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 Brishnak
Joined: 1/26/2013
Msg: 1
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choosing between 2 womenPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Hello Fishes,
I come to you today seeking advice. I've met 2 women off of this site in the past month and a half. 1 of them is someone I dated previously, the other is a new girl. We'll call the first one Sam and the second Sally.

4 years ago I fell in love with Sam, but she got scared of the relationship and bailed. I moved on, rather quickly, to someone else. During those years I would think of Sam often. Sam and I both had a kid in the time we were apart. Since we have reconnected things started out well, we went on a date, and we can talk for hours. Kids and distance kept us from having more than one actual date, but I realized pretty quickly that my feelings for her were still there. Things got a little cold for a moment because she started to freak out about her feelings again, and during that time I met Sally.

Sally and I have been on 4 dates together in the past 2 weeks. Sally is a very fun woman to spend time with, and I do like her, but my feelings for her are not the same as they are for Sam. Sally is prone to canceling dates, not calling when she says she will, and other general flaky behavior, and is not ready for an exclusive relationship. Sam found out about Sally over the weekend, and while she was upset (mainly because I had told her I wasn't looking for anyone else) she also confessed that she had the same feelings for me that I have for her, and that she wants to move forward with me in an exclusive relationship. This is wonderful, but I am worried that if it gets too serious she is going to bolt again. Sam and I did have a second date on Monday where she had me meet her beautiful daughter, and things went great.

Sam wants me to chose between the 2 of them, and I am inclined to chose her, but that fear of getting hurt if she does decide to push me away again is very real. I understand that whatever choice I make, I will lose any shot I have with the other.

The question is, what would you do if you were in my position? Any questions you have, feel free to ask!
 devolution_zone
Joined: 2/10/2013
Msg: 2
choosing between 2 women
Posted: 2/13/2013 10:30:36 AM
"The question is, what would you do if you were in my position?"
Choose both so you don't fall in love with either.
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 3
choosing between 2 women
Posted: 2/13/2013 10:31:43 AM
No guarantee with either of 'em - go with the one for whom you have the strongest feelings.

And don't lie to her again. That'll cause a woman to bail faster than anything.
 UglyFroggieCritter
Joined: 8/21/2010
Msg: 4
choosing between 2 women
Posted: 2/13/2013 10:36:52 AM
What would I do? Pray to the PoF gods that Sam and Sally don't read the forums.

Good luck.
 Orgulloso
Joined: 8/28/2010
Msg: 5
choosing between 2 women
Posted: 2/13/2013 10:46:12 AM
OP,

Seems like Sam may be a commitment-phobe since she "has feelings" for you yet has run not once but twice once things got hot and heavy. It also seems that Sam is in your mind the one that got away so you're chasing that ghost while somewhere deep down inside you know it'll eventually end the way it has before.

Sam sees you as a stable, sensible man who gives her the attention and time she seeks ON HER TERMS.

I fell in love with "Mary" when I was 25, madly and deeply in love. Bought a ring, and imagined our lives together forever. Mary bailed once things got hot and heavy, and I mean fell off the face of the earth bailed. No communication for some 2-3 years, until one day we bump into each other, had a few drinks and spoke like old friends. We exchanged numbers and shortly thereafter started sleeping together again. "Mary" had a child during those 3 someodd years as your Sam did. And like you, I discovered that I still loved "Mary".

Unlike you til this moment anyway, I told "Mary" that although she was (and still is) the love of my life I would not place myself in the position of being hurt again.

I often think of her, I wish her well. But I have no regrets because I know that in my heart of hearts, she would have left me again.

Good luck.
 safaa30
Joined: 3/1/2012
Msg: 6
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choosing between 2 women
Posted: 2/13/2013 10:48:35 AM
This is an easy one. You're not sure about either of them, they are both unsure about you.

So my answer, c. None of them :)
 tnt144
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 7
choosing between 2 women
Posted: 2/13/2013 10:58:49 AM
If you really reconnected with Sam as you say, you would not be thinking of or talking about Sally. But for what it's worth, Sally is no good either.
 StrangeDreams
Joined: 1/30/2013
Msg: 8
choosing between 2 women
Posted: 2/13/2013 10:59:10 AM
I choose none of the above, Sam is just stepping up her game because there is another woman ( competition) and Sally is a flake.
 FairOaksChick
Joined: 11/7/2011
Msg: 9
choosing between 2 women
Posted: 2/13/2013 11:16:04 AM
Definitely don't pick Sam. Listen to the guy above who had the same thing happen to him. He did not choose to put himself in the position of being shot down yet again by her. So now she is all ready to get serious with you? May be, but for the wrong reasons - It is tough being on your own as a single parent. She rejected you once. Don't give her that power to do it again.

