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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Is being Bi really that bad?      Home login  
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 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 2
Is being Bi really that bad?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Don't they have a website for just about everything these days? I haven't looked but certainly there has to be a dating site for Bi folks.
 phoenix_55
Joined: 7/25/2012
Msg: 4
Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 1/29/2013 2:43:15 PM
I think the general concensus is that men can't really be bisexual -- you're either gay or straight. And hetero men would never even be curious enough to have sex with another guy because that would make them gay.

I probably didn't word that very well, but I think you get my point. Not many women, including myself, would voluntarily get involved with someone who proclaims to be bisexual. It's hard enough dealing with him looking at other women ... now we gotta wonder if he's eyeballing the neighbor guy. Even though you say that's not what's happening, how else can you explain it? I mean, you say you're bisexual -- meaning you like men and women. So it's obvious that women would be competing with men on some level.
 annywn
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 5
Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 1/29/2013 2:45:39 PM
Don't sweet it to much OP, hey I commend you for being so forthright, and who you fall for just happens. But never ever feel like you have to take the back seat in shame, you aren't some freakshow, and those who try make you feel as if you are,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,thats there problem and in fact , perhaps a tiny bit jealous. We call it latent ,hahahahaha.chin up ther buckaroo
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 6
Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 1/29/2013 2:50:21 PM

Ok. Nothing to do with what i asked.

My apologies.. yes, it's bad. You are neither gay nor straight. Thus, you are excluded by probably 98% of the people here. If that's a problem for you.. see my original post.
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 9
Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 1/29/2013 3:18:49 PM

As you can tell with a handful of the asinine replies you've received

WTF ? The guy asked a question but lets just dance around it in our little PC universe right and pretend it's all good and nobody will care...


Is being bisexual a bad thing? No

Who said being bi was a bad thing? To each his own. It will however, limit the field on this site. However, so as not to offend anyone's sensitivities .. we'll pretend otherwise. K?
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 10
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History
Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 1/29/2013 3:23:38 PM
Bisexuality is difficult for some to accept. Most people don't even agree if people are born to be straight/gay or choose to be gay or maybe it is a combination of both based on their DNA combination. Bisexuality adds another layer that makes this topic even more difficult for people to comprehend.
 GJBrown
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 11
Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 1/29/2013 3:25:16 PM
Im not bi But I say if you are,and on a dating site, and looking for a serious relationship. Don't put bi on profile. Unless you have been contacting guys and girls. I can't speak for women but thinking or knowing their new boyfriend possibly had butt sex with a dude has got to be a turn off.
Anyway Good luck to you sir
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 13
Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 1/29/2013 3:33:18 PM

Perhaps you should work on your reading comprehension

Weren't you the one that said all the previous posts were "asinine" because they pointed out that disclosing one is bi might be a bit of a problem on this site?
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 14
Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 1/29/2013 3:34:21 PM
anything off the norm hurts as far as dating.
bald, short, fat, whatever.

The ladies have preferences.
and they are picky about em.

However on the plus side......
you can fish at both ends of the pond.
:-P
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 15
Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 1/29/2013 3:35:44 PM

...just wondering if being Bi is really that bad to most people.

Yeah, it pretty much is. Unfair but true.

What's even more unfair is, it's worse for men. A monogamous bi girl can usually find a boyfriend who will be secure with her sexuality, and though girlfriends generally have more trouble with it, she can usually find one of those who will accept it too, if that's who she happens to fall in love with.

A bi guy, no matter how devotedly monogamous, is regarded with deep suspicion as a cheating/leaving risk by both males and females. Way, way more so than a bi girl.

You seem like a sweetheart - I loved your profile - and I'm sure you will find someone, but yep, this will make it a lot harder than it would be if you were strongly inclined more one way or the other.

Sorry. I wish I could tell you something more positive. I guess, on the up side... it won't be dull?
 GJBrown
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 18
Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 1/29/2013 3:42:07 PM
Gay dudes that also like women
lesbians that also like Men
Sexuality stopped making sense a long time ago!
If youre really Bi maybe you should just find other Bi people to date
 Della D
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 19
Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 1/29/2013 4:58:19 PM
Without judging what is bad or not, it will most likely be much harder for you to find a match than if you were either hetero or gay.

