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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > I've never dated a Single Mother before.. Advice?      Home login  
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 harspaw76116
Joined: 1/18/2009
Msg: 1
I've never dated a Single Mother before.. Advice? Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I'm 39 and never dated a Single Mother before, but it seems apparent more and more each day that might be my only option.. I never considered have kids myself and frankly the thought of dating a Single Mother kinda of scares me.. Advice?
 dp320
Joined: 2/4/2013
Msg: 2
I've never dated a Single Mother before.. Advice?
Posted: 2/21/2013 3:58:02 PM
Don't do it then...
 harspaw76116
Joined: 1/18/2009
Msg: 3
I've never dated a Single Mother before.. Advice?
Posted: 2/21/2013 4:25:38 PM
I do like kids, but I remember how it felt when a "Man Friend" of my Mom's would leave when I was younger.. It was like loosing a friend, I just can't see doing that to a young person! Dealing with teenagers? I can only imagine!
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 4
I've never dated a Single Mother before.. Advice?
Posted: 2/21/2013 5:51:28 PM
Single mothers aren't the left over dregs you reach for because they are your only option. Single mother's have more than themselves to consider. If you are failing miserably with those who only have their own wants to consider, and where someone just needs to be sort of cute, sort of fun, you're gonna have one heck of a time with a single parent.

Advice? Yep. Stay away from those with little children but you aren't interested in taking on that role so it's not going to work. And stop thinking of single mothers as your last result because the good ones know to value themselves higher than that. They have choices.
 buterfly41978
Joined: 1/29/2013
Msg: 5
I've never dated a Single Mother before.. Advice?
Posted: 2/21/2013 6:14:11 PM
I can see how the thought of dating a single mom would scare you. Heck being a single mom is kind of scary sometimes :)

The best advice I can give you is:

1) make sure she isn't looking for someone to support her and her children. (sad but it does happen) She should be capable of supporting herself, and living on her own - supporting her own children.

2) The best scenario is one that both of the biological parents can at lease pretend to get along in front of the kids and tolerate each other. (that would mean they are actually mature)

3)Don't be harsh on parenting skills. You never know what the children have gone through in a divorce... However if they are demon kids... RUN FAST!

4)treat her like any other woman you would date
 Drawesome32
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 6
I've never dated a Single Mother before.. Advice?
Posted: 2/21/2013 6:15:03 PM
if you can avoid it, do so. a lot of the women may get on here and try to tell you otherwise, but being with a single mom is a completely different experience, and usually a bad one.

if the girl youre thinking about has one well behaved child, which is rare, stick around and see how you feel. if she has multiple children, or troubled children, dont walk, run away.

many of my experiences dating single moms went sorta like this. dont expect much adult time with her. your "dates" usually wind up sitting at her place watching disney movies or other kid shows on tv. when the kid/kids finally go to bed, which is never at the designated bed time, your gf will probably be exhausted. when she can actually find time away from the kids, she will spend quite a bit of that time on her phone calling and talking to them. keep in mind that the situation i just described usually doesnt happen right away. the first few months she usually goes out of her way to get babysitters more often to not make things seem as bad as they really are.

with all that said, i dont consider anything to be an absolute dealbreaker, including single mom. there are quite a few single moms that you may feel are worth all the crap, and youd be right. however, the majority are NOT worth it.

best of luck to you.
 rgvmale
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 7
I've never dated a Single Mother before.. Advice?
Posted: 2/21/2013 9:54:24 PM
Say what O.o?????
 Space_Weaver
Joined: 11/27/2012
Msg: 8
I've never dated a Single Mother before.. Advice?
Posted: 2/21/2013 10:56:26 PM
At 39 have fun trying to find a single woman without kids. Have in mind they shouldn't be counted out because they have a little more history and life experience than those who have never had kids.

I myself don't mind a woman with kids unruly or not. It is up to the parent to take care of that.

I have only dated one person with kids. Have in mind a few things.
-The rule of cell phones on a date being a no go are a go for single parents. Duh! Right!
-For the most part you are at the whim of their schedule, so you have to be a bit flexible to find common ground. It is going to take a bit of work, and even then expect the unexpected.
- Expect not to see the inside of their home for a while until trust has been established. Shit! That goes for people without kids as well.
- If you want a bit more flexibility, try dating someone with teens. They are a bit more self-sufficient, and need less supervision.
- Although a woman may state they are not looking for a father figure, you may be judged a little more stringently as being a father type. It is a realistic approach because if you do wind up in a relationship his or her kids will be seeing you on a frequent basis. Your moral code may be put on a high pedestal.
- Although they say their kids have a father or mother and they are not looking for an economic stimulus package, you are at times going to have to dig a bit deeper into the pocket book. There are going to be times when they are going to want to take their kids along to wherever. Can you handle a person with 1, 2, 3, 4,...., kids?

