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 bigbmadrox
Joined: 10/20/2012
Msg: 1
Why can't single dads get dates???Page 1 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
I am 36 year old guy who loves his children with all his heart. They are my life and I spend every waking moment with them when I see them. However if I am out with them and a woman walks by I will give a smile and/ or hello then she will look at my kids and turn away. I mean yes it hurts a bit I have been on here for sometime and the meesages I get are "sorry not looking for anyone with kids" I won't apologize that I have 2 great kids as a part of my life. I like single moms and women who don't have kids. Can someone shed some light on this subject please. Or if you want to get to know me send me a message. Take care.
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 2
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History
Why can't single dads get dates???
Posted: 1/25/2013 11:13:06 PM
It could be that they appreciate the importance of spending quality time alone with kids and think they are doing you a favour by leaving you to it?
 Reach_er
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 3
Why can't single dads get dates???
Posted: 1/25/2013 11:21:44 PM
Im starting to think that its just this site and a big percentage of the ladies are horn dogs and just want to get laid.If that's what the ones you are contacting want then they are doing you a favor by rejecting you because in the long run they would just break your heart and they know it.
 Uniquezuma1
Joined: 1/12/2013
Msg: 4
Why can't single dads get dates???
Posted: 1/26/2013 6:33:35 AM
It is the same for single mom with kids also and most messages are people wanting sex and no commitments.

It is a good site all in all.
 lonelydad
Joined: 12/31/2010
Msg: 5
Why can't single dads get dates???
Posted: 1/26/2013 6:38:51 AM
Please! That's so lame.
 lonelydad
Joined: 12/31/2010
Msg: 6
Why can't single dads get dates???
Posted: 1/26/2013 6:40:28 AM
referring to damewrite that is.
 MYAL0327
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 7
Why can't single dads get dates???
Posted: 1/26/2013 7:35:59 AM
I agree with the people that said that its the same for single moms as well. I'm very surprised to hear that single dads are getting same responses. I guess people would rather ask for sex then anything or to get laid.

SOME OF US.. on the other hand are here for different reason and for the right reasons... we all just haven't bumped into one another yet. This gives me a bit of hope. :P
 Aww-Ree
Joined: 1/2/2013
Msg: 8
Why can't single dads get dates???
Posted: 1/26/2013 10:53:19 AM

bigbmadrox:
... if I am out with them and a woman walks by I will give a smile and/ or hello then she will look at my kids and turn away.
I don't know that you can logically infer that because a woman turns away from a smile (your signal to let her know you find her attractive) is because you are a father...in the sense that a woman wouldn't find you of interest because you are saddled with kids. I would be more likely to assume if you are sending out signals showing your interested and your kids are with you, a woman is going to assume you are MARRIED and to that end not appreciative of your interest.

I can well understand the frustration the single parent feels when you receive messages dismissing you because you are a parent...especially if this happens a lot. Personally, I don't see this as a deterrent because a man that is actively engaged in the lives of his children...financially supportive as well as emotionally...well to me that reads as a positive. I don't think I am the only female that thinks this way. In addition to this site, why not expand your search using dating sites specifically geared to single-parentdom. At least by doing that you will avail yourself of more opportunities to meet women...women who have children and who might be more prone to accepting a man that has children too. Best of luck! :)
 Be_enchanted
Joined: 1/23/2013
Msg: 9
Why can't single dads get dates???
Posted: 1/26/2013 2:05:47 PM
From spending time with someone with three teenage daughters, I would share it's because your children will always comes first. Profession and family first, with all the hassles of a former spouse, means someone with children usually carry a lot of baggage.
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 10
Why can't single dads get dates???
Posted: 1/26/2013 6:44:10 PM

Baggage comes with life, it's baffling that the good baggage...like raising and taking care of kids on our own..like being incredibly responsible...can be such a turn off by so many.


So what is baffling? You are 28....you have a 7yr old....you have financial and emotional prior commitments that any individual would have to be realistic that they will be for the immediate future in second place.
 chris_d1981
Joined: 12/14/2012
Msg: 11
Why can't single dads get dates???
Posted: 1/26/2013 11:55:48 PM
Why can't we get dates? Because women are just as shallow as men. Of course who ever we date will come second to our kids. This doesn't mean though that you could never be apart of my life or my kids life's. Even if you don't have kids and you get married and have kids you become second. Any responsible parrent puts their kids first but that doesn't mean your dead inside either... I try to find single mothers who are independant because they tend to feel the same way.

