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 giggles_4_free
Joined: 8/21/2012
Msg: 1
Wondering if anyone else has felt this wayPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
So I've been actively trying to find a potential boyfriend. I've given guys that I normally wouldn't look at twice a chance but it seems like for whatever reason nothing ever pans out. I'm actually starting to feel undateable. Has anyone else ever felt this way? How have you coped?
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 2
Wondering if anyone else has felt this way
Posted: 1/19/2013 10:56:38 AM

Has anyone else ever felt this way?


Everyday.


How have you coped?


Drink. Lots and lots of very good whiskey. And if you don't think I'm serious, you've never seen my stash of good bottles. Come to think of it, you wouldn't, they're hidden.
 FallingSnowflakes
Joined: 11/19/2012
Msg: 3
Wondering if anyone else has felt this way
Posted: 1/19/2013 11:05:58 AM
Hi giggles,
I have been on and off of this site several years now and there seems to be times when you get more prospects then you can shake a stick at and then long dry stretches of time when you are begging for water! Somewhere in the middle you finally meet someone who is worthy and it all clicks for a long or short span. Don't let it get to you and keep fishing. BTW, you will have more contacts if you post a picture and maybe get a profile review.

Happy Fishing!
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 4
Wondering if anyone else has felt this way
Posted: 1/19/2013 11:10:44 AM
Your profile says you're a country music fan. That's the problem. lol.
 curviest
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 5
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Wondering if anyone else has felt this way
Posted: 1/19/2013 11:10:57 AM
"So I've been actively trying to find a potential boyfriend. I've given guys that I normally wouldn't look at twice a chance but it seems like for whatever reason nothing ever pans out. I'm actually starting to feel undateable. Has anyone else ever felt this way? How have you coped?"

I could have written those exact words myself.

How do I cope? I waver between leaving all dating sites and thinking that if I do, Mr Right could join a site tomorrow.
 giggles_4_free
Joined: 8/21/2012
Msg: 6
Wondering if anyone else has felt this way
Posted: 1/19/2013 11:17:13 AM
I do have a picture but it is marked private. I had a different profile on here and an ex-boyfriend found me and wouldn't leave me alone. I chose to make a new profile and hide my picture. Within the first couple of emails I do give them a picture. And if some have settings that you have to have a pic to email them I always include it.

Not everyone is a country but I like it. Fits my moods most days.

I'd love to be a drinker but for the life of me I hate the way I feel in the morning.

Is there such a thing as Mr. Right?
 Fatuglybaldcreeper84
Joined: 1/5/2013
Msg: 7
Wondering if anyone else has felt this way
Posted: 1/19/2013 12:11:14 PM
You do realize you can block people from messaging you right?
 giggles_4_free
Joined: 8/21/2012
Msg: 8
Wondering if anyone else has felt this way
Posted: 1/19/2013 12:18:39 PM
I did block him and he would create new profiles and attempt to talk to me through new profiles.
 a_lonewolf
Joined: 5/21/2010
Msg: 9
Wondering if anyone else has felt this way
Posted: 1/19/2013 12:31:03 PM
How do I cope?
I do everything I enjoy but wasn't able to do when I was in a relationship.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 10
Wondering if anyone else has felt this way
Posted: 1/19/2013 12:54:59 PM

I'd love to be a drinker but for the life of me I hate the way I feel in the morning.



Thus the reason I never stop my sippin. This ain't rocket science. It's about being able to get thru another whole 24 hours!!!!! ;)
 Aww-Ree
Joined: 1/2/2013
Msg: 11
Wondering if anyone else has felt this way
Posted: 1/19/2013 1:29:51 PM
I think most everyone at one time or another has felt like that. However, I wouldn't advocate you turn to an addict-able substance to help you make it through the next 24 hours as Walts has suggested. Sunders suggestion you use it for a bit of a laugh and not take it so seriously resonated with me as some pretty sage advice. PaperorPlastic though gave you the best advice of all. DO THE THINGS YOU ENJOY.

If the focus of your life revolves around the pursuit of finding a "potential boyfriend" opportunities that present themselves that invariably don't pan out as you had hoped are going to leave you a bit despondent. Without meaning to, you may be perceived as needy through your actions and dialogue that you project to others. The more disappointments you experience, the more needy you become. Maybe it's time to put that plan on the back burner.

