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 karyn6884
Joined: 1/19/2013
Msg: 1
Hardly any fish in MY waters - what to do??Page 1 of 1    
Ok, not the biggest fan of being critiqued (and yes, I know I'm not the most photogenic person in the world!) but thought I'd reach out. I read the profiles, I look for something that stands out for me, I message a man with something thoughtful in mind and... >!

A friend from work uses this site and hardly ever messages men, rarely replies, is older and not very fit and has men messaging her like crazy!

Please review and comment at will, but specifically if I come off being aloof, not available, or not interested.

Thanks in advance for being constructive - but perhaps a bit kind?!
 Indira46
Joined: 8/19/2012
Msg: 2
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Hardly any fish in MY waters - what to do??
Posted: 2/1/2013 6:39:54 PM
You need better photos. Your main pic is so dark, I can't even see you. Delete the group shots. I don't even know which one you are. Men aren't going to go through the trouble trying to figure out who you are. And what if they like your friend better? Your profile should advertise you, not your friends.
 karyn6884
Joined: 1/19/2013
Msg: 3
Hardly any fish in MY waters - what to do??
Posted: 2/1/2013 6:49:42 PM
Thanks, changed the main picture; I don't mind the comparison my friends are either married or so young that if man wants them, I certainly don't want him!
 oldfashmntman
Joined: 10/20/2009
Msg: 4
Hardly any fish in MY waters - what to do??
Posted: 2/1/2013 7:03:00 PM
Hi Karyn, great profile have personality, we want to know what makes you tick, try to bring out your personality so we can connect with you.

Are you reserved? Adventurous? intovert/extrovert? impulsive? etc. Honest, kind, caring, loyal, etc. do not count as unique personality traits.

OFMM
 Irish Eyez
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 5
Hardly any fish in MY waters - what to do??
Posted: 2/1/2013 7:10:03 PM
A friend from work uses this site and hardly ever messages men, rarely replies, is older and not very fit and has men messaging her like crazy!



I don't mind the comparison my friends are either married or so young that if man wants them, I certainly don't want him!


Albeit not directly on your profile, all of the above is a bad move on your part simply because you're coming off as sour grapes and jealous of your 'older, not very fit friend, etc., Men will read this and pass you by.

A good primary pic is a head/shoulder shot showing teeth ( smiling ) sans friends, hats, caps, booze, sunglasses etc., as guys' want to see your face and eyes. ( How would you feel if a man msg'd you asking about one of your female friends in your group shot, wanting to date her and not you? )
 karyn6884
Joined: 1/19/2013
Msg: 6
Hardly any fish in MY waters - what to do??
Posted: 2/1/2013 7:12:13 PM
Hey, thanks for the reply. So a question - I'm in the communication business and I thought I'd prefer a man to read into my profile rather than me stating what I'm like. I thought I came across as an athletic, secure, sort of "girl-next-door" personality - which I am.

I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around why someone needs me to define myself when I thought I was pretty obvious - not to be sexist, but am I just looking at this process from the "girl-zone"??
 karyn6884
Joined: 1/19/2013
Msg: 7
Hardly any fish in MY waters - what to do??
Posted: 2/1/2013 7:17:15 PM
MMMnnn, I don't think I reference any of that on my profile, nor do I reference friends. I hope my post doesn't come across as sour grapes, because I think she's fantastic and she deserves the best of the best, but even she virtually "pats my head" and laughs herself all the way to her next date!!

I own the fact that I am an attractive woman (not conceited, I just think I am) but I am neither overtly "sexy" nor photogenic - my last BF concurred and he loved me (still friends!) :-(...

So I am camera shy and think that professional photos on these sites are a bit weird, should I try that route, do you think?

But does my profile come off as being snobby or unapproachable??
 oldfashmntman
Joined: 10/20/2009
Msg: 8
Hardly any fish in MY waters - what to do??
Posted: 2/1/2013 7:26:53 PM

I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around why someone needs me to define myself when I thought I was pretty obvious - not to be sexist, but am I just looking at this process from the "girl-zone"??


Nothing sexist about it Karyn, as a rule we are not interested in reading between the lines, we prefer to leave analyzing things to you ladies.

Just lay it out for us, we prefer it spelled out in plain simple english.

OFMM
 LiterateHiker
Joined: 11/30/2012
Msg: 9
Hardly any fish in MY waters - what to do??
Posted: 2/1/2013 7:30:13 PM
You need all new photos, taken outdoors (for better lighting), smiling and doing activities you enjoy. No group shots. You need one good head-and-shoulders picture: smiling, eyes showing, looking at the camera. Another photo needs to be a full body pose, fully clothed of course. You have beautiful legs, so play them up. Use a real camera to take your photos for better quality.

