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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Should I try get my ex girlfriend back?      Home login  
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 SoothTheSoul
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 1
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Should I try get my ex girlfriend back?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Hi All:

I've got a problem and I need advice. I had a girlfriend for just over a year and I was madly in love with her. Due to some trust issues on her part the relationship ended. It was sad as I saw myself spending the rest of my life with her. That was a year and a half ago.

Now, a year and a half later I still think of her all the time. I can't believe I do but I do. Is this normal? I'm thinking it's not. I'm thinking it has got to mean something, right? If I am still thinking of her all the time, and after so long, still want her in my life--even over other girls--should I not make an effort to get her back?

I can't believe it but I still feel miserable without her. I feel like I am incomplete. I feel sad and lonely. I feel like my heart is broken. I feel like we belong together.

What should I do?
Please help me...
 annywn
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 2
Should I try get my ex girlfriend back?
Posted: 1/22/2013 1:13:01 PM
it might be a good idea to see where she is at in her life, just so you can stop the daydream of getting back together. It's not fair to date other women untill you have this issue resolved and can move forward. Good Luck
 Fatuglybaldcreeper84
Joined: 1/5/2013
Msg: 3
Should I try get my ex girlfriend back?
Posted: 1/22/2013 1:15:40 PM
What were the trust issues exactly? You need to go into a bit more detail man.
 Drawesome32
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 4
Should I try get my ex girlfriend back?
Posted: 1/22/2013 1:15:49 PM
thats entirely up to you man. youre gonna have a lot of different opinions thrown your way, but none of us have to live your life, and none of us truly know how you feel. you have to decide what you really want. if it were me, id say go for it. by the way youre talking i think youd always wonder "what if" unless you give it a shot. however, as many people will point out, theyre exes for a reason. i wish you the best.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 5
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Should I try get my ex girlfriend back?
Posted: 1/22/2013 1:17:00 PM
Well since its been a year and a half ago since you broke up and you clearly refuse to accept that she has moved on, I suggest therapy. If this was 2 months ago, I would understand, but 18 months? I think you need to accept that it isnt happening and that you are wasting your life pining away for a person that doesnt care for you anymore. Snap out of it! You could if you really wanted to, you just have to want to....
 auntyemm
Joined: 12/22/2012
Msg: 6
Should I try get my ex girlfriend back?
Posted: 1/22/2013 1:24:46 PM
You have issues man.Let her go,it has been a year and a half since you guys have broke up.You need to go and talk to someone about why you can,t get over her.There isn,t anything wrong with seeking help over it,do it for you.
 SoothTheSoul
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 7
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Should I try get my ex girlfriend back?
Posted: 1/22/2013 1:40:36 PM
Ok.. OP here...

You want details... Here we go:

We broke up because she had lied to me about a male friend of heres. She said they had only been friends but I found out otherwise (that they had slept together). When I asked her about it, she said it wasn't my business. So I BROKE UP WITH HER. All I wanted was for her to be honest and truthful but she didn't want to be. I couldn't see past that at the time.

The situation now (as I see it):

I worked in a restaurant where she came in with her daughter (yes she has one)... just the two of them. Then within two weeks they came back and sat in my section, again alone.

Then I damaged my knee. She is a nurse (wound care specialist) and for lack of anywhere else to turn I asked her for help with my wound. She invited me over, I went and she helped me. I also met her boyfriend.

He is much older than her. So I thought to myself. FORGET ABOUT HER. So I tried but a week later she contacted me. She asked how my knee was.
I told her.
She asked if I wanted to go help her with some shopping (heavy cabinet doors).
I said yes.
Now I don't know if I should forget about her... I think I would be better for her than her 20 year older bf who doesn't help her out or offer to help her (based on conversations and what I see)...
Do you need more details?
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 8
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Should I try get my ex girlfriend back?
Posted: 1/22/2013 1:45:13 PM
Wow, it's not often that I get to see another yeshiva bochur on here. (Well, I only went up to 8th grade, but still)

Your problem though is a universal one. Man loses girl. Man never gets over girl. Girl forgets about man. Girl moves on.
There have been many variations of this theme in popular music, but this recent song really seemed to sum it up best for me. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DqRC5tquyU0

Though one could also find solace in this oldie but goodie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DaGQLbad50E

She's left you in the dust, my friend. If she wanted to reconcile, she would have done so already on her terms. Don't even bother trying to see where she's at, because you might not like what you find out.

Best thing to do is to lose yourself in all kinds of 'sad' music that will help purge your feelings. Then, build yourself back up again. Trust that everything happens for a reason and this too shall pass. (Buy one cliche, get one free :D )
 SoothTheSoul
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 9
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Should I try get my ex girlfriend back?
Posted: 1/22/2013 1:55:12 PM
Sorry.. You got it wrong.

