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 lisanicole1176
Joined: 1/13/2013
Msg: 1
need help MEN please..Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
so i met this guy when i was at work we were friends and we both liked each other but were not ready to date so we decided to take things slow till we were both ready about 4 months later i asked if he was ready and he said funny you ask cuz i was gonna ask the same and it went on from there. everything was good no fighting there was no problems. then months and a couple week in to the relationship he broke it off saying he had been thinking about it for a couple weeks he dont want to hurt me he still cares for me im just not the girl for him and he should of never got in to a relationship but he wants to be friends we have talked every day since the break up 3 weeks ago.. i decided to be friends with benefits with him thinking i would get him back he didnt want to at first cuz he didnt want to hurt me more knowing still have feelings for him. i told him that it was not me to go this far but cuz that not normally me but i like this guy alot.. well that happened once and i could see feelings there between him and me still he has barely talked to me since it been 4 days and he is being distances all over again like he was before the break up. he gets jel when other guys bug me. he was suppose to come to my sister this past sat but instead he is doing it next weekend to talk to her about his job but he wanted me there it dont make since im confused and really need help.. o another thing he lost his job when we were hanging out but not dating and was having a hard time finding another one..dont know if that has anything to do with it.. but please help.. thanks
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 2
need help MEN please..
Posted: 1/28/2013 4:37:26 PM
lisanicole1176, what is your precise question here for men to answer?
 lisanicole1176
Joined: 1/13/2013
Msg: 3
need help MEN please..
Posted: 1/28/2013 4:41:12 PM
if he has feelings and is hiding them.. i honestly think he is
 deere_rancher
Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 4
view profile
History
need help MEN please..
Posted: 1/28/2013 4:43:55 PM
Op .. you should believe EXACTLY , what he told you ...he doesn't want you or to hurt you
There no way now, to avoid being hurt , but if you continue after him you would be putting yourself thru hell
I'm sorry , I know you love him , but he's never going to feel the same way about you
cry if it helps , but move on with your life , and don't waste it
 Talllkonnly
Joined: 1/16/2013
Msg: 5
need help MEN please..
Posted: 1/28/2013 4:50:08 PM
He will keep up the friends and benefits as long as you like but he already told you that you won't be his wife (in so many words) or does he even want to call you his girlfriend or introduce you as one. You can fantasize all you want that he secretly really likes you in that way but you would be better off living in reality.
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 6
need help MEN please..
Posted: 1/28/2013 4:55:25 PM
He told you he didn't feel that way about you. Nothing you do is going to change that. Move on.
 privat33r
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 7
view profile
History
need help MEN please..
Posted: 1/28/2013 4:56:05 PM
OP.. whoo.. okay- the distance matters. I'm not sure what's up but it seems like you're in the outback with the coolest backyard anyone could imagine (way cooler than the rodondo beach twerp from the next thread up).. so ummh.

If your guy's finding employment a challenge he's also got to deal with all the control and manipulation of family/friends/buds as he scrapes by. Its not easy to see you in an independent way. Consider that - try to work on his side (though I for one would be damn reluctant to leave all those cool muddying 4x4's behind)

Frankly we've not the least idea what the issue is. I'm a notoriously confusing read, but- you're kinda kicking me out of the octagon.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 8
need help MEN please..
Posted: 1/28/2013 4:56:57 PM
Seems pretty clear to me.
He doesn't like you enuff to be his GF.
But would miss the sex if you dumped him entirely.

Be his doormat
or move on.
I don't see a third choice.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 9
need help MEN please..
Posted: 1/28/2013 4:57:39 PM
If nothing else, this man seems to be straightforward and honest.
Think of it as removing a bandage quickly rather than taking off slowly and painfully.
Sorry this budding romance did not work out for you. :-(
 bluestreakk
Joined: 1/18/2013
Msg: 10
need help MEN please..
Posted: 1/28/2013 5:04:21 PM
I suggest getting a book called "Mr. Unavailable and the Fallback girl" it will explain to you just exactly how he is playing you and you are letting it happen.
 lisanicole1176
Joined: 1/13/2013
Msg: 11
need help MEN please..
Posted: 1/28/2013 5:06:10 PM
thanks everyone he found a job a couple weeks ago and went out of his way to call me and tell me about and to ask if i hated him
 tnt144
Joined: 10/22/2007
Msg: 12
need help MEN please..
Posted: 1/28/2013 5:22:10 PM
What you don't understand is twofold:

