Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Never the right Chemistry      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 lightningman1
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 1
Never the right ChemistryPage 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Went out on a date yesterday as it has been roughly 1 1/2yrs since my last.
Thought everything was going fine.

Got home within 1/2 hr or so got a email saying as her own words "Thank you for going to the trouble with your Apperance e.g Nice Clothes,Clean shaven. You are a lovely guy.
But i am afraid there is no chemistry betwwen us"

I was put back slightly as we must of been on this date for at least 2 hrs very simple in a coffee shop no umms, arr or intense pausing.which i have experinced in the past.

This Chemistry thing has always buffled me. I thought we had plenty in common ......
 curviest
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 2
view profile
History
Never the right Chemistry
Posted: 1/20/2013 3:14:20 PM
Having something in common is not the same thing as chemistry. All she means is, she does not want to have sex with you. A woman can easily tell that in 2 minutes let alone 2 hours.
 moon_breeze
Joined: 10/10/2012
Msg: 3
Never the right Chemistry
Posted: 1/20/2013 3:18:19 PM
Chemistry can mean all kinds of things. And sometimes it can grow in time-but in general, it was her nice way of saying she wasn't interested-for any reason.

Maybe you said something that was a dealbreaker, maybe there just wasn't any attraction, and it's rarely about YOU, don't internalize it, it's just that it's not going to work out every date. Numbers-just keep getting out there and one day it will click :)
 EyesRgreeN62
Joined: 12/13/2011
Msg: 4
Never the right Chemistry
Posted: 1/20/2013 3:33:36 PM
Sorry to hear there were mixed signals ... but it's best to know after 1 date rather than spend a lot of time and effort and find she's not as interested in you as you in her. You'll find her ...
 RAFlady
Joined: 4/18/2006
Msg: 5
view profile
History
Never the right Chemistry
Posted: 1/20/2013 3:36:48 PM
Sorry to hear your story. In my experience you can think you are getting along. The think that does annoy me is texting me, I do think it only fair if that person doesn't want to see you again, at least be polite enough to phone

Unsure why she was complimenting you on your clothes....odd thing to say...]
This whole cyber dating is seriously doing my head in........it is exhausting...
 lightningman1
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 6
Never the right Chemistry
Posted: 1/20/2013 3:39:45 PM
Well i am starting to get the impression that its not so much the fault of cyber,internet dating. Its just a example of what is out there these days and how people think which has got me worried.
 RAFlady
Joined: 4/18/2006
Msg: 7
view profile
History
Never the right Chemistry
Posted: 1/20/2013 3:44:58 PM
I agree... but would it not be great to meet someone not on a site
I think it is so easy to get into contact with people..but what I can see happening is that instead of people having long lasting relationships.....I think they may be people will be with someone for a while...theyn they actually see a picture of someone elso they like........monogomy dead??
 LiterateHiker
Joined: 11/30/2012
Msg: 8
Never the right Chemistry
Posted: 1/20/2013 3:47:43 PM
"There is no chemistry" is a way of saying she is was not immediately attracted to you physically. It never fails to amaze me that people expect fireworks on a first date like a schmaltzy romantic movie.
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 9
Never the right Chemistry
Posted: 1/20/2013 3:49:57 PM
Try flipping it and looking at it this way:

She wasn't attracted to you, but she enjoyed your company and appreciated the effort you put in, and you had chosen someone considerate and polite enough to thank you and let you know where things stood.

I think that's a lot of successes for a first date, especially when one is out of practice.
 lightningman1
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 10
Never the right Chemistry
Posted: 1/20/2013 3:53:23 PM
I understand she does not what to see me again thats fine,
All i am saying is i wished i could see the signs a little sooner and easier so 1,I would not be to disappointed.
2,I would know what i am doing wrong.
 TheSereneGreenthumb
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 11
Never the right Chemistry
Posted: 1/20/2013 4:21:14 PM
That's rather tactless. You didn't approach her/text/call her after the date and she straight out shot that out to you? Rather presumptuous on her part even assuming that you thought anything of her after the first meeting! Toss that nonsense straight out the window and don't be bothered with that kind of classless act.
 lightningman1
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 12
Never the right Chemistry
Posted: 1/20/2013 4:54:07 PM
Thanks
But most of my friends don't have any girlfriends or wives they are all in the same boat as me.
And the 1 mate that did have a girlfriend had a very emotional break up.
Funny enough he has actually said once or twice that he envy's me.

I think today the attitude is from many people i know "Its hard enough to find the one for you let alone finding a partner for someone else".

People say all the time that it is a numbers game.
Thats all well and said.
But i am struggling to even get the numbers.(replies)
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 13
Never the right Chemistry
Posted: 1/20/2013 5:03:04 PM

This Chemistry thing has always buffled me.