She never cheated on me. She just lied to me about her friend (they were once more than friends) and when I found out the truth she said it wasn't my business. Had she cheated on me I would of 100% been out and done.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 10
Should I try get my ex girlfriend back?
Posted: 1/22/2013 2:16:26 PM

She never cheated on me. She just lied to me about her friend (they were once more than friends) and when I found out the truth she said it wasn't my business. Had she cheated on me I would of 100% been out and done.


So she never cheated on you. She just didn't want to talk about a previous lover? Did she get back with him? Was she also over him?

Unless she was still seeing him, meeting with him, and talking to him, even in a non-relationship way, I don't see her doing anything wrong with saying is none of your business. The past should be the past. Again, if she was still seeing him, even buddy, buddy, that does not work. When I am in a relationship I have a rule. All those that we fvcked before, need to stay out of contact.

However, usually the reasons why you split before tend to surface again and be at the cause of why you will split again, but always with a slightly more destructive twist.

So, I would not try to get her back. I would let it flow. Otherwise I would move on.
 SunForSome
Joined: 7/27/2012
Msg: 11
Should I try get my ex girlfriend back?
Posted: 1/22/2013 2:22:26 PM
I don't think that this will work. You have trust issues. If she already has a boyfriend and you push things towards getting back together... you will have magnified the trust issues to the point where you will see her as someone who isn't very committed and could leave someone she's been with for someone else rather easily. You're actually going to end up disliking her even more if you do this. It's doomed to failure.

Date someone else.
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 12
Should I try get my ex girlfriend back?
Posted: 1/22/2013 2:24:44 PM

I also met her boyfriend.

Then trying to get her back isn't an option. She's out of play. If you make the attempt, you will be committing an egregious foul.
 venusenvy777
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 13
Should I try get my ex girlfriend back?
Posted: 1/22/2013 2:26:59 PM
First off, theres no such thing as "normal" so put that right out of your head. When a relationship ends we ALL go through a grieving process and that just takes as long as it takes. I wonder if you have tried dating anyone else? Have you put yourself out there? or are you nursing this hurt? As long as your dragging that around, you wont be able to enjoy a healthy relationship. Decide what you want and go for it...Good luck!
 SoothTheSoul
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 14
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Trust issues... Who and what...
Posted: 1/22/2013 2:40:33 PM
Trust issues:

Run down of what i called trust issues:

I met this girl. She had a friend who was male.
He was just a friend. They didn't talk like friends.
It bothered me. I told her.
Things didn't change.
After 5 months, I put my foot down. Me or him.
She chose me. But they stayed friends.
She had promised that they had and were only friends.
7 months later I found out that some time in the past they had been more than friends.
When was this? I don't know but unless she talked about it I couldn't get passed it.
She wouldn't talk about it. I couldn't get passed it.
The trust issues are that she lied to me about this guy for some reason and when I caught her in the lie she clammed up.
Hope that helps...
 AvailableinIndy
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 15
Trust issues... Who and what...
Posted: 1/22/2013 3:05:49 PM
Taking back your ex is like buying your own stuff at a garage sale...
 safebetinvegas
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 16
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Trust issues... Who and what...
Posted: 1/22/2013 3:08:10 PM
Seems to me that you are have the perception (by her) that there may be a "chance" with her even though she has a BF (does not matter if he doesn't help her...she uses you for that yet goes to bed with him at night).

Not saying she is flirting with ya but the two of you are communicating.

May be that she is over you, trying to make her new beau or you jealous or simply playing with you.




she lied to me about this guy for some reason and when I caught her in the lie she clammed up.


I personally would not have let five months linger on with that issue.

She knows that other BF or not, cover up with the "friend" or not you'll still be creepin' round her door for attention.

Speaks volumes that she clams up...what other skeletons are rattling in that closet ?

Too much pullin' teeth for me.

And...



Taking back your ex is like buying your own stuff at a garage sale...


...couldn't have said it better.
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 17
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Trust issues... Who and what...
Posted: 1/22/2013 3:44:05 PM

Taking back your ex is like buying your own stuff at a garage sale...


Will someone please print this up on a t-shirt?

I know we can't give ratings, but I give this glorious (and sapient) piece of wisdom a +1,000,000. =)
 saywhatyouneedto
Joined: 4/20/2009
Msg: 18
Trust issues... Who and what...
Posted: 1/22/2013 3:47:59 PM
It's over. You broke up with her because you couldn't handle the fact that she didn't mention a friend of her use to be more, that shouldn't have affected your relationship because you should have been more secure with the fact that she has a past before you, and yeah some of the people in her life now probably have a deep bond with her now whether they were a couple or close friends that use to have extra benefits.

