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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?      Home login  
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 Sunshine33ks
Joined: 12/15/2012
Msg: 1
Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I've been on several dates. There have been a couple that I enjoyed and wanted to see the guy again. After we met I would receive a call or text saying "I really like you." "I had a great time, can't wait to do it again."
"Great!" I think to myself.
I send texts saying good morning... they respond back. I don't overwhelm with contact just a polite staying in touch message but here's the problem. After a few days the texts start to coming few and far between or not at all.

Very general question here but what do guys say, if anything, when they're not interested?
 *Cowboy*
Joined: 4/28/2006
Msg: 2
Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 1/26/2013 11:58:07 AM
After 30 minutes on the first MEET I say "Thanks so much for meeting me but I dont feel we are a match. Good Luck in your search always!"

If I am interested I will ALWAYS ask for a next date at the end of the first meet or date. With me there is no B.S. and no games. If I like ya then you know it.

Cowboy
 domainfullduplex100
Joined: 12/21/2012
Msg: 3
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Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 1/26/2013 11:58:15 AM
what's your reply when they show you this enthusiasm?
 ABritInBurnaby
Joined: 8/31/2012
Msg: 4
Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 1/26/2013 11:58:57 AM
I do, mostly for myself though. I don't like loose ends and sometimes I'm easily convinced into more dates when I don't want them haha.

But I'm not typical, most guys will just ignore you and let conversation die gradually until you get the impression.

You will likely know if a guy is interested in you. He will be in touch and ask you for another date, normally within a few days.
 Aww-Ree
Joined: 1/2/2013
Msg: 5
Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 1/26/2013 12:01:13 PM
Umm....I think you just answered your own question:

I send texts saying good morning... they respond back. I don't overwhelm with contact just a polite staying in touch message but here's the problem. After a few days the texts start to coming few and far between or not at all.

They simply eventually say....nothing at all. Actions speak louder than words.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 6
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Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 1/26/2013 12:06:38 PM
as a woman.... I have been met with hostility for saying sorry... some guys have become
scarey... Instead I started putting the rules diwn solid before meeting.. that it was just a meet and greet. Of the 100 or so guys I met over a year, less than 5 I wanted to see again. Of them 2 were not who they said and claimed to be, the other 2 were not a lifestyle match turned out. I did meet and marry someone who I met on a dating site but it was lots of BS.
I would suggest you be very careful in meeting in your meet and greets. Meet in a public place and have good boundries. There are sickos out there and you will run into them. Some of them ogars, who think they are mighty hot stuff with massive egos. Be very careful females. NEVER met a man at your home or tell him where you live ntil you know you want to see him again.
 Sunshine33ks
Joined: 12/15/2012
Msg: 7
Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 1/26/2013 12:09:10 PM
@domainfullduplex100 I usually tell them I enjoyed myself to and am looking forward to meeting again. However, there's always a question about when. We stay in touch via text but as I said eventually it fades away.

I will add that I try not to be ... aggressive or to ... pushy. I do this because I understand that dating takes time but then don't understand what's going on if we've both expressed interest and I've said I'm willing and excited to meet with them again and nothing else happens.

My most recent incident was a date last monday night. He was very enthusiastic, right up my alley. He said he wanted to come meet me Wed night. It never happened but then he insisted on coming to meet me for lunch on Thursday. He said I was a hard read on the first date but at lunch he was better able to read me. Again, I'm dealing with a situation where I'm not being pushy with the communication but I get the impression I'm competing for his attention... and I'm getting little to no communication back.
 domainfullduplex100
Joined: 12/21/2012
Msg: 8
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Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 1/26/2013 12:19:17 PM
I personally would prefer a lady who is also very keen on me and does some chasing too. It is a turn on :)
However, only after i have let her know that i am very keen on her.
I suspect this is part of the dangers of having such a big pool of potential dates. People flicker and burn very quickly in what they think they want. This of course would be the trend if you entered relationships too. Exciting early and ending early. So in a way, be happy these guys don't follow up. They are saving you time. your precious time
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 9
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Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 1/26/2013 12:23:14 PM
I think a man that is really interested is going to ask for a 2nd date right away. If you think you are competing for his attention.....you probably are.
 Aww-Ree
Joined: 1/2/2013
Msg: 10
Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 1/26/2013 12:25:44 PM

Laskoboo: Of the 100 or so guys I met over a year, less than 5 I wanted to see again.

