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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > was he using her or did he want a relationship?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 2
was he using her or did he want a relationship?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)

My view is that he cheated on his wife, his girlfriend and would therefore cheat on her and shes better off without him.

This.

Although she's no prize either. That is wrong, to have an affair with someone you know is partnered already. You bet I'm judging her. If she hadn't known, that'd be very different, but she did.

And I think ALL these people need to get tested, for everything.
 UglyFroggieCritter
Joined: 8/21/2010
Msg: 3
was he using her or did he want a relationship?
Posted: 2/5/2013 9:01:06 AM
Wasn't this on Coronation Street the other night?

He's a cheater, she's a cheater. Do they deserve each other? That's the question.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 4
was he using her or did he want a relationship?
Posted: 2/5/2013 9:07:22 AM
Tell her...His silence...speaks volumes...he has made his choice.
I am sure if he wanted to reach your friend...he would.
In my experience....this type of man has no capacity for being honest and open...hops to one to another with little regard for anybody elses feelings.
Your friend....said leave her and then "without" moving in with me.....we'll see if it has any substance....he made his choice.
Kick him to the curb.....she should think better for herself!
 deere_rancher
Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 5
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was he using her or did he want a relationship?
Posted: 2/5/2013 9:11:34 AM
Op... .. allowing the man to move in with her , is the only way your friend could have extended their relationship and thats exactly what he said. When her answer was no , he poisoned the water by tipping off his live-in girlfriend and let her do all the dirty work . (ending the relationship with your friend)
He's a player . But then, the women enable it
 tooborednow
Joined: 1/13/2013
Msg: 6
was he using her or did he want a relationship?
Posted: 2/5/2013 9:21:56 AM

was he using her or did he want a relationship?

They were in a relationship.
Her paying him with sex and availability, paying him with the relationship he wants, doesn't mean he's going to provide her with changing who she wants him to be, or with the relationship she wants.

She was in a relationship with Wimpy.
"I will gladly pay you a relationship Tuesday for a sexburger today."
...something like that. I haven't watched Popeye in a while.


But she just feels if she had said yes to him they could of had something.

That's just buyers remorse.
"Oh, if I only gave Wimpy some money for extra pickles he would have given me a better relationship in return!"
 Deadliest_Snatch
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 7
was he using her or did he want a relationship?
Posted: 2/5/2013 9:31:26 AM
But she just feels if she had said yes to him they could of had something.


He's on to the next shag. He likely thinks she was an easy, loose piece for sleeping with an attached guy and would never respect her anyway.


My friend has complications in her life that doesnt allow her to commit to a proper relationship.

Just because someone is not fully available (let's just say she's "separated" or something), doesn't mean they should pursue men who are involved. Have some self respect and date guys who are open to NSA, but still actually single.

Oops! I mean, tell your "friend" to have some respect for herself instead of acting like a self- centered, narcissistic slut.
 demux21
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 8
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was he using her or did he want a relationship?
Posted: 2/5/2013 9:37:16 AM
People who are not done with the las person pretend they aresingle when in reality they are not. The problem with those who cannot be alone they run from one situatio to another always dragging the next person with them. Its called immaturity. Grow up and learn to say good bye and then start a new.
If you are still kinda sleeping with the ex you are still inda in a relationship. Grow up!
 demux21
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 9
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was he using her or did he want a relationship?
Posted: 2/5/2013 9:37:42 AM
People who are not done with the las person pretend they aresingle when in reality they are not. The problem with those who cannot be alone they run from one situatio to another always dragging the next person with them. Its called immaturity. Grow up and learn to say good bye and then start a new.
If you are still kinda sleeping with the ex you are still inda in a relationship. Grow up!
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 11
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was he using her or did he want a relationship?
Posted: 2/5/2013 9:47:32 AM
My friend has complications in her life that doesnt allow her to commit to a proper relationship


Let me guess, she's separated.


My friend began to see him but after a few months had fallen for him and kept getting upset about the fact that he was already with someone and so ended it


Ooohhh, now the fact that she is shagging a guy with a partner starts to bother her.


But she just feels if she had said yes to him they could of had something.


So being the other woman is less complicated than dating a free man?
 notdating-forumsonly
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 12
was he using her or did he want a relationship?
Posted: 2/5/2013 9:53:00 AM

My view is that he cheated on his wife, his girlfriend and would therefore cheat on her and shes better off without him. But she just feels if she had said yes to him they could of had something.
until the next woman becomes interested in him.
 relaxingwithyou
Joined: 12/2/2012
Msg: 14
was he using her or did he want a relationship?
Posted: 2/5/2013 10:58:49 AM
What I think of this whole debacle is that you should be vary and very careful around this "friend". She has no trouble screwing another womans live in boyfriend, then has the audacity to call her a control freak.

You could be next.
 Bebedeleau
Joined: 11/27/2012
Msg: 16
was he using her or did he want a relationship?
Posted: 2/5/2013 11:42:40 AM
I seriously doubt the woman has his phone. Work and family would be calling and he'd have to answer that, so to believe that she would be holding his phone hostage for the "entire world" to know is not very believable.

You never know about people, especially considering where she met him and the length of time knowing. His "answer" to 'figuring out" the situation could have been to pretend to be the girlfriend and get "rid" of her that way. It's hard to imagine that someone could actually do that, but who knows.

I'm sure he has other ways to contact her if he wants. To assume this is some Kathy Bates "Misery" situation is a very long stretch, IMO.
 russell5417
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 17
was he using her or did he want a relationship?
Posted: 2/5/2013 11:51:05 AM
You are old enough to start using better judgement. Common sense goes a long ways.

