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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 awesomecatch2
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 1
Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???Page 1 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
In a world that sees so much Infidelity and Indecisiveness , is it possible to find a soulmate? It seems like its so hard nowadays to find a mate let alone a spouse that will love you unconditionally till the end....

I was wondering if other people worry about growing old alone. Ive seen so many people that are widowed, left for another after 10,20, 30 years- I know I cant be alone when I worry about this question.

Any thoughts because I would love to hear other peoples prespectives......
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 2
Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 2/11/2013 5:44:05 AM
Sometimes. I look at my aging parents and see the companionship they have with one another and I'd like that. Someone to just be there.

But, I'd rather grow old alone than with the wrong person. I think most of us have spent some time with the wrong person and perhaps longer than we should have and although we learn from those experiences, one of the biggest lessons is the wrong person isn't worth it. It's worse being lonely in a marriage than it is being single.

I'd hate for my children to feel obligated towards me in old age. I don't want them to feel they should visit me because I have no one but rather want to come, if that makes sense. I guess we just accept that it might be the way it turns out to be.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 3
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History
Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 2/11/2013 6:05:51 AM
" I dont consider myself to be alone, just not in a relationship."

I have been widowed for 19 years now and counting. I don't believe we are ever truly alone, unless we are a hermit.

Being the last of my kind (he he), with family members all decease, over the last few decades I have made a network of long term friends that I love and they love me. I am fairly independent, but I know that I have quite a few friends who would consider it an honor to be there for me at the end. Just like I would consider it an honor to be there for any of my beloved friends at the end of their lives.

Are you actually discussion growing old alone, or is it more that a need to have a relationship that lasts as long as we do won't happen?

I think that most of us are already in a relationship with at least one someone who would be there for us at the end. That person might not be our s/o, but at the end, does that really matter.
 DontAskMe2CarryUrPurse
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 4
Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 2/11/2013 6:08:06 AM
It would not be fun at all. You definitely don't want to do it with someone that's gonna be a pain in the you know what. I think one's criteria has to become more and more relaxed as one ages. For me, a shared sense of humor, kindness, thoughtfulness become perhaps the core of who I'll want in my life. Even though my profile lists a few more, those would be my bottom line for a lifelong companion.

But people are so picky and shallow. They usually don't take the time to get to know anyone, let alone understand how to develop a friendship. Hit a red flag and it's over. We're all guilty of that. At some point, all those red flags will just become "quirks" and then we'll be left wondering at what might have been...
 Abbeygirl58
Joined: 10/26/2012
Msg: 5
Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 2/11/2013 6:12:08 AM
I am growing old alone....I'm only a few months away from a womans most dreaded birthday...I only accepted this fact recently as my profile reflects but I have my health, a great career, 6 grandchildren and great friends....so things could be a lot worse!!!!
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 6
Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 2/11/2013 6:18:01 AM
I've survived 51 years without that "other" ,so far,so good. I don't know if it's the "perception" being "alone" that freaks people out or the inability to be content with what one has, or doesn't????? There are worse things that growing old alone. Being dead would be one of em.
 JGirlSD
Joined: 1/25/2013
Msg: 7
Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 2/11/2013 6:21:11 AM
I used to worry about growing old alone..and realized why waste precious time worrying about the inevitable (SP)? I don't have children and most of my friends either have them or have significant others. They will always have someone..I may or may not have someone..but worrying about it won't help.

I have a dog..I'll always have a pet and if I don't meet a life partner, oh well. I cultivate my friendships.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 8
Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 2/11/2013 6:21:56 AM
The thought has crossed my mind.
My aunt and uncle were hopelessly in love before cancer took her.
They could "cut a mean rug" on the dancefloor and would gaze all googly-eyed at each other.
How wonderful it must be to awaken each morning so crazily fond of another person...
Those two were a remarkable inspiration to anyone who might see them.
 IChooseMe
Joined: 2/6/2013
Msg: 9
Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 2/11/2013 6:28:49 AM
eric_summit
"My aunt and uncle were hopelessly in love before cancer took her." My Mom & Dad had the same thing.....we lost Mom to cancer in 2007. 48 years of marriage and they still held hands like kids. It was so sweet!!
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 10
Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 2/11/2013 6:48:01 AM

I was wondering if other people worry about growing old alone.

