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 mingogo
Joined: 1/15/2013
Msg: 1
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One Sided Sex?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I was having a conversation with a friend about sex, and I found his response very strange, but seeing as I've never asked anyone else, perhaps my response is the strange one.

He says that if his girl is horny at any time, he has no problem pleasuring her to orgasm whether he is in the mood or not. Just kind of like a get the job done deal, and then go back to doing whatever he was doing.
Where as me, If I am not in the mood for sex, that means I'm not in the mood for anything, regardless of how my partner feels (unless they turn me on/change my mind/etc.)

Before you call me selfish, I feel the same would be true if I was in the mood, and my partner wasn't. I would feel uncomfortable with him just "getting the job done" on me because I was in the mood, I would also want to please him in the process.
I feel any sexual experience should be a mutual one, for mutual gratification, otherwise it seems kind of meaningless to me. I know it doesn't always work out for both people orgasming, however I feel that if both people aren't at least in the mood initially, then there is no point in engaging in the activity. I'd rather wait for a time in which both participants wanted it!

What is your take on this? Am I being completely off the wall?
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 2
One Sided Sex?
Posted: 2/2/2013 2:16:31 PM
Different strokes, etc. If what he does doesn't make sense to you or vice versa, that doesn't mean that either or both of you are wrong.
 mingogo
Joined: 1/15/2013
Msg: 3
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One Sided Sex?
Posted: 2/2/2013 2:19:49 PM
perhaps i worded the question wrong. what is YOUR opinion on it?
 salty_blumist
Joined: 11/26/2012
Msg: 4
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One Sided Sex?
Posted: 2/2/2013 2:26:31 PM
It's always my mission to pleasure my partner, as I derive pleasure from their pleasure. And sex to me is like pure cold fresh water, you can almost always use some.
 Gracizdad
Joined: 9/24/2012
Msg: 5
One Sided Sex?
Posted: 2/2/2013 2:34:59 PM
I agree with your friend! If you really care about someone you will do what you can to please them. Relationships I feel are a give and take situation and I have no problem giving as I may at some time want her to give to me in return.
For someone to say that they will have sex with their partner ONLY when they are in the mood seems a bit selfish to me!
 CaptainAmericaOO7
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 6
One Sided Sex?
Posted: 2/2/2013 2:35:38 PM
To be honest, sex is just a release. I get far more out of cuddling up to somebody after sex.
 dartmouthjames
Joined: 12/15/2012
Msg: 7
One Sided Sex?
Posted: 2/2/2013 2:40:02 PM
OP, I'm always in the mood for sex with the right girl so I would never commit to a girl who wasn't. And I'm always in the mood to pleasure my partner. I think it comes down to how compatible your sexual desires are.
 jjoenyc73
Joined: 11/9/2012
Msg: 8
One Sided Sex?
Posted: 2/2/2013 2:40:47 PM
It turns me on to pleasure my partner... so its not about mood. Men don't have all these hormones in the way.
 mingogo
Joined: 1/15/2013
Msg: 9
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One Sided Sex?
Posted: 2/2/2013 2:45:30 PM
So, if your partner wants to play with your tits or for you to suck him off, and you are simply just not in any sort of sexual mood, you are obligated to oblige his needs or otherwise be deemed selfish?
 venusenvy777
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 10
One Sided Sex?
Posted: 2/2/2013 2:48:12 PM
Sometimes, pleasuring your lover, is pleasure in itself
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 11
One Sided Sex?
Posted: 2/2/2013 2:51:09 PM
^^^ What she said.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 12
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One Sided Sex?
Posted: 2/2/2013 3:17:01 PM
Heck yeah I'd pleasure him......
sometimes I pleaure just him even when I'm in the mood!!

as ^^ was stated, giving pleasure to my partner......brings me pleasure.

just means I'll be extra "ready" for tomorrow cuz pleasuring him always turns me on!

and my partner has pleasured me without reciprocation a few times!

That's what relationships are all about
 NOCLOWNING
Joined: 7/21/2010
Msg: 13
One Sided Sex?
Posted: 2/2/2013 4:36:58 PM
There were times when my ex, would do me, then give me a massage, till I fell asleep!!
Then there was time's I would do him.

DanBLan87, If a man is gonna cheat, because she isnt in the mood every time he is, then
he could go!!!
 i_ski_do_u
Joined: 11/26/2009
Msg: 14
One Sided Sex?
Posted: 2/2/2013 5:03:54 PM

....you are obligated to oblige his needs....

No, you are obligated, but......

