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Joined: 11/22/2011
Msg: 1
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Oral Inequities.Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
A male friend stated that he does not reciprocate oral sex unless he's in a long-term, serious and committed relationship. He states that he uses oral sex as a reward system, for those whom he wishes to continue relations with.
When pressed, he admitted to accepting oral sex in casual 'hook-ups.'
Has any reader experienced or heard of similar?
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 2
Oral Inequities.
Posted: 2/12/2013 1:41:01 PM
Yes this is a characteristic of quite a few FAKE Dominant males in BDSM circles where it falls under the rewards system that many males regard as a form of 'training'.
It is quite common with those women of less experience in the world of BDSM and often fall prey to men of this nature.
Training can often involve many different things not just rewards but also punishments.
...I could go on and on about this subject but well, it bores many.
To me, it fascinates and is also used by Dommes towards submissive males. Its a common practice.

In vanilla realms Im sure you will find many that say F*ck that! I agree in my vanilla mode but I also understand there are complexities within other relationships where this is considered normal for what it is.

It depends on which side of the road youre on. Do you want avanilla answer or kink?

The two world collide in sites like this which causes much confusion and I think that is where you end up with vanilla people doing some kink and not having a clue why.

I personally would never agree to this type of training. But it is common.
Joined: 11/22/2011
Msg: 3
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Oral Inequities.
Posted: 2/12/2013 2:04:10 PM
I have no idea why you've equated 'top & bottom' to my topic. I fail to see any relatedness.
Joined: 7/25/2012
Msg: 4
Oral Inequities.
Posted: 2/12/2013 2:15:52 PM
Yes, I have heard of men like this. I was married to a man like this.

Oh wait ... he didn't even reciprocate in a long-term, serious and committed relationship.

That must be why he's the ex ;)
Joined: 4/27/2012
Msg: 5
Oral Inequities.
Posted: 2/12/2013 2:30:23 PM
Selfish, one way. Doesn't deserve any woman giving him oral until he does his part.
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 6
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Oral Inequities.
Posted: 2/12/2013 2:35:25 PM
I have heard all sorts of similar statements, from men and from women. Usually, as with your situation, it wasn't a conversation between myself and someone I (thought) I had a romantic relationship with, it was in a more casual friend/acquaintance setting.

I attribute that sort of thing to the phenomenon that affects a lot of people in all sorts of ways, wherein they try to use what they learned from trying to get special treats as a child themselves, to manipulate the world at large around them. Since they were offered candy, or had treats or fun privileges withheld by parents, as a way for the parents to get what they wanted from the child, the now grown up child tries the same "dangling carrot" concept on everyone.

Some one like your friend, has thought through his internal, personal side of it so thoroughly, that he's actually codified it, and could almost post it on his door, like a set of commandments for potential friends or mates. But he's likely expended absolutely no thought about the other person's viewpoint, nor has he bothered to remember how much he resented when his parents (or teachers, etc) did the same thing to him. He just knows that he feels righteously powerful when he declares his "laws of reciprocation," so he does so.

Since I am someone who does habitually consider both sides of such things, I think it's ridiculous, and worse, extremely illogical. Just as you can't build trust between two people by constantly investigating each other, you also can't establish a love relationship, if you are going to base it on carefully measured exchanges of favors.
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 7
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Oral Inequities.
Posted: 2/12/2013 2:47:11 PM
Yes as in long term relationship and yes as a reward but it was the woman who would reward for cute and sometimes adorable reasons.
It was more fun than punishment. I know someone who adores it and is very appreciative if she gets it daily.
I would imagine if a guy with holds oral he must be outstanding or constantly single.
I am going try that see what happens for 1 week. Naah that’s silly. Sex with someone that matters to you is a mutual giving, enjoying and pleasure appreciation.
Joined: 11/27/2012
Msg: 8
Oral Inequities.
Posted: 2/12/2013 3:43:42 PM

He states that he uses oral sex as a reward system, for those whom he wishes to continue relations with.

No, I've never heard nor experienced this.
Joined: 2/2/2013
Msg: 9
Oral Inequities.
Posted: 2/12/2013 3:53:14 PM
Totally ridiculous way of thinking. I will e glad to my companion (woman) as much oral pleasure as she would like to receive, even if we had not been dating long. If a woman is interested in being intimate with me, I will do my best to please her in any way she wishes to be pleased.
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 10
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Oral Inequities.
Posted: 2/12/2013 4:11:21 PM
She said giving oral is special, she only do that to guys who are going to be in a serious relationship with her.
Anything else was a go, including receiving. Go figure.
Joined: 9/26/2008
Msg: 11
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Oral Inequities.
Posted: 2/12/2013 5:39:29 PM
Honestly never heard of a man doing that,although I have encountered a number of women that did.
Joined: 1/12/2013
Msg: 12
Oral Inequities.
Posted: 2/12/2013 6:31:36 PM
Joined: 2/3/2013
Msg: 13
Oral Inequities.
Posted: 2/12/2013 7:36:47 PM
I would be tempted to pee on his floor and then leave.
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 14
Oral Inequities.
Posted: 2/12/2013 7:38:57 PM
so, he doesn't reciprocate, unless its a favor for receiving something else he wanted, or as a reward for sticking about. but he will take it from other people, just won't do it unless he can justify a reason.

just for laughs...consider where else in life, he treats people this way.
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 15
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Oral Inequities.
Posted: 2/12/2013 8:04:31 PM
Never heard a man say it....but have seen many women here in the forums say it

You could never convince me this is a man that loves to give oral.......and I would never be in a LTR with a man unless he loves it...because IMO, it is the difference between good oral.....and great oral!!

But I also have met a few men that gave early in the relationship and then quit giving.....and yes, that is one of the reasons they are ex's.
Joined: 8/19/2012
Msg: 16
Oral Inequities.
Posted: 2/12/2013 8:06:57 PM
I feel like it's very selfish, and this topic should be discussed prior to taking off the clothes and dimming the lights, just not fair. I have a remedy for that if ever, I was in that situation....let's just say they would get a 'taste' of their own medicine. lol
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 17
Oral Inequities.
Posted: 2/12/2013 8:32:50 PM
ur male friend is a dumb ass
Joined: 2/6/2013
Msg: 18
Oral Inequities.
Posted: 2/12/2013 9:49:08 PM
my ex wouldnt even do it after we have been dating for awhile but he expected me to give him a bj every night....
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 19
Oral Inequities.
Posted: 2/12/2013 10:25:55 PM
OP, his behavior is provincial, unfortunate, selfish, and immature.
Joined: 11/25/2012
Msg: 20
Oral Inequities.
Posted: 2/13/2013 3:13:32 AM
I can't help but wonder if he treats himself to a dog biscuit after masturbating.
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 21
Oral Inequities.
Posted: 2/13/2013 5:36:32 AM
sounds like a selfish pig what if it was the other way he wood feel the same and please a reward hell no what woman wood stand for that if that is not your thing just be honest and admit you dont like to give oral
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 22
Oral Inequities.
Posted: 2/13/2013 5:46:14 AM
me always took it as a reward when a woman lets me go down on her ..for it is from giving her pleasure that my pleasure is derived
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 23
Oral Inequities.
Posted: 2/13/2013 6:30:29 AM
A "reward system" ? Good Lord.
I wonder how he'd feel if the tables were turned?

He sounds like a selfish prick to me.......
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