Especially on a site as vanilla proper as POF. Guess that was what the first poster meant, when he suggested you check for sites that cater to bi sexual dating.
 Deadliest_Snatch
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 20
Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 1/29/2013 7:39:44 PM
Yes.
Western culture is uncomfortable with anything that is not strictly polarized.
Even your gay buddies treat you with disdain for not declaring a clear allegiance.
Ambivalence makes people uncomfortable.
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 21
Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 1/30/2013 12:21:50 AM
I'll throw my two cents in here.

My ex husband was bi. He told me on our first date so I knew up front. However, after that whole experience, and how I feel now, I would not date another bi guy. This is my personal decision based on how I felt on a number of levels. And while it was not the primary reason why I asked for a divorce, it ended up being the straw that broke it at the very end.


Despite that, I still would not discourage anyone from dating someone who was bi. Each situation is unique. Some work out, and some don't.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 24
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Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 1/30/2013 5:14:20 AM
I dont understand why you have to couch it in those terms. I would not knowingly have relationship with a BI man, for a myriad of reasons. Not one of them is because a Bi sexual man is "bad". It is because it doesnt fit with what I want in a partner. I personally dont care about anyone's sexuality until it becomes part of my life, and then I get to choose what I will and what I wont accept. I may not understand your ability to be attracted to both men and women, but that doesnt mean I see you as "bad", no more than I would see someone who would not date a person they didnt find sexually attractive as bad.

It sounds like you made some choices that you arent happy with and perhaps regret what you did. You are going to have to accept that there are going to be an awful lot of people who arent going to accept your Bi-ness, just like there are going to be an awful lot of people who wouldnt be attracted to you even if you werent Bi, for a myriad of other reasons as well.
 mermaid140
Joined: 8/29/2012
Msg: 28
Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 1/30/2013 11:10:12 AM

It's going to be hard to find a woman who is interested in a man who is attracted to men. It's a major turn-off for most women. I recommend looking for a monogamous bi woman who understands your plight. Good luck!


It is a big turn off for me...

I would never date a bi-sexual. The thought of my man making love to another man before he met me would be on my mind. I just couldn't deal with that.. Relationship are hard enough without adding that to it..
 Bookbelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 30
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Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 1/30/2013 2:34:44 PM

I think the general concensus is that men can't really be bisexual -- you're either gay or straight. And hetero men would never even be curious enough to have sex with another guy because that would make them gay.

I probably didn't word that very well, but I think you get my point. Not many women, including myself, would voluntarily get involved with someone who proclaims to be bisexual. It's hard enough dealing with him looking at other women ... now we gotta wonder if he's eyeballing the neighbor guy. Even though you say that's not what's happening, how else can you explain it? I mean, you say you're bisexual -- meaning you like men and women. So it's obvious that women would be competing with men on some level.


Not everyone's sexuality is that solidly fixed at the end of a scale. For some of us, it's fluid.

Also, what is WITH peoples' assumptions that a bisexual person is unfaithful/looking at other people?
Like the OP, I am also bisexual.
Let me try and explain, for those who don't get it, using examples. Do you have a "type" of man/woman you go for? Maybe it's the tattooed, rough tough biker. Maybe it's the straight-laced Christian who is extremely prim and proper. The city lawyer/doctor who works so many hours a week. The artist. The maths geek. Whatever. Well, do you ALWAYS go for that same type of person in all of your relationships? Or have you been attracted to different types of men (/women, depending on preference)?
Well, not everyone has a specific "type" of person they are attracted to. In my case, those parameters extend to sex. (Sex and gender are different, by the way. Your sex is the physical manifestation - the chromosomes, genitalia, sexual organs, etc. A person's gender doesn't necessarily match their body.) For me, I'm attracted to the person, whether they're male/female, whatever. And when I'm in a relationship, my partner never has to worry about me "eyeballing" ANYONE, male or female. It's just not something I do.

SOME straight, or gay, people might "eyeball" other men/women while they have a partner. That's not to say everyone of that sexuality does. By the same token, SOME bisexual people may do that, but not all of us do.
I actually find it offensive when people automatically assume that bisexual people are unfaithful by default. It is possible to like more than one type of person - to have varied tastes.

