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Etiquette for Accepting Multiple DatesPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

I told him I'd already made other plans. I didn't really appreciate his lazy attitude anyway, so it was no great loss having to tell him I'd already accepted another date.

that'll teach him for not using his mind-reading powers to ascertain the courtly protocol required to reserve some of her majesty's time. filthy peasant!

Now another guy has messaged me asking if I'm available for that same day - what should I do? If I tell Guy #2 that I'm unavailable, and Guy #1 never gets back to me, I'm going to come off like the world's biggest flake if I go back to Guy #2 and tell him that I'm available after all. If I tell Guy #2 I am available right off, and Guy#1 gets back to me later on, he'll be the one to think I'm a flake (but I'm inclined to think "you snooze, you lose" if he waits too long). Help!

i wish my problems were so dire. you counteroffer guy no. 2 for some other night, and take the terrifying risk you might end up with NO date this wednesday if guy no. 1 doesn't get back to you.
 Aww-Ree
Joined: 1/2/2013
Msg: 3
Etiquette for Accepting Multiple Dates
Posted: 2/16/2013 7:14:44 PM
I think you need a dating double...like a "stand-in" for an actress.

Advertise for a doppelganger who will act as your stand in and help you manage the overflow...lol. It will serve a two-fold purpose. It will give another woman a chance to date some of the men you are hoarding and allow you to freely juggle the men in your life without you coming off as an internet flake. :)

*giggles to self*
 privat33r
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 4
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Etiquette for Accepting Multiple Dates
Posted: 2/16/2013 7:15:20 PM
While its a little off the edge what I've seen is that women will schedule independently and not get into the whole fuss over it.

If you're going to schedule in a limited time frame, meeting someone and dating can be very different time periods. Just seeing someone for the first time can be only 20 minutes, or 90 without being offensive. Making arrangments for something else three hours later doesn't have to be a constraint. I feel its a bit of torn between two whatevers, juggling- and many will be choked if they're exposed to this olympic warmup routine. It can work though. Don't ever tell, ever. Try to avoid the, "already made arrangements" and stick with, "I'm free at ,,.etc". I mean- I've known people for decades and not inquired about their schedule, even when we've been dating for a while, living together. Its not my business.

Don't expose your schedule, don't tell guys that Wednesday is your only day. That's going to create a trap. That doesn't have to make things into some type of mysteryworld, Its possible to be completely straight and honest without...
.. okay I'm wandering here.

Not sure why I'm suggesting a ploy that I find disgusting and alarming.
 H0wAboutIt
Joined: 9/9/2012
Msg: 5
Etiquette for Accepting Multiple Dates
Posted: 2/16/2013 8:31:04 PM

These guys should be confirming things right then and there. Whoever asks you out - with a definite time, date, and place is the one who gets it. Simple as that. Someone who is interested doesn't keep you hanging.

Make your date with the one who has a plan ..and the other guy will just have to wait his turn..if at all...

Not that hard
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 6
Etiquette for Accepting Multiple Dates
Posted: 2/16/2013 9:17:36 PM
^^^
It appears your BoldLock button is stuck!

I have accepted short-notice dates in the past, yet they were typically casual.
"Hey, I'm driving in your town. Want to meet for a quick coffee?" types of requests.
If she is a good person with dating potential, I'm glad to extend a bit of flexibility.
 DietFree
Joined: 11/1/2012
Msg: 7
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Etiquette for Accepting Multiple Dates
Posted: 2/16/2013 9:25:44 PM

(but I'm inclined to think "you snooze, you lose" if he waits too long).


There you go! You answered your problem...and very well, too.
 Tazmenen
Joined: 2/10/2013
Msg: 8
Etiquette for Accepting Multiple Dates
Posted: 2/16/2013 11:37:39 PM
Interesting challenges, I don't mean to simplify things to much however, I sounds like you are interested in a person who is confident and has a plan. That is fair, you have goals other wise you wouldn't be in school and working. I recommend, if you haven't already, to take an hour and use these experiences to refine what you want. Then write down two or three questions to shoot at these would be dates; something along the line of punctuality, plans they have for the next year and things like that.
Then let these gentlemen, know where things stand. If they are going to go general on you with out offering atleast options, then let them know that your open schedule could close at any minute and that would be unfortunate for them.
That's how you stay in control while letting him make the decision.

Tazmenen

P.S.
My suggestion is never to go back and 'tell him that I'm available'. I hope your just using that in your explanation. It is better to have quite nite than to have an evening that could be, well, less than favorable. Maintain your personal respect and inner value.
Keep your head up and keep on smiling. :)
 moon_breeze
Joined: 10/10/2012
Msg: 9
Etiquette for Accepting Multiple Dates
Posted: 2/17/2013 2:18:05 AM
Tentative plans are one of my pet peeves-if they come back at you, just say they never made concrete plans and you only have one day off. Time is precious, and if you end up seeing them long term they should understand that they need sold plans with you-not a "yeah maybe" which to me equates to"if nothing better comes up".
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 10
Etiquette for Accepting Multiple Dates
Posted: 2/17/2013 4:19:41 AM
A couple of things.