I don't "worry" about it anymore than I would worry about being alone right now.

I would prefer that it not be that way. I would love to have someone to wake up to each day.
 Man In New Hampshire
Joined: 9/23/2005
Msg: 11
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History
Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 2/11/2013 6:49:30 AM
You have quite a few years before worrying about that.

Getting old and retiring is something everybody should keep in mind. The more secure you are with yourself the less you will worry. So if you build on yourself it will be easier to build and make plans. There will be plenty of guys around (even as you get older).

But again, way too early to worry being alone when you get older.
 Proteaus
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 12
Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 2/11/2013 7:01:31 AM
I look at things in 2 categories , wants and needs . needs are must have's , wants are not . A relationship is something I would want, not need . After being active on one of these dating sites for a few months ,now more than ever I am prepared to go it alone if need be . Just seems to be to much aggravation in this new age of dating . See very little respect given by either side to the other . Unfortunate , women and men are on different sides now , used to be they were on the same side supporting each other ,no longer the case .
 DontAskMe2CarryUrPurse
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 13
Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 2/11/2013 7:06:17 AM
Everyone who says they're okay living alone are a bunch of liars. Par for the course on POF. Pets don't cut it. Social circles don't cut it. We are not meant to travel through life alone. But if you can't be honest, that your issue. I won't settle for being alone. That's the worst kind of settle to me.
 intrepid10
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 14
Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 2/11/2013 7:24:06 AM
Great observation. I have read a lot of your postings and you tell it precisely the way it is, I would say far better than any on the different threads, amazes me that women would be so foolish to pass up such an astute oberver of life. Clearly those skills would apply in personal relating one on one just as well as they do here.

Wake up LADIES !
 intrepid10
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 15
Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 2/11/2013 7:25:34 AM
sorry new here, re: message post #17
 Debisusanne
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 16
Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 2/11/2013 7:43:43 AM
I think i worry MORE about being sucked in again by another A$$hat!

Growing old alone doesn't scare me anymore.

Do I choose it?.. no.. but if it chooses me.. .. so be it.
 FlyyinSolo87
Joined: 6/15/2011
Msg: 17
Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 2/11/2013 7:48:06 AM
As I'm only 25, right now I cannot think that far ahead. Would I mind it if I grew old alone? I'm not sure. Would I like it to be otherwise? Yes. I would love to have someone there for me, who has shared a life with me, and fathered children with me. As it stands right now, like I said, I'm still young. I still have another 25 years before I'm no longer able to have children(which I would love to have more of). Even if it doesn't happen and I'm not with anyone, I still have my son, and if I want more children, well then I can easily do it, but I will never be alone. I will have my son, and other children if I have more, my grand children, my brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews, great nieces and nephews, and if I live long enough, great grand children. I don't believe that just because someone's relationship status is single when they reach that age doesn't mean that they are alone. I would love to have someone to dance with at our 50th wedding anniversary, but there is no guarantee, so I might as well live in the here and now.
 phoenix_55
Joined: 7/25/2012
Msg: 18
Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 2/11/2013 7:48:06 AM
I don't worry about it. It occasionally crosses my mind, but nothing that bothers me. I've been married 3 times. It may not be in the cards for me to ever have another long-term relationship. But I'm happy. I have a great family and great friends, so I'm never really alone. And my cat loves me :)
 awesomecatch2
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 19
Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 2/11/2013 7:52:39 AM
In one.aspect I meant having someone in your life, but since I am.in Healthcare and have two elderly patients, it was more about
what happens as you.grow oldrr and you health starts failing?
I have seen children and family not be supportive so theres no guarantee.

