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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > 45 and feel so out of my depth about dating      Home login  
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 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 3
45 and feel so out of my depth about datingPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I advise you to be more truthful. Your profile text contradicts this account in several areas.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 4
45 and feel so out of my depth about dating
Posted: 2/7/2013 8:52:57 AM
I assume it's possible women are delusional and I don't really try and figure out what they see in me.

The other possibility is the competition is so weak I look good by comparison. .
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 5
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45 and feel so out of my depth about dating
Posted: 2/7/2013 9:14:12 AM
Its really not a big problem. Think about how you treated your ex(es). Treat the women you meet better!
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 7
45 and feel so out of my depth about dating
Posted: 2/7/2013 9:16:23 AM

The downside of writing an 'up to date' comment in forums while 'copy and pasting' older profile text without checking it through properly. Lesson learned, just write everything fresh!

Okay, fair enough. So what changed since the last time you tried this, when you had apparently no trouble talking to people?
 D.OHHH
Joined: 1/31/2013
Msg: 8
45 and feel so out of my depth about dating
Posted: 2/7/2013 9:16:28 AM
I hear Ya! Even worse when you come from a small town. In the city you see many different people everywhere, but in a small town its the same click of people. And with that said we get comfortable in that zone withour even realizing it till we have to look else where. I was pretty nervous when i had to start dating again after being married for over 25 years, so your not alone in that department. Every person has a different story to tell, so maybe if you look at it that way there will be less pressure. And tell yourself whats the worse than can happen? You have to start somewhere and when you're ready it will just happen!! :)
 RussArtLover
Joined: 5/13/2010
Msg: 10
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45 and feel so out of my depth about dating
Posted: 2/7/2013 10:41:24 AM
I remember having similar thoughts about 5 years ago before I started seeing a woman 3 years older than me. Mostly I would imagine her growing up and ask her things about that. Like if she had a pet when she was 10 or rode a bicycle. Helped tons. She didn't like it so much, thought I was boring, until I'd get a laugh out of her. Eventually her precocious nature started asserting itself and we had a lot of fun. Was a little daunting when she'd snap out of it though. She was a court reporter and took her career very seriously. Took a minute to settle into just respecting her boundaries.
 DontAskMe2CarryUrPurse
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 11
45 and feel so out of my depth about dating
Posted: 2/7/2013 11:12:39 AM
It's nothing you'll ever be able to do anything about. I and several people I know share the same thoughts. I often look in the mirror and ask myself, who could possibly find me attractive? But the fact is that everyone's brain is different so the information that's processed is processed differently. How someone perceives you may be totally different than the way you perceive yourself! Crazy, huh? I think even on the surface people don't all see the same thing. When you look in the mirror, for example, you see the reverse image not the actual image. But it's more than that, I think. That's why some people think some animals are ugly while others think the same animals are beautiful. I'll see something that someone else doesn't see at all. You just have to be yourself, have fun and accept that women, yes, grown women will find you attractive and let it roll from there. Good luck and happy fishin'...!
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 12
45 and feel so out of my depth about dating
Posted: 2/7/2013 1:51:47 PM
Op--I'd date you for those awesome dimples!!

However, I suffer from exactly the same thing as you, last year when I split up with my ex I had all these amazing men my age asking me out and I was like WTF--(seriously). The one that totally melted my eyeballs and made my heart go pitter patter was even better in person--I just sat there the whole time going --what the heck am I having an *in body experience for someone else!

We laughed the whole time, it was no down time and when he took my hand to walk thru downtown with me--PROUD to be with me I wanted to scream-- every inch of me was alive and charged! After three years in a relationship where the person was putting me down in an effort to keep me to have someone proud to be with me was makin my head spin around--and when he said--"This isnt about hooking-up for sex, if it was that we would have left after the first drinks were finished!" I realize he was 100% correct I would have and be dang happy to have gone with him--but he wanted more!

But in the back of my head I keep saying--wait

Per the forums men my age with a body of a greek god arent suppose to like me they are suppose to be after girls younger than them not six months older--

oh heck per the forums if I dont sleep with him on the first date he will never ask me out again, (Which he did).