POF should really add a filter so that men or women can filter out people who don't want to date others with kids or make it a feature that shows in their profile. It would save alot of time for alot of people.
 jenn8131
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 12
Why can't single dads get dates???
Posted: 1/27/2013 1:09:35 AM
Why can’t single dads get dates?
I’m going to get a lot of flax for this but this is a good vent for a girl who just spent over a year with a single dad who was the reason most men don’t date single moms… and I really do have a lot of respect for the good amazing single dads out there this is just meant as some humor...

1.) You spend all your time txt fighting with your baby mamma rather than even watching your kids…
2.) We become your free baby sitter
3.) Some single dads want to be the “fun dad” and therefore don’t want to be the responsible parent with rules… example you bribe your children with candy to get them to do something…
4.) You turn a blind eye when your child is rude and doesn’t listen when your significant other asks the child to do something…
5.) You allow your child to fight/be rude/ or even mean to my child and have not taught your children how to share or to have good manners
6.) You make the girlfriend discipline – therefore making her the evil step-mom
7.) More court dates because fighting with the baby mamma
8.) Constantly complaining about your baby mamma but never want to take accountability for your own behavior
9.) You steal from my child to give to yours despite the free hand-me downs…
10.) You say things like “my child comes first” but are too busy fighting to really meet the needs of your children
And even at the end of all that having a gf who supports you, helps you take care of your children you run off with a 20 year old….
11.) You use your children as spies against your ex to get information...
12.) You blame your ex for all your child's behavior problems... such as screaming throwing temper tantrums...

Single dads can date and children are not baggage but if the guy is bitter major turn off! There are many lists about why not to date single moms… figure only fair to have a list about why not to date SOME single dads.
 kate786
Joined: 7/7/2012
Msg: 13
Why can't single dads get dates???
Posted: 1/27/2013 6:34:44 AM
There has to be an attraction to you, I don't think it is the matter of children.
I have heard it that men don't want a second family that is why they don't single mothers, it is up to the person
who they date.
So go figure, it's called human nature.
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 14
Why can't single dads get dates???
Posted: 1/27/2013 8:57:25 AM

I think you missed my point, or I wasn't clear enough or whatever. It's fine, probably my fault. I'm personally not complaining, I know the shakes. The problem we have here is that people thinking that a kid is baggage in a negative sense, and that a single parent who has done the right thing and taken the reigns in this little persons life is passed up for somebody less responsible and much less dependable...even by other women who have kids. Just an observation.


You did explain your point very well….I understood it….but wearing the other shoes…walking in the other shoes….why should they make the choice to date or become involved with you…a single 28 yr old single father…with a 7yr old daughter…who because of his daughter or due to the situation is leaving the military and then doing what in terms of financial requirements for his child? When at 28….there is probably no shortage if eligible men who have no financial commitments that take priorities…or emotional commitments that will come before the establishing of the new relationship?

I would never suggest that my daughters are…or have been baggage….but for someone who does not have an emotional attachment to them….I have no issue and fully understand the suggestion. I also have always questioned or wondered why sometimes individuals will suggest they are more dependable or more responsible….My choice to be primary was because I wanted to be…and I just had a different mind set as to what should be more important in respect to issues in and around the development of “our” children. But if saying you are more responsible makes you feel better for yourself….then perhaps that is best for your self image. I always told my daughters we just have different criteria’s in life…and at that stage in life for some reason I just figured they should be my priority….


Why can't we get dates? Because women are just as shallow as men. Of course who ever we date will come second to our kids.


LOL….great dating prospect here….you will always be second place….so a independent adjusted individual with no children who has a great deal of respect for herself and where she is in life and where she wants to go will be jumping for joy to start standing in line waiting for you to grant her some of your precious time when you have it available or when you feel you can accommodate her? Shall we rush out and grab that golden ring?

My sympathy for what your daughter has had to endure…..sometimes life is just not fair.