Usually its a devoted spouse that sees you through the end and Vise Versa...
 Abbeygirl58
Joined: 10/26/2012
Msg: 20
Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 2/11/2013 7:57:37 AM
"Everyone who says they're okay living alone are a bunch of liars"....don't you know its not nice to call people a bunch of liars unless you know they are a bunch of liars......there are many people who are OKAY with living alone....that doesn't mean people don't wish they could find a mate....it doesn't mean people don't miss having a partner....it doesn't mean people don't have lonley moments....its just means they're OKAY living alone...do we want to settle for just okay....not really!!!
 auntyemm
Joined: 12/22/2012
Msg: 21
Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 2/11/2013 8:02:21 AM
Why is it so bad to be alone.I have freinds and family so i am not really alone.For the poster who says we are liars,What is there to gain by lieing about it
 Iredurbio2
Joined: 3/6/2009
Msg: 22
Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 2/11/2013 8:04:10 AM
No! I would rather be with someone the rest of my life.I tend to have to follow Don't ask me to hold ur
purse on this one.I have the same kinda sentiments.Your'e right, it is sad,but true!
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 23
Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 2/11/2013 8:08:50 AM
Somewhat seriously...I hope to be a healthy old codger driving through the desert in a 2062 Porsche 911 Turbo.
My hope is that a meteor the size of a house comes zooming through the atmosphere and gets me.

The last thoughts in my head should be:
"...What the heck is that loud whistling sound? What is causing that ENORMOUS shadow?..." ;-)
 tooborednow
Joined: 1/13/2013
Msg: 24
Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 2/11/2013 8:40:05 AM

Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone?

No.
Because at any time I can choose to not be alone.
I just may not be able to wallow in my ideal emotional gratification immediately when I desire it.


is it possible to find a soulmate?

IMO only if you are religious, believe in god(s), who created the soul and therefore someone or something greater than yourself created a mate specifically for you and your soul.

If you believe in the scientific method, then no.

"Spirituality" is just playing a rationalizing game between the two; "I want to appear rational, but I want to be socially important. If I believe in just the scientific method then I am no better than anyone else except in what I take responsibility for and work at, but if I believe in the spirit and the soul then I am important to the universe. I have a magic bubble of energy in me that makes me special and unique and I don't have to quantify or prove it. I believe in something greater, and in knowing about and believing in something greater, than I am greater...than other people. But I don't want to follow that religious crap with their dogma. Too many rules and there are other groups that label them bad, and it leads to delaying gratification and sacrifice, responsibility and commitment. No, I want the perks of religion, of feeling bonded, belonging, and superior, something else responsible for me, but I don't want to be judged for upholding a group so my beliefs are going to be vague, and it can't really require me to do anything other than what I immediately want to do and I myself have control over and determined is right and good."


It seems like its so hard nowadays to find a mate let alone a spouse that will love you unconditionally till the end....

This seems rather silly.
Can you love unconditionally to the end?
Or is it more like the movie "Starcrossed" where the woman says (breathlessly) "I will love you unconditionally! As long as you love me!" She'll love him unconditionally as long as he fulfills a condition for her.

There's a sacrifice in loving "unconditionally" it's called "acceptance." Even of the stupid mistakes they make as a person.
Like cheating. Or not texting as often as you want them to. Or playing games under certain conditions because that's how they communicate.

It's so "hard" nowadays to find a mate let alone a spouse that will love you unconditionally because so many people are looking for, in a sense, perfection, of having gotten past all their stupid mistakes, rather than knowing someone is going to make them and accepting them anyway. Acceptance is harder than tolerance. People masquerade tolerance as acceptance.

Not to mention it's so "hard" because there isn't a strong underlying social bonding agent (like religion, beliefs) that in a sense forces people to stick around by offering negative consequences to those that leave. Therefore you don't simply assume they will stick around. There's no guarantee of future consistency.