So I choked on the confidence issue and he called me on it--told me I needed confidence and then he swam away but gave me that look that said when I get the confidence to go with the total package that he already thought I had to let him know.

So Im working on confidence. I have had several friend ask me if I was fruit-loops to not see my own value. It is like a layer of doubt has been peeled back--and it made me realize that so many on the forums want to cast doubt on the opposite sex for a lack inside of themselves. When you believe in yourself you will see yourself and the world completely differently--then there is no doubt about why someone likes you--you get it--it is cause you are awesome--maybe not perfect but awesome!
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 13
45 and feel so out of my depth about dating
Posted: 2/7/2013 3:16:50 PM

So Im working on confidence. I have had several friend ask me if I was fruit-loops to not see my own value. It is like a layer of doubt has been peeled back--and it made me realize that so many on the forums want to cast doubt on the opposite sex for a lack inside of themselves. When you believe in yourself you will see yourself and the world completely differently--then there is no doubt about why someone likes you--you get it--it is cause you are awesome--maybe not perfect but awesome!


Giggles, I always enjoy reading your posts, and like your friends I also think you have wonderful qualities. Actually I think you are a big sweetheart.

There are always people on forums all over the world that want to drag everyone down and they are only happy if everyone else is miserable. It's sort of a given on any forum / blog, people IRL won't listen to these types of people for longer than a few minutes, the Internet is their only way of expressing their negative emotions, as long they follow local forum rules they can't be shut down, and even if they shut down they can just create a new profile. I only hope is that those type of people get some emotional and psychological relief by posting their rants and in some way they can become better adjusted by venting. Once in a while I will point out the error in their thinkingif it is really outrageous, but for the most part it's a waste of time to argue with them.
 melodyof_k
Joined: 5/2/2012
Msg: 14
45 and feel so out of my depth about dating
Posted: 2/7/2013 3:51:08 PM
you are just fine OP.
take the first step and meet someone for coffee or a drink...
I cant see why some really good woman would not be interested in you.
nothing to worry about just your confidence.
that may pick up after just one nice date.
 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 15
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45 and feel so out of my depth about dating
Posted: 2/7/2013 4:26:03 PM

Advice is always more than welcome :)


Op: You asked!

On-line dating is dauting for any novice. Try to balance out your thoughts and feelings about any prospective date. Don't go out with someone because they asked...and you don't want to make someone feel bad or because you feel you should be 'open-minded'. I learned that I needed to trust my initial gut feelings with any date. Ultimately that means less dates....but much better quality of dates.

I tried not to project expectations on to the other person or myself about where a meeting would go. It took the pressure off. I also assumed that most of us are good people, with good intentions and that while it's likely we may not be a match it's good to 'practice' meeting new people.

I also would keep in mind that my self worth had nothing to do with dating. So whatever happened - I knew I would be okay.

I also saw dating as a curious new experience. Something new ... an opportunity to learn a little more about myself and also to learn about what makes people tick. Not always a fun experience, but certainly intriguing.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 18
45 and feel so out of my depth about dating
Posted: 2/7/2013 7:50:20 PM
I've been in your shoes, very unsure. Didn't have much dating experience when I first joined.First thing I needed to learn was patience, patience, patience. Take things slow, there are plenty of nice ladies out there. And don't go into anything expecting that this "may be the one" Just go in with NO expectations other than enjoying the time spent with that individual.

And you will need to keep a sense your sense humour. On-line dating is not for the faint of heart. ~smiles~

You've been offered some very good advice OP,take heed.....and good luck.


...mae
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 19
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45 and feel so out of my depth about dating
Posted: 2/8/2013 1:25:43 AM
Be you. That's it.

That way she'll be into you for you, and you will be able to go with the flow with confidence and trust it, if and when you truly click (instead of busying yourself trying for some silly relationship goal).
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 20
45 and feel so out of my depth about dating
Posted: 2/8/2013 7:16:08 AM
It's a little like public speaking. You always get the butterflies in the beginning. The more you do it the more confident and relaxed you will get.

