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 moon_breeze
Joined: 10/10/2012
Msg: 1
How do you date one person at a time? Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I never understood the dating one person at a time thing-isn't that what a boyfriend is? I'm not starting the overdone argument on "focusing on one person vs. multiple" I actually want to know "how" dating one person works and the difference in dating behavior that you've experienced or would prefer when only dating one person. Is there generally more or less contact than in a relationship or multiple dating situation? Things like that.

I've recently entered into new territory here, but I'm having trouble NOT treating him like a boyfriend-which he doesn't seem to mind but it makes me feel needier than 9 dates normally would make me. So any advice on how you "one at a time" daters operate is appreciated.
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 2
How do you date one person at a time?
Posted: 1/29/2013 1:13:41 PM
I'm a one-at-a-timer, and I don't really understand the question. You just... go on dates with them, and spend time together, and talk...

It's the same as dating more than one, only you're just doing it with one.

Well, that isn't quite right; it's different because of the mutual expectation of exclusivity, but what people actually do together isn't different.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 3
How do you date one person at a time?
Posted: 1/29/2013 1:18:32 PM
There is certainly an ease, comfort, and welcomed sense of letting-down-your-hair for sure.
One of the primary issues affiliated with online dating is the flakeout factor.

Many singles (men and women alike) date others seeking the likeliest match. This can also create distraction.
It is certainly a mixed bag...yet all things considered as a successful, 45 y.o., fit male...I far prefer a single date.
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 4
How do you date one person at a time?
Posted: 1/29/2013 1:19:03 PM
Dating one person at a time says little or nothing nothing about the level of intimacy or commitment in your relationship, other than not dating anybody else. It could mean you go bowling together every other week.
Boyfriend/girlfriend connotes a more romantic, ongoing expectation. And you can have sex without feeling slutty.
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 5
How do you date one person at a time?
Posted: 1/29/2013 1:22:24 PM
on how you "one at a time" daters operate is appreciated

You will most certainly get a lot of different opinions on this but I am a "one at a time dater". What that means to me is that I go on first or second dates with women until I meet someone who I seemed to really hit it off with and want to date "seriously" to see where it goes. At that point, I stop dating other women. This doesn't immediately put us in the relationship category and that seems to be your question. It is at the point where we agree to hide the dating profiles, and become exclusive, that the "relationship" seems to take hold.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 6
How do you date one person at a time?
Posted: 1/29/2013 1:27:55 PM
I’ve never understood multiple dating. Is it like a reality show of eliminating another man each week, until you get to the Prince Charming who offers you champagne and chocolates in a gurgling candle lit hot tub?

Dating one man at a time works like this…you date one man at a time. I personally can’t compare/contrast dating scenarios since I’ve never multiple dated.

If you don’t want to treat the guy like a boyfriend, don’t….why do you need other men to temper that feeling? If you think he could eventually be a boyfriend, keep going…if not, cut him loose, I guess. I mean I don’t understand dating a guy NINE times if he’s not worthy of your full attention.
 Jerilyn
Joined: 1/13/2012
Msg: 7
How do you date one person at a time?
Posted: 1/29/2013 1:38:37 PM
I sometimes wonder if multiple daters are capable of focusing on one woman at all... (or man). I'm sure some of them are, but it seems to me the odds that you're dealing with someone who is actually not only a multiple dater but a commitment phobe/emotionally unnavailable increases in that scenario, which is one reason why I'm not thrilled with the idea.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 8
How do you date one person at a time?
Posted: 1/29/2013 2:15:00 PM
I have a simple equation that works for me now. I date as many women as possible, yet the moment I get intimate with one, and I like her, I weed out the others. That way I concentrate on that particular one, even though it's not a guarantee that it will work, or that "it's the one."

