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 Aww-Ree
Joined: 1/2/2013
Msg: 2
Why do conversations peter out?Page 1 of 1    
Are you messaging through email or using the IM feature? I think that may make a bit of a difference in response time and also give the other person the idea you are actually having a conversation. Messaging by email is not the same thing as IM'ing. In both cases you are textualizing your thoughts but in email you are waiting for the person to eventually read that email. IM'ing they are reading you instantly. You might think about changing up your game some...lol.
Why do conversations peter out?
Posted: 1/24/2013 12:39:17 PM

When we get a bit of back-and-forth conversation going (usually about school, work, or hobbies), it always seems to end with my later reply.

if any part of their participation is a suggestion to exchange numbers, talk on the phone, or meet, and you're saying no, you have your answer.
 annywn
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 4
Why do conversations peter out?
Posted: 1/24/2013 12:52:09 PM
Prolly all their big words are all used up!ahahahahahah
 psytle
Joined: 3/7/2011
Msg: 5
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Why do conversations peter out?
Posted: 1/24/2013 1:07:19 PM
I've been interpreting radio silence as plain lack of interest. Frankly, I'm just here to meet people I might like, and if I can't get a conversation to last longer than a few messages, there's a good chance I'm doing something wrong.


There are two very crucial factors that are being left out here: amount of messages (a specific number would be more helpful than just saying "a few") and the amount of time exchanging messages.

The amount of time exchanging messages is probably the most crucial of the two. If it takes you 3 weeks (or more!) to get comfortable with the idea of even meeting the guy you are exchanging messages with, know that most guys are not going to wait around that long. If this is the case, it's not that you are doing something wrong, it's just how most guys are.

If message exchanges are fizzling out after less than a week, then there's a good chance that he had no interest.

However, you don't have to use radio silence as an indicator of disinterest, although it usually is. You can also gauge their interest based on how they respond to questions in messages.


if any part of their participation is a suggestion to exchange numbers, talk on the phone, or meet, and you're saying no, you have your answer.


Also, if you can't talk on the phone or meet at the time a guy suggests...

...suggest a time that WOULD be good for you...unless you aren't interested.

Most guys will quickly get frustrated with women who expect men to guess randomly as to what time is convenient. Or maybe it's just me.
 apafely
Joined: 1/14/2013
Msg: 6
Why do conversations peter out?
Posted: 1/24/2013 1:15:39 PM
You know... this internet dating thing is like the grocery store line-up. A nice-looking guy tells you your hair smells lovely, like the cauliflower of the Orient. I go to grocery stores to pick up females: Turkey breasts, chicken thighs, bovine meat.

The internet is the same thing. There are like forty-eight packages of wrapped sets of chicken thighs, incredible sameness among them, and yet you look through the entire shelf with scrutiny. You look at the price too!! Although the price invariably varies directly with its weight. You can't cheat the system, the system won't cheat you. It has too much to risk if it does. You can't steal it, either, the packages, because you would risk too much, too.

Mutually enforced honesty.

So you still pick and choose.

Same on the internet. Everyone wants a stake, and most of us (Me included, I have no illusions) are chicken inyards. Or crow feet. Or bison heads, with the hair and antlers still attached, at $3.33 a pound.

Therefore what you get is a bag of chicken inyard pieces, trying to pick up a bison head with horns and hair, and vice versa, and it's not too long before either gets too tired of the same old, same old. We are all made incredibly alike, we all have the same personality difficulties, moral infortitude and social ineptitude.

To me it would be much more surprising and incredibly unbelievable, if a woman and I would keep on conversing for longer than than three messages. I don't mean for weeks or months, but even just five or four messages. That never happened to me yet, and never will, I expect.

I am lying of course, there were instances when there were 10, 20, 100 messages exchanged, over short and over long periods of time, but nothing panned out anyway.

--------------------

So, is it something I'm saying?
What are you saying? Are you trying to say we know what you say in conversations, without saying it to us, the contents of those conversations?
If we knew the things you say, we would be in much better position of saying whether it's what you are saying or else it is what you are not saying that turns guys off.

Should I try to strike up the conversation later?
Are you a cigar or pipe smoker? Internet talk is like cigarettes: once it burns out, you chuck it to the wayside, you trash it or trample it under foot. Yes, you can reignite a pipe, and in fact many Hungarian love poetry from folklore have that element of drawing a similarity, thus creating a metaphor, between pipe smoking and feeling the love.

