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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > Struggling with a depression -mad mix of stuff      Home login  
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 jlizzy
Joined: 8/14/2007
Msg: 1
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Struggling with a depression -mad mix of stuffPage 1 of 1    
I've posted over in the relationship forum and of course people felt I was being psycho and selfish etc etc....

I finally managed, despite not being very well off financially, to get myself to a counsellor on Thursday which I felt was helpful but tonight I sit here swinging between ok and feeling utterly low. I finally realised earlier today that I'm suffering from a depression of sorts. I'm not talking clinical depression but life has gotten the better of me and despite knowing that I have lots of positive in my life I wind up crying quite a bit when I'm on my own and find myself feeling pretty angry at any disruption to plans particularly when my boyfriend, who's very prone to ad hoc and chopping and changing plans and arriving late, I get really upset and can't handle it. I think it's down to a need to have control on plans and things in my life....I have so much going on anyway that it would all fall apart if I don't but I think my reaction is pretty severe at the moment given the state I'm in.

I'm finally realising as well that I'm prone to needing to always be occupied and thus when I'm not busy working, studying or doing my sports I rely primarily on my boyfriend eg I like to be in touch or beside him...when this is not the case I find myself getting down! I think this was made worse by the fact that he pulled me in so fast with words of how much he wants to spend his life with me etc and so when we're not together I really really struggle! I can't cope with the intense up and the intense down I feel when I'm not around him. I also fear that in response to all his talk of wanting to be married and have kids etc, that whilst he continues with his things when we're not together, I've made my life revolve around him too much! It scares me how out of control I'm feeling.

As I grapple through this, the roots of it are linked to a sense of loss of a number of failed relationships particularly my last one that lasted 3 years and ended last summer...I don't think I properly grieved. Likewise I think I failed to properly grieve for a friend whom I watched perish in front of me over 2 years ago from cancer....I never found an outlet for all he told me of what he was going through and I never dealt with holding his hand the last time I saw him as he held my hand and told me he didn't want to die.......

I'm struggling......If anyone has any tips or advice on how to deal with it and cope please I'm reaching out!
Thanks
 jlizzy
Joined: 8/14/2007
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Struggling with a depression -mad mix of stuff
Posted: 2/10/2013 11:08:22 PM
If you've nothing constructive to say, don't say it. Look at the header. I'm in a bad place don't go making it worse for me I'm doing my best to find answers!

And as regards to substance abuse.....that's comical since I'd be the least likely candidate I know for that...I drink very very little, I don't do drugs, I don't smoke and I do a lot of sports.

I'm going through a hard time and trying to get some advice.
 jlizzy
Joined: 8/14/2007
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Struggling with a depression -mad mix of stuff
Posted: 2/11/2013 10:38:00 AM
Thanks Peet :)

Yeah I looked up the vitamin D stuff last night...going to start taking some vitamin supplements and try and get more sun....I know in the past I've suffered a bit from SAD so I guess the winter is taking it's toll again as well.

Looked up codependcy and yes I see a lot of traits in me there....thanks for the pointer. Any idea on how to tackle it....I find I'm planning everything around my bf and he's incredibly ad hoc and always changing plans...I feel like if I don't plan around him I wouldn't get to see him and I find it incredibly frustrating and even hurtful when he calls me excitedly to say he'll see me at 8 and doesn't turn up for another 2 hours....Often he's working but I think a person should plan ahead and set a realistic time rather than constantly letting their SO down on arrangements?

Carolann -we're together half a year and I've come straight from another relationship plus I'm down in the dumps....I don't think 6 months is too short a timespan.

