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Joined: 1/14/2013
Msg: 3
Living together for the kids.Page 1 of 1    
Yes, I believe the story. Why would you ever argue if there is no passion? Makes good sense.

I envy you. You have a woman, a family, and no passion. The best of all possible worlds.

I hope she still cooks for you and does your laundry, even dispassionately if she musts. And you give her half your salary, quite coldly, in a measured gesture, and without a muscle twitching on your face.
Joined: 12/11/2012
Msg: 6
Living together for the kids.
Posted: 1/22/2013 11:54:15 AM
I personally don't think it's a wise idea to live under the same roof if u guys don't share any passion for one another.

Parents can still love their kids while being divorce as well. No need to stay under the same roof. Ur setting a bad example to ur kids to say that it's ok to live with someone they don't love. What if something like that happened with ur kids? Wouldn't u want better for ur kids??

My uncle and aunt, have not been sleeping on the same bed for decades. They are married and living under the same roof for the sake of their kids. Neither one of them love each other. But are amicable and on friendly terms.

Here's the problem!!!! Their eldest son, got married 7 years ago. And guess what??? Now they live in separate rooms as well and neither one of them wants to divorce but neither one of them has kids.

So u see the example ur showing ur kids?

Kids see from example. And is this wat u want for ur kids when they grow up? I think not.

I think it's best that u guys divorce, live under separate roofs and perhaps get into a stable relationship. When ur kids will grow up, they too will see this and learn to be happy.
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 7
Living together for the kids.
Posted: 1/22/2013 11:57:13 AM
If it's working for both of you...that's all that matters....I guess.
I don't know if I could ever have lived like that..
They say the opposite of love is not hate... but indifference....sounds like you're room mates.
Good Luck...what happens if one of you find another..then what?
You've been looking...has she?
Joined: 4/3/2010
Msg: 8
Living together for the kids.
Posted: 1/22/2013 12:41:35 PM
Kids are not stupid and you are not doing them any favors. Have you spoken to your wife about the fact that you are looking for friends & maybe more on line? Do you think she would be ok with Eric husband dating? Would you be ok with your wife dating? Do you really think any man or woman in their right mind would date either of you????
Do everyone a favor. Move out & move on. My ex and I are very good friends. Our kids adjusted well to our divorce.
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 9
Living together for the kids.
Posted: 1/22/2013 12:58:42 PM
So your kids will grow up thinking that home is a place where there's no love, no passion, no emotion. Just adults pretending to put up with each other for the sake of some tranquility.

Is that the legacy you want to give your children? More than likely they will grow up to be in loveless relationships and think that is okay, because that is the way they grew up.
Joined: 1/5/2013
Msg: 10
Living together for the kids.
Posted: 1/22/2013 1:18:29 PM
All depends on your financial situation.

My mom stayed with my dad for a long time and he was a complete douche bag. If she left him any earlier than she did, we would have been living in section 8 or project type housing. I don't want to imagine what my life would have been like if that happened. Maybe it would have worked out fine and I'd still be the same person, but I could see why she did the things she did. I wish I had a time machine and could tell her she deserved better, but it's over and done with. My mom sacrificed her own personal happiness for me.
Joined: 8/17/2009
Msg: 11
Living together for the kids.
Posted: 1/22/2013 2:35:34 PM
You are not doing your kids any favors by staying together, if anything you are denying them what a good relationship looks like.
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 12
Living together for the kids.
Posted: 1/22/2013 5:29:10 PM
Kids are not stupid and you are not doing them any favors.

In fact, kids are SMARTER than adults. You and your wife(or ex wife) better figure it out real quick like. You will NOT fool your children. And when the time comes, and find out the "truth", they will decide that Mommy and Daddy are liars,bullshiating them as they grew. Have the two of you even THOUGHT of what you will look like to your children living a LIE in front of them???? If not, ya better start THINKING right now.

Time to act like adults and treat your children like you would like to be treated. Sure, it will be hard, but, life usually is. Especially if you are actually "living" that "life" right.

Edit to add; Oh, so ya know, you JOINED this site NOV 2010!!!!!! So how long have you lied to your wife AND children?????? Couple weeks ago huh? Yeahhhhhhh, right.
Joined: 12/21/2012
Msg: 13
view profile
Living together for the kids.
Posted: 1/22/2013 5:45:41 PM
Sunderlandvak, I learned a lot reading this post of yours and i agree with you on one keep your relationships away from your kids. Unless of course it is someone you are marrying or something at that level, but the worse thing would be for kids to see their parents in ever changing relationships with partners