I have never had a problem finding dates…as a single custodial father…..sometimes it was just not the ones I wanted to date…or sometimes they saw better prospective dating partners than I…I always understood the every other weekend father was far easier for making arrangements with…than the full time or almost full time custodial father….or their children were at a closer stage of independence than mine were…or they were better of financially than I and had a well developed sense of where they wanted to go in life and did not need or desire a potential anvil to hold them down? I never had a problem with their choices as from their perspective it was valid.

Bottom line….age 28---31….you are no longer the catch you might one day have thought yourselves to be…you now have added complications and added emotional and financial considerations that some would prefer to avoid…or not have to stand in line behind! But then around the corner you might find someone who is in the same boat and who has no problems with your added considerations….

And on a personal note…11yrs single father…dating partners…a couple of relationships that fizzled because my children and their requirements took precedent…or…
It was just not special enough to command my full attention? But when they departed I was in full agreement with them…they deserved better or they deserved what they wanted and it would not come from me. And I have had a blast with this stage in life…and soon will be hanging from chandeliers again…once they are all away at university! Mind you the late nights seem harder in the morning than when I was 20….and for some reason I just do not seem to need to take the chances any longer….or is it the bruises and bumps take longer to recover?

Guys….it is a great stage….the very best…so stop getting wound up because some woman see better prospects than you!

12.) You blame your ex for all your child's behavior problems


They are argumentative and very good at standing up for what they feel is right even if it means challenging authority….can I still blame the ex for this…even if they have always spent the majority of time with me….since I am so accommodating ? As to their high achievement in school….I keep telling them we must have taken home the wrong babies from the hospital….or the DNA jumps generations…..???
 OzzGirl22
Joined: 8/17/2009
Msg: 15
Why can't single dads get dates???
Posted: 1/27/2013 1:26:59 PM
My last boyfriend has his teenage girls 100% of the time so it does happen. In fact, I prefer to date guys with children.
Perhaps you could benefit from a profile review?
 freshstartbraveheart
Joined: 11/9/2012
Msg: 16
Why can't single dads get dates???
Posted: 1/27/2013 9:33:32 PM
When I do start dating again, I think I'll prefer single dads as they'd be more understanding of my own commitments. Also, I do want the whole family thing again one day but anyway...

Among the other hesitations mentioned (lack of time, baby-mama drama, discipline issues) I think there may also be the fear that you had children with one woman and that didn't work out, what's to say if you get her pregnant that she also won't end up as a single mom. Then again, there are women that just wouldn't appreciate caring for/bonding with another woman's kids. I've seen a lot of nasty/selfish step-parent questions ("I hate my wife's/boyfriend's son...") type of questions on the Internet.
 shaybabii1992
Joined: 7/29/2011
Msg: 17
Why can't single dads get dates???
Posted: 1/28/2013 12:04:38 AM
I would love to get to know you
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 18
Why can't single dads get dates???
Posted: 1/28/2013 7:19:09 AM

I won't apologize that I have 2 great kids as a part of my life.

Jesus. No one is looking for you to "apologize." They just don't want to deal with kids and are not interested in you.
 dolsot
Joined: 6/3/2010
Msg: 19
Why can't single dads get dates???
Posted: 1/28/2013 7:32:27 AM
I think that a large part of the problem is the ingrained perceptions of society at large. Fathers have been painted as the parent most likely to abandon their children while the image of the single mother is practically cemented into our psyches. When a man sees a woman alone with children he may wonder if she is single and check for a wedding ring. When a woman sees a man alone with children I think they are more likely to assume that there is a wife. If the man is at an amusement park or similar venue on the weekend, the woman might think that he is on his access weekend and not want to intrude.
This is largely based on my own experiences with my daughter. Another possibility is that we don't get noticed by women because we are hideous. I hope, for our sakes, that my first hypothesis is the correct one.
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 20
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Why can't single dads get dates???
Posted: 1/28/2013 8:04:58 AM
Please! That's so lame.


No it isn't lame, and what I suggested was a possibility as to why women leave him alone when he's with his kids. (based on my experience of leaving men alone when they are with their kids).
I do not want a fellow to direct his attention towards me when he has his kids for the weekend. (SOME parents forget what is important when they are attracted and lonely) and if he's flirting with me when he has his kids I have to wonder where his priorities lie so I'd ignore his advances because I do not find it cool.