I do several hours of sports a week....where possible I get in an hour a day! But I always get in minimum 3-5 hours a week. I teach children piano in the afternoons and I'm attending a full time course....With all due respect, I really am the last person that can be accused of not doing enough.
 bbqchickenrobot
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 4
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Struggling with a depression -mad mix of stuff
Posted: 2/11/2013 1:15:42 PM
Go to an AA meeting or NA meeting. When they tell stories about how ****ed up their lives are/were you will get a resounding feeling that you are really not depressed and just self wallowing about a life that really isn't too shabby. Something inside of you is looking for anything else but you and you need to find that source. While I understand missing your man/girl I don't think you need to seek a counselor over that specifically. I think your feeling down is a bigger issue than him and the way he speaks about all those great things. I think the latter half of your post is more revealing/telling and you need to focus on those and not your man. Feels there may be a bit of co-dependency going on. Hang out w/ some girlfriends when he's not around, etc...
 jlizzy
Joined: 8/14/2007
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Struggling with a depression -mad mix of stuff
Posted: 2/12/2013 9:04:18 AM
I know by comparison there's millions of people worse of than me. I'm not wallowing....in fact I think too much pulling myself up very quickly after big events has left me with a depression of sorts.....I'm all for advice and I am taking action to correct things so I'm only pointing out if you've nothing constructive to say or if you're here to just make hurtful statements then don't do it....I came here for a reason....the reason is to seek help because I need it.
 jlizzy
Joined: 8/14/2007
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Struggling with a depression -mad mix of stuff
Posted: 2/17/2013 3:26:02 PM
Thanks :) Going to counselling. Taking some vitamins though must get myself some vitamin D....trying to get more sun though the weather hasn't been very conducive to it lately....

I think I'm reacting also off the fact that having been in a 3 year relationship that ended last summer and given all the stuff I didn't work through, including my friend's death 2 years ago, I am finding it incredibly difficult to cope with my boyfriends constant chopping and changing of plans....I mean I can't even rely on him to stick to what we agree....he regularly cancels or changes plans on me. I need some stability. I'm also worried that despite being a lovely lovely man and very caring that emotionally A-he doesn't understand me and B- isn't willing to be there for me when I really need it ie is too focussed on doing his own thing and this is for a man who has vowed how he wants to spend the rest of his life with me.

He pulled me in close with talk of wanting to be with me every day, wanting to get married, wanting kids etc and then I feel he sends me mixed signals by stressing that he hasn't seen his friends when he has recently enough and he's working like a frigging maniac so somethings got to give!

Carolann -you kind of hit the nail on the head re being sad should not last for months at a time....hence I say I'm
struggling with depression...I'm up and down like a yo-yo and I can't simply rationalise it all away although I am doing my best to get myself back up!

Happy Gal thanks -I'm talking to friends and family now which is helpful. They've given some good advice and I'm doing as much sports as I can. I'm 32....yeah sometimes I wonder could it be a hormonal imbalance though I'd say it's just more a case of not having dealt with stuff when I should....I try too much to be brave and just move on!
 jlizzy
Joined: 8/14/2007
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Struggling with a depression -mad mix of stuff
Posted: 2/18/2013 10:31:36 AM
Thanks girls for your input! Much appreciated.
Sometimes the rational focusing on the positives is easier said than done hence I call it a depression....right now I feel in such a bad state that I can feel the stress gnawing on my stomach!! :(
A friend of mine passed away from cancer 2 years ago because he was always stressing and letting things eat him up inside!! :(
 ironwinecoffee
Joined: 9/4/2012
Msg: 8
Struggling with a depression -mad mix of stuff
Posted: 2/21/2013 1:07:15 PM
It sounds like what you need to do is seek out professional help which you have done. You need to go to counselling regularly, one session will not "solve" your problems and what counselling generally does is give you tools to use in coping with things. I do not know if you can approach your counsellor or your PCP but it sounds like you actually do need to be assessed by a qualified professional to determine if you are struggling with an actual clinical depression. The truth is you cannot self diagnose and none of us in the forum is qualified to do that either. Just from what you have posted it sounds like you are expereincing intense highs and lows and you are too heavily focused on your boyfriend and how your mood and emotions depend entirely on being with him. These could be signs of a mood disturbance, again, I am not qualified to make a statement. Hope you are able to get some useful help.
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