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 eve1962
Joined: 12/26/2009
Msg: 1
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Perfect in every way apart from physical .....Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Met a man off this site just over two years ago. I was just bored and browsing profiles and saw his - didn't find myself attracted to his photos, but his profile said he had a smallholding in West Wales, so I just messaged him to say how that sounded great.

He replied and we chatted via messages. Turned out he was from where I live - he'd grown up just a few streets away where I had grew up. After leaving the family homes, we had both lived on the same street again yet never bumped into each other. Where he now lives, I had spent many holidays with my family there - know all the beaches he now knows and loves too.

We chatted on the phone after quite a few POF messages and got on great - talked for hours every night. Then he came over to visit and we got on great - so many things in common, same views on so many things. He came over only 3 times in total - only over a short period of time. I met his Mum, his sister and his daughter. Everything was OK.

But the distance was an issue. He didn't want to move back to where I live and he used to live. No way was I upping and moving to West Wales without a good 6 month trial run, which would have proved too difficult - giving up work, etc. So we lost contact, but have recently started talking again.

We still get on great - talk for hours and still agree on most things. But, as much as I try to see beyond looks, I just don't find him physically attractive. I'm no stunner - but in his eyes, I am (he told me that).

At 50, I'm getting sick of the dating thing and getting to know someone - especially when I've gotten to know him and we get on so very very well. Would it be possible to get past the no physical attraction on my part? My last ex was everything I wanted physically in a man, but we had nothing in common.

Could it work? Or do you really need to have the physical attraction as well? We did sleep together - I know, too soon. But the sex was good. It's just that I don't look at him and think "hmmmm". Am I being shallow? If he didn't find my physically attractive, would he bother?
 supplygoodguy
Joined: 6/4/2012
Msg: 2
Perfect in every way apart from physical .....
Posted: 1/16/2013 5:38:37 PM
Yah slept together.. ok as long as it was only sleep..

You are not attracted to him.. wtf.. why would you sleep with him.. mercy sex? or mercy, mercy me sex. geesh.

If all the balls ain't in the right court you're wanking with someone and you have no right to hold them emotional hostage.. move along and back away from the microphone.. k..
 eve1962
Joined: 12/26/2009
Msg: 3
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Perfect in every way apart from physical .....
Posted: 1/16/2013 5:42:50 PM
I'm not attracted to him physically, lookwise, but I am attracted to him in all other ways. It's not a repulsive unattraction, he just doesn't make me think "wow". But I'm thinking maybe with time that "wow" will come in other ways. I dunno.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 4
Perfect in every way apart from physical .....
Posted: 1/16/2013 6:09:39 PM
I'm going to say there must be some type of physical attraction for you to get through sex and actually describe it as good. While I normally feel that no attraction won't change - I think you do have some attraction to this man if you weren't repulsed by the thought of kissing or sex with him. From this point you will either become more or less enamored with him, but I think you should see where this goes. Maybe the level of wow you're looking for isn't necessary, perhaps the physical attraction will intensify with comfort and trust and someone just giving you what you need. I think you should stick with it.

When I'm not physically attracted (regardless of everything else) I can't being myself to consider being intimate - let alone engage in it.
 domainfullduplex100
Joined: 12/21/2012
Msg: 5
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Perfect in every way apart from physical .....
Posted: 1/16/2013 6:45:28 PM
you my dear are corrupted...by dating sites... at the same time..you should not settle. If this is tremendously important to you, then you could be miserable. If not..then at 50, smile and take it all in your stride..sounds like a good man.
 Yule_liquor
Joined: 12/7/2011
Msg: 6
Perfect in every way apart from physical .....
Posted: 1/16/2013 7:57:17 PM

Could it work?


It depends on what you treasure the most
the body or the soul, the external veneer or the solid foundation
that is for you to decide (if you can).

But even if you were attracted to him; how long do you think it would take for you to get used to him and the novelty wearing off!
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 7
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Perfect in every way apart from physical .....
Posted: 1/16/2013 8:42:44 PM
If I understand you correctly (and that’s a huge if) it sounds like you are settling for a man you are not attracted to because dating has become a drag.

