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 RedDelPaPa
Joined: 5/21/2011
Msg: 1
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Are my hurt feelings justified?Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Hi all.

So I've been dating this woman for a little over 3 months now, and I'll prefix by saying this isn't the first time she's done something similar to what I'm about to explain, that hurt my feelings.

So as of yesterday my girlfriend has been feeling a little depressed she says. So I've been trying to help cheer her up with no success. So this morning, I get a text from her while I was at work that read, "Mike called me and now I feel better. He cheered me up. ;)"

Mike is one of her single police officer guy friends that wants to get with my girl. I know this because my girlfriend told me so. They dated a couple times before my girl and I met. She told me all about it shortly after her and I started dating. I'm thinking she is a tad narcissistic. She's always telling me about all the guys that want her, as well as every guy that talks to her, or even looks at her.

Anyway, I'm feeling a little hurt, and a bit turned off by this. Not really jealous, but more of a, "wow did you really just say that?" sort of way.

I asked 2 other guys I work with today about their thoughts on the matter and they both said they''d be bothered by that too. My thinking is that I would never say something like that to my girl because I can see how it could very easily hurt someone's feelings. "Hi. Kim called me today. You know, the one that wants me? She cheered me up. Snapped me right out of my funk. wink, wink"

After she sensed that my feelings might have been hurt, she asked me if that hurt my feelings and I told her, "Yes, a little. Just kinda made me wonder hmmm, how would you like it if I or someone else said something similar to you?" To which, she never offered even the slightest apology.

Am I justified in feeling this way, or am I over reacting or just overly sensitive? Your thoughts appreciated.
 Deadliest_Snatch
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 2
Are my hurt feelings justified?
Posted: 1/21/2013 6:53:27 PM

"Mike called me and now I feel better. He cheered me up. ;)"


She's a b!tch who probably enjoys pulling the wings off flies.

Ignore her.
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 3
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Are my hurt feelings justified?
Posted: 1/21/2013 6:53:28 PM
I wouldn't be hurt and wouldn't be bothered feeding the drama either.

I would be wondering why she feels the need to do these kind of things and I would start to wonder if she was too immature for me.
 Deltah3avy
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 4
Are my hurt feelings justified?
Posted: 1/21/2013 6:53:53 PM
That's totally justified. The only logical reason to do this would be because you aren't showing her enough attention. (at least in her eyes). I'd let her go and see if she comes back. If not then you know.
 hedon2
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 5
Are my hurt feelings justified?
Posted: 1/21/2013 6:56:27 PM
Although your reaction may come from a bit of insecurity , I also think she's sending you a message intentionally or unintentionally. The message is "I need my ego inflated". Why else would she be telling you about all the guys that want her or about Mike?
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 6
Are my hurt feelings justified?
Posted: 1/21/2013 6:59:00 PM
It sounds terrible on the face of it, but I feel like there's a lot left out here, so it's hard to say.

For instance, if you were the reason she was depressed because you flirt with other girls all the time (just to toss out one possibility), then you're both playing childish games and it's pretty even.

Generally when people ask this kind of thing I think they try pretty hard to include the other party's point of view, but here, we're not getting any of that.

I'm going to reserve judgment and say we don't have enough information on this one.
 Aww-Ree
Joined: 1/2/2013
Msg: 7
Are my hurt feelings justified?
Posted: 1/21/2013 7:06:45 PM
Feelings are never wrong RedDelPaPa....merely indicators of your emotional state...so no justification is necessary. Referencing all the men that want her...not only is that blatantly insensitive to your feelings (especially as she's made no bones about the Mike guys interest in her) certainly makes one question her intent. It reads to me as if she wanted to make you jealous. If nothing else, it certainly suggests she's insecure and in constant need of validation either from you, or...other men.

After you told her the comments she made hurt your feelings and she offered up no apology, only reinforces the idea she's a self-centered person and has no qualms about manipulating you. What kind of a person does that? By pitting you off against other men she is attempting to manipulate how you feel. That does not suggest to me a woman who has your best interests at heart...nor cares about your tender feelings. Since this is repetitive behavior, not an isolated incident...this is probably an earmark of her personality. I would wonder just how long you are willing to put up with this...
 RedDelPaPa
Joined: 5/21/2011
Msg: 8
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Are my hurt feelings justified?
Posted: 1/21/2013 7:10:42 PM
Helen, I never flirt with other women in front of her. In fact, I don't really flirt with any other women at all, when maybe, I should be? At least a little bit. Secondly, if I unknowingly did or said something that hurt her feelings and she told me so, I would immediately issue a genuine apology. Which she has not done in the slightest.

