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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Chemistry      Home login  
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 2
ChemistryPage 1 of 1    
You will know when it happens. And it's not the words, it's the deeds and how those deeds feel. It could be as simple as you kiss, and that kiss feels incredibly special, and on that second date that feeling is still there. Now, you could have gone with someone else, practically made out on the parking lot, and still not be the same.

Then you get the more reserved women that think that men are nothing but pigs and hound dogs. This women have usually a track record of being used by players. Yet they put up such huge walls, that only players are the ones that know how to break them down. The average idiot guy, plays her game of six months without a kiss, buy me dinner all the time, open the door, to then get hit with the "it's not you, it's me," or the "I would rather we begin as friends."

There are desperate guys, nice guys that will do the waiting, will do the kissing of a ss instead of lips and six months down the road they can't figure out women and complaint. Or like in my case, I don't put up with that crap. As well as, I only have one chance with her, she only has one chance with me. After that, I'm gone.

So where all this things will lead to. Simple, men want sex. I want sex. If she does not want sex, find someone else. I also like and prefer sex with only one woman, and do so in the context of a relationship, of getting to know each other, and spend time in the good times as well as the bad times.

It starts with a little chemistry. If it's not there. Don't chase it. If is there, but only in a small quantity, let it grow. If it's intense, be careful, don't let it drive you or bind you to the point that you can't see IF it's reciprocated.
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 3
Posted: 2/9/2013 10:33:01 AM
Real chemistry basically spawns from two-way physical attraction in which:
(a) There's no big emotional or social problems (nervousness, anxiety) had by either party that lingers
(b) There's no deal-breaker personality issues that come out that kills it for the other

Exactly how do you know if there's chemistry on the first date/meeting? How do you know if the other person feels the same way you do?

It's the banter and how you flow. Think about it on the platonic level. Say you go out and your buddy has a couple of his friends show up who are from out of town. You start talking with one of them and you guys are bantering about college football, girls, etc. You guys are on the same wavelength and chatting up a storm, feeding off each other, etc. That's platonic 'chemistry'. How do you know? Compare it to other conversations with people you just met. It's pretty self-evident. You have a great insightful/fun conversation where you're both mutually enjoying it... not in a 'moment', but in the whole experience of interaction that goes on for a while ("Your friend Jim is really cool, man...").

Now on a first date/meeting -- same thing. BUT, you are going to need mutual physical attraction, because that's not going to really happen if she doesn't find you attractive. To be "nice" and make the most of it when she (or you) aren't attracted to the other, they may engage in banter back & forth and not let the whole experience be weird/awkward -- requires an outgoing person to do so. All that shows is that there COULD have been real chemistry, if both had mutual physical attraction, that's all.

And when there is mutual physical attraction, especially after a beer or glass of wine, any anxieties and such will dim down pretty well. Things just flow with little resistance. The resistance is a noticeable LACK of physical attraction -- or a big personality deal breaker. But the more physically attractive you are to them -- the bigger the personality issue on your part has to be to be a deal breaker. :)
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 4
Posted: 2/9/2013 10:59:35 AM
Chemistry is easy to see on the first date.

1. she laughs at your jokes
2. she subconsciously touches you all the time, often on the hand, shoulder and in some cases, even on your thigh (which has happened to me). When asked down the line, she won't even realize she was doing it.
3. she smiles when your eyes meet for the first time
4. her lips get flushed and swell as the blood rushes to them, this is a physical sign that she finds you attractive
5. she flirts with you
6. she talks about the future with you

and, perhaps others.
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 5
view profile
Posted: 2/9/2013 11:09:38 AM
The most common definition of human relationship chemistry, refers to the many ways that two people feel good together WITHOUT any effort or manipulation of themselves, or of each other.

So really, Chemistry is best dealt with, by NOT thinking about it a lot. All you really need to do, is learn to recognize in yourself, the difference between things like blind lust, and genuine desire for the human being themselves; between your fantasy about what you'd LIKE the other person to be, and how they actually are; and between circumstantial challenges, and fundamental clashes of lifestyle.

As for how you find out if the other person feels good chemistry, you can't test for it. They have to communicate it to you. How they go about doing that varies by the person, and can be tricky (some folks will be so anxious, they will tell you they feel chemistry when what they actually feel is yearning or their own lust).

I find myself, that though it's easy to recognize a complete LACK of chemistry with someone on a first meeting, it's very rare to recognize genuine chemistry with someone anywhere near that quickly.
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 6
view profile
Posted: 2/9/2013 9:38:58 PM
This is why I would prefer to meet a woman whom I've known in the real world - not through bits and bytes.
When you've come to know some one through ordinary daily interactions there is no pressure to "have chemistry" on a first or second date. Frankly, I would never send an invite to a woman on a dating site who would say something along the line of "there has got to be chemistry on the first date if there is going to be a second date." REALLY?!

Chemistry is not an instant gratification Jack-in-the-box experience. That emotional connection is no different than the woman relating in another thread about a guy who is madly in love and planning to move in together (her house with her children) this summer - it's been two dates, but he JUST KNOWS. Well I'm sorry, chemistry is like a good artisan bread - it takes time. it takes time to build character of taste and character of body. You rush it and sure you have bread, but what kind? Something empty, no substance, no flavor. Is it any wonder that so many men and women on here seem to have nothing but endless stories about all the losers they've met?

[Perhaps more folk ought to learn to work with dough, instead of how much dough they've worked for. Just sayin']
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