Your description of the type of man you want is a bit intimidating:

"You know, the one who is funny, witty, perhaps the tiniest bit arrogant, handsome, chilvarous, and passionate about his own life? If you are, you should message me immediately."

I suggest you tone this down. NOTE: You spelled "chivalrous" wrong.

Good for you for training for a "sprint-tri and a half-marathon"! Are you talking about a triathlon? Spell out the abbreviation because people don't know what your're talking about.

"Amaze me with your creative date skills!" is challenging and intimidating. How about suggesting coffee or lunch instead?

Good luck.
 karyn6884
Joined: 1/19/2013
Msg: 10
Hardly any fish in MY waters - what to do??
Posted: 2/1/2013 8:05:06 PM
LiterateHiker-

HORRIBLY embarrassed I spelled that incorrectly - the one darn time I didn't spell check!! (PS Spell check was the beginning to the end of our literate society!!)

You think what I'm looking for is intimidating? A male friend actually wrote this part for me.

Fixed the abbreviation as well - my guy friend thought I should omit THAT because he thought it would be too intimidating!

I put in the "amaze me" part, because I live in Portland, OR and we are all obsessed with coffee or microbrewery dates and I couldn't think of a way around that - hate coffee, don't drink beer!!

As far as photos, I hate them; thoughts on professional photos? Think they are a bit odd on a dating site, but willing to take suggestions!
 You go first
Joined: 5/1/2008
Msg: 11
Hardly any fish in MY waters - what to do??
Posted: 2/1/2013 10:38:22 PM
I am older, chunkier and way more out of shape than you and had a fantastic experience when I was looking. Differences?

I had a clear, closeup smiling head shot as my main photo. I didn't even have a full length shot in my profile, but sent one with messages I sent out.

Cute as you think you are, you have learned that it's not all about looks here. Decent guys looking for something real want to know about YOU, your interests and activities, personality and goals.

My profile talks about things I enjoy with description and humour so that guys reading it would have something to use to start conversations. I also spoke more about me than who I was looking for so they could decide for themselves if we'd be a decent match.

If you don't drink coffee or beer, you can always have iced tea or cranberry spritzers or freakin' water. The first meeting is simply a quick face-to-face to see if the photos match the live version and if you think you may want to do it again.

As for "Mr. Right Now", you realize that implies FWB/F-buddies, right? Someone looking for something with a serious intent will pass that right on by.

Are you writing to men YOU find interesting? What are your messages like??
 Mulan73
Joined: 11/12/2012
Msg: 12
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Hardly any fish in MY waters - what to do??
Posted: 2/1/2013 10:55:30 PM
You go first- said it.. and I was so thinking it...
OP- your profile makes you seem very smart and down to earth. A great gal.
Take the advice about the photos.
Also.. what You Go First Said--- you stated that you'd take Mr. Right Now if you can't get Mr. Right. I was a bit shockd with that.. And it does imply just that... eeeeek. I for some reason don't think that's what you meant to put off. But if it is, so be it.
 LiterateHiker
Joined: 11/30/2012
Msg: 13
Hardly any fish in MY waters - what to do??
Posted: 2/2/2013 12:40:55 AM
Don't waste your money on professional photos. Professional photos look staged and odd. Ask a friend with a camera to take your photos on a (good luck in Portland) nice day. Overcast skies are better than sun for photos. Photos taken from above are much more flattering.

Look at my photos. Every photo is taken from above. I carry my camera attached to my belt while hiking. When you live alone, it's hard to get a photo of yourself. For the Memorial Day Meetup party I planned ahead and:

1. Dressed up;
2. Brought my camera;
3. Went to the party where I reapplied lipstick;
4. Noticed a tall man taking photos. Figuring he's a good photographer I...
5. Asked him to take a few pictures of me on the deck;
6. Deliberately handed him MY camera;
7. Smiled and thanked him; and
8. Choose the best picture later.

All that for one photo. The photo-taking session took five minutes. It's amazing I looked relaxed in the picture.
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 14
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Hardly any fish in MY waters - what to do??
Posted: 2/2/2013 2:04:03 AM

perhaps the tiniest bit arrogant


These are one of those strange things women write that make me shake my head. Are you really asking the reader to evaluate their 'level' of arrogance? Maybe men should pine for a woman who is 'perhaps the tiniest bit realistic' and not searching for some peculiar measure of personality traits. ;)


Would love to meet Mr. Right, am open to Mr. Right now and willing to see where it leads.