1) love levels - in order to have a happy relationship that can go the distance, you need someone who loves a lot. Unfortunately, this guy just does not love you much or, is simply a player... after two months, if he really loved you, there would be no doubt. If that was the case, you two would already be in your honeymoon phase of the relationship immersed in bliss and there would be no room for doubt. Your confusion is your intuition talking to you, nature's way of saying it's not a match. Listen to it.

2) You are projecting your love onto him - you love him and think and/or wish he would love you more but it is not so. Sex is a woman's hook but this guy is just not into you enough and he will continue to drag your heart through the coals if you keep chasing him. In order for the hook to work there has to be a high love level present in him from the start and I'm sorry to say it's just not there. And after two months if it's not there it probably never will be. Give it up and let him go. The best thing you can do is start dating new guys right away even though you don't want to. It will ease the pain and eventually you'll find Mr. Right - a guy who can't live without you and who loves you deeply.

Any worthwhile relationship, a happy relationship, the only kind worth having, is one where your partner loves you a lot, hopefully too much. Your love alone a relationship does not make. It takes two to make it, but only one to break it. Wash that man out of your hair little sister, you'll find another. Hold your head up and remember, you only need to find one good one.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 13
need help MEN please..
Posted: 1/28/2013 6:52:12 PM
re-read your post, as if it was someone telling you about a guy they knew. invest nothing in the reading.

what do you see?

a guy who's dragging his feet, that's what.

if you weren't good looking, he may be able to admit that he doesn't feel the click with you, and leave you alone. but you're good looking, and he knows he can get some b/c of your interest in him. but he likes, not loves you, so he keeps dragging his feet--he wants some, but he doesn't want to pay the bill (ie, treating someone he likes with disrespect).

how was he with other exgfs? did he drag his feet too, or did he chase after what he knew he wanted? if he felt the click with you, he wouldn't be pushing you away like a temptation that will get him in trouble. he'd be all over you. instead, he's treating you like ice cream when he's on a diet.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 14
need help MEN please..
Posted: 1/28/2013 9:29:19 PM

he broke it off saying he had been thinking about it for a couple weeks he dont want to hurt me he still cares for me im just not the girl for him and he should of never got in to a relationship but he wants to be friends we have talked every day since the break up 3 weeks ago.. i decided to be friends with benefits with him thinking i would get him back he didnt want to at first cuz he didnt want to hurt me more knowing still have feelings for him. i told him that it was not me to go this far but cuz that not normally me but i like this guy alot..


OP, he was honest with you and you tried to manipulate his feelings by having sex with him. It didn’t work.

If you really cared for him you would respect his feelings. He just wants to be friends with you, like he told you originally and repeatedly. You have to decide if you want that, but trying to trick him into something more is unfair to him and will only end up hurting you when he rejects you again.
 AquaLinda
Joined: 12/12/2012
Msg: 15
need help MEN please..
Posted: 1/28/2013 9:51:55 PM
I'm not a guy, but I had to chip in. OP, I'm sorry, I know this is painful, but you have to cut him off. If you want at least the slightest chance of him having a change of heart, he needs to feel what life is like without you. Wish him well, cut off all contact and sex, and DATE other guys. That is the ONLY way he MIGHT come back, but even if he does, don't jump right back at him. Hopefully though, you'll meet somebody else and won't care anymore if he does come back. Has worked for me in the past every time. Good luck! You are beautiful and WILL find somebody better for you.
 tooborednow
Joined: 1/13/2013
Msg: 16
need help MEN please..
Posted: 1/28/2013 11:06:44 PM

but please help.. thanks

All you've really described here is a guy marking his territory and the pains (mental gymnastics and games) people will go through so everyone will socially and emotionally accept it.

He doesn't want a relationship with you. Or more accurately, he doesn't want your relationship expectations.
He doesn't want to be a bad guy either. He doesn't want to be judged negatively.
Sometimes one supersedes the other in importance influencing behavior.