Instead of actively pursuing a boyfriend, try and focus on the things you truly enjoy doing in your life. The things you are passionate about. Commit yourself to learning something new. Fill your life up with things that help you grow as an individual. Things that fill up your time and your energies and bring you happiness and contentment. Maybe by doing that, you'll attract a man that is attracted to a woman who seemingly projects happiness and contentment, one who finds fulfillment in the life she leads. If you don't meet that "special someone" at least your life will have meaning and bring you a sense of satisfaction regardless whether you share that with someone or not. Best of luck to you!
 dmzvisitor
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 12
Wondering if anyone else has felt this way
Posted: 1/19/2013 1:41:56 PM
People can smell desperation from miles away, which means that the more you want a relationship, the less likely you are to find one. And when you do, it will very likely be with someone who is equally desperate and, therefore, doomed to failure. People who want "relationships" do not take their time vetting their potential partner. They care more about not being alone than about the quality of the other person. It's a recipe for disaster.

Find something(s) that you are passionate about and get involved. Sooner or later you will meet someone just by virtue of having a full life. Then you challenge will be finding time for them. It's a good feeling.

Good luck.
 14everBlessed2
Joined: 6/21/2012
Msg: 13
Wondering if anyone else has felt this way
Posted: 1/19/2013 1:57:49 PM
Certainly , I think most people have felt that way. I just keep doing things that make me happy and if a man shows up that enhances the already good life I have so be it. And if he doesn't ? So be it.
 domainfullduplex100
Joined: 12/21/2012
Msg: 14
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Wondering if anyone else has felt this way
Posted: 1/19/2013 2:05:35 PM

How do I cope?
I do everything I enjoy but wasn't able to do when I was in a relationship.


we need to appreciate these times. My life is too full with activities for a relationship.
Unless of course I meet someone who truly enjoys most of what i like doing and me hers. It won't work otherwise.
After a long marriage.. I am going to be selfish this time. All about me lol...because I am typically the guy who does everything to make my lover happy and forgo mine. Not this time. My choice has to fit in. Not compromising .
So happy single..of course I am "separated"which is taboo on POF anyway lol. So either way, I am getting what i want.
So my BBW suitors :), please stop sending me IMs. Thanks for listening.
 licoricecat_1
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 15
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Wondering if anyone else has felt this way
Posted: 1/19/2013 2:25:00 PM
It seems that when I show interest even at the POF parties with interesting people---we start a conversation and dance and then another POF cougar comes right up to my male interest and pushes herself on him by grabbing his hand and pulling him away from me. He ends up going with the lose cougar who has no personality at all. This girl did this right on the dance floor when I was dancing with him. I am not one to fight over a guy. He was rude that he did not tell her that he was busy dancing with me and he will dance with her after he finishes dancing with me. This was rude and crossing boundaries, but I did not know how to handle this. This lose cougar did not care that she was crossing boundaries. She did it anyways. How would anyone else in POF have handled this? I walked away and she smiled that she got her way and insulted me by cutting in and grabbed his hand.
 licoricecat_1
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 16
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Wondering if anyone else has felt this way
Posted: 1/19/2013 2:27:26 PM
I let it go. I work on myself--exercise, work out, lose weight, improve my knowledge about anything, work on myself so that I feel good and continue meeting new people.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 17
Wondering if anyone else has felt this way
Posted: 1/19/2013 3:21:22 PM

However, I wouldn't advocate you turn to an addict-able substance to help you make it through the next 24 hours as Walts has suggested


Ahhhhh, young one. I'm not just talking getting thru the day. You must set higher goals than that!I'm talking a life long never ending blur of satisfaction and glory!!!!!
 spot4username
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 18
Wondering if anyone else has felt this way
Posted: 1/19/2013 3:23:15 PM

then another POF cougar comes right up to my male interest and pushes herself on him by grabbing his hand and pulling him away from me. He ends up going with the lose cougar who has no personality at all. This girl did this right on the dance floor when I was dancing with him


Another cougar? Perhaps if your male interests were age appropriate you wouldn't have so much competition. How do you know she is "lose"? Are you privy to her entire sexual history? How do you know anything at all about this other cougar'spersonality? Perchance they are a perfect match.