Regular chatting would be fine but I'd rather he just not flirt at all. (maybe ask for my number and call on me another time, when his kids weren't around but that's it for day 1).

I love kids,and they don't need dad's divided attention when all they get is a couple of days a week.

Never mind that some women might just think he's married still.

ALL but 1 of my boyfriends were dad's. I met their kids and them mine AFTER we decided we were going to be a couple.
 Friend_ZZZ
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 21
Why can't single dads get dates???
Posted: 1/28/2013 8:10:13 AM
glad to see that there are still women who date single dads
 jc91607
Joined: 1/21/2013
Msg: 22
Why can't single dads get dates???
Posted: 1/28/2013 8:36:05 PM

1.) You spend all your time txt fighting with your baby mamma rather than even watching your kids…
2.) We become your free baby sitter
3.) Some single dads want to be the “fun dad” and therefore don’t want to be the responsible parent with rules… example you bribe your children with candy to get them to do something…
4.) You turn a blind eye when your child is rude and doesn’t listen when your significant other asks the child to do something…
5.) You allow your child to fight/be rude/ or even mean to my child and have not taught your children how to share or to have good manners
6.) You make the girlfriend discipline – therefore making her the evil step-mom
7.) More court dates because fighting with the baby mamma
8.) Constantly complaining about your baby mamma but never want to take accountability for your own behavior
9.) You steal from my child to give to yours despite the free hand-me downs…
10.) You say things like “my child comes first” but are too busy fighting to really meet the needs of your children
And even at the end of all that having a gf who supports you, helps you take care of your children you run off with a 20 year old….
11.) You use your children as spies against your ex to get information...
12.) You blame your ex for all your child's behavior problems... such as screaming throwing temper tantrums...


I am relatively new single dad and found this helpful. I would not knowingly do any of these things, but nevertheless I should keep these things in mind in future relationships and do my best to avoid these mistakes.
 kailuaborn
Joined: 1/17/2013
Msg: 23
Why can't single dads get dates???
Posted: 1/28/2013 9:27:34 PM
Being a single mom i would rather date a single dad.
 Zuglo65
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 24
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History
Why can't single dads get dates???
Posted: 1/29/2013 8:46:23 AM

meesages I get are "sorry not looking for anyone with kids"

Got a few of those myself.

I won't apologize that I have 2 great kids as a part of my life

Nobody is asking you that. But if someone prefer no kids, or maybe older kids, it's their right.
BTW..You don't mention your other kid in your profile..Just a 13 years old..

Can someone shed some light on this subject please.

To repeat myself, it's just their preference.
 vestaceres
Joined: 6/13/2012
Msg: 25
Why can't single dads get dates???
Posted: 1/29/2013 10:08:36 AM
Baggage comes with life, it's baffling that the good baggage...like raising and taking care of kids on our own..like being incredibly responsible...can be such a turn off by so many.


I find this most agreeable.

It's true: we've demonstrated our ability to care for people other than ourselves, responsibly, and safely imperfectly. It should be to our credibility (not that this should be an exception, because it's the rule) that we'r reliable and we have the experience of handling crises, educating, healing, nurturing, all of the things a prospective partner would want in the future parent of their child. Of course, I freely admit that there's is no perfect family.

Instead, some just breed, for the chance to experience something first with somebody else who would experience this as their first, as well, with somebody who they thought was singular and fresh, and realize later, that the person whom they thought was prime breeding material proved themselves to be a worthless and shitty parent.

For the record, my children are a decade apart in age because I planned it that way. They're not spoilt brats; they are educated, cultured, and well-mannered. They're opinionated and they're free to express themselves and I'm not a control freak, but they know their limits. They don't steal and they don't back chat; they discuss their concerns freely. And if they're troubled, they have a right to air their dissatisfaction, too.

That said, I would never impose myself on a person who doesn't prefer a prospective date who is co-parenting, and ask why not to date me. I'm not broken, impatient, or desperate to call for such attention. To be quite frank, my situation may serve as an automatic filter, save a few terrible humans who look for the kids and see me as the obstacle to them. I respect that people have a right to decide on their own what's best for their situation, more so than I value my own desires.
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