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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > Lost Touch with Someone, is it ok to contact him 5 months later?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 CuteAsianCanadiansRock
Joined: 1/6/2013
Msg: 1
Lost Touch with Someone, is it ok to contact him 5 months later?Page 1 of 1    
Hey Guys,

I dated someone briefly a few months ago. It didn't work out as he wasn't ready to be in a serious relationship which was fine by me even though it hurt. That was 5 months ago, we agreed to be friends but of course it didn't work out that way. I do realize he most likely moved on and met someone else but I really miss him as a person. We only hung out once after we stopped dating. It was coffee and I think he felt awkward around me even though he was the one who initiated coffee plans with me.

He is leaving for Australia this year for a few months and I would like to see him before he goes. I am actually going there for a few months too this summer...ironically, these were my plans before I met him. So it is ironic how things didn't turn out as we both were planning to go to Aussie, we both have the same mentality on a lot of things and I thought he felt a strong connection too. I do realize I can't force this guy to date me again, he has his free will but I would like to keep as a friend still in my life as we have so much in common. Would he be turned off if I contact him out of the blue?
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 2
Lost Touch with Someone, is it ok to contact him 5 months later?
Posted: 1/19/2013 7:19:24 PM
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Give him a telephone call to advise you are moving forward with your Australia plans.
Tell him to feel free to give a call while you are both overseas. Leave it in his court.
Good luck and also enjoy your vacation.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 3
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Lost Touch with Someone, is it ok to contact him 5 months later?
Posted: 1/19/2013 7:23:05 PM
Agreed. yes, he might be predisposed to have nothing to do with you. But your choices are

1. Give it a go, and accept that you might get snubbed;

2. Let anxiety rule, and let the moment pass, never knowing.

Which ever emotional scenario sounds better to you, go with that.
 CuteAsianCanadiansRock
Joined: 1/6/2013
Msg: 4
Lost Touch with Someone, is it ok to contact him 5 months later?
Posted: 1/19/2013 7:27:26 PM
Oh I forgot to mention that I didn't mention my Aussie plans until after we stopped dating. I did send him a text about that after our coffee meeting. No reply, I think I scared him off. I didn't tell him beforehand because I didn't want to tell anyone until I knew I was for sure financially set to go. He actually thought I was going to the Phillippines!( he already knew I wanted to temporarily leave Canada but didn't know when or where)

I asked my friends their opinions...some said he might have took it the wrong way and thought it was weird that I am coincidentally going to Aussie as well and some have told me that it shouldn't matter as tons of people from Canada visit there. I don't know what to do...I don't want him to think I am bothering him but I do remember telling him long time ago that I believe some people enter our lives for a reason:(
 tooborednow
Joined: 1/13/2013
Msg: 5
Lost Touch with Someone, is it ok to contact him 5 months later?
Posted: 1/19/2013 7:57:27 PM

Would he be turned off if I contact him out of the blue?

Not unless he has already put you in the bin of "not worth even trying to have sex with her."
Otherwise don't be surprised if he agrees with everything you want to hear.
It's a great way to get some sex before going away.
There is absolutely no incentive for him to tell you the truth about anything.
He's getting on a big airplane and flying far away from any consequences and responsibility.
 apafely
Joined: 1/14/2013
Msg: 6
Lost Touch with Someone, is it ok to contact him 5 months later?
Posted: 1/19/2013 8:54:29 PM
Don't kid yourself, please. The guy has no free will. He has his will-generator below the belt, and that's what's making all the decisions for him.

It's girls and cats that have free wills.

Would he be turned off if you con't him out of the blue?

A better question: would you be destroyed if he was turned off if you contacted him out of the blue? At least you can answer this question. We guys here can't answer either of these questions form here. Guys are not clairvoyant... women and cats are.

Good luck with your trip, BTW, and I hope you enjoy Australia. You are bound to bump into him there... it's a small place. It has one discotheque, one donut shop and one opera house. When Oprah went there, about ten-fifteen years ago, the island continent nation sank three feet deeper into the ocean. That's how small and fragile it and its ecosystem are.

