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 harspaw76116
Joined: 1/18/2009
Msg: 1
How common is wanting to sleep alone? Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I'm a person that prefers to sleep alone at night in my own bed or couch if need be.. As you can imagine this has been an issue for me in my past relationships, how common is this and when is it a good time to bring up the subject with a potential partner?
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 2
How common is wanting to sleep alone?
Posted: 2/21/2013 7:23:01 AM
You know... I saw an article recently that this is becoming more and more common for a variety of reasons. It is certainly not my cup of tea and I would personally want to know that right off the bat.

I'm such a cuddler.. it's like giving up one of the best parts of the relationship ....
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 3
How common is wanting to sleep alone?
Posted: 2/21/2013 7:25:18 AM
I don't think it's uncommon. Plenty of couples end up in separate rooms part of the way through the night for various reasons - one snores, one fidgets, maybe one is having hot flushes and throwing the covers off and then grabbing them back a while later. I guess it all comes down to finding a compromise so no one is offended and both get a decent nights sleep. Maybe another option is to get a larger bed where you can place some space between you if the issue is liking to spread out some.

I think, once you are at the stage where you are spending the night together, sooner is better than later. And clear communication would be key. If you are pretending it's all good for a period of time and then suddenly blurting out that you'd rather sleep alone, I can understand why some might be offended by that and take it personally.
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 4
How common is wanting to sleep alone?
Posted: 2/21/2013 7:33:44 AM
Pretty uncommon, I think. I've only even heard of this a few times before. Couples wind up in separate beds for all kinds of reasons, whether temporarily or permanently, but starting out there goes against purely primal instinct for most of us.

Bring it up early on, before things start getting sexual. Maybe even right away on meeting. It'll be an instant "no" for many - might as well get that out of the way. Look at it like this, it saves you time in finding someone who's okay with it or feels the same. Uh, I hope.

... maybe this is a solution to your situation...different beds, same room?

Could work! Easier to take than separate rooms anyway, for most.

Aside to RockabillyPaGirl, I know the feeling! My sympathies... it'll pass soon!
 phoenix_55
Joined: 7/25/2012
Msg: 5
How common is wanting to sleep alone?
Posted: 2/21/2013 7:40:21 AM
I've been divorced for 8 years, so I'm already imagining sleeping with someone on a regular basis would be a problem for me. Besides the fact that I'm a bed hog, I haven't met a man in years who doesn't snore like a freight train. And that ain't ever gonna work for me.
 charliesmom21
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 6
How common is wanting to sleep alone?
Posted: 2/21/2013 7:43:38 AM
I do not know how common it is or is not, but I would hate it. I like the cuddling and snuggling part and would feel cheated if it was not part of the relationship, but that's just me.
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 7
How common is wanting to sleep alone?
Posted: 2/21/2013 7:46:17 AM
^^^ Laughing at the bed hog!

I bought a King size bed after my divorce for no other reason than because I wanted it. What a pain it is when changing the sheets as I constantly walk around the damn thing, tucking and straightening the bedding. Luckily, I am not a bed hog. When I wake in the morning, the other side of the bed remains perfect as if it was just neatly made which is brilliant because if I had to walk back an forth around this massive bed each morning to make it, I think I would have given up long ago and gone down to a Queen size.
 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 8
How common is wanting to sleep alone?
Posted: 2/21/2013 7:51:03 AM

As you can imagine this has been an issue for me in my past relationships.


I can imagine.You finish having sex, and say...ok now get out, I need to sleep alone. :(


when is it a good time to bring up the subject with a potential partner?


asap...it could be a deal breaker.It would be for me.Nothing like falling asleep in my man's arms.
 tooborednow
Joined: 1/13/2013
Msg: 9
How common is wanting to sleep alone?
Posted: 2/21/2013 7:55:08 AM

How common is wanting to sleep alone?

It's pretty common to "want" to sleep alone.
It's just as common to "want" to sleep alone, afraid to say anything about it, and it leads to problems.


when is it a good time to bring up the subject with a potential partner?

When you are dating someone and it becomes such a worry that you have to, or want to, start a forum thread asking strangers about it.

Strangers are going to see your main profile pic and then visualize a guy in cowboy boots, cowboy hat, and neon green space invader jammies surprising his girlfriend with bunk beds and yelling "I get top!" struggling up there and going to sleep.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 10
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How common is wanting to sleep alone?
Posted: 2/21/2013 8:06:41 AM

Back in the 50's that's how most couples slept...with two beds pushed up together to make one...just how it was back then...but in this day and age, I think it's expected in most relationship settings


Most couples? Where on planet Earth? This was never the case in Asia, Europe, Africa or North America. In fact many families often all slept together in one big bed.
 tnt144
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 11
How common is wanting to sleep alone?
Posted: 2/21/2013 8:36:52 AM
The problem is, people need affection and sex in a relationship. If you are positive it's okay, if the person really does not mind you sleeping alone, it's okay, and can work for some people. But you have to be sure... and sometimes they will tell you it's okay, just to appease you, and not rock the boat... but you have to be able to read them like pro poker player and be absolutely sure... because withholding affection or sex from someone who wants it is rejection... constant rejection can beat down love levels, and people can literally fall out of love over time, so it's dangerous.

