Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > How to understand the male interest?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 hopefuleyes
Joined: 8/21/2012
Msg: 1
How to understand the male interest?Page 1 of 1    
2 part Q:
1.I thought I would give this a try. I just need some simple advise. I will admit, I do not really have issues finding guys, it's more of keeping them interested I think. My issues is this:
I will contact a guy/be contacted by the guy, he/or I respond...great! Then we email back and forth a couple times(usually2-3times) and then it just seems to flop. It's like maybe I am not keeping them interested, but I ask probing questions about them and what they may not have in their file that I'm curious/interested about. Are there certain ways to go about keeping him interested?

2. concern: Or what happens is I am contacted by a guy, we email ea other and things are really clicking and then some of my other female friends who are on here contact me telling me how the guy I am talking contacts them and is telling them hes not talking to anyone and if he says he is, he specifically states me and he's very dishonest about me, but is still contacting me to talk telling me he's really into our convo's and even goes as far as wanting to exchange numbers. So what do I do there or how should I take that in guy talk/comprehension? lol
Any advise would be greatly taken in! :)
Thanks, *~confused~*
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 2
view profile
History
How to understand the male interest?
Posted: 1/24/2013 7:18:17 AM
1. Usually if a guy is interested he will eventually ask to meet up with you. If not, suggest a public place to meet up to see if you are still interested in this guy. I tend to ask women early if they are interested in meeting up because that is how I can gauge if they are interested in dating or just want a chat buddy.

2. The smooth player haha.

Don't be confused you just need to learn how this all works.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 3
view profile
History
How to understand the male interest?
Posted: 1/24/2013 7:26:46 AM
If I've learned one thing about the male interest, it's this:

A well-adjusted, healthy male will make his interest in you crystal clear by his actions.

If you're wondering and worrying, he's not interested.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 4
How to understand the male interest?
Posted: 1/24/2013 7:27:55 AM
The incidence of "flaking-out" is so great that internet daters are compelled to speak with multiple people.
I have interacted with wonderful women and if I stopped initiating contact...I would never hear from them again.
It is the way of internet dating. Everything is fantasy until you are dating him regularly and see each other often.
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 5
How to understand the male interest?
Posted: 1/24/2013 7:29:40 AM
I thought you were 19 from the post but I see you are 30. Some of this, you should have figured out by now.


Then we email back and forth a couple times(usually2-3times) and then it just seems to flop. It's like maybe I am not keeping them interested, but I ask probing questions about them and what they may not have in their file that I'm curious/interested about. Are there certain ways to go about keeping him interested?


Lots of potential reasons like they are playing games, getting some validation from gaining replies or they are married and their wife walked in/found their account. The most common one is simply that the interest wained. We all speak to people throughout our life and after a short period of time, we determine that perhaps they aren't as interesting as we hoped, that their core values and/or beliefs are in direct conflict with ours, that their hopes and goals don't line up with ours.

Think about all those people you have ever spoke with during your lifetime. Thousands. A select few you will keep in your life as friends. Even fewer you will perhaps become view as a potential mate. This is exactly the same thing.

We learn about individuals until we have no interest in learning anything more.


Or what happens is I am contacted by a guy, we email ea other and things are really clicking and then some of my other female friends who are on here contact me telling me how the guy I am talking contacts them and is telling them hes not talking to anyone and if he says he is, he specifically states me and he's very dishonest about me, but is still contacting me to talk telling me he's really into our convo's and even goes as far as wanting to exchange numbers. So what do I do there or how should I take that in guy talk/comprehension? lol
Any advise would be greatly taken in! :)


I personally have firm boundaries regarding mixing relationships. I have never dated a friend's ex or an ex's friend. I won't ever date someone whose been involved with a family member. Your boundaries might not match mine, but you will have them as we all do.

In the situation you have outlined, one of two people is being less than honest. Either your friend isn't telling the truth about the content of her conversation with this man, or this man is lying to her about talking to others. That much is clear.