Do you know Australia? do you know which direction it is from you? Can you locate it on a map of Downtown Milwaukee? Do you know their currency? Do you have any idea what language they speak there? How to avoid wandering onto a patch of drop-bears? What the proper way of addressing a kangaroo is in public?

Shark repellents. Snake repellents. Sun screen. Crock repellents. Repellent repellents.
 kicktehmoon
Joined: 2/23/2012
Msg: 7
Lost Touch with Someone, is it ok to contact him 5 months later?
Posted: 1/20/2013 3:25:07 AM
I don't think he would be put off by a random message. So long as you didn't do anything too crazy like pick a fight for him with a 500 lbs. Samoan death machine. Give it a go, the worst that'll likely happen is he won't message you back.
 Orgulloso
Joined: 8/28/2010
Msg: 8
Lost Touch with Someone, is it ok to contact him 5 months later?
Posted: 1/20/2013 4:58:21 AM
OP,

What's the purpose of your contacting him? It SEEMS like you've reevaluated the missed opportunity with this fellow and want to send out a "feeler" communication. Maybe I'm off base but if not, what's the point. It's been 5 months, he "wasn't ready" for commitment then and hasn't engaged you since. While the adage nothing ventured nothing gained certainly applies, you should hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

Five months is not a long time if someone is truly unavailable, handle with caution.
Lost Touch with Someone, is it ok to contact him 5 months later?
Posted: 1/20/2013 7:39:00 AM

some said he might have took it the wrong way and thought it was weird that I am coincidentally going to Aussie as well and some have told me that it shouldn't matter as tons of people from Canada visit there. I don't know what to do.


Do what YOU want to do unless they pay your rent.

If you already had plans then nothing should spoil the fun you had * already* planned esp an ex * whatever* you only dated 5 months.

Are you gong to stay at the same hotel or eat at the same places?
Now that would be creepy.

You could meet a great guy down under.
Go have fun.
 DoubleParked
Joined: 10/22/2008
Msg: 10
Lost Touch with Someone, is it ok to contact him 5 months later?
Posted: 1/20/2013 7:58:36 AM
OP, are your visits to Australia going to overlap,are you going to be there at the same time? Why not drop him a line and let him know you are going to be travelling there, too? I imagine the trip takes a bit of planning, so it's not like you are stalking him half way across the world on a whim!

Get together for coffee, compare intineraries. Maybe you can meet in Melbourne for a glass of Shiraz and shoot the breeze. Sometimes it's nice to see a familiar face when far from home. Doesn't mean you have to stay together for the rest of your travels.

I don't know if he would be turned off or not by being contacted 'out of the blue'. I suppose it would depend on why you two went your separate ways in the first place, even though you had a lot in common. I say 'go for it' get it touch with him again. You have nothing to lose. And if you did meet up in an unfamiliar place far from home you most likely would discover aspects of each other's personalities that you were unaware of, which might bring you closer or make you decide to never, ever contact this person again!

Happy Trails, OP
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 11
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Lost Touch with Someone, is it ok to contact him 5 months later?
Posted: 1/20/2013 8:42:24 AM

There is absolutely no incentive for him to tell you the truth about anything.

there is the possibility of a sense of moral responsibility.