Maybe some people need to learn to trust their partners more, or be more secure in themselves/their relationships.
I don't automatically assume that the person I'm with is "eyeballing" other people - male or female. Nor do I do it myself.


OP, some girls may have a problem with your bisexuality.
Sometimes, like some posters in this thread, they make (incorrect) assumptions about what it means to be bisexual. (Promiscuous, unfaithful, etc.)
For others, they just can't get their head around the idea of being with a guy who has been with another guy. (Although, this could also be for other reasons, such as they give blood.)
However, not all girls/guys will care. I certainly don't. :)
 Bookbelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 36
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Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 1/31/2013 1:55:18 PM

its a pain the arse aint it tbh.

i wouldnt date a bi woman as i couldnt be doing with the hassle. if i go to my lad mates house for a drink / fifa no partners will ever care, if i go to a female friends it would raise questions/a grilling and i personally dont believe you can be "friends" with a person of the sex your attracted to. i probably be flamed for my view.

if a girlfriend of mine wants to go to the cinema or for a meal with just another guy she can consider herself single (groups mixed etc i dont mind but not 1 on 1)

so where as i can go for a drink at a male friends house and the girl genuinely wouldnt bat an eyelid, if YOU was to go to a male friends house she has the same worries as if you was seeing a girl. so you going to play fifa at your mates in a girls mind equals - i wonder if hes getting his****sucked right now.

same thing if i had a bi gf was to go out with a fit lesbian friend with massive boobs, it would make me feel massively insecure, i dont have boobs, or a vagina. id dump instantly rather than put up with the hassle

just my 2 pence on the situation


"so where as i can go for a drink at a male friends house and the girl genuinely wouldnt bat an eyelid, if YOU was to go to a male friends house she has the same worries as if you was seeing a girl. so you going to play fifa at your mates in a girls mind equals - i wonder if hes getting his****sucked right now. "
Please don't project YOUR PERSONAL insecurities on people you don't know. Not everyone shares your opinion that two people can't be friends if they attracted to those of that gender. If "she" has the "same worries", then "she" obviously doesn't trust someone enough.

"same thing if i had a bi gf was to go out with a fit lesbian friend with massive boobs, it would make me feel massively insecure, i dont have boobs, or a vagina. id dump instantly rather than put up with the hassle"
I am bisexual. I have lesbian friends. I am NOT attracted to them. Are you attracted to EVERY girl you know, or EVERY girl you see walking down the street? Well, neither am I. My sexuality doesn't change that.
"I don't have..." is kind of irrelevant. I've dated guys who were 6'4", I've dated guys who were 5'6". That doesn't mean the shorter guys were in competition with the taller ones... it was always the PERSON I was attracted to. Every guy I've been out with has been different to the last. I've been out with all sorts of different guys, including different races and nationalities, just to give an example. Just because I've been out with, say, a black guy before, doesn't mean I spend dates with a white guy thinking, "bummer, he doesn't have an afro."
You said "it would make me feel massively insecure". Note the word "ME". YOU are the one feeling insecure. This is YOUR problem. Personally, if I'm in a relationship, I TRUST the person I'm with, so I have no need to be insecure about stuff like that. I'm confident enough that if someone (male or female) is going out with ME, then it's me they want. But hey, thanks for saving us bisexuals the HASSLE of going out with someone so insecure, who wouldn't trust us simply based on not having a strict "type" of person we're attracted to (ie, men only).

If we went out and you went to a female friend's house to play Fifa, I personally would be fine with that. I have no interest in playing Fifa, and would not be good enough to play without making it a REALLY boring session for you, so of course I'd expect you to play it with someone else - male or female.

It's all about how much YOU trust your partner. If I'm in a relationship, that person should know me well enough, and trust me enough, to know that even if my lesbian friends/male friends DID by chance ever want to jump my bones (LOL, trust me that will never happen), I wouldn't be down with it. I don't do infidelity. Not TO anyone, and not WITH anyone. And I trust whoever I'm with the same way.
 venusenvy777
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 37
Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 1/31/2013 2:04:21 PM
Theres nothing "wrong" with being BI. Its good that you know yourself. It might however be confusing to other peeps especially if they are not.
 Bookbelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 38
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Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 2/1/2013 1:28:05 AM

I don't see how someone could earn trust when they may have slept with any of there friends.