Again, just as with any other interaction with a human, any news which comes to you suggesting deceit needs to be considered. The first thing to consider is the source - in this case, your friend. Would she lie to you? Do you believe this man in also in contact with her? What reason would she have to lie? Is she normally manipulative? Could she be jealous and making it up, could she be sabotaging your attempts at finding a partner? Why would she do that and what would she hope to gain?

If you have reasons to believe SHE is being dishonest, then personally, I wouldn't view that person as a friend and you need to think about why you consider her as a friend.

If you believe your friend is being honest, then by default this man isn't. Surely that's an indication of who he is? Why would you want to continue to communicate with him if he's been caught in a lie? Why wouldn't you want better for yourself from a potential partner. This again, is very easy to deal with by ending communication with him, realizing that he is just one individual and not all men are like this and being grateful for the circumstances which brought this information to light quickly before you had any investment in this person.

Simple.
 meowjenn
Joined: 12/23/2012
Msg: 6
How to understand the male interest?
Posted: 1/24/2013 7:41:19 AM
Whenever a convo starts to get lame or fizzles out, I always tell a random story. Everyone loves stories! That way you can get the convo moving again without interrogating the person.

If this guy is LYING to you then throw him away! How can you build any type of relationship with anyone that is so blatantly dishonest? I understand that he doesn't have to solely talk to you on pof but once a liar always a liar.
 Fatuglybaldcreeper84
Joined: 1/5/2013
Msg: 7
How to understand the male interest?
Posted: 1/24/2013 7:54:41 AM
Why would a guy only talk to one girl on here by choice? That's what I find ironic. I think it's typical womanly drama when girls ask their girlfriends if a man is messaging them too or has the girl message the guy. You're sabotaging it. (not saying you did that)
 Sir_Johny
Joined: 1/18/2013
Msg: 8
How to understand the male interest?
Posted: 1/24/2013 8:17:51 AM
With me sometimes if I feel I am leading the conversation 100% and I get the bare minimum responses each time I bring the convo to a point where they have to ask a question or the convo ends. After reading your profile it doesn't seem like you would do that. I would go with the 95% of men on here are jerks so your really better off if they stop talking to you.
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 9
How to understand the male interest?
Posted: 1/24/2013 8:18:08 AM
Fatuglybaldcreeper84 - Why would a guy only talk to one girl on here by choice? That's what I find ironic.


Either you have misunderstood the OP's question, or I have.

I am reading it as she is communicating with people on here and discovers her friend(s) are communicating with the same people. According to the friend, sometimes, these men claim not to be speaking with other women which is obviously not true if they are messaging the OP. Sometimes, these men are open about currently communicating with others but when that's been the case, according to the friend, he is mentioning the OP specifically and making dishonest claims about her yet still continuing to exchange messages which are encouraging.

I'm not seeing where she (or anyone else) is claiming anyone should limit communications to one person and so I'm failing to see the irony.

To me, this is about dishonesty. And the OP trying to figure out if the friend is lying when saying these men are denying speaking to the OP and/or they are mentioning the OP and providing inaccurate information - OR - are these men lying to her friend who is relaying the information accurately.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 10
view profile
History
How to understand the male interest?
Posted: 1/24/2013 9:00:30 AM

I'm not seeing where she (or anyone else) is claiming anyone should limit communications to one person

that may be the dynamic underlying his dishonesty - if indeed the dishonesty lies with him.

women train men to expect jealousy and territoriality from 'hello.' a guy knows that if he answers an unqualified yes to 'are you talking to other women?' he's likely to be condemned as a 'cheater' or 'player' (see above, even men do this).

how ofter do we see this in the forums, where an outraged woman starts a rant thread about 'betrayal' by someone she's never even met? like the drama around seeing the virtual gifts on a guy's profile, because 'he's a player if he's interacted online with anyone but me, even before he knows i exist.' a guy might well lie about reasonable actions to fend off unreasonable condemnation. i'm not saying it's right.

and yes, with time a man can learn wisdom: that he can do better than these kinds of women, and that directness and honesty are his allies because they filter these women out.
 LathaMath
Joined: 1/2/2013
Msg: 11
How to understand the male interest?
Posted: 1/24/2013 9:08:15 AM
Two or three messages sounds like they are being polite but not interested.
Other than that, not knowing what was in all the messages sent and received it's
impossible to say what's going on.
What maintains interest in an online conversation is no different than what
maintains interest in an offline conversation except for the body language.
It's like a telephone conversation without the sound. Come to think of it, it's
not much of a conversation at all, is it? Good luck.
 apafely
Joined: 1/14/2013
Msg: 12
How to understand the male interest?
Posted: 1/24/2013 9:13:32 AM
1. Guys lose interest or become chicken. Happens all the time. How to keep their interest? By not trying, but if you manage anyway, that's the guy for you.