I have no idea what her point of view is. She hasn't spoken a word about it. She kind of hints at or insinuates that I may be cheating on her in a very subtle kind of way. Which is completely false. For example, I like to take naps on my heater vent, which she nicknamed Heather. She nicknamed my bed, Betty, etc. Subtle things like that.
 Abbeygirl58
Joined: 10/26/2012
Msg: 9
Are my hurt feelings justified?
Posted: 1/21/2013 7:11:45 PM
So if you've been dating a woman for 3 months why do you still have a profile on a dating site that says you're looking for a relationship....I would certainly not take you serious or feel very secure!!
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 10
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Are my hurt feelings justified?
Posted: 1/21/2013 7:15:46 PM
She's a bytch that gets off on hurting your feelings and she's an attention whore needing lots of other guys to make her feel good. So why are you still with her? When you get to know someone and find they have behaviors that you do not like, you don't keep dating them, you see they aren't for you and move on. Sticking around for the abuse is just another form of being a drama seeker.
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 11
Are my hurt feelings justified?
Posted: 1/21/2013 7:15:48 PM

I have no idea what her point of view is.

Now THAT is a major problem.

You two need to start communicating better or this is going down the tubes fast.
 RedDelPaPa
Joined: 5/21/2011
Msg: 12
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Are my hurt feelings justified?
Posted: 1/21/2013 7:25:17 PM
Abbey, my profile is hidden. Now address the topic. Or, go poof. Thank you.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 13
Are my hurt feelings justified?
Posted: 1/21/2013 7:29:03 PM
I know the type. Hot women, but also very, very, very insecure. So they play the jealous card all the fvcking time. They do sh it like that and expect you to be mister mature, I am never jealous type of crap, and when you are not jealous, they actually get angry, as if you do not like them. Yet you tell them that you went out to lunch with a coworked that happens to be a woman, and they go ballistic on your ass, even though all you did at lunch was either talk work or her boyfriend or the crazy relationship you have with this girl.
They throw it at you as if she does not care, but she will remind you how cute she still finds him, but that nothing is going on.

As much as I hate playing their game. Throw it back at her, and really, plan you exit strategy. It's not worth it to be in a relationship like that, it becomes toxic very soon.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 14
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Are my hurt feelings justified?
Posted: 1/21/2013 7:35:48 PM
RedDel PaPa,
I would like to know the result if you feed your girlfriend the medicine ,she is feeding you.

I met some sadist in my life, and I learned how to fixed them by not being a victim, "she ask you if you were hurt by her attitude and you admitted," that is a weakness and it gaves her satisfaction..

You know these kind of people like your GF are really weak once you push the right botton on them.. And maybe they can be the best person in the world too.
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 15
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Are my hurt feelings justified?
Posted: 1/21/2013 7:39:12 PM
You two should take the meyers/briggs personality test together and learn how to communicate respectively.

I wonder if she's an ESFP? (the performer). If so, she may be thinking of, or cheating on you. (kidding, I think).

She isn't that nice or mature no matter what if she's pulling your chain on purpose.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 16
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Are my hurt feelings justified?
Posted: 1/21/2013 7:39:37 PM
She sounds like an immature attention seeker. I mean, who does that!? Someone who is completely insecure. How old is she? Is she still in high school? Ugh, I wouldn't be hurt by comment like that, but I would be completely turned off. Her doing that is very telling. Yuck.
 domainfullduplex100
Joined: 12/21/2012
Msg: 17
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Are my hurt feelings justified?
Posted: 1/21/2013 7:40:16 PM
yup..you got it Outmind..very familiar with this pattern in the past...next she will come up with.."Mike bought me an ipad...and that's nothing compared to things he has done in the past" lol

If the OP is hurt now...wait till later.
 Abbeygirl58
Joined: 10/26/2012
Msg: 18
Are my hurt feelings justified?
Posted: 1/21/2013 7:57:51 PM
Actually I was on topic, I just didn't expand on my thought, and I assumed your profile was hidden. I met a man on POF 2 years ago and I deleted my profile about 3 weeks after we met in part to show him he was really special to me. After a couple of months I asked him why he hadn't deleted his profile, so he hid it, but you can tell when someone has actually deleted their profile. It really bothered me, made me feel insecure, and that he still wanted to keep his options open. When I think back, I'm not sue what I thought I would accomplish, but I said and did some really immature things in some kind effort to make him feel jealous and show me that I was "the one'.....I'm sure thats not always the reason a woman acts like that but just a point of view!!
 strawberryrippleicecream
Joined: 10/29/2012
Msg: 19
Are my hurt feelings justified?
Posted: 1/21/2013 8:01:10 PM
On the other hand.

She was probably telling you the truth, Mike did cheer her up.

{This is a poor me thread, I vote it off.}

Grow up and understand you are privilledged, to be in a womans life, so work hard at maintaining the relationship, or move over and let someone better , take the reins.

Oh and do listen to what she says, jump when she says jump, and be there for her , we women dont speak a load of self piteous BULL, we are the mothers of millions, unique, special, and can be fragile.

We know what we want and need, and we are fed up, with the piffeling attitudes, and responces, of less than onto it men.

Good on you Mike , we all need more Mikes.
 OOhMeeOhhMy
Joined: 9/17/2007
Msg: 20
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Are my hurt feelings justified?
Posted: 1/21/2013 8:01:43 PM
wow... yea... not good... I wouldn't be jealous but it is disrespectful on some level.... she seems like an immature girl who needs validation... think it may be time to move on...
 SunForSome
Joined: 7/27/2012
Msg: 21
Are my hurt feelings justified?
Posted: 1/21/2013 8:02:20 PM
This type of behavior isn't very good for a relationship.