She's in another relationship and what's to say she does something with you while with her current boyfriend, then if you did get into a relationship with her again you'd have even more trust issues thinking, well if she did that to him, when will she did that to me.

You screwed up early on, and really too much time has gone by.
 msright78
Joined: 12/11/2012
Msg: 19
Should I try get my ex girlfriend back?
Posted: 1/22/2013 3:48:57 PM
Ppl break up for a reason. Trying to get back together with an ex gf is not a great idea. The problem will always be there.

If she didn't trust u back then, then she won't trust u even after! Trust is something very hard to earn but easily shattered.

She would need to trust in herself b4 she can trust in u. And that's probably something she might need to work at first

The fact that ur still thinking about her now is not normal or to want her back badly.

It'll be a year for me since my ex broke up with me. I think of him time to time but I would never want to get back together with him again. Even if he was on his knees and pleading and begging me, I wouldn't even consider taking him.

Too much I had to deal with, I'm not putting myself through that. I deserve better. We all deserve better than our last.
 takemetoasgard
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 20
Trust issues... Who and what...
Posted: 1/22/2013 4:00:53 PM

Trust issues:

Run down of what i called trust issues:

I met this girl. She had a friend who was male.
He was just a friend. They didn't talk like friends.
It bothered me. I told her.
Things didn't change.
After 5 months, I put my foot down. Me or him.
She chose me. But they stayed friends.
She had promised that they had and were only friends.
7 months later I found out that some time in the past they had been more than friends.
When was this? I don't know but unless she talked about it I couldn't get passed it.
She wouldn't talk about it. I couldn't get passed it.
The trust issues are that she lied to me about this guy for some reason and when I caught her in the lie she clammed up.
Hope that helps...


I'm surprised she didn't break up with you after you put her through all of your stupid issues. I would've dumped your a*ss if you gave me the ultimatum to disown my friend for you. Who cares if they hooked up forever in the past. She was with you and she wasn't cheating on you. She deserves better than your codependant, jealous self, and I hope she has it, now.
 safaa30
Joined: 3/1/2012
Msg: 21
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Should I try get my ex girlfriend back?
Posted: 1/22/2013 4:15:05 PM
You didnt trust her then when she had a few exes, you wont trust her now when that number has increased. Work on your own trust issues and dont repeat the mistake.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 22
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Should I try get my ex girlfriend back?
Posted: 1/22/2013 4:23:42 PM
All I want to point out is this:


I'm thinking it has got to mean something, right?


No, it doesn't. More specifically, no, it doesn't mean that you should go after her, or that you belong together, or that you reeeeeeeeely love her, or anything else even slightly magical or esoteric.

All it means is, that you haven't done your post-breakup home work properly, and adjusted your inner self to the outer reality.

Unless she also failed to tend to her chores, it just means that you have to do so now, and get moving on in your life.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 23
Should I try get my ex girlfriend back?
Posted: 1/22/2013 4:30:58 PM

I think I would be better for her than her 20 year older bf who doesn't help her out or offer to help her (based on conversations and what I see)


Obviously, she doesn't think so, and that's what matters. Your opinion means nothing to her. And that's what you should think about her-she's nothing.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 24
Should I try get my ex girlfriend back?
Posted: 1/22/2013 4:37:23 PM

What should I do?


Seek out therapy.


She just lied to me about her friend (they were once more than friends) and when I found out the truth she said it wasn't my business.


It was NONE of your business.
Hope you learned a valuable lesson here.
 SoothTheSoul
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 25
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Posted: 1/22/2013 5:14:25 PM
First off:

Thanks IGORFRANKENSTIEN. It looks like you are the only one who picked up on what I thought was one of the most important points.

Thank you for the advice

Second:

YOU MAKE IT INTERESTING... If you had a bf who you were dating and that bf had a friend who one day says I wish you were in bed with me or something like that and your bf says 'oh it's just his way' and then things like that keep happening so you confront your bf about it and he promises you that she is just a friend, always has been and alwyas will be and you except that statement only 6 months later you find out that he actually slept with her then you would be upset and hurt too. If someone is honest from the beginning then there are no long lasting problems...

Third:

TAKEMETOASGARD... I didn't give her an ultimatum to disown her friend. I said she had to chose me and my feelings or his and his feelings. Either she wants me or she doesn't. I never said she should stop being friends with him--something that you assumed there, I just said she had to stop treating him like a bf (In my words: she treated me the same as him, only she slept with me. It was like she had two bf's.)
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