To say that it's not a skill on your part that is lacking, because the skill you feel you don't have is not a skill to have. The guy changed heart, you two are not compatible. Sometimes because you think he is not for you, sometimes the other way. Best policy is to be yourself, don't bend only to please someone.

2. I don't know what you mean that the guy specifically states you as his convo partner to your GIRLFIRENDS and he is dishonest about you?

I don't get this. How come it's your girlfriends that the guy contacts? AND he tells THEM that he talks to noone else, but you, and he says things about you that are not true?

There are several deeply disturbing thoughts about this.

2.1. Guys don't talk about other girls to girls on the internet.
2.2. I strongly suspect your girlfriendS contact him, opposed to how you say he contacts them.
2.3. I strongly suspect you ask your girlfriends to contact him.
2.4. He talks to your girlfriends about you? how can that be?
2.5. I strongly suspect you ask your girlfriendS (more than one girlfriend) to get him to talk about you.


I don't know how you can live with yourself. You are full of insecurities, and you are deceptive (with us) and you are dishonest with the guy (by spying on him). You use your girlfriends to do your bidding. You are some otherworldly creature that has no clue how to live life on Earth.

Maybe you are one rare case of female Aspergers, maybe you have been in jail since you were 18, and just let out, maybe you were kept in a dungeon under the garage floor by your father for 17 years, since you were six. I don't know.

I may sounded harsh here, but I don't mean to blame you for your behaviour. If you say you are no sick, or your social / emotional life is healthy and has developed normally, then I have to blame you. What you reveal is that you don't know what dating and guys are about, and what you reveal is that you are so desperate to learn that, that you are using unorthodox methods for your learning needs.

Either way, good luck, and I don't judge you, but you must know you are strange and immature for an adult.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 13
How to understand the male interest?
Posted: 1/24/2013 10:20:27 AM
People message multiple people all the damn time off the internet;
-- because until you meet someone and start seeing them repeatedly, you're NOTHING more than a glorified pen pal with your online e-mail or chat or texting correspondence. Those kinds of relationships flutter in and out more often than clouds block out the sun on a windy day.

That being said, I think the main question should probably be;

Do you want the person to be HONEST and TELL you he's messaging multiple ladies to try and get a date,
or would you rather NOT know?
 AquaLinda
Joined: 12/12/2012
Msg: 14
How to understand the male interest?
Posted: 1/24/2013 10:33:00 AM
Until I meet someone in person AND feel a connection after spending some time with him, I couldn't care less if he talks to 100 other women. BUT..... once we both click and have spent some time together, I am very disappointed to find out that he still talks to other women. Usually also kills my attraction and respect for this person too. But it has happened to me every single time so far. Maybe my expectations are too high? Who knows.
 LOOK4FWB
Joined: 11/13/2012
Msg: 15
How to understand the male interest?
Posted: 1/24/2013 12:52:57 PM
I think a guy who does that is shopping around, simple.
Be yourself is the best advice I can tell you, but also you already do what I would say: take interest in the guy but also don't pry or ask too much. Talk about different topics and yourself without being centered on you.
 pescando75
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 16
How to understand the male interest?
Posted: 1/24/2013 12:53:55 PM
You're asking a genuine question while simultaneously not being very genuine with the "forum c*ck blocking party" you and your friends have going on. I agree, that is something the junior high set would do, not a 30 year old "woman."
I can only imagine what "options" a man has left after you and your friends are done with your games but to slink away into the digital night.

Our interest levels probably peter out for these same reasons. All this disingenuous behavior. It gets old after a while.
Go figure, huh?
Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > How to understand the male interest?