I don't know if this happens to other guys, but every time I read 'Mr. Right' in a woman's profile, I gag a little. lol Why not just say 'knight in shining armor'? What's interesting is that you probably couldn't find one man's profile that mentioned his desire to find 'Ms. Right.' Women just can't resist a cliche. However, I will still advise you to try to resist them.
 darkmascara
Joined: 1/26/2013
Msg: 15
Hardly any fish in MY waters - what to do??
Posted: 2/2/2013 2:15:06 AM

These are one of those strange things women write that make me shake my head. Are you really asking the reader to evaluate their 'level' of arrogance? Maybe men should pine for a woman who is 'perhaps the tiniest bit realistic' and not searching for some peculiar measure of personality traits. ;)

I don't know if this happens to other guys, but every time I read 'Mr. Right' in a woman's profile, I gag a little. lol Why not just say 'knight in shining armor'? What's interesting is that you probably couldn't find one man's profile that mentioned his desire to find 'Ms. Right.' Women just can't resist a cliche. However, I will still advise you to try to resist them.


Oh, I really love your profile. I find it very interesting to read.
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 16
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Hardly any fish in MY waters - what to do??
Posted: 2/2/2013 3:32:32 AM
Change your bait.

The pics are not flattering/inviting and have other people in them.


Amaze me with your creative date skills!

^^^^^^^^^^^^^
If a man had that in his profile what would you think?

"By gosh, you better bedazzle me like a cheap pair of jeans with rhinestones"
 ToughMudding13
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 17
Hardly any fish in MY waters - what to do??
Posted: 2/2/2013 12:26:18 PM
I'm younger so take what I say with a grain of salt.

Get more and better photos. That will get you more messages. I would also take out that line of 7 or 8 personality characteristics at the end of your first paragraph that no guy is going to live up to.

You know what you want. Maybe one guy lives up to 5 of those but he might not bother trying to contact you because, lets face it guys have a hard enough time getting replies on here and might write you off as another one who won't message back. Once you start getting messages you can weed out the ones who aren't witty, charming, Harley driving, bear hunting, Boston Marathon winning, manly chest hair growing men....or whatever that list you have says. That was a joke.

Better photos are going to take care of 90% of your problem.
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 18
Hardly any fish in MY waters - what to do??
Posted: 2/2/2013 12:59:16 PM
You mention wanting a "funny" guy 3 times. That's a bit redundant. And yes, your description of the guy you are looking for may be intimidating to some. To me , it sounds like the cliche "perfect" man. If you're going to mention looks, change "handsome" to "attractive to me".
 seasplashinapodofone
Joined: 8/15/2008
Msg: 19
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Hardly any fish in MY waters - what to do??
Posted: 2/2/2013 1:34:12 PM
Profile is buzzing with energy and I like that. Some of the usual misdemeanors creep in such as grammar and repetition but they are easily fixed. Photos you know about.

The above advice is good but I would consider it before changing anything (and with respect to those taking the time to offer it). Men and women are different and may see things differently.

I like to presume readers can deduce, or look up, sports jargon or abbreviations. Assume intelligence and keep the flow. You will attract a higher standard of partner. They can ask more about this or demonstrate how comfortable they are with themselves by admitting this is new to them. Not a bad trait to have.

Just a few observations, I hope they useful.
 karyn6884
Joined: 1/19/2013
Msg: 20
Hardly any fish in MY waters - what to do??
Posted: 2/2/2013 11:47:06 PM
Have taken all critique to heart. Have thought about some things and let them stay have removed or changed phrasing - NO MR RIGHT (didn't think my breezy Mr. Right Now woudl have been taken as NSA relationship, but PROMPTLY removed it, even if it gave a whiff of that type of thing! )

YES YES YES about the photos - going to have my kid and brother take some more of me this week (grumble grumble grumble).

I expanded my own likes, stopped using abbreviations in my racing posts, and opened up specifically in what I like in movies and music.

You all are harsh critics - I appreciate it - but I did feel a bit lambasted myself. There are others who had the same guffaws and bad pictures and not really long attributes that got a bit more compassion than I did.

SO AGAIN THE QUESTION I AM REALLY ASKING: Do I come off as aloof, bithchy, or above it all? I dont think I do, because I think every day how blessed I am and I never take a breath of air without being thankful for the fact that I CAN!
 Indira46
Joined: 8/19/2012
Msg: 21
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Hardly any fish in MY waters - what to do??
Posted: 2/3/2013 12:09:35 AM
It's better now. I don't think you come across as any of those things you are asking. I think you should delete that MOTIVATE part. It sounds like you're asuming the guy who contacts you is out of shape and needs you to help..I don't know it just sounds...yucky.
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 22
Hardly any fish in MY waters - what to do??
Posted: 2/3/2013 12:38:10 PM
YES YES YES about the photos - going to have my kid and brother take some more of me this week (grumble grumble grumble).



People on these dating sites obsess way too much about pictures, and as you can see by reading this profile review forum, pictures often get nitpicked to death.
And even when there are good pictures, people still complain after meeting others in person that they didn't LOOK like the good pictures.
I can get a reasonable idea of what you look like from the pictures you have now.
I don't need to be able to count the freckles on your face.
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