I have tried both equations, meaning multiple dating and being sexually active with multiple women vs. dating only one woman that I am sexually active. I prefer the second version because the sex ends up being better and more gratifying.
 Mikare
Joined: 11/6/2012
Msg: 9
How do you date one person at a time?
Posted: 1/29/2013 2:17:46 PM
I'm still early in this, I meet a few each week have seen 2 twice. They all seem like nice guys but none of them would last long if the were my one and only. The 1st one I met here I did date exclusively. He lasted 2 weeks. I would hardly call that a relationship. Right now I am the relationship. I'm learning about me, and what I want , need, and will and will not tolerate. So far every guy wants to decide if I fit his needs, match his décor, look good on his toys.....All this attitude will net is a replacement of what didn't work for them the last time. I am still fishing hoping for a full pond I can keep as friends.
 StarPower88
Joined: 9/28/2011
Msg: 10
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How do you date one person at a time?
Posted: 1/29/2013 2:20:48 PM
Very well said.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 11
How do you date one person at a time?
Posted: 1/29/2013 2:22:16 PM
When I hear of a woman dating a lot of guys at the same time, I get the image of a woman who is just out for free meals and drinks.
 irishgirl_72
Joined: 9/19/2012
Msg: 12
How do you date one person at a time?
Posted: 1/29/2013 2:43:56 PM
When you meet the right guy, you wont be so concerned with those other 'dates'..thats really how it works..
 Quasimodo11543
Joined: 7/21/2010
Msg: 13
How do you date one person at a time?
Posted: 1/29/2013 2:48:02 PM
when you put 10 Jelly Belly jelly beans in your mouth at the same time, what do you really taste? It's a matter of respect and giving the person you are "dating" a fair evaluation without being compared to someone else you dated just yesterday.
 MrShoesnchocolate
Joined: 1/14/2013
Msg: 14
How do you date one person at a time?
Posted: 1/29/2013 2:50:27 PM
Every woman I've ever dated either lead to a relationship or went nowhere.

So, if the first date went well I simply didn't want to date anyone else.

Instead, I looked forward to seeing them again, then again, until it was obvious that " hey, I think we're bf/gf now "

Simple.
 moon_breeze
Joined: 10/10/2012
Msg: 15
How do you date one person at a time?
Posted: 1/29/2013 2:58:13 PM
I'm obviously happy to be dating only him, the issue for me is that as soon as I stopped dating others-boom-I feel overly attached. I'm wondering how often other people see or talk to someone they're dating when it's one at a time.

When I was multiple dating, I didn't care as much if I only saw someone once a week, but now if I even THINK he won't make time for me twice a week I get knots in my stomach and miss him-How often do you see/call/text when dating only one? From the answers that are closer to what I was seeking, it just seems like there's no rules-no set amount of time-which I know there's no rules I'm just wondering how the one at a time daters handle it-make plans, spur of the moment, do you miss them, have pet names? I'm asking how the DATING process of it works compared to a relationship. Because a relationship is how I feel, but being in the middle seems to be making me cling more than I would in multiple dating OR even in a relationship-it's like it's bringing out my hidden insecurities.
 venusenvy777
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 16
How do you date one person at a time?
Posted: 1/29/2013 3:07:29 PM
I agree that there is a big difference between dating and a relationship. Until I make a commitment to someone, I should date as much as I want. I would expect him to be doing the same. Once a commitment is made however thats a different story.
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 17
How do you date one person at a time?
Posted: 1/29/2013 3:07:40 PM

From the answers that are closer to what I was seeking, it just seems like there's no rules-no set amount of time-which I know there's no rules...

Right. You'll have to figure out for yourself, with him, what feels right for both of you.

...make plans, spur of the moment, do you miss them, have pet names?

Those things are also all completely individual.
 notdating-forumsonly
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 18
How do you date one person at a time?
Posted: 1/29/2013 3:19:41 PM
I like a natural flow to things and people should call each other when they want to.
I dated one at a time but each person is different in how often they like to be in contact and to see each other, etc.
Simply communicate about it and ask what his preference is and share yours.

My SO and I are in daily contact and see each other 2-3 times a week on average.
It was basically the same when we started to date- a bit less communication then but still seeing each other 2-3 times a week.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 19
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How do you date one person at a time?
Posted: 1/29/2013 3:20:50 PM
I usually dated several women at a time - until I found one on whom to focus. Dating several was very effective and efficient, as I could meet far more women and experience far more variety of personalities and attitudes. I also expected that the women I dated were doing the same, in hopes of finding the best match. It IS a numbers "game" to find that match. Dating one at a time would have taken me years longer to find the ideal match for me. Dating multiples made that process far faster and effective.