He might be sticking around because you still offer him something, like since you want more from him you might keep stroking his ego and telling him what a great guy he is.
The only feelings he may have for you are not going to be the ones you wish he had.
 AintNoDeal
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 17
need help MEN please..
Posted: 1/28/2013 11:16:46 PM
Invite him to bring over his XBOX and live on your sofa. After three kids, he will move out and take the truck and the ice cooler with him, but not all his dirty clothes. Will you let him go then? Or will you let him have 2 or 3 FWBs on the side to keep him warming the sofa and screaming for another beer?

If you want LOVE, buy a dog. Read the profile of all the Single, Independent, Successful, Rather-be-alone-than-with-a-jerk profiles here on POF. 80% of these women have dogs. Dogs that give them tongue and body heat without question. They are in no rush to ruin that set-up by letting some out-of-work bum sleep on their couch.
 bofast
Joined: 1/12/2013
Msg: 18
need help MEN please..
Posted: 1/29/2013 12:42:54 AM
It may be that he is 100% right that you are not for right for him. Friends with benefits is a bad idea for you.

The purpose of dating is to find someone to marry right? Every date should be used as an opportunity to get to know the other person better.

It sounds like the only thing you have in common is sex.

You also never asked a question.

I would advise you to get an education. You should be able to stand on your own two feet, support yourself, learn to spell, and be able to write a decent paragraph that people can understand. Otherwise you will be entirely dependent on a man. Men don't like that. Most likely men will not be interested in you because you will be a financial drain. If you improve yourself, you will find more men interested in you.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 19
view profile
History
need help MEN please..
Posted: 1/29/2013 6:25:46 AM
Stop trying to make it work, he already told you he does not want to be your BF. Stop calling, texting and waiting for him to change his mind.
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 20
need help MEN please..
Posted: 1/29/2013 8:48:51 AM
I don't really have anything new to add to answering your question. You got some pretty good advice. I just hope you listen. People have taken the time to write you. You would thank them by taking some of it to heart.

The only thing I'd like to add, is I wouldn't invest too much of my time in forming a relationship. At age 22 your focus should be on getting your own life started. Independently so you aren't needy. I see you would like to have children. I hope you wait until you have a solid relationship and don't have any accidents with a FWB. This would be a big set back to those college plans you have and make getting a job 100 times harder than it already is.

You are laying the foundation for the rest of your life. What you do now could set the tone for your entire future. Make good decisions.

BTW- if you are preparing to go to college you might want to start practicing better writing skills. I don't know how much effort you made on your profile and this post, but your English and Grammar skills were pretty weak. Just sayin!
 Asarat11
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 21
need help MEN please..
Posted: 1/29/2013 9:12:29 AM

If you want LOVE, buy a dog.


I do love spooning with my dog... and if some bum was sleeping on my couch, he wouldn't be for long, my pup doesn't tolerate individuals with questionnable character.
 Orgulloso
Joined: 8/28/2010
Msg: 22
need help MEN please..
Posted: 1/29/2013 9:19:49 AM
OP,

Insert slapping forehead icon here.

You are 22 years old, have fun. Forget this guy ... there are some great Forum veterans giving you advice from a womans perspective (CarolAnn and Fleuron) ... take their advice.
 lisanicole1176
Joined: 1/13/2013
Msg: 23
need help MEN please..
Posted: 1/29/2013 11:28:52 AM
his other relationships lasted a long time i was prolly the shortest one for him but i know he had a relationship of 5 yrs in high school and one of 3 out of high school he was cheated on is why they didnt work
 lisanicole1176
Joined: 1/13/2013
Msg: 24
need help MEN please..
Posted: 1/29/2013 11:32:06 AM
thanks.. i have not talked to him in 3 days and dont plan on it nothing else is going to happen with him.. i see what i have to do thats what im gunna do
 auntyemm
Joined: 12/22/2012
Msg: 25
need help MEN please..
Posted: 1/29/2013 11:45:57 AM
What,you are going to use the brains that you have.Go get someone who wants you and not sex.
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