You actually DON'T have to go out EVERY Wednesday night with a guy. Unless of course you belong to that one religon where it states that on all you "free" nights you must be with a new member of the opposite sex.

Do you actually find "all" these guys that interesting that you must say "yes" to one of their "offers". In other words,just like before, can you not say "no" and have a free night to,,,,,yourself???? Or do you HAVE to go "out" that night????

Basically what I am trying to point out to you is that if it were me, I would be going out with one person that I found attractive and would base my "choice" on that. Now, if you have a "need" to keep your weekly planner "booked" and "up to date" I would go with any guy that sets "plans" with you at the earliest possible convience to YOU!!!!!!! That way you don't have to sit and worry about what you are going to "be doing" on that free Wednesday night. Win,win!!!!!
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 13
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Etiquette for Accepting Multiple Dates
Posted: 2/17/2013 2:38:01 PM
That could work is not an invitation to a date.

A date has a day, a time, a place.

Trust me, when I started to expect certain minimum standards of behavior and stopped waiting around for vague noises people had made, my dating success became much better.

Next time, nicely tell Mr. That could work, that you're very sorry, but you simply didn't understand that he was asking you for a date when he said That could work. Maybe he'll learn. Doubtful, but possible.
 usmale6
Joined: 9/14/2013
Msg: 17
Etiquette for Accepting Multiple Dates
Posted: 11/19/2013 1:53:16 PM
Looks like somebody drug up another old thread out of storage again ;)

If you get off the phone without a day, place (unless they are picking you up), and time, you may think you have a date, but you don't. No callbacks to verify, unless you run a doctors office!

However, nice women are helpful... you should have tried a little harder and offered a time.
 nyceguy85
Joined: 1/11/2013
Msg: 18
Etiquette for Accepting Multiple Dates
Posted: 11/23/2013 12:43:53 PM

I have an interesting dilemma, one that I'm afraid might continue to crop up if I don't handle it properly. I work full-time and go to school part-time, so I have limited nights available to go out. So far, I've been telling guys who ask that I have Wednesdays off. Once before, a guy tried to make plans with me but he never actually asked me out. He asked when I was free and I told him what day. His response was, "That could probably work". That was it - but then another guy, later that day, actually asked me out on a date for the same day. Since it was a true invite, I accepted. The day before the date, the other guy messaged me again and said, "So, where and when tomorrow". I told him I'd already made other plans. I didn't really appreciate his lazy attitude anyway, so it was no great loss having to tell him I'd already accepted another date.

Now this is coming up again: someone on Match asked me out for drinks on my day off next week, but we haven't actually firmed up plans yet. I sent him a message today, but he read it and hasn't yet responded. Now another guy has messaged me asking if I'm available for that same day - what should I do? If I tell Guy #2 that I'm unavailable, and Guy #1 never gets back to me, I'm going to come off like the world's biggest flake if I go back to Guy #2 and tell him that I'm available after all. If I tell Guy #2 I am available right off, and Guy#1 gets back to me later on, he'll be the one to think I'm a flake (but I'm inclined to think "you snooze, you lose" if he waits too long). Help!


Lady, you are living the dream most women on here would die to experience. You have multiple guys whom you are interested in asking you out. From a man's perspective, the etiquette of multiple dates in the same time span is simple: You Just Dont Do It. Lets say you date both guys, allowing them to pay for your dates and giving both of them the impression that you will be more to him than just someone who uses him for a free meal. One day you develop feelings for one of the guys more so than the other. When you break things off with the guy who came up short? How do you think he will feel as a result? He may be hurt, crushed and jaded because the girl he thought liked him friend zoned him. But from a womans perspective, men were put on this earth to spoil, court and pamper women during the dating phase. So the etiquette for accepting multiple dates from a womans perspective is just dont get caught and sell those guys a pipe dream.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 19
Etiquette for Accepting Multiple Dates
Posted: 1/9/2014 10:23:27 PM
It really is as simple as just don't try to Faye more than one person at a time. People with lots of free time should try this too.

I've been on and of of here for a couple years, and every time, I see the same people, a lot of them STILL looking for someone.

A relationship can't form without commitment. Try giving just one person two or three dates before moving on and you'll be surprised how fatty you manage to find someone
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 22
Etiquette for Accepting Multiple Dates
Posted: 1/16/2014 5:52:12 PM
oh yeah, lets tell the OP that things like going to school and working are going to mean that her social life is just going to be about being a boinkhole.
Sheesh!
Which should she give up? School? Work? Or should she just give up on any kind of dating for fear her schedule will cause men to use her as a free whore?
Amazingly, I see people all the time who have very busy schedules but manage to have enjoyable,even rewarding social lives and relationships. I've seen lots of people conduct relationships, even marriages, while working opposite shifts, couples where one of them must travel for work, or is deployed.
OP, I think that you are well within your right to accept a clearly defined date over a vague "well, that could work" response.
As far as accepting dates with more than one person, you are perfectly entitled to do that too, as long as you have not made pr even alluded to any agreement of exclusivity. Personally, I suggest that your schedule is YOUR business, what you are doing when not in the company of your date is not something you owe explanations about.
If somebody wants to get their nose out of joint or their d*ck bent because you don't have the classic 9-5, 5-day schedule, then you are better off without such people.
If you meet someone and the 2 of you form the kind of connection needed to sustain a serious relationship, you'll find a way to make it work. Having a busy schedule does not make you 2nd-tier dating material.
Cindy O
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 23
Etiquette for Accepting Multiple Dates
Posted: 1/17/2014 11:33:57 AM