I've been interpreting radio silence as plain lack of interest. <-- I know what you mean, but it reminds me a bit like it's your radio telling you on the six o'clock news or during Led Zeppelin's "In My Time of Dying", that it's time to reignite the ole' pipe, coz the saying is written on the wall.

I mean, I don't believe that you do that, but there is a question that probes psychosis (I am not saying you have it -- I would say if I thought so, believe me), via asking if the patient has instances when he hears the tv or radio giving him strictly for his individual self, some instruction which he must carry out.
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 8
Why do conversations peter out?
Posted: 1/24/2013 1:47:29 PM

So, is it something I'm saying?


Maybe, maybe not. It's difficult to tell without seeing the actual messages. Trading emails versus live chat can lead to less interest, as the two people involved might both think that the lag time between replies is an indicator of less than enthusiastic interest. So these types of conversations , in my experience anyway, tend to die off more quickly than live chat convos.

Soylent Green........IS PEOPLE !! (wink)
 privat33r
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 9
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Why do conversations peter out?
Posted: 1/24/2013 2:01:10 PM
you're not setting the hook. As you're a tree-planter your legs and butt are probably fine -so maybe try those to kick those prongs deep into the guy's cerebral cortex so he doesn't forget you.

Profile could use some work as it sorta blatters but basically you are underselling in the photos.
 RussArtLover
Joined: 5/13/2010
Msg: 10
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Why do conversations peter out?
Posted: 1/24/2013 2:02:19 PM
you look like a very loving gentle person to me. guys losing interest most likely found someone faster on the draw if you know what i mean. the pied piper gets a lot of play on here. just roll with it. if i was younger i'd be very interested and couldn't get enough of you.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 12
Why do conversations peter out?
Posted: 1/24/2013 2:52:05 PM

Frankly, I'm just here to meet people I might like, and if I can't get a conversation to last longer than a few messages, there's a good chance I'm doing something wrong.


First and foremost, texting/chat/e-mails are being used ALL the time by dozens of people TO dozens of other people they "Might" like. The key part is that once you engage in a conversation with someone, you STICK with it to SHOW you have an interest. If you really want something more, you gotta commit to a VOICE conversation - either on the phone, using Skype-type video conversations, or in-person. Texting is NOT real life. If you think about it you really have no clue who is on the other side - it could be the guy's wife, his kid, his annoying roommate or a bum on the street that just found his dropped cell phone.

Unfortunately with the instant speed of getting these messages on your smart phones means that people don't apparently have any 'excuse' any more for not replying instantly to messages. Lag time is non-existent, so if you can't really reply right away, you gotta tell them WHEN you can be made available for a REAL conversation. If they are sending chat requests all the time, you just gotta ignore them EXCEPT for the times when you CAN talk - some of the other people are newbies in here, too - and they just haven't gotten a feel yet for when is a 'Good Time' to talk. If you're replying throughout the day, he'll assume ANY time is 'good', and will get upset when you don't reply back right away.

Of course there are true narcissists that think you HAVE to talk on THEIR time, but after a few chat attempts it's pretty easy to weed out the arrogant pricks from the ones who just aren't sure.
 pearlywhites1962
Joined: 10/27/2007
Msg: 13
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Why do conversations peter out?
Posted: 1/24/2013 7:19:51 PM
generally conversations peter out when the conversation doesn't include their peter..
 Quasimodo11543
Joined: 7/21/2010
Msg: 14
Why do conversations peter out?
Posted: 1/24/2013 8:59:41 PM
apafly, you took the time to pound out that novel? Good lord.

Conversations peter out because they peter out. Someone loses interest, or you're not compatible. It's really just that simple.
 tooborednow
Joined: 1/13/2013
Msg: 15
Why do conversations peter out?
Posted: 1/24/2013 9:36:16 PM

Why do conversations peter out?

IMO they peter out because people don't really understand what online interaction is.

You know in everyday life your senses are working 24/7 to bring in information to your brain.
As you pass everyone in the street or store they are being run through your filters, being judged and labeled and categorized, you look for relationships (i.e. you notice an apron and name tag, you label and file under store employee).
When you see someone attractive you take a longer look, a second glance, you soak in more information.

Online profiles and online conversations are nothing more than what you get from an eye glance, eye contact out in the real world.

Offline it's done 90% subconsciously and in a matter of seconds. You label, judge, file, and move on with your day. Like you notice their body language and if they are insecure, you notice their clothes and smell and if they are homeless, you notice their skin and body ratios and if they are healthy, you notice if they belong there, if they pose a threat, if they are open or closed off. All sorts of things.

That's what most conversations online are. Simply taking all that unconscious work and forcing it onto a conscious level.
You try to determine relationships, you attempt to label, judge, file, and move on.

Conversations just kinda peter out because they've gotten enough information to label, judge, file, and move on.
They don't need any more information to support their decision.


So, is it something I'm saying?

Maybe.
Maybe it's something you aren't saying.
The longer you sit online and chat, the more you are communicating that you just want to sit online and chat.


Should I try to strike up the conversation later?

Sure, why not? You have something better to do? You could just get more radio silence.


if I can't get a conversation to last longer than a few messages, there's a good chance I'm doing something wrong.

Not necessarily.
Not really enough information.
Not everyone is compatible and meant to date.
 Pangaean
Joined: 1/9/2013
Msg: 16
Why do conversations peter out?
Posted: 1/24/2013 9:48:51 PM

Prolly all their big words are all used up!ahahahahahah ~ annywn


'Prolly'? ;)
(and your 'haha' is reversed, incidentally ;)

Anyway, to the OP; if you say that they peter out after your delay, maybe that delay is long enough for them to realize that they'd rather pass and have a conversation with someone in real life, because maybe they are looking ultimately more for love and some kind of commitment/relationship. At 25, too, how ready are you for one?

So far, from what I've casually seen of the sub-30/near-20- somethings' profiles, many seem to be just browsing the racks and trying things on, rather than actually buying anything...

Intent SoylentYellow wants to date but nothing serious.


But of course this kind of online medium is problematic from a few angles in any case.


Frankly, I'm just here to meet people I might like, and if I can't get a conversation to last longer than a few messages, there's a good chance I'm doing something wrong. ~ SoylentYellow


What do you mean by the first part of that sentence? What about the people in your town? Is finding love a little different than finding people you might like?

Friends seem easier to find than lovers, and ultimately, many of us want to get out of POF ASAP-- maybe like your "peters".

"I'll be stretching my mouth to let those big words come right out..."
~ Peter Gabriel, 'Big Time'
 logicalman1111
Joined: 1/15/2013
Msg: 17
Why do conversations peter out?
Posted: 1/24/2013 10:39:12 PM
I like your post because this could be an interesting forum, I think you are doing something wrong because you have enough sense to evaluate yourself, other than that you have to remember that nothing last forever, only crooked politics, social injustice, wealth and poverty and war, so my advice is to stop worrying about it, you are fine, it's too early at this point to call a psychiatrist.
 LLove2LaughToo
Joined: 3/5/2011
Msg: 18
Why do conversations peter out?
Posted: 1/24/2013 10:59:23 PM
It is possible most people are NOT interested in chatting or messaging endlessly. You'll be surprised how many people here are NOT interested in meeting in person, and use these dating sites to waste/pass time.
 apafely
Joined: 1/14/2013
Msg: 20
Why do conversations peter out?
Posted: 1/25/2013 1:55:20 AM
apafly, you took the time to pound out that novel? Good lord.

Conversations peter out because they peter out. Someone loses interest, or you're not compatible. It's really just that simple.
============================
I wrote the following message to you by internal PoF mail but it was undeliverable as you don't accept mail from males.

Dear Brian,

Please stay clear of making personal judgments reflected on forum posts of how I express my opinions.

I can not command you this, I can only ask it, I understand. You are your own man, an autonomous human.

If it is the KISS method you believe in, fine, practice it. Please don't try to enforce that rule on me.

If I weren't like I am, there would be one more people like you: dull people without the need to put a twist on things, and with a need to stay plain and simple on views of things.

I admit I am an associative thinker ... hey, I must have already stepped over the limit of your acceptable word count.

Sorry.

---------------------------------------

In short, please don't insult me for no good reason on the forums, I ask you.
 annywn
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 21
Why do conversations peter out?
Posted: 1/25/2013 3:13:40 AM
@pangean. How nice it was for you to notice!and yes it was intentional :)
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