I mean your friend should.........
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 18
was he using her or did he want a relationship?
Posted: 2/5/2013 11:55:32 AM
My view is that he cheated on his wife, his girlfriend and would therefore cheat on her and shes better off without him.
That's valid.


was he using her or did he want a relationship?
That's irrelevant because your friend was using him too.


My friend has complications in her life that doesnt allow her to commit to a proper relationship.
She set the tone of this relationship based on her selfish needs. She chose someone who wasn't available and therefore wasn't in a position to object to her BS. She didn't do it with the intention of being open to embracing someone into her life. She did it to meet her own wants and needs. She knew she had these complications and yet, expected someone to commit to her once she developed feelings for him. That wasn't the agreement.

If she wants a real relationship, then she already knows she has to deal with these complications. She has to be relationship-worthy and screwing someone else's partner, is a good indication that she's a long way off yet.
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 20
was he using her or did he want a relationship?
Posted: 2/5/2013 12:03:16 PM

She appeared to be a control freak and told my friend that she had his phone, his car and he never wanted to see my friend again as she was only a shag?

That’s so unfair. He sounds like a nice guy with a knack for starting relationships. I think your girlfriend is just one suitcase away from having a new roommate and if you give him a chance (and a few weeks), you might find him quite charming, yourself. He just needs to find the right woman.
 deere_rancher
Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 21
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was he using her or did he want a relationship?
Posted: 2/5/2013 12:09:23 PM
Maybe he didnt mind the girlfriend knowing cos he knew she would stay with him. Who knows.


Of course he knew , he has been living with this woman for some time , and knows exactly how she would react
but to say he didn't mind ,maybe be an overstep.. but , he knew she wouldn't leave .
and you can bet your last dollar that the story and B.S. he told her, doesn't represent reality
 deere_rancher
Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 22
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was he using her or did he want a relationship?
Posted: 2/5/2013 12:49:28 PM
Op.. The irony of all this is ....Is I'll bet the woman he's living with, is giving him better sex now ...!!
win ! win !
But,, thats why they call them players !!
 relaxingwithyou
Joined: 12/2/2012
Msg: 23
was he using her or did he want a relationship?
Posted: 2/5/2013 12:52:35 PM
I dont think I need to worry because Im not with anyone thats why Im on here and if I was it wouldnt be with a pillock like him, not that I ever met him, not that I would ever want to.


Yes but the reality remains that your friend does not have a properly functioning moral compass and I don't think you should trust her in any area of your life. You seem like such a nice and bright person from your posting history, hoping to help you bypass a major lesson, which is.....if you sleep with dogs you get fleas. Good luck!
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 25
was he using her or did he want a relationship?
Posted: 2/5/2013 1:54:58 PM
And here I am wondering why I am even worried about trying to date the opposite gender????? The world seems to full of people that will do whatever is required to satisify their own personal needs,,,,,first. I really no likey these types, so yes, I do believe I am phucked. And not in the good way either.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 26
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was he using her or did he want a relationship?
Posted: 2/5/2013 3:46:41 PM
A genuine/good man would not be in this position, then again your friend is just as low in the gutter and his perfect match. How can you be screwing a guy cheating on his live-in girl friend and wonder if he's genuine? Of course he isn't, neither is your friend, she's the same as him.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 27
was he using her or did he want a relationship?
Posted: 2/5/2013 4:34:06 PM
the clearest part of this post was the last line:

"if she just had said yes, she could have had something"

could have had.....uh...what?

a great relationship?

a perfect life?

a final filling of that empty hole in her self identity?

a pile of dung, looks like a pile of dung, b/c its a pile of dung. hoping to make it something else simply by putting effort into it, is intentional blindness. that's calls its validity into question, and the proof that its questionable isn't necessary.
 jan1025
Joined: 3/23/2009
Msg: 28
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was he using her or did he want a relationship?
Posted: 2/5/2013 4:42:02 PM
to start an affair with a man who was living with someone.

he had explained that the he had been married had an affair and his wife threw him out.

A woman up the road become friendly with him, they become friends and then lovers. Before he knew it she had moved in and he found himself in a relationship and thats not really what he wanted.

Should I keep going?

Do I need to bullet the above?

She must of held a gun to his head, and made him take her in!

Your friend was crazy to get involved in the first place.

When are women going to get it?

I digress….sorry Vicki but it's just plain stupid.
Jan
 MrOogam
Joined: 12/1/2011
Msg: 29
was he using her or did he want a relationship?
Posted: 2/5/2013 10:11:47 PM
And you had to ask this for her because........ is she that dumb struck? Or just that dumb?
 Sparkleslil
Joined: 12/7/2011
Msg: 31
was he using her or did he want a relationship?
Posted: 2/6/2013 2:29:57 AM
Oh for gods sake he was doing what it was using, why? because he could. This is a classic a Leopard doesn't change its spots it just gets up and moves. What a shame. There are Plenty of Fish in the Sea.
 Deadliest_Snatch
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 32
was he using her or did he want a relationship?
Posted: 2/6/2013 7:10:29 AM
MSG 30 - Wow, OP! You have certainly come up with every interpretation of relative ethics one can think of in order to rationalize immoral behavior.

Everyone's doing it? If you want to believe that, you will find the evidence.
Sounds like you spent quite a bit of time coming up with excuses for your "friend's" behavior.
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