.

What's the big deal.

Also, if the roles were reversed - no one would have a single word to say about it.

Get out there and have fun!
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 23
Im 47 She is 56
Posted: 1/17/2013 10:31:26 AM
^^^^I agree with the above...enjoy your tome together.



mae said:

Two meet-ups in one week...what's this world coming to? This almost *never* happens to me.


Jim said:

Must be that last Chinook that blew through Calgary. lol


The warm winds are being very kind *grins*

...mae
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 24
Im 47 She is 56
Posted: 1/17/2013 10:36:51 AM
I agree with "ChancesRMD", I think older women and younger men are a better match. I don't consider someone my age to be serious LTR material at all....by the time you get to know me...I probably won't be worth knowing.LOL


You really believe this? Then how come at 64 your age restriction is:


Younger than 65


OP, one thing women worry about is being traded in for a newer model. This could be lurking in the back of her mind.
 venusenvy777
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 25
Im 47 She is 56
Posted: 1/17/2013 11:22:12 AM
If it works, it works ...But what Im hearing is that she IS uncomfortable and that doesnt bode well for the future. But that doesnt mean you guys cant have a rocking affair and enjoy yourselves for what it is.
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