You're not alone.
The "chemistry thing" has baffled most men for centuries.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 14
view profile
History
Never the right Chemistry
Posted: 1/20/2013 5:05:02 PM
What's out there...these days? The same thing that has always been out there, a whole bunch of different types of people and many who will not be a match for you. I don't believe in all this women can know in 2 seconds, blah blah blah chemistry thing, some people make quicker decisions than others, they make just as many mistakes judging people as others, so it's a toss of the dice going on a first meet or dating for a long time, it may or may not work out. Always been like that, always will be. Instead of seeing all this negativity or worrying about those who aren't interested, keep looking for someone who is right for you. It's what everyone has to do if they want to find someone, there are no short cuts, no magic formulas and certainly nothing new or different than what it's always been like. Just because in past times people felt more pressure to get together because of lack of choices does not mean that people or their personalities were ever different. Someone rejecting you is no cause for feeling failure, it means that person was wrong for you, nothing to gain by wishing you could be with them anyway or beating yourself up and it won't help to beat up the other's gender to try and save face. It's like the silly old cliche, that what you are looking for was in the last place you looked...of course it was, you don't keep looking for it when you find it. Some people find it sooner than others, life is like that, it's not fair but it's what you have to work with.
 lightningman1
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 15
Never the right Chemistry
Posted: 1/20/2013 5:42:35 PM
I can see how some might view this date as a experience for the next time.But i don't get enough dates to get any better or experience. As i said before "I don't have enough numbers to play the game"..
 AfterDusk30
Joined: 11/24/2012
Msg: 16
Never the right Chemistry
Posted: 1/20/2013 5:51:52 PM
Personally, I wouldn't put too much thought into it. You can't force things to happen and you can't expect things to be answered 100%. Hell, just be happy she was honest. That is rare these days. And, whatever you do, don't get down on yourself because of it. My thought has always been to not overthink or "look" for things too hard. Good things generally happen when you least expect it. She wasn't into you. Ok. Look at it as her loss, not yours. Be confident in yourself and your values above all else.
 4x4fan
Joined: 4/29/2011
Msg: 17
Never the right Chemistry
Posted: 1/20/2013 6:26:09 PM
Yea, chemistry is often gained, or takes several "dates" to be felt. What you guys had really wasn't even a date, but more of a simple "meet and greet". If I were you I'd be thankful for her honesty, but what she really meant was "I'm sorry, but I'm not attracted to you."
NEXT!!!!!
 Proteaus
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 18
Never the right Chemistry
Posted: 1/20/2013 6:38:20 PM
With the ratio of at least 20 men per woman you have to figure she had other men lined up in her hurry to check them all out.They did a study over on the cupid site and women felt 80% of the men were below average and the rest average .This is what you have to contend with unfortunately.
 lightningman1
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 19
Never the right Chemistry
Posted: 1/20/2013 7:01:24 PM
Wow not good to hear!!! Does not exactly raise my hopes or boast my confidence levels i can tell you.
Perhaps some of us are better off single at least we know were we all stand???

I have been told the "The World is your Oyster you can have whoever you want, if you really want them!!!

Never heard so much crap in my life...
 lostnfoundluv
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 20
Never the right Chemistry
Posted: 1/20/2013 7:21:43 PM
your judging the chemistry was no umms or arr or intense pausing and two hrs of chatting . for her chemistry meant completely different . she said somthing good about you so you wont feel bad but you have to accept it and move on. and remember the girls you must have rejected in past must be having same kind of conversation about you with someone out there
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 21
view profile
History
Never the right Chemistry
Posted: 1/20/2013 7:25:24 PM
If lack of chemistry = lack of physical attraction, then, I am not sure why she even agreed to meet with you in the first place? But the way I have learned what chemistry means is not just physical attraction but also how compatible you are in terms of comfort and ease talking about a variety of topics. The flow of conversation, the flirting, eye contact, etc.

Usually women tend to be surprised when they meet a lot of men in real life because they do look at lot better than their photos indicate. Not many men wear make up, so often it is women that don't really look like their photos in real life. :P

All I know is that this is a learning experience, and this should only reinforce that you keep trying. I wouldn't waste too much time thinking about this because people have different opinions on what constitutes chemistry as this thread shows.
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 22
Never the right Chemistry
Posted: 1/20/2013 7:32:33 PM

If lack of chemistry = lack of physical attraction, then, I am not sure why she even agreed to meet with you in the first place?

How would she know whether or not she's attracted to him before meeting him?
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 23
view profile
History
Never the right Chemistry
Posted: 1/20/2013 7:36:13 PM
Unless all his photos are fake there is no deception lol. Most men I know don't wear make up, so there are no tricks. :)
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 24
Never the right Chemistry
Posted: 1/20/2013 7:39:36 PM
I'll rephrase. She couldn't possibly have known whether or not she's attracted to him until they met.
 dmzvisitor
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 25
Never the right Chemistry
Posted: 1/20/2013 7:58:54 PM

Posted By: SunshineAngel99 on 1/20/2013 913 PM
Subject: Never the right Chemistry
Message: Unless all his photos are fake there is no deception lol. Most men I know don't wear make up, so there are no tricks. :)


You must be thinking like a man. For myself and a lot of women, looks are only a small part of the attraction equation. Voice, movements, body language, etc., all contribute to or detract from sexual attraction. I can think a man is simply gorgeous and feel no attraction to him IRL. In high school, my best guy friend was simply stunning--and I had zero attraction to him. It was completely platonic.

And of course, attraction is only one part of the relationship equation. It's necessary but not sufficient. I have to be interested in more than just sex to want a relationship.

Maybe this is why women seem more "complex" than men?
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Never the right Chemistry