If you lived in a perfect world, where what you thought, felt, wanted, and needed was the norm, would you be happy with this man? There is the answer.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 8
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Perfect in every way apart from physical .....
Posted: 1/16/2013 9:15:56 PM
I don't worry about physical attraction, as in what looks one got from the roll of the DNA dice, any guy I really liked as a person became quite good looking to me physically. I realize not everyone's mind works that way but I'm glad mine does as I've met a lot of interesting men because I didn't base my attraction on their outside looks.
 curviest
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 9
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Perfect in every way apart from physical .....
Posted: 1/17/2013 3:50:24 AM
Oh Eve!

The same thing is on my mind 24/7. I am also in my 50s and sick of searching, just want someone permanent etc.

I have met several men lately - one in particular - whose company and personality I absolutely adore, would love to spend time with, live with, even marry and be with all the rest of my life... but I just don't fancy them sexually. So I know exactly what that feels like.

Sometimes I wish one of these men would tell me he is impotent and/or wants no sex, just a life companion. That would solve the problem!

When I DO meet men that I find physically attractive, they are usually just looking for a one off bonk, or are otherwise unsuitable for a LTR.

I've read the other posters, and they reflect all the things I have been thinking. I waver between believing that it will never work if I don't have "the hots" for a guy, and believing that if everything else in the relationship is perfect I should just "grit my teeth and think of England". But I am no actress and I think a man would soon "sense" that I did not fancy him.

I wish I had an answer for you Eve but I am in the same boat.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 10
Perfect in every way apart from physical .....
Posted: 1/17/2013 3:53:08 AM
Not saying physical attraction is important to us but,sometimes I will ask how come???? Just imagine for a moment OP, if you were blind???? More than likely, this thread wouldn't have been made, and if you and he actually could "fix" the space in between you two, you would be together. No?????

I'm just throwing this out there. Not having the ability to "judge"(for lack of a better word) visually,would make us "look" at other characteristics a little more closely????? As in, the real important ones. Again,just throwing it out there.
 curviest
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 11
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Perfect in every way apart from physical .....
Posted: 1/17/2013 4:02:36 AM
Having waded my way through all those superfluous question marks I found Walts's message to be a very interesting one... What if I were blind? Mind you, that would not help if the thing the lady finds objectionable was something palpable, rather than an ugly face. Here are some of the things that put me off a man

- bad breath
- rotting teeth
- beer gut
- hairy back/shoulders/chest
- tiny penis

So, not just blind but have my hands cut off, sense of smell removed, and .....?
 makavali7dayz3
Joined: 2/15/2010
Msg: 12
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Perfect in every way apart from physical .....
Posted: 1/17/2013 6:36:40 AM
NO. i was in a relationship that you describe. It was impossible to fall in love. Granted i was much younger. If you can't look at them and be like omg he/she is so attractive and i want them then it won't work to well. Sex is a big part of any relationship. He is going to want sex and your just going to want to talk. It sounds like you want him as a friend. This won't work.
 curviest
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 13
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Perfect in every way apart from physical .....
Posted: 1/17/2013 6:50:36 AM
Hey Sweetlotty ... the good thing about having an ugly partner is they are less likely to have an affair LOL....

Looking around my town I see an awful lot of ugly men with nice looking women. I suspect this means that women care more about personality than looks.... ?
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 14
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Perfect in every way apart from physical .....
Posted: 1/17/2013 7:02:17 AM
I have found myself very attracted to some men physically who weren't the most attractive guys in the world, after I got to know and like them. It's just me, but when I get to know someone and find the personality qualities that I like, they just seem to magically become more physically....and sexually....attractive to me.
 makavali7dayz3
Joined: 2/15/2010
Msg: 15
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Perfect in every way apart from physical .....
Posted: 1/17/2013 7:03:19 AM
The difference is you said you were attracted. She isn't.