as for the OP.. in Virginia they have a Separation option where the couple can live in the same house whiles heading for divorce. In this bad economy one begins to appreciate these things with kids involved.
If not, then work at it.
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 14
Living together for the kids.
Posted: 1/22/2013 6:04:55 PM
This is a tough one. it is noble to want to stay for your kids, and I think I would do the same knowing as I do the horrible statistics on children of divorce - but I'd only stay till they were grown up. Are you planning on leaving when the kids are grown? Things to think about...You also have a life and love should be a part of that. If things are truly over between you and your wife, than perhaps you should also have some type of agreement or arrangement until the kids are grown. I do not believe in divorce, but you can't make someone love you, and you can't force yourself to love someone if that is gone. You should both make an effort to try to put things back together, but it you can't, you can't. A marriage commitment is not some type of contract for being a martyr, and why is someone else's happiness more important than your own. When one is talking about the kids happiness, well, that is an easy one - a parent is going to make sacrifices for thier kids, but if you are staying so you won't hurt your wife, your family, or friends, than you should really think about why you think you have to live your life for other people and not for yourself. As a woman who has been divorced, I can honestly say that if my husband did not love me anymore I would not find it a noble gesture for him to stay. I'd be hurt, and yes, I'd be pissed, but I'd want him to be happy and move some point you need to do just that...either fix it...or move on!
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 15
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Living together for the kids.
Posted: 1/22/2013 6:35:47 PM
Your profile says its only been a few weeks, I would suggest that if you believe the marriage is really over then you should make efforts to end it.
Married men should not date.
Joined: 3/11/2006
Msg: 16
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Living together for the kids.
Posted: 1/22/2013 11:27:38 PM
Sometimes people stay together for the wrong reasons. If there truly is no passion, there is two options: Leave the relationship and move on or stay in the relationship and seek passion elsewhere. I am in a similar situation right now. There is no passion or physical contact whatsoever so I have decided to seek that here. I don't have a desire to end the relationship because the emotional, financial, and spiritual elements are still there, only the physical is not. I have discussed this with my partner and he is fine with this as he is not interested in the physical aspect. He is content with what we have. I would have this discussion with your significant other and see if she is in the same boat! Best of luck!
Joined: 1/8/2012
Msg: 17
Living together for the kids.
Posted: 1/23/2013 7:32:59 AM
I disagree with staying together 'for the kids'.

In the long run, it doesn't make things better for them or you or your wife.

You need to be honest with all parties involved, even if they are your children.

Children can see right through you both, they will know something changed, don't underestimate them.

When my parents broke up it was hard and brothers were small and didn't know what was happening at the time.

A few years later my dad found the love of his life, and truely that was the best thing 'for the kids' ; to see their parents truely happy.

You both need to end this and move on. Find someone who makes you truely happy, so you in turn can be the best parents you can be to your children....only when YOUR happy, will they be happy too, especially when they are young...

Good luck
Joined: 10/10/2012
Msg: 18
Living together for the kids.
Posted: 1/23/2013 7:44:31 AM
Its working fine at the moment so why fix it if it isn't broken.

ORLY? That would certain explain why you're here looking for lady friends. You're doing it "for the children", bless your heart.

,I just wondered if anyone else was in the same position which is when you are still living in the same house just for the kids.Its all very amicable

Yes. Very amicable, but not so amicable that you can just agree to an open marriage or even figure out how to fix the fukked up mess you made together. You're only here because your wife forced your hand! The ungrateful hag.

No worries, you're not alone. Guys like you are a dime a dozen here, so you'll have plenty of competition from all the other nameless, faceless, passion-starved married men for the free blowjobs. SO I suggest that you have a little more to offer in exchange for a good snarling in the parking lot on your lunch hour than a half caff triple latte and some strawberry cheesecake. Unless you can find a lonely woman (they make good lovers), then all bets are off. Watch out for those bunny boilers though. They made a movie about that.
Joined: 6/4/2012
Msg: 19
Living together for the kids.
Posted: 1/23/2013 8:40:51 AM
you're two lazy asses who can't get your shit together.. and most of the time morons like you bring other people into your situations to cushion your dysfunction.. get in or get out.. and stop using your kids as an excuse to make excuses.. if you like a life with out a life .. just keep on doing the same shit.. and tomorrow it will be the same shit.. good luck with your shit.. and maybe if one of you decides to brighten your day.. shit will happen.. if shit happens you'll be two asses less the lazy.. geesus some peoples enigmas.. dogma my doggie bone..
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 20
Living together for the kids.
Posted: 1/23/2013 8:54:09 AM
Met them & ditched them in the same day. My experiences mostly have been women separated only in their minds. Some were upfront about looking for payback (sex) on a cheating spouse & others were looking to be rescued from a bad marriage. Perhaps some were genuine but I wouldn't jump head first into someone else's drama.
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 21
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Living together for the kids.
Posted: 1/23/2013 8:58:45 PM

If you are truly staying together for the kids, don't be half-assed about it. Don't go running around on your wife and kids outside the home while being Mr. Sacrifice at home. Kids can smell a hypocrite a mile away.

Second, if this is a new thing, or even something that has been festering for awhile, why don't you and the missus go in for some counseling/marital therapy. Personally, I'm all for staying together for the kids. It's better for the kids, as one previous poster mentioned. Another poster gave his experience - I think it was quite valid.

When you have children you've entered into a covenant. A covenant to do whatever must be done to give those little ones a fighting chance to succeed in life. (Of course this does not permit doing those things that are illegal, immoral, or fattening.) Folks who use the excuse to separate for the children use that excuse to authorize their own desires - not for the good of the children. So long as the children are safe, being fed, have a home, and parents who love and care for them the parents should gut it out. If there is abuse or one or both parents are at risk for the children, then yes, under those circumstances other arrangements out to be considered.

Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 22
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Living together for the kids.
Posted: 1/23/2013 10:30:17 PM
Whatever the situation is ,that you are living in one roof with your wife or exwife as a happy family in the eyes of your kids, even you are the last man on earth, I would not want to connect with you ,even just to chat with you ,for that is a waste of precious time and energy. It is stupidity of the consequences that it will hurt the feelings of your kids ,and I will be branded as a HOME WRECKER... { A second woman is like a fart you can not hide it, it will stink the whole place..}

I beg your pardon, but I'll just leave those scenarios to the imaginations of Jessica Stirling and Danielle Steel in their romance books..

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