wait, what am i thinking? he's male.
 LathaMath
Joined: 1/2/2013
Msg: 12
Lost Touch with Someone, is it ok to contact him 5 months later?
Posted: 1/20/2013 10:01:39 AM
Your imagination is probably full of pleasant possibilites.
You need to consider the down side, what's the worst that can happen?
If you're comfortable with both the positive and negative possibilities
then go ahead an contact him. Ask how he's doing and so forth.
 StrykinOut
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 13
Lost Touch with Someone, is it ok to contact him 5 months later?
Posted: 1/20/2013 8:30:14 PM
One of my best friends is someone I dated in 1986 and 1987. That didn't work out but we stayed friends. One thing is certain. If you don't try, you've already lost.
 Lovelyladyuno
Joined: 3/26/2012
Msg: 14
Lost Touch with Someone, is it ok to contact him 5 months later?
Posted: 1/21/2013 3:28:09 AM
In one of your previous posts you write, "I also was told by my brother growing up " IF A MAN IS REALLY INTO YOU, HE WILL MOVE MOUNTAINS TO BE WITH YOU.." ... Is this guy doing that now?? If not, who cares?? I have come to believe that just because someone doesn't want to marry you or let alone date you, doesn't mean they are better than you. They just don't like what you have to offer or they spend more time taking care of their emotional and physical well being and your not there yet. its fun to let your imagination run wild, but I would also suggest joining clubs, taking classes, and giving yourself something to focus on besides boys. I think we want to prove to our rejectors that we are good enough for them, not so much because they are somehow better than us, but to fix our bruised egos. I remember a marriage counselor once told me that if you think negative thoughts, you can use "thought stop" where you just don't allow yourself to think of that person at all, and they kind of just lose power over you when you stop fantasizing about the perfect life you'd have if he would only change, or see what he is missing out on.
 CuteAsianCanadiansRock
Joined: 1/6/2013
Msg: 15
Lost Touch with Someone, is it ok to contact him 5 months later?
Posted: 1/21/2013 3:32:35 PM
Who said I was hoping for another relationship with this guy? I am intending on only possibly rekindling a friendship. If you read my profile, I am not even actively looking for a relationship. I am not just focused on men right now...I work and go to school full time and have other stuff going on in my life. I didn't say I expected this guy to move mountains to be with me because obviously he probably met someone else. All I said was that I would hate to lose him as a person in my life as we have so much in common and are both planning to go to Aussie.
 FishOwl
Joined: 12/13/2008
Msg: 16
Lost Touch with Someone, is it ok to contact him 5 months later?
Posted: 1/22/2013 12:12:15 AM
Why not? What can it hurt? May be he's thinking the same thing.
 angellight2091
Joined: 7/21/2009
Msg: 17
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Lost Touch with Someone, is it ok to contact him 5 months later?
Posted: 1/22/2013 6:16:32 AM

We only hung out once after we stopped dating. It was coffee and I think he felt awkward around me even though he was the one who initiated coffee plans with me.


There is your answer... He initiated contact ..you had coffee ... he was uncomfortable.."Im not ready for a serious relationship".... is the same as.. HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU..When he meets someone who rocks his world, believe me HE WILL BE READY...


Oh I forgot to mention that I didn't mention my Aussie plans until after we stopped dating. I did send him a text about that after our coffee meeting. No reply, I think I scared him off.



Im sorry.. That just reeks of desperation...YOU THINK YOU SCARED HIM OFF???

Look at this objectively as an outsider or from his standpoint..

The guy didnt call you after that coffee date and you sent him a text saying you were going to Austrailia same as him??? AGAIN .. hun he didnt reply... AGAIN...

Uuum yeah.... Im thinking he thinks your a stalker..

It doesnt matter that you already had these plans... What matters is it looks like you are obsessed with him and planning your future around his schedule..

I cant imagine after five months and dating him briefly why you would be so hung up on him..

Delete this mans number from your phone...That way you dont have to worry about making yourself look (any more than you already have) foolish..

Yes ..I think he would be more than turned off if you contact him out of the blue... I think he would be like "WOW how many times is this girl gonna contact me without me replying before she gets it.."

If you happen to run into him in Australia and he wants to show you around, thats fine.. but I would not contact this man again..
 forumsforme
Joined: 1/21/2013
Msg: 18
Lost Touch with Someone, is it ok to contact him 5 months later?
Posted: 1/24/2013 8:41:59 PM
Kind of laughable considering you told someone in another thread it would be "stalking" to send a 2nd message on here if they got no reply from the first one, if they saw the profile come around again in their matches a month later. What would it be called after FIVE months..... committable? hah hilarious.
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