I want you to get over the looks thing myself. I am rooting for the guy. I met someone who was awesome, but they said they weren't interested because i was a inch shorter than them. She lost out big time. I wish looks weren't such a big deal.
 olderwiserhappier
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 16
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Perfect in every way apart from physical .....
Posted: 1/17/2013 7:58:11 AM
Ok, we're 50-something....none of us look "wow" anymore. If you can find a man who actually wants to date a 50-something y/o woman you'd better take another look at him.
 eve1962
Joined: 12/26/2009
Msg: 17
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Perfect in every way apart from physical .....
Posted: 1/17/2013 8:03:09 AM
Thanks for all the replies - given me lots to think about. Decided he could be a good friend, but nothing more. I don't find him repulsive, but I do think sex would soon become close your eyes and think of England - not something I want. Shame, because as I said in other ways he's great.
 FairOaksChick
Joined: 11/7/2011
Msg: 18
Perfect in every way apart from physical .....
Posted: 1/17/2013 8:40:33 AM
No, it won't work. BTDT. As others have said, would you want to find out that a man you are dating is not physically attracted to you, and is just settling?
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 19
Perfect in every way apart from physical .....
Posted: 1/17/2013 10:08:36 AM

Getting along great and having a lot in common adds up to a good friend. Sex is like eating. If you're hungry even a McDonald's cheeseburger can seem "great".

I've never been that hungry. I think not eating is better. When it comes to sex, I'd rather hit the toy store than sleep with someone I find repulsive. There just isn't a dry spell bad enough for me to stop caring about who I'm attracted to.

OT - agreed that if the sex is the same excitement as eating a tuna sandwich and you'll end up daydreaming during it, it's probably not for you.
 curviest
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 20
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Perfect in every way apart from physical .....
Posted: 1/17/2013 10:37:28 AM
"I've never been that hungry. I think not eating is better. When it comes to sex, I'd rather hit the toy store than sleep with someone I find repulsive. There just isn't a dry spell bad enough for me to stop caring about who I'm attracted to.

OT - agreed that if the sex is the same excitement as eating a tuna sandwich and you'll end up daydreaming during it, it's probably not for you."

I agree with you 100%
 LG2727
Joined: 1/20/2010
Msg: 21
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Perfect in every way apart from physical .....
Posted: 1/17/2013 9:42:27 PM
Just the fact that you even had to ask should give you an answer! NO! not unless you are willing to settle for less then what you feel is ok to compromise on because it would not be fair to him. Would you want a man if he found you lacking that way? BTW, he sounds more like a pal then a lover.
 curviest
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 22
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Perfect in every way apart from physical .....
Posted: 1/19/2013 6:17:15 AM

Go off some place romantic together for a week and have lots and lots and lots of really hot sweaty sex. By the end of the week your hormones and endorphins and all those lovely feelings may have transformed Mr So-So into Mr Hmmmmmm.


I actually think that this would work... HOWEVER, if you don't have the hots for the guy in the first place, what would drive you to have lots of hot, sweaty sex with him?

I've often tried to have sex with a man I did not fancy, but who I liked as a person, and I just could not get my motor started up :-(
 AstroCat505
Joined: 8/12/2012
Msg: 23
Perfect in every way apart from physical .....
Posted: 1/19/2013 12:13:49 PM
"has a small holding in West Wales"

Me thinks this lady is not in it for the physical attraction or the possibility of building a loving relationship but for the fact that this man may be wealthy and affluent and seems to be causing her to have the proverbial "dollar signs" in her eyes that are strangely motivating her...
 eve1962
Joined: 12/26/2009
Msg: 24
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Perfect in every way apart from physical .....
Posted: 1/20/2013 11:45:35 AM

"has a small holding in West Wales"

Me thinks this lady is not in it for the physical attraction or the possibility of building a loving relationship but for the fact that this man may be wealthy and affluent and seems to be causing her to have the proverbial "dollar signs" in her eyes that are strangely motivating her...


Oh, he's not rich at all - he's actually struggling. A small holding does not mean rich. It's a hard lifestyle. I don't see "dollar signs".
 LivvyH.
Joined: 6/14/2012
Msg: 25
Perfect in every way apart from physical .....
Posted: 1/20/2013 1:48:13 PM
Make sure it's something you can deal with in the long run. You say everything else is great. Give it a chance, see if it is something that you can "tolerate" for lack of a better term.
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