Just because you and some people you know can't be friends with someone of the gender you're attracted to, without getting feelings for them, doesn't mean others of us can't. I'm bi, I have lesbian friends, guy friends, whatever... doesn't mean I would sleep with them even when single. "may have slept with any of their friends..." exactly. MAY HAVE. Not actually HAVE. I "may have" done any number of things in my life. Doesn't mean I have, or would. But meh, if you don't want to go out with someone based on *hypothetical possibilities*, whatever.

I know gamers who will play one-0n-one with someone on the opposite sex, or the sex they are attracted to, purely because both of them like playing a specific game and their partner doesn't. It doesn't mean they're sleeping with them, or attracted to them. Like the gay male friends I have, who will spend evenings playing XBox with guy mates. No ulterior motive, just gaming.

As a bisexual person, I can understand people not being comfortable with someone who has been with the same/opposite sex (fill the blank dependent on gender and preference). Some guys can't see themselves with a girl who has been with girls, some girls can't see themselves with a guy who has been with guys, etc etc. I get that.
For some people, it's as simple a reason as they donate blood, and need to tick boxes in order to do so. I've had that happen, and completely get that, too.

What bugs me, is the automatic *assumption* that just because someone is bisexual, that they must be promiscuous and/or unfaithful. Or fancy them.
Along with my lesbian and other bisexual friends, I get this all the time. A straight girl will find out I/one of my friends like(s) girls, and their first question will be, "Do you fancy me?" As if liking girls automatically means liking THEM.
I don't fancy every girl I see. I don't fancy every guy I see.
I have friends I don't fancy. I have friends I would never go out with, or sleep with, or do anything sexual with. Just because some/a lot of people can't be friends with someone of the gender they are attracted to without having feelings for them, doesn't mean NO ONE can.
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 39
Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 2/1/2013 9:12:12 AM

What bugs me, is the automatic *assumption* that just because someone is bisexual, that they must be promiscuous and/or unfaithful. Or fancy them.

It's wrong and unfair but unfortunately inescapable. The OP here, before he left the building, was clear that he was seeking a monogamous involvement, and, regrettably, he's going to have a harder time finding it than someone who's more at one end or the other of the spectrum, because of this stigma.

I've always found it interesting that, if anything, said stigma is often stronger within the gay community. You'd think it'd be the other way 'round, but no. There's a huge stereotype. "It's just an excuse for cheating." "They're just confused." "Pick a team." I've heard that and worse from many gays and lesbians.

It's just ignorance, o'course, and an inability to see things from another's point of view... which can be corrected if one merely takes an interest and asks questions... so I'm not sure those who view bisexuality as equaling promiscuity would make such good partners anyway. Still, there are an awful lot of 'em, and it makes things difficult for the monogamously inclined bisexual.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 40
Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 2/1/2013 1:05:45 PM
Personally, as soon as I learn a man has the capability to be attracted to other men, I lose my sexual attraction to him. Ive been called all kinds of things for this...closed minded, a prude, a bigot...but at the end of the day I only have this life to live and if I am not sexually attracted I cannot fake it to be someone Im not just appease the PC crowd.
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 41
Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 2/1/2013 1:18:35 PM

Personally, as soon as I learn a man has the capability to be attracted to other men, I lose my sexual attraction to him.

That's just a matter of how you feel, though, I don't think anyone should judge you for that. You're not saying bisexuals are all horrible people or anything. You just aren't attracted to them. We're all allowed to have preferences, for heaven's sake!
 ineedapool
Joined: 12/23/2012
Msg: 42
Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 2/1/2013 2:39:00 PM
Maybe they think it means you are bi-polar......I made that mistake one time....its like the plague or something. I said but that was years ago now I am fine....no help, never heard from him again. Oh well. If guys are taking it the sexual way....I think they all harbor insecure feelings about that. What person knows a woman better? Another woman. Just saying...
 blackandmild513
Joined: 2/10/2013
Msg: 44
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History
Is being Bi really that bad?
Posted: 2/16/2013 3:50:51 PM
Its not for me to say good or bad but I can tell you how I feel and it like dis I can hav a friend (just ****in around wit) but I'm lookin to get marry she cant be bi or gay. Dat just me
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