How many times have you read in the forums "you're young, you have plenty of time to figure that out, go to school, get a job, go out and have fun, that's what you should be focused on right now."
You feeling this way is directly related to advice like that. That's the zeitgeist at the moment. That's what the government subsidizes and pushes.

Advice should be "you're young, you have the energy and malleability where you can train yourself to pay equal attention to your social and relationship life as you do to your education and career. You need to work harder. You need to step it up and get in there, down and dirty face to face, and focus on everything with as much as you can as hard as you can, if not you are taking shortcuts and developing bad habits. Habits such as getting used to short term relationships, of dating solely for 'fun,' of being able to pick and choose at whim, but you aren't serious, and then constantly looking for that when you're 40, 50+ because it's all you know. You need to figure out who you are and what you want and your own morals and values sooner rather than later because you don't have religion or whatever telling you what they are, of handing you a shortcut to that, so you need to figure it out yourself, the longer you wait the more shallow it's going to be, and that's going to make life worse in the long run."


I was wondering if other people worry about growing old alone.

I don't. I have money and insurance.
I have watched several family members die over the past few years.
One grandpa took out his feeding tube, hated feeling weak, dehydrated and starved himself to death. Father ate too many aspirins for spine and joint problems, ate holes in his stomach, leached blood and kept vomiting it out. Grandma keeled over after an aneurysm. Uncle drank himself to death. Uncle had a heart attack. Aunt had liver failure. One grandpa had Alzheimer's. Uncle with prostate cancer. Uncle with pancreatic cancer. Cousin drowned in a pool.
Almost all of these people died alone. But for the most part they were in hospitals or hospice or nursing home with visiting family to say goodbye. There were always people around.
They all left spouses behind them. Some cared for, some not.

Not that I sit here worrying about it, but I don't worry about growing old and dying alone without a "soulmate," or not being "loved."
I worry about what sort of trauma I do leave behind me in whatever way I die.
I worry about what sort of trauma I cause in my path towards dying.
I wonder what I will require of someone without being able to help or control asking it of them.
Will I be in a coma? A vegetable? Will I hide medical conditions that lead to worse things outside of my ability to control?
Will I lose all reason and not understand other people trying to help me?
Will I go through months and months of chemo only to not be strong enough to change my lifestyle making it pointless, depleting of a life's work?
Or in spite of changing will I go through the stress of it, causing stress to whomever is by me, even if it's just compassionate nurses or whatever, and it doesn't change a thing?
Making my last few months or years a misery to all around me?

I don't worry about being a victim to not having love, or poor me no one loves me, I worry about what sort of burden is placed on people by loving me. There are positive and negative consequences to everything (e.g. government subsidizing a way of life, downfall of religion). I know the positives of finding a "soulmate," I know the positives of potentially "settling," being alone I can only work on mitigating the potential negatives to the best of my ability.
Wallowing in self pity about "will I ever find true loves kiss?" and mentally masturbating to The Princess Bride doesn't help in any real way.
 Be_enchanted
Joined: 1/23/2013
Msg: 25
Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 2/11/2013 9:04:10 AM

I was wondering if other people worry about growing old alone.


This question struck home because I do fear living alone when I'm much older. I also worry dying alone and not being found for days; this tragedy happened to my oldest brother.

I've been divorced for many moons and don't mind living alone sometimes because I'm use to it. However, I don't want to be alone when I'm even older. I do believe elderly people living alone die earlier than those that have a S/O to share the good times and bad times together. I am thankful my parents are still together after almost 60 years of marriage because my dad watches over the health and well being of my mom; something, sadly, she can't do on her own now.

What will happen will happen and I'm now taking the initiative to date; something I rarely did while raising my son and focusing on my profession. At least I'll know effort were made if I do end up growing older alone. And, ideally, have fond memories to look back at when that time comes.
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