Perhaps you should address the issue... so she clearly knows that the behavior is unacceptable and ask her to please stop. If she wants to share the information with her girlfriends, fine do so. But, to share this type of information with you and to gloat about the attention she receives from other guys...well... this is very disrespectful to you. It's normal to feel put off when someone does this. Next time it happens... remind her (preferably mid-sentence) that you two already had a talk about this. Honestly, it's not a difficult behavior to modify.

I know people who do these type of things sometimes try to make you feel as though you are over reacting or overly sensitive. There is a little bit of truth to this observation. If you didn't care at all about her, it would just FLOAT right over your head. And, yes you wouldn't react because you wouldn't care.


I met some sadist in my life, and I learned how to fixed them by not being a victim


Perhaps some truth here.
 DietFree
Joined: 11/1/2012
Msg: 22
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Are my hurt feelings justified?
Posted: 1/21/2013 8:06:09 PM

this isn't the first time she's done something similar to what I'm about to explain, that hurt my feelings.


By what you wrote, I'm sure that she won't stop acting the way she does. Either get used to it or dump her.


Abbey, my profile is hidden.


Really? I couldn't tell. When you post on the forums, all we have to do is click on your profile to look at it, hidden or not.
 RedDelPaPa
Joined: 5/21/2011
Msg: 23
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Are my hurt feelings justified?
Posted: 1/21/2013 8:13:05 PM
I've kept my emotional distance from her. So I'm good. It'll hurt a little bit to cut her loose, but not even a fraction as bad as few break-ups in my life I've had to deal with. Problem is, I've met this Mike guy. He seems like a really nice and genuine guy. Pretty rare for a cop, but hey, they're not all thugs. She told me he brought her a big thing of roses for their first date many moons ago. I think she'll likely squash that poor guy if he's not careful.

Another story about her.
About 2 weeks ago, we went out to dinner. Got talking about dating and she proceeded to tell me all about this guy named "Trinity" who was a drop dead gorgeous perfect 10, and how he took her back to his place on the first date and tried to bang her but she refused him. So afterwards in a joking matter I kinda laughed and asked her, "So what am I?" She sat there and thought about it for about 10 seconds and told me I'm an 8. So I laughed and said," Good hell, I'm not even a 9. I'm 2 steps below."

Which is fine because she is a 7 or 8 in my book too compared to a few women I have dated. Lol
 RedDelPaPa
Joined: 5/21/2011
Msg: 24
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Are my hurt feelings justified?
Posted: 1/21/2013 8:23:16 PM

She was probably telling you the truth, Mike did cheer her up.

{This is a poor me thread, I vote it off.}

Grow up and understand you are privilledged, to be in a womans life, so work hard at maintaining the relationship, or move over and let someone better , take the reins.

Oh and do listen to what she says, jump when she says jump, and be there for her , we women dont speak a load of self piteous BULL, we are the mothers of millions, unique, special, and can be fragile.

We know what we want and need, and we are fed up, with the piffeling attitudes, and responces, of less than onto it men.

Good on you Mike , we all need more Mikes.

HaHa! Strawberry, are for real? Go pound sand. I'd vote you gone if I could. Lol! This girl has gone on plenty about all the men in her life that wanted her, kissed her bunyons, and that she ultimately discarded for something more interesting and/or exciting. She's dealing with a different breed in me than what she's used to. I will not jump when she says jump, and there are consequences when she disrespects me. One of them being, she does not get what she wants.

Oh and to the profile detectives, my profile is hidden so people can't see it. I use the forums and comment from time to time. If I can hide all my pics, please be so kind as to tell me how. Wait, I'll see if I can fix it myself to appease you folks.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 25
Are my hurt feelings justified?
Posted: 1/21/2013 8:31:58 PM
OP, I'm going to assume that whatever you're saying is true - because your perception is your reality.

Let me guess...she's a really hot girl, right?
Would you put up with her narcissism, drama and all that, if she wasn't?

It sounds to me like she has a need for attention way beyond what you are giving her. I'm not saying that you are not giving her enough, because we have no way of knowing that. But whatever you are giving her is (still) not enough to satisfy her. Maybe she will never be satisfied no matter how much attention you give her. You may have to decide if she's too needy for you; and in my experience, needy people only get needier as time goes on - too much is never enough.

It also sounds like she is immature and resorting to high-schoolish strategies to make you jealous. You're 37, so I would guess she's at least in her late twenties or early thirties...? In any case, she's far too old to be pulling this kind of manipulative shyt.


In fact, I don't really flirt with any other women at all, when maybe, I should be?

Not unless you want to lower yourself to the same high-school level where she's operating.


I have no idea what her point of view is. She hasn't spoken a word about it.

Well, then...either you want to find out from the source...or you don't. How about asking her for her POV, and giving her yours?
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