As for the other one, sure keep dating her but date others as well, just as she is doing.
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 10
choosing between 2 women
Posted: 2/13/2013 11:33:19 AM
OP, not knowing either woman, yet with what you described I would think about Sam. Why because you have a history, things my have not worked out back then for whatever reasons,,( those reasons must be considered though). I am going on the assumption you either cared deeply or were in love with her. You say you got hurt,, that is part of life, so isn't forgiveness if your in love or were in love,, I am the type of guy who follows my heart with practical judgement. I'd be willing to communicate with Sam if I were you.
 THEMEPACK
Joined: 12/17/2012
Msg: 11
choosing between 2 women
Posted: 2/13/2013 11:37:08 AM
It doesn't matter who you pick....the success rate on here is only 10% ....good luck. Assuming you met them both on here...hell it still doesn't matter I still give it 10%...
 Brishnak
Joined: 1/26/2013
Msg: 12
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choosing between 2 women
Posted: 2/13/2013 11:43:03 AM
To the person who mentioned distance. It's 25 miles, but when your car is busted, 25 miles might as well be the moon.

To the person who mentioned my profile, I'm posting this under a false profile just in case either of them do check the forums.

In general, I am inclined to chose Sam. The fear of getting hurt is there, but that's there in any new relationship.
 Brishnak
Joined: 1/26/2013
Msg: 13
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choosing between 2 women
Posted: 2/13/2013 11:47:27 AM
Also to the person who mentioned the reconnect,
It wasn't until Sam grew cold that I became receptive to other women's advances.
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 14
choosing between 2 women
Posted: 2/13/2013 11:50:32 AM

To the person who mentioned my profile, I'm posting this under a false profile just in case either of them do check the forums.

I guess being honest with those two women seem to be out of the question, you are destine to fail all the way around,, good luck..
 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 15
choosing between 2 women
Posted: 2/13/2013 12:16:47 PM
4 years ago I fell in love with Sam, but she got scared of the relationship and bailed. . Things got a little cold for a moment because she started to freak out about her feelings again, and during that time I met Sally.

Choose Sally.

Sally and I have been on 4 dates together in the past 2 weeks. Sally is a very fun woman to spend time with, and I do like her, but my feelings for her are not the same as they are for Sam.

Choose Sam

Sally is prone to canceling dates, not calling when she says she will, and other general flaky behavior, and is not ready for an exclusive relationship.

Choose Sam

Sam found out about Sally over the weekend, and while she was upset (mainly because I had told her I wasn't looking for anyone else) she also confessed that she had the same feelings for me that I have for her, and that she wants to move forward with me in an exclusive relationship. This is wonderful, but I am worried that if it gets too serious she is going to bolt again.

Choose Sally

Sam and I did have a second date on Monday where she had me meet her beautiful daughter, and things went great.

Choose Sam

Sam wants me to chose between the 2 of them, and I am inclined to chose her, but that fear of getting hurt if she does decide to push me away again is very real. I understand that whatever choice I make, I will lose any shot I have with the other.

Choose Sally

3 --3

Toss a coin.

It doesn't sound as though either woman is "ready" to be in a relationship with you,but Sam seems to keep your heart by running everytime she get's too close.If that turns you on,all the power to you.
 IChooseMe
Joined: 2/6/2013
Msg: 16
choosing between 2 women
Posted: 2/13/2013 12:51:51 PM
Throw them both back and keep fishing!!!
 Deadliest_Snatch
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 17
choosing between 2 women
Posted: 2/13/2013 12:54:01 PM
So, Sam is not capable of facing and coping with her emotions?

Sam found out about Sally over the weekend, and while she was upset (mainly because I had told her I wasn't looking for anyone else)


And you prefer to deceive and manipulate?
You two sound like the most dramatic "fit."


Also to the person who mentioned the reconnect,
It wasn't until Sam grew cold that I became receptive to other women's advances.