OP - I would hazard a guess that most people have felt this way. You can't force things. I go extremely long times between even wanting to meet a man and having too much interest.
 Aww-Ree
Joined: 1/2/2013
Msg: 19
Wondering if anyone else has felt this way
Posted: 1/19/2013 3:53:23 PM
No doubt Walts your liver is a testament to the "satisfaction and glory" of your life long goals...lol!
 MissyShelle
Joined: 11/24/2012
Msg: 20
Wondering if anyone else has felt this way
Posted: 1/19/2013 4:00:31 PM
I also have found that times when I was actively looking, I put out a vibe of being too eager. I then backed off, lived my life and bam, met someone.

I have guy friends who say they can tell when a girl is almost desperate to meet a man compared to when she is just living life, enjoying herself and not making everything she does as a way to meet someone.

I don't know if it's true or not, but honestly, I get asked out more when I'm not searching for someone than when I am.
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 21
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Wondering if anyone else has felt this way
Posted: 1/19/2013 5:14:29 PM
Careful OP, or you're going to end up like me. I don't even want to date someone who'd want to date the likes of me. lol.

How do I cope?

I remind myself how fun and easy being single is.
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 22
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Wondering if anyone else has felt this way
Posted: 1/19/2013 7:36:41 PM
Always. How do I cope? Sometimes I ignore the feeling and remind myself that even Honey Boo Boo' mom has a boyfriend. Sometimes I just don't go on the sites for awhile.
I did meet a guy from the site. I felt comfortable with him from the start. We did a meet and greet. Some time after that we had a first date. I thought that both things went well and that we both had a good time, but I never heard from him again. I did contact him once just chatting. But that was it, so I'm moving on.
But yes, sometimes I do feel undateable. I'm not Barbie, but I'm not looking for Ken. I do not make judgement based on looks anymore-too old for those games. I don't know how long you have been on the site. All I can tell you is don't put all your hopes in just one element. Get out and about and try to meet people that way. It's still the best way to really get to know someone.
 Ochema
Joined: 1/12/2013
Msg: 23
Wondering if anyone else has felt this way
Posted: 1/20/2013 1:36:28 AM
I decided to say fuk it, and let the chips fall where they may. I don't even aspire to finding someone any more really; I do well enough on my own. This is no zen thing, I've just given up, but I somehow believe it's bettered my life for the time being. I'm not sure how much lower are my chances either really.
 SeajaiRea
Joined: 1/9/2013
Msg: 24
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Wondering if anyone else has felt this way
Posted: 1/20/2013 2:00:18 AM
My question right now is are you looking for anyone to be your boyfriend?
Or looking for Mr. Right now?
OR!! Mr. Right?

Just a quick question.
 curviest
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 25
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Wondering if anyone else has felt this way
Posted: 1/20/2013 3:38:11 AM

I did meet a guy from the site. I felt comfortable with him from the start. We did a meet and greet. Some time after that we had a first date. I thought that both things went well and that we both had a good time, but I never heard from him again. I did contact him once just chatting. But that was it, so I'm moving on.


Jlynn, that happens to me over and over again. This is why I don't stop contacting others or dating them just because I am emailing one. Because there is a 90% chance that each contact will lead to nothing at all.

Naturally one thinks through why each one does not pan out, but it's mysterious. Presumably it's not my looks, because I always send them a heap of recent and honest photos. About 60 to 70% of meet-greets or dates seem to go well- we converse, we have laughs, they give me compliments and generally make all the right noises. I do my best to get it "just right" on a first date - don't talk too much or too little, avoid certain topics that might lead to contretemps, give the man a few compliments, but not too many, be generally agreeable, etc, but still it never pans out.

Had I put all other men on hold while emailing or meet/greeting others, it would have taken me 5 years to "process" the 100 who I have dated and with whom it never worked out ..... I'd be 60 by now!

There is one I am STILL puzzling over. Local man, lives a mile from me. Meet-greet in October, then lunch date 1st Jan, had a brilliant time, got on like two old friends, he emailed me immediately he got home, saying he "can't wait" to see me again and has blanked my emails ever since - 19 days now. How long are we supposed to wait before consigning someone to the "deleted" pile? Unless he's been in a coma I can't see myself wanting to carry on even if he DOES get in touch now. 19 days is ridiculous for someone who lives a mile up the road.
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