Sometimes, pleasuring your lover, is pleasure in itself

Awesome answer....... sometimes it’s not always about you.
 mingogo
Joined: 1/15/2013
Msg: 15
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One Sided Sex?
Posted: 2/2/2013 5:25:31 PM
I don't know. I would feel very uncomfortable asking my partner to do something which I KNEW they weren't in the mood for, or didn't want to do. And when they communicate that to me it basically shuts down my mood anyways.
And if they went ahead and did it anyways for me, I would not enjoy it knowing that they were doing it just for me. I would just be thinking of how crappy a person I am for guilting them into doing something they didn't want to do.
It does appear that I have the stranger view on this one.
 mingogo
Joined: 1/15/2013
Msg: 16
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One Sided Sex?
Posted: 2/2/2013 6:46:08 PM
I don't enjoy making him hold my purse, i don't enjoy torturing him at my parent's. I do feel guilty making him do those things! And if it is soley for the benefit of my own personal cheap pleasure, and not for some other outcome (ie: being able to try on a dress, making appearences with the parents, etc etc,) then I'd rather just not burden him with it! My orgasm is not worth his burden by any means to me!
 _Meta_Man_
Joined: 7/2/2012
Msg: 17
One Sided Sex?
Posted: 2/2/2013 6:58:18 PM
If you are not in the mood and you begin to make love do you get in the mood? This is not a trick question of any sorts. I can understand times you just really are drained and just want to sleep or have responsibilities blah blah blah ... but why are you not in the mood? And are you able to be aroused at some point?
 40Golfer
Joined: 5/10/2011
Msg: 18
One Sided Sex?
Posted: 2/2/2013 7:22:06 PM
OP you are off the wall. if your partner wants it and needs it give them some pleasure and know they really appreciated it and they will likely do the same for you if roles are reversed.
 ShelbySask4friend1
Joined: 2/10/2005
Msg: 19
One Sided Sex?
Posted: 2/2/2013 7:50:15 PM
To sum it down, yes, you are right, women are selfish with sex, and use it for control at times, within a relationship,(except for the women that reply on this site,lol) ...
 lovesomefun1
Joined: 1/17/2013
Msg: 20
One Sided Sex?
Posted: 2/2/2013 9:20:58 PM
this is the differance between a young girl who dont know what she is doing and an older woman who does. this isnt high school anymore where you wonder what everyone will think. geez
 kingdavid2013
Joined: 1/28/2013
Msg: 21
One Sided Sex?
Posted: 2/2/2013 10:24:58 PM
i think your being a little too harsh on her ^^^^^^^^^^^^^
 spazzilicious
Joined: 1/5/2012
Msg: 22
One Sided Sex?
Posted: 2/2/2013 11:59:56 PM
Perhaps he is more of a giver than a receiver. Or his attention solely lies with her. My opinion is that some people just like to satisfy others instead of neglecting them because they're not in the mood. Neither is a wrong option, though. It just depends on you and your partner(s).

I wouldn't mind pleasuring someone even if I weren't in the mood. But that would require they had my attention, which can be hard to do. :P
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 23
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One Sided Sex?
Posted: 2/3/2013 12:44:03 AM
This is one of those things that can be a lot more complicated.

It matters a lot, I think, WHY and HOW the other person is being sexually desirous, and how healthy the relationship is overall.

In my own life, I had too many times when my (nominal) partner wanted to be pleasured for purely selfish reasons of her own, and literally did not care in the least how I felt about it. For various reasons, mostly having to do with the hope that through care, I might rebuild things with her somehow, I acquiesced as best I could, but I only rarely had any pleasure at all from the exchanges. That was my individual, more or less tactical decision, which I would not say anyone else should or should not make. In the last period of time before the divorce was initiated, I reversed that strategy, and refused her crude and pushy advances. It was just too unpleasant.

When I was (all too briefly) in a healthy relationship, the situation never arose, because the fact of my partner's hunger was for me, and not just to get herself off; and that fact, invariably stirred me (as others have said) to take pleasure in pleasing her, regardless of my own sexual energy levels at that moment. Usually that was wonderful because I did derive such great pleasure from pleasing her, that it wasn't really possible in the end, to tell whether I had been "in the mood" to begin with or not.

As for the idea that "any sexual experience should be a mutual one, for mutual gratification, otherwise it seems kind of meaningless, " that sounds to me to be a political, rather than a personal emotional conviction. If I feel that I have to prove a political point to someone, by how I respond to them, then I personally do NOT think that we are close enough to each other to be having sex at all. I would say that the fact you feel that way, suggests you are not in as loving a relationship as I know I would wish to be.
 DevilfromToronto
Joined: 9/23/2012
Msg: 24
One Sided Sex?
Posted: 2/3/2013 12:53:07 AM

pleasuring your lover, is pleasure in itself


my opinion
 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 25
One Sided Sex?
Posted: 2/3/2013 3:28:54 AM

I feel any sexual experience should be a mutual one, for mutual gratification, otherwise it seems kind of meaningless to me. I know it doesn't always work out for both people orgasming, however I feel that if both people aren't at least in the mood initially, then there is no point in engaging in the activity. I'd rather wait for a time in which both participants wanted it!


That may hold true in a perfect world,but if couples waited until both people were completely in the mood,I doubt sex would happen nearly as often as when one is and one isn't fully interested "yet".It always takes someone initiating sex.Mutual passion at mutual times happens more often in the beginning when it's new and raw.

But as time marches on,it changes.

There are times when I'm not horny,but he is.
I am more than happy to "accomodate" his needs and in the process,become horny or happily go without.

But then again,I actually love and care for my partner and understand that our sex drives aren't going to always coincide.
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