As far as accepting dates with more than one person, you are perfectly entitled to do that too, as long as you have not made pr even alluded to any agreement of exclusivity. Personally, I suggest that your schedule is YOUR business, what you are doing when not in the company of your date is not something you owe explanations about.
If somebody wants to get their nose out of joint or their d*ck bent because you don't have the classic 9-5, 5-day schedule, then you are better off without such people.


But at some point, plans are going to be broken so that she can date only the other guy. I honestly think that if you're going to do that, you should at least be upfront and honest from the start. Let him know you're dating other guys while you try to figure out what one you want to stick with.

Put yourself on the other side of that. Do you really think that's fair to the other person? He's dating someone, he thinks it's going great, and then "Oh, I have a boyfriend now"... And then we get attacked for getting mad, and we're the bad guy.

Us guys deserve at least the respect from you to honestly know where we stand. If there's other guys in the picture, let us know, then if we're ok with that, we'll keep dating you, if not, then we won't feel like we wasted time and money with you.

Our time is just as important to us as yours is to you. While I feel that more than one person at a time is really destroying your chances of finding someone you really want to stick with, you're free to do whatever you want. Just don't be that person that we think everything is going great with, when really she wants to be with some other guy. A little honesty goes a very long way, something society seems to have forgotten.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 24
Etiquette for Accepting Multiple Dates
Posted: 1/18/2014 9:38:17 AM

plans are going to be broken so that she can date only the other guy.

Oh yeah, like "Wednesday could work" is a PLAN???

Look, what happens if someone is dating with a goal of finding a pair-bond, usually one candidate tends to begin distinguishing themselves and other contacts are phased out. If someone simply wishes to social date, then-beyond making it CLEAR that one is not dangling a relationship carrot!- what a person does when not in the company of another is his or her business.

You want to talk about "breaking plans"? I was raised that if you make a committment to a social engagement of any kind, you DO NOT break it for the so-called "better offer".
Trust me, I once turned down an opportunity of a date to go to a local raceway and see Johnny Benson and Bobby Labonte race,because of a previous social committment...my mothers' 71st birthday celebration.

I don't know about anyone else, but I don't presume that a couple of emails/phone calls constitute a commitment to exclusivity. I don't believe that a reasonably attractive and interesting guy has no other dating options in front of him, so if he sees other ladies I realize that I'm not OWED any fidelity until there is a mutual agreement to that condition.
And don't imagine that this means people are juggling half-a-dozen different dating partners. If one is dating in search of a committed monogamous pair bond, non-( or marginal) contenders seem to fall by the wayside.

Make no mistake, I am not encouraging or condoning somebody of either gender juggling multiple sex partners.
But to "break" a firmly set plan to accept a "better offer"...
Bad manners/bad ethics.
Cindy O
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 25
Etiquette for Accepting Multiple Dates
Posted: 1/19/2014 12:48:34 PM

I don't know about anyone else, but I don't presume that a couple of emails/phone calls constitute a commitment to exclusivity. I don't believe that a reasonably attractive and interesting guy has no other dating options in front of him, so if he sees other ladies I realize that I'm not OWED any fidelity until there is a mutual agreement to that condition.
And don't imagine that this means people are juggling half-a-dozen different dating partners. If one is dating in search of a committed monogamous pair bond, non-( or marginal) contenders seem to fall by the wayside.


I don't either. But when it moves beyond the internet, which is the intended goal, plus the millions of people who don't even come to the internet (we keep forgetting about them and circling back to these ideas that the only communication between people takes place on PoF), when the goal is that commited relationship, just tell them when you're dating other people, so that while you're working on a backup plan, they know that it's probably a good idea for them to do it too.

Otherwise, you have someone that might get really into you by the time you break it off for the other guy, then what do you expect the first guy's reaction to be? This dating thing only works when both people are on the same page. I don't know why everyone is so terrified of actually talking to each other and being honest. Anybody that any random person is dating deserves to know how the other person is approaching that. They deserve to know when you're dating other people at the same time. They deserve to know whether or not you even want anything that serious.

Switch roles... Fall for a guy and then find out that he likes the other girl he's been dating better than you. And then add in all the time you wasted on him. If he just told you he was dating other people, you would have known where you stood and looked or someone just in case it doesn't work out, and then hopefully were honest with them.
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