Then you should have told Sam about your change of heart. Duh.
 The_Curvy_Doll
Joined: 12/14/2012
Msg: 18
choosing between 2 women
Posted: 2/13/2013 1:22:44 PM
Both of them sound unappealing to be honest. I'm not sure who Sam thinks she is to start giving you ultimatums like this after she's bailed so many times. It sounds like she is the emotionally unavailable type who wants what she can't have and then when she gets it she gets "scared" and bails again. Be careful about that. If I were you I would not choose Sam. She is just looking for an ego boost by making you choose. And I guarantee if you do choose her, she will bail again in a few weeks/months. Mark my word. Tell her you are "scared of your feelings" and can't make that choice right now and then watch her reaction. If she gets upset it's proof positive that she doesn't give a sh*t about your feelings, she only cares about her ego. As for Sally, she sounds like someone to have fun with but not someone to get serious about. Why not keep your options open and look for someone who doesn't give you complications like this? They are not the only 2 women in the world, surely you can do better.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 19
choosing between 2 women
Posted: 2/13/2013 8:27:05 PM
Reading between the lines....
I think you have more of a thing for Sam.
(or you wouldn't worry about getting hurt)

So the other girl may seem like a consolation prize.
or maybe rebound.
You may choose her...but always wonder what if.

If you can choose her without thinking about Sam at all...
then I am wrong.
and you should choose her.

But I'm thinking you should either get closure from your ex....somehow..
or get over her.

before you make any choice.
 Proteaus
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 20
choosing between 2 women
Posted: 2/13/2013 8:31:58 PM
Sounds like one of them is undependable . Looks like a pretty easy choice . By seeing 2 women at the same time you need to ask yourself a question . Are you ready for a relationship ?
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 21
choosing between 2 women
Posted: 2/13/2013 8:48:09 PM
If you had to ask this question, the answer is pretty obvious.

If Sally wasn't in the picture, you would pick Sam?

If Sam wasn't in the picture, upi would pick Sally?

It sounds like a whole lot of settling is going on. With all of you. What's going to happen when something better comes along?
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 22
choosing between 2 women
Posted: 2/14/2013 3:55:28 AM
Op. do you wish to die by poison or by fire?

Seriously you are acting like the only two women in the world are these two women--you have so many unknown choices so stop limiting yourself. Next time Sally flakes out on you --show yourself some respect and walk--next time Sam acts like a wet noodle about wanting a relationship but doesn't want to be hurt so she runs away--she has a kid--she didnt run away from the father did she?

Stop being played--stop playing and recognize your own self worth--find a woman who wont be a flake and that wont run away. Set where you want to go in life and then see who rises to met your level other wise keep going up till you find the right one.
 Railrunner
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 23
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choosing between 2 women
Posted: 2/14/2013 4:26:38 PM
Didn't the Monkees have a song about this sort of thing?

"Look Out, Here Comes Tomorrow", and even the song makes no real indication which of the two was picked.
 Deadliest_Snatch
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 24
choosing between 2 women
Posted: 2/14/2013 4:35:49 PM
Here's advice from John Sebastian of the Loving Spoonful:

"Did you Ever Have to Make up your Mind"

Did you ever have to make up your mind?
And pick up on one and leave the other behind?
It's not often easy and not often kind.
Did you ever have to make up your mind?

Did you ever have to finally decide?
And say yes to one and let the other one ride?
There's so many changes and tears you must hide.
Did you ever have to finally decide?

Sometimes there's one with big blue eyes, cute as a bunny,
With hair down to here, and plenty of money,
And just when you think she's that one in the world,
Your heart gets stolen by some mousy little girl,

And then you know you'd better make up your mind.
And pick up on one and leave the other behind.
It's not often easy and not often kind.
Did you ever have to make up your mind?

Instrumental break.

Sometimes you really dig a girl the moment you kiss her,
And then you get distracted by her older sister.
When in walks her father and takes you in line,
And says, "Better go on home, son, and make up your mind."

And then you bet you'd better finally decide.
And say yes to one and let the other one ride.
There's so many changes and tears you must hide.
Did you ever have to finally decide?
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 25
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choosing between 2 women
Posted: 2/14/2013 7:19:52 PM
Yeah, I'd choose to be between two women, too. In this case, though, just for a short time, and then find someone(s) more suitable.
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