While kids are going to be a factor, one has to remember you are dating the person, not their kids.
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 9
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I've never dated a Single Mother before.. Advice?
Posted: 2/22/2013 2:59:32 AM

I'm 39 and never dated a Single Mother before, but it seems apparent more and more each day that might be my only option..


Pick up some PUA books, and learn game. Your problem sounds like women in general.

Look up bloggers like RooshV, The Private Man, and Chateau Heartiste. They have a lot of valuable (and free) information in regard to dating.

Stop being the nice guy, and don't feed into any "just be yourself" tripe. Obviously it has given you bad results this long. Time to try something new.
 mermaid140
Joined: 8/29/2012
Msg: 10
I've never dated a Single Mother before.. Advice?
Posted: 2/22/2013 11:31:12 AM

I'm 39 and never dated a Single Mother before, but it seems apparent more and more each day that might be my only option.. I never considered have kids myself and frankly the thought of dating a Single Mother kinda of scares me.. Advice?


Then don't. Honestly, being a single mom myself when I was dating a man without kids it was hard to relate to him. Not much in common. They didn't like making plans around my free time. Single moms are not an experiment to try out. If you're not fond of kids then don't go there. There are plenty of women with out kids or have grown kids.
 OzzGirl22
Joined: 8/17/2009
Msg: 11
I've never dated a Single Mother before.. Advice?
Posted: 2/22/2013 2:31:29 PM
I would advise against it unless its something you are really interested in, because doing it as a last option is pretty lame.

I am a little older but it would be a extremely rare occurrence for me to even consider dating a never married, childless man. The experience and skill set is very different.
 forestllover
Joined: 11/23/2012
Msg: 12
I've never dated a Single Mother before.. Advice?
Posted: 2/22/2013 5:14:06 PM
wait for the single ones to come by...
you won't be doing anyone a favour

a single mom comes with a lot of responsibility
 Peter_Hungus
Joined: 11/3/2012
Msg: 13
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I've never dated a Single Mother before.. Advice?
Posted: 2/22/2013 6:15:10 PM

I'm 39 and never dated a Single Mother before, but it seems apparent more and more each day that might be my only option


You could consider another group to date. Divorced moms. Since kids are the hurdle you would be better off this route. In contrast to single moms, divorced moms more often;

1. Have behaved/disciplined kids.
2. Have a involved father ( as well as paternal family) giving you and the "potential" more alone "relationship" time.
3. Higher income
4. Higher educated

There is a recent thread about meeting my kids from a divorced mom. She has 50/50 custody and pays her own way. That should be the type you set your focus on.




Single mothers aren't the left over dregs you reach for because they are your only option.


Since most normal people without kids would prefer a childless spouse as a primary choice, wouldn't that make choosing a person with kids a last resort since there is only two options (people with kids and without)?

Import, I have seen you post on here and think highly of your opinions and consider you wise. However I think your post is highly hypocritical . You stated you don't date guys with young kids. Well, dating people with grown or almost grown kids is almost the same as dating childless people (they have thier own friends, have thier own lives, require little supervision, ect). Seems you perspective is the same as the OP's but you are hiding behind semantics.

OP, don't let the ladies here flame you. If men are shallow they are just as much so. Look at the link below if they would date men over 50 with kids. "Been there done that", " I did my time". So in thier 20's and 30's they are saying raising or being involved with thier kids is the best thing since buttered bread, then in thier 40's and 50's they liken thier child rearing expierence to serving a jail sentence. Keep in mind this is for thier own kids...lol...research for yourself.

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts14945556.aspx

Pete
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 14
I've never dated a Single Mother before.. Advice?
Posted: 2/22/2013 6:38:57 PM
Funny.. I didn't see a single woman flame him.. what I did see is a lot of men putting down single mothers.

Funny how i'm way better off then my boyfriends ex.. I make more money, have more education and more common sense then her.

Funny how you all judge a book by it's cover or in this case a group they happen to belong to

Funny how it's more often then not the guys who want to stay in and watch movies. *in my experience and that of most of my friends* , even when my son was a baby.

Funny how if we never introduced the kids, guys get upset, but if we introduce you into our lives too soon, guys get upset.

Funny huh..

OP. if you don't want to date a single mother then don't. We are not the last resort of a desperate man or one who feels he's limiting his options. I'm way more responsible and mature then most of my childfree counterparts, but that's not really a desirable quality in a woman, unless the man also has kids. I don't personