Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > What to say on the first message?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 LiterateHiker
Joined: 11/30/2012
Msg: 3
What to say on the first message?Page 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
THIS QUESTION IS CONSTANTLY ASKED BY MEN.

Do a thread search on messages. At the top of the forum screen, type "message" into the thread search box. VOILA! You will get hundreds of posts answering your question. Read to your heart's content.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 4
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 1/25/2013 4:34:53 PM
From personal experince,never,ever ask em about anything revolving around the subject of nakey pics. There is some awful nasty shiat out there.
 LathaMath
Joined: 1/2/2013
Msg: 6
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 1/25/2013 5:28:15 PM
Be polite and respectful. Look for clues in her profile.
Don't try to be too familiar in a first message.
Something like "I liked your profile and would like to know more about you."
Maybe mention something specific that interested you.
Good luck.
 GJBrown
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 8
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 1/25/2013 5:38:09 PM
just say "Whats Cookin Good Lookin"
that will always get a reply!
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 10
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 1/25/2013 8:34:51 PM
there is no perfect line, contrary to the "cut and paste" pickup artists try to sell you. either you're her type, or you ain't. sounds cynical, but its true--you won't make someone think what they aren't already inclined to think.

like someone else said, ask her something about her profile that could be a hangup for you. if she isn't interested, you won't even get a response. if she's interested, she'll want to clear it up for you. but she's got twenty million telling her how great the tat on her breast looks in her 5 cleavage photos.
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 11
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 1/25/2013 9:45:23 PM
For the most part, it doesn't matter what you write. If she likes your photos and profile, most likely you will get a positive reply.
 Zuglo65
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 14
view profile
History
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 1/26/2013 8:31:56 AM
Yeah, it's going to be different from poser to poster.
One thing I keep seeing, and I agree wit this, mention something from her profile.
Sort of a proof that you read it.
If it's a similar interest, ask her about it.
Both of you like skiing=ask her about her favorite ski area. You get he point.
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 16
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 1/26/2013 8:56:40 AM
Hi works. If she's interested she'll respond back & then you can reply with a more detailed email. From my experience aything more detailed upfront rarely works & the effort gets frustrating. Those that require it or advise you to do it are probably the ones sitting home alone on date night.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 18
view profile
History
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 1/26/2013 11:26:32 AM

Should I make it short and sweet?


No, make it short and *interesting.* Make it be something that she won't be able to resist answering, something that will make her want to get to know you.




Or just say hello to her and compliment her eyes?


Only if you don't want to hear back from her.

Read her profile. What about her fascinates you? Why would she want to know you? What makes you think you'd be a good match? Ask her about something she said in her profile.



just say "Whats Cookin Good Lookin"
that will always get a reply!

Except from me. I never respond to those. They're a dime a dozen.

Realize that many of us women get a lot of very boring first messages that go something like this: "Hi. U r cute. Wanna chat?" "Hi. I liked your profile. Call me." Don't be another one of those unless you want to get deleted.
 AvailableinIndy
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 20
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 1/26/2013 1:34:02 PM
Just don't ask this:
Have you ever thought of shrinking a man down to a tiny little man so you can take him around in your pocket, and always have him with you?

I have one guy that keeps IM'ing me that message. WTF is that all about?
 GJBrown
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 24
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 8/3/2013 3:35:15 PM
is "Do you believe in aliens?" a good first message?
You should be able to get a decent conversation from that.
Another ice breaker is " Waffles or Pancakes! Which do you prefer?"
Or maybe those are horrible 1st messages. Bet they would work in a bar or at a party.
 Indira46
Joined: 8/19/2012
Msg: 25
view profile
History
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 8/3/2013 4:39:25 PM
That's good advice science.

I hate when k get messages saying "we have so much in common blah blah blah" and then I look at their profile and see nothing. I wonder is it because they just didn't write it, or they really are just looking at photos. I never respond to those.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 27
view profile
History
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 8/5/2013 6:59:30 AM
The message sure mattered to me. I have more value than being the tenth cut and paste woman he's massed messaged that day. I want a man who is attracted to me in some way and isn't just out to hook a random honey. Most of the profiles can be copied from others to come across ok but he can't do that with a message unless its equally generic. Like Indira says a lot of guys write that we have things in common, should get together but no meat on the bones. Besides, I like literate men.
 Ainen
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 32
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 8/7/2013 6:15:59 PM
Post #26, yes, a terse answer to a question usually means polite disinterest. I let such conversations end.

Nearly half of my first contact messages get responses: 8 for 17. Would rather be 1 for 17, the 1 from Miss Right.

My rate will likely drop. Almost immediately after joining, I did an advanced search with dog for the pets setting and didn't change that setting for over a month, so I only messaged gals with dogs. Asking someone about their pet has a high reply rate. They might not necessarily want to meet.

My messages are spontaneous, saying what seems natural. No rules about length or structure.

The gals I message are definitely above average. One told me 85 guys messaged her the first week she was on here. I think I have good intuition who to message and what to say.

A coworker in his 20s says he gets about 3 responses for every 5 first contact messages he sends. He is straightforward, telling girls to reply if they want to have fun.
 Cat*Eyes
Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 33
view profile
History
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 8/9/2013 10:14:47 PM
After looking at the profile and picture. I always ask their complete birth date to see if we could be compatible,because, I am very into Astrology.
The things NOT to say is "Waz up? Or even if you can actually spell "What's up"? Please don't ask me about oral. I state in my profile that if I meet someone I like, There will be no oral contact. I think that is very clear. Let your hands do the touching as a start and your tongue do the talking as in communication of the art of actually speaking. Perhaps I should put this explanation in my profile.
 greatblah
Joined: 11/14/2012
Msg: 34
view profile
History
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 9/10/2013 9:11:24 AM
I wanna do what bunnies do with you if you know what I mean
 Theme_Pack
Joined: 5/3/2013
Msg: 36
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 9/10/2013 3:34:10 PM
I just write if you're interested let me know....
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 39
view profile
History
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 9/11/2013 6:10:27 PM

A wink ;) works just as well as anything, as far as getting qualified responses - from people who actually like you.

Yes, a written message will get more responses - but not more qualified responses, and it's inefficient.


Exactly. Although controversial......best qualifier is a girl who has the HOT's for you without doing much.Even better to not initiate at all and let them do it first but I understand that won't be possible for all.
 ICtheLite
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 40
view profile
History
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 9/11/2013 7:27:14 PM
I think the OP is gone but for all of the men that said things like "It doesn't matter what you say" ... You couldn't be farther from the truth, JMHO. The initial message forms the first impression and if it's lame you probably won't get a second chance.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 41
view profile
History
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 9/13/2013 12:43:26 PM
I like what IrishEyez (post 2) wrote. I agree with every single suggestion.

And OP, don't get frustrated or think you're doing something wrong (if in fact you aren't) cause that's what I used to think because none of the men I contact respond back to me. I finally realized, the sea/ocean is simply humongous and we come across more fish than we can imagine. Also, attraction/love is apparently a needle in a haystack. So just be patient as I am and we all are trying to be. :)
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 42
view profile
History
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 9/14/2013 12:24:13 AM

Don't say "nice boobs". They hate that.

Is that not the same as “Don't comment on her physical attributes.” ?
 ICtheLite
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 46
view profile
History
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 9/14/2013 11:22:18 PM

It's the pictures and maybe the profile that forms the first impression.

I guess this would be true if you only looked at pictures and "maybe" read the profile using that as a basis to decide whether you would reply ( positively, negatively, or not at all). I based my comment on my own habit of reading the message first, then looking at the profile.


If she doesn't like his photos and/or profile, he won't get a positive reply.

Agreed; good message + decent pictures/profile= a more positive reply.
 Theme_Pack
Joined: 5/3/2013
Msg: 47
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 9/15/2013 3:24:41 AM
There's only one way to sell a used car.....and everyone on here is a used car salesperson....you can word your profile anyway you want, its still a used car. And we all know what that salesperson has to do, move cars. And just how does he/she do that, show a nice shiny pic...What does the Add read, used car very little rust and low mileage! they all read the same.
 ICtheLite
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 48
view profile
History
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 9/15/2013 11:46:57 AM
Farmergiles65:

Actually his phrase was "if she doesn't like his photos or profile" - there was no mention about messages.


He was commenting on my comment; try to keep up, lol. We were both talking about messages ( msg:55).


Girls don't care about messages - they only send one just to seem like they are being nice - then suddenly they'll stop communicating without warning as they go by your photos.


You are assuming it is because of your pictures (& it could be) but there is no way to know that for sure. It could as easily be something else; boring about me section, didn't like your hobbies, distance, age, occupation, astrological sign(haha) ... who knows.
 the_biggavell
Joined: 7/9/2012
Msg: 49
What to say on the first message?
Posted: 9/15/2013 2:48:36 PM
Lol.. well first off, keep in mind that whoever you are messaging is a loser.... and your interested in if she has more value than a couple good looking photos and scribbles online.

Secondly, you have to remember most loser women.. dont want a dude that is interested in them; they want a guy that doesnt want them, and thats what they chase.
"Play fool, to catch wise"

Third, say what you want, how you want it, however you feel it, and forget what they might think or want.. these women dont have filters... or niceness.. of they dont want to talk to you, they just dont respond.

I suggest you do the same. Eliminate the filter and say what you want/feel, and be yourself.

Do you think they sit around asking about what to say in a first message?

They say "hi"
"How are you"
"Hows your day going"

Meanwhile telling you to not say the exact things they would say if they were interested.

Dont waste time writing a story like the goofy girls on this site ask you to do. Skip 'em.

And remember ever woman on here has to "feel" what you are saying.

Youll do just fine.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > What to say on the first message?