Stop dipping your toes in the water. Dive right in. The water is nice once you get use to it.
 BLONDE_ANGEL845
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 21
45 and feel so out of my depth about dating
Posted: 2/8/2013 7:34:45 AM
If you have emotional issues that preclude you from dating please hide ur ad & work on YOURSELF before trying to date, otherwise you will end up frustrating the serious & capable females you come into contact with...
 NatureGirlMaggie
Joined: 12/20/2011
Msg: 23
45 and feel so out of my depth about dating
Posted: 2/8/2013 2:55:57 PM
Well you are very cute, and you sound fairly non-crazy, if one can judge by your profile. Looks like you got a bit of the devil in your eyes, too, and I suppose you would be fun to talk with. But it doesn't matter how the rest of us see you -- you can't get your self esteem, or confidence, or validation from anyone but you, yourself, and YOU.

Because I have given up on the whole idea of "dating," embracing my bitter stance toward life and others (not really!), it has gotten easier to meet someone for coffee, and grace them with my presence. Looking for friends feels a whole lot different than looking for a partner, or a date, or a soul connection. Less threatening, less intimidating, less "I'm putting myself on the line, I might get thrown to the curb." Who cares? It's a risk I will take for a pleasant hour of conversation. No expectations = no disappointments.

Start with friends -- talk, laugh, carry on, no INTERVIEWING -- and don't be like this gal, who sits in the parking lot of the neutral meeting place, and finally drives away, because I don't have the guts to carry through on a meeting. Well, that was the "old me." Now I just go for broke, without expectations of anything but a cuppa and a laugh. Remember: all you have is right now -- carpe diem, baby!
 shylovedave
Joined: 4/10/2012
Msg: 24
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45 and feel so out of my depth about dating
Posted: 2/8/2013 3:16:32 PM
It isn't up to you what another thinks. A woman's intrest is a wonderful thing. Ask about it. Rediscover some wonder. Enjoy the intellegence of another and your vision of life will be magnified.
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 25
45 and feel so out of my depth about dating
Posted: 3/11/2013 4:40:37 PM
Lol, I just tried to check out your profile, but I guess I am too "old" or am outside your settings. I was curious to see what you had posted on your profile so as to see if I could glean any insights. Anyway, what exactly do you find so intimidating about a woman as opposed to a "girl?"
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 26
45 and feel so out of my depth about dating
Posted: 3/11/2013 5:17:10 PM
larissan, ? I did not think there was any setting someone could use to prevent a person from seeing there profile.

Does anyone know if such a setting exisits?

It appears to me like the profile has been deleted.
 sassybaby2013
Joined: 12/31/2012
Msg: 27
45 and feel so out of my depth about dating
Posted: 3/11/2013 5:19:52 PM
Women are girls on the inside and just as nervous as you.
 Deepseaceecee
Joined: 1/29/2013
Msg: 28
45 and feel so out of my depth about dating
Posted: 3/14/2013 12:31:36 AM
If you have women contacting you, you are ahead of the game and most guys dont. So if you are not ready to date, why be on a dating site? Once you meet then they will decide if they like you and vice versa. Takes guts for sure. But the more you do it the easier it gets. Why not speak on the phone, video before you meet so you both have an idea of what you are in for.
 Proteaus
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 29
45 and feel so out of my depth about dating
Posted: 3/14/2013 7:39:07 AM
From what I have seen you are now in the PGL (professional gamers league ) , long as you got a big wallet you probably do fine .
 1388SmartBlonde
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 30
45 and feel so out of my depth about dating
Posted: 3/14/2013 10:19:51 PM
Online dating may not be right for you. Volunteering or taking a class might be a way to get to know someone before asking them out.
 acads
Joined: 6/11/2012
Msg: 31
45 and feel so out of my depth about dating
Posted: 3/15/2013 10:35:34 AM
Man, don't worry about it, it is 100 times easier now than when you were in your 20's. No pressure, no time clock, no missing something, you will either enjoy or you won't, if you enjoy it do it again, if not then no future date.
 stargirl59
Joined: 1/17/2010
Msg: 32
45 and feel so out of my depth about dating
Posted: 3/24/2013 9:15:54 AM
Then you are not ready for online dating. If you insist on trying, start out as "seeking a friend" as see where it goes from there. There's no pressure of the anticipation of dating. Do this until you are comfortable with this type of social networking.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > 45 and feel so out of my depth about dating