The rule is, give your partner affection and/or sex whenever they want it, if you want the relationship to go the distance. Never pull away or say no to them. Relationships take a certain amount of work... consider this part of the work... the good news is, the love your partner feels for you (and that you feel for them) is payment for that work , and it often exceeds the workload. It's not bad work if you can get it!
 unhomme
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 12
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How common is wanting to sleep alone?
Posted: 2/21/2013 8:43:41 AM
Not to be nasty or mean, honestly, but if you have a boyfriend you care enough about to miss so much, why are you still active on POF?
 GarnerGirl71
Joined: 2/10/2012
Msg: 13
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How common is wanting to sleep alone?
Posted: 2/21/2013 9:17:38 AM
I would have a problem with it. Pillow talk and cuddling when going to sleep is one of my favorite times. Listening to my bf (lightly) snore is very relaxing to me, too. I would have trouble giving those times up on a regular basis.

Unhomme... many forum posters are in active relationships, and only visit POF for the forums. Some choose to mark their profiles not single/not looking. Others, including myself, leave our profiles intact, but hide them from the dating side of the website.
 Zephyr2553
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 14
How common is wanting to sleep alone?
Posted: 2/21/2013 9:20:01 AM
I love to snuggle and be in same bed with the man I love and am committed to....until he falls asleep....then my main focus is getting some wonderful sleep! I don't like to sleep with anyone. I love to snuggle up in my blanket head to toe...sleep military style...and drift off into slumberland...I don't like butting into someone...having them wake me up snoring...or worse! I don't like the "too much closeness" the arm and leg locking...the butt bumping...etal I'm very passionate and affectionate, but not joined at the hip to anyone...love my own space!!
 pattie2014
Joined: 11/25/2012
Msg: 15
How common is wanting to sleep alone?
Posted: 2/21/2013 9:27:52 AM
I think its more common than you think for alot of people. Especially if you have been use to sleeping alone. I think you should definetly bring it up with your partner.
Otherwise they may think its them thats the problem.
 soulsearcher012
Joined: 7/4/2012
Msg: 16
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How common is wanting to sleep alone?
Posted: 2/21/2013 9:41:17 AM
I love cuddling up and wrapping my arms around my lover and listen to her breathe
It actually helps me to relax and fall asleep . needless to say I haven't slept good in a long time ! lol
the only time I slept alone when I was in a LTR was when I herniated a couple of discs.
I have a friend who has the same problem he and his wife sleep in separate beds in the same room.
 AvailableinIndy
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 17
How common is wanting to sleep alone?
Posted: 2/21/2013 9:46:45 AM
I would explain it early on, because a lot of woman will take offense to you screwing her then saying.."ok, bye, I have to sleep now." I must say when I go a period w/out dating someone, it is hard for me to get use to having someone sleep next to me. I am a light sleeper anyway, and I always feel like I am keeping them up.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 18
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How common is wanting to sleep alone?
Posted: 2/21/2013 10:04:04 AM
I need to sleep alone, I can't stand sharing a bed. It's all great to cuddle and have sex and all that, I have no hang ups or anything like that, it's just that I can't stand to sleep with someone else. I am a bed hog, I'm a big person, I toss & turn all night, I know I snore, and I get up and down all night.

Yes, I have had two sleep studies, I do not have apnea but I do have another problem that causes breathing problems. I simply do not sleep well and I would drive another person out of their mind trying to get any sleep next to me.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 19
How common is wanting to sleep alone?
Posted: 2/21/2013 10:26:31 AM
While I enjoy sleeping with my mate, if that persons sleep habits were keeping me awake every night I would opt for seperate beds...romance is all fine and dandy until someone is not sleeping well on a regular basis. It is just not healthy to not sleep well on a regular basis. (also, people get crabby and trying to romance a crabby person is self defeating) Id want my mate healthy over them sleeping in my bed any day of the week and Id hope he felt the same way towards me.

I used to think it was abhorent to sleep seperately, but as I age, sleep becomes more important than the warm fuzzies related to sleeping together.

I use my brain a lot for my job and simply cannot function without a good nights sleep anymore.

I would work on any issue preventing us from sleeping together...but if things were not improving, Id be all for seperate beds.
 THEMEPACK
Joined: 12/17/2012
Msg: 20
How common is wanting to sleep alone?
Posted: 2/21/2013 11:05:37 AM
I dislike sleeping alone, so much so I keep one leg shaved...
I can see this being a problem for some people, myself I think I would find it uncomfortable at first...but it wouldn't be a deal breaker for me...
 harspaw76116
Joined: 1/18/2009
Msg: 21
How common is wanting to sleep alone?
Posted: 2/21/2013 12:35:24 PM
Thanks for all the input, it's appreciated..
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 22
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How common is wanting to sleep alone?
Posted: 2/21/2013 12:47:05 PM
Completetel incomplete, where did you live growing up?On a boat?

I've never known any relative past or present to sleep in separate beds that were pushed together for intimacy. If people judged society by 50's TV then black people had not yet evolved as a race but only came into existence in the 1960's.
 bottleguy
Joined: 3/22/2011
Msg: 23
How common is wanting to sleep alone?
Posted: 2/21/2013 1:26:28 PM
I like to cuddle for awhile and then go to separate beds. I just sleep better that way.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 24
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How common is wanting to sleep alone?
Posted: 2/21/2013 1:31:02 PM
My uncle moves around a lot in his sleep. So they had two twins pushed together with separate sheets and blankets on both. She got her hubby right next to her, and he was able to flail around like a rabid ferret with no complaints.
I think you should do the same in your bedroom, an understanding partner will understand.
BUT, if you just like sleeping alone in a room? You should address that, it is considered odd.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 25
How common is wanting to sleep alone?
Posted: 2/21/2013 1:45:54 PM
I personally feel that when I sleep with my gf our energies charge each other. So I love it. When I am alone, I have a cat that just to plop on my stomach and sleep there. So I'm never alone in bed.
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