I understand that my preferred approach doesn't work for everyone, and of course some women wouldn't date me if they knew my strategy. That's okay - there were plenty of others who agreed and did the same. When we BOTH decided we were right for each other, we usually both had a very good basis for that choice.
 Proteaus
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 20
How do you date one person at a time?
Posted: 1/29/2013 3:37:24 PM
Dating has sure changed . Used to be you would only concentrate on one person at a time , out of respect for the individual. But those days are long gone from what I have been seeing .Now it's date as many, as fast as you can .Online has turned dating into a bad joke . See some women brag how they get 100 msg a day . I do find it amusing ie. in their hurry to date the next guy on their list I bet many have looked back and wished they hadn't been so hasty . Because once you pass some one , that individual is gone . Example ; If I had a date with a woman and then she goes out with a different man , then wants to see me again . I would politely say no thank you . Or if I was seeing a woman a few times and find out she been seeing other men as well . I would cut all contact .
 moonchildMN
Joined: 9/28/2012
Msg: 21
How do you date one person at a time?
Posted: 1/29/2013 4:10:30 PM
I never understood the dating one person at a time thing-isn't that what a boyfriend is?


No, dating is a discovery phase...ideally you move slowly when you date. It's during dating that you learn if you are compatible or not.

In a perfect world, I'd like to go out with Mr. Wonderful once on the weekend when we have the kids then spend more time together when we don't have the kids but not much more. I don't even expect a daily phone call during the dating phase. I'm good talking on the phone once a week, a text at the end of the day is nice to say good night.

It's when you date you both decide if you want to move forward into an exclusive relationship. Sometimes it happens naturally without a ton of over-analyzing, sometimes one person makes assumptions about whether they are in a relationship or not because they don't talk to each other and they need to, and sometimes there are lot of factors that need to be sorted out. At my age kids, parenting time, money, free-time, friends, etc all come into play which is why, I'm more of a dater than anything else right now. I never date more than one person at a time though, that's too much work.
 deere_rancher
Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 22
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How do you date one person at a time?
Posted: 1/29/2013 4:15:48 PM
OP I'm very selective on who I agree to meet , when I
find someone , I hide my profile and give her all my attention
If it doesn't work out , I'm back on and looking again
think I about ready to hide my profile again .!!
 jan1025
Joined: 3/23/2009
Msg: 23
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How do you date one person at a time?
Posted: 1/29/2013 4:20:35 PM
For me, I really struggled with this question.

I don’t date right now, but when I did, I dated one at a time. I think it was how I was raised and it was my generation. Reflecting back, and being totally honest, not in denial; I am now wondering if that was such a good idea!

I always dated one man, and then they turned into a relationship, reflecting back none of them worked out and I divorced one and got rid of the others for reasons too long to go into. I honestly can say I’ve loved them all, at different levels.

I think, and agree with others here that said, basically that dating has changed.

All I can add to this thread is I’m happy not dating anybody right now. I’m not so in a hurry anymore to find the “one”.

I think dating should be how a person wants to date, really. I think above all its good ethics to be honest, at least be up front, and not use others to make gains in ones motives, especially if lies are involved. In other word, “do unto others as you would do unto you.”

So date as you like, be happy, but keep it honest out of respect for others. I don’t see how that can be a wrong way to date, regardless if its one or many.

However, I don’t believe honesty is a big thing now-a-days, unfortunately.

Thanks for sharing and reading,
Jan
 moon_breeze
Joined: 10/10/2012
Msg: 24
How do you date one person at a time?
Posted: 1/29/2013 4:20:50 PM
Thanks that's helpful-I know he said he'd like to see me every day but neither of us have time for that-he says twice a week is not too much and that I'm not pushy, but the problem in this situation is that I'm a planner and he never knows when he'll have homework or a car to work on for supplemental income on top of school. Then I kind of panic cause my week gets planned quickly and he's not in it... But I'm not going to sit and wait for him either.
He texts a lot but I've tried to move that to more calls instead of texts-then I just don't get a lot of calls cause of our work/school schedules. Really me being a planner is a big incompatibility.
If this doesn't work out, I would still like to know how the one at a time thing tends to go, it seems like a better idea in some ways.
 jan1025
Joined: 3/23/2009
Msg: 25
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How do you date one person at a time?
Posted: 1/29/2013 4:37:49 PM
Star,

Excuse me, but for me to further this conversation. I guess, I need to know if you are having sex with your dates, or in your last post this one guy? This changes the playing field. Because some people have sex with all the people they're dating, and some people don't sleep with any dates. I think now-a-days people define "dating" in different ways.

In this day an age, dating is a new playground, especially on dating sites.

You don't have to answer, I don't mean to put you in the spot light. I will say, if you're unhappy with the incompatibility with this one guy, then move on...

But, to be honest you sound like you don't know what you want. One minute you date lots of men, and in one situation you are just talking about one guy.

Now, I'm confused.
Jan
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