This just amazed me. My GAWD but you are dedicated to the cause! By dating 100 men in a years time....this means on average you dated approximately 2 men a week give or take a 2-week vacation from them, lol. How in the world did you find the time? Not only that...where in the world did you find 100 them...lol? Don't be stingy...tell us your secret!

I get busy with work, my family, my friends, my hobbies and interests...and because of time constraints, I'd be happy if I could fit in one date a month much less 7 - 8 of them. Laskaboo gf...you are my hero!!!
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 11
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Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 1/26/2013 1:00:38 PM
You're new to the site. The first lesson of online dating is: Learn to take the hint.

However, I don't call and say "I really like you" or "I had a great time, can't wait to do it again" if neither of those statements are true. If someone contacts me, I'll tell her we're not a match, if I respond at all.

Before you think that's an impolite way of getting the message across, I've been on the receiving end of the "no interest, no reply" method enough times to realize that's just how things are. The wise man knows the world he lives in.

However, saying "I really like you" or "I had a great time, can't wait to do it again" might be true at first, but they might meet someone they like better and/or just lose interest over time.
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 12
Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 1/26/2013 1:08:10 PM
I would suggest you be very careful in meeting in your meet and greets.



Of the 100 or so guys I met over a year, less than 5 I wanted to see again.



Of them 2 were not who they said and claimed to be, the other 2 were not a lifestyle match turned out.


I don't completely understand how this is possible.
What careful pre- screening methods would fail to eliminate meeting 99 guys in person who were not worth meeting?

To the OP, it's a mixed bag. Some will be upfront enough to say they aren't interested, and some will slowly disappear and hope you get the hint, and some will vanish in an instant.
 tooborednow
Joined: 1/13/2013
Msg: 13
Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 1/26/2013 1:54:01 PM

what do you say when your not interested after meeting?

Depends on the meeting, depends on the girl.
I've done everything from disappear after the date, no contact whatsoever, to sitting there and discussing (sometimes arguing) why it won't work out for hours.

Sometimes I simply know it's pointless to tell them "not interested" because they are the type that need to feel "victimized," sometimes in order to justify being judgey.
Whether I tell them not interested, disappear, just slowly fade, or even if I date them, it just doesn't matter.
They are going to turn everything into a way to feel victimized.
If I say "not interested" then I'm the ahole that didn't give poor little them a chance.
If I just disappear, then I am an ahole for not saying "not interested" in the beginning.
If I fade away, then I am an ahole for not knowing what I want, or my communication sucks, or I don't have the balls to say it to their face.
If I date them, then I am an ahole for not constantly texting, or calling 2 times a day instead of just once.
No matter what I do it's a no "win" situation, so there really is no reason to continue.
Sometimes I figure it out later rather than sooner.

Sometimes I know they are the type that if you tell them you aren't interested it becomes a game of control and "who is better," where they need to assert dominance and reject you.
They aren't really interested in you, or sad you have rejected them, they are only sad to have been rejected.
Your doing it is arbitrary.
They don't really want to date you.
They either want to just not be rejected by you, or they want you to be interested in them (to feel desired).
If you leave the door open for contact in any way (like seeking "closure") they will start playing games in order to have rejection control or to get you to judge them positively, be interested in them more than they are in you.

And I am sure sometimes I think I know who I am dealing with because they trip my judgy, victim, and/or control freak reactions to a significant degree, but in reality I am wrong but I will never know it.

But

After we met I would receive a call or text saying "I really like you." "I had a great time, can't wait to do it again."

I would never do this.
I would call them or text them and ask them out again.
So I don't know if what I would say or do when I am not interested after meeting someone would have any relevance to you since I am probably not like the guy you dated.

I know if I received this

I send texts saying good morning...polite staying in touch message

I would probably just stop responding.
I would think they weren't really interested, they were just phishing for my interest.
To me anything other than attempts to get together face to face means they aren't all that interested, or they are interested in something that I'm not.
I avoid people that want to have relationships with their computer or phone.
 ProcolHarem
Joined: 8/29/2008
Msg: 14
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Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 1/26/2013 2:00:01 PM
Luckily, I've never been in that position. I'm normally interested, but SHE usually...
(A) Stops answering emails
(B) Climbs out the bathroom window leaving me with the check
(C) Points and says look!!! And when I turn around, all I hear are squealing tires.
 AquaLinda
Joined: 12/12/2012
Msg: 15
Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 1/26/2013 2:14:22 PM
OP, I NEVER (and I mean NEVER) contact a guy after a first date. I leave it totally up to him to be back in touch. This way, only the ones that are REALLY into me contact me again, and I weed out the passive ones who want to be the girl in the relationship and have me pursue them from the get go. Makes life much easier that way and you don't waste your time with follow up text messages and then wonder if/when they will respond. If a guy REALLY likes you, he will contact you again.
 Sunshine33ks
Joined: 12/15/2012
Msg: 16
Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 1/26/2013 2:54:05 PM
@Aqualinda that is a very good position to take and one I can identify with. Thank you. I believe you just helped me out of this guessing game.
 L_LuuLuu
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 17
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Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 1/26/2013 3:28:22 PM
When a guy says "I'll call." it means "I WON'T call."

When I was dating, and this was said to me, I would just start laughing.
 ABritInBurnaby
Joined: 8/31/2012
Msg: 18
Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 1/26/2013 3:31:05 PM

When a guy says "I'll call." it means "I WON'T call."

When I was dating, and this was said to me, I would just start laughing.


I'm not surprised they didn't call. I wouldn't call somebody who laughed at me when I said I would call them.
 GangnamStyle1969
Joined: 12/26/2012
Msg: 19
Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 1/26/2013 3:31:06 PM
OP, I NEVER (and I mean NEVER) contact a guy after a first date. I leave it totally up to him to be back in touch. This way, only the ones that are REALLY into me contact me again, and I weed out the passive ones who want to be the girl in the relationship and have me pursue them from the get go. Makes life much easier that way and you don't waste your time with follow up text messages and then wonder if/when they will respond. If a guy REALLY likes you, he will contact you again.


If a woman doesn't contact me I will assume she's not interested. Men do ask women out, pay for the dates, etc. You can at least ask the guy for the 2nd date.
 Sunshine33ks
Joined: 12/15/2012
Msg: 20
Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 1/26/2013 3:35:58 PM
I think my biggest issue is trying to figure out if they really want to see me again, just want to keep me on the hook while they explore other options or are just not interested at all.

I have no problem pursuing a man if he's interested... as a matter of fact the very last one I went out with I even told I was VERY interested in him. I am a strong, independent woman but trying to figure out what a guy really wants and things of me is just... getting ridiculous.
 AquaLinda
Joined: 12/12/2012
Msg: 21
Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 1/26/2013 4:03:44 PM
If a woman doesn't contact me I will assume she's not interested. Men do ask women out, pay for the dates, etc. You can at least ask the guy for the 2nd date.

-------------


It's the guy's job to follow up on a first date. I like men who go after what they want. And the ones why REALLY do, WILL contact me, and won't assume anything. Pursuing a guy never works, and I'm not attracted to guys who like to be pursued anyways, so leaning back and waiting for him to contact me is win/win for me. If he doesn't - NEXT.
 L_LuuLuu
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 22
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Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 1/26/2013 7:13:31 PM

I'm not surprised they didn't call. I wouldn't call somebody who laughed at me when I said I would call them.



You're missing the point here. If a guy really likes a woman he will most likely ask for a second date before the first date ends. Or he will at least let you know by his actions that he really wants to see you again. The ol' vague "I'll call..." REALLY does mean "I WON'T call."

When I laughed I let him know that I was in on the joke. If he had really liked me in the first place he wouldn't have been so luke warm as to say a thing like that. I deserve better than luke warm.
 logicalman1111
Joined: 1/15/2013
Msg: 23
Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 1/26/2013 8:46:29 PM
I know this is going to sound like a crappy response but I told her I wanted to go out on some other dates, and expected her to do the same. Didn't mean I don't want to go out with her, but wanted to keep working the internet and see if my choices was more than just one or two. I guess that is a little different than just not being interested. I am too nice of a guy to just not be interested, that would be more based on not seeing them to begin with, not because of a bad date.
 bofast
Joined: 1/12/2013
Msg: 24
Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 1/26/2013 10:43:41 PM

Some of them ogars, who think they are mighty hot stuff with massive egos.


Did you mean Ogre? Perhaps you can split the two idea. I don't think Ogre's have massive egos. Orge's live under bridges.

There are Trolls also. Some women are trolls too.
 zentral
Joined: 10/30/2005
Msg: 25
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Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 1/27/2013 6:27:32 AM
If I want another date, I'll ask within a day or so about setting one up - or may do so by the end of the first date. If I do not, within a day or so I'll tell her that I don't feel any chemistry. Of course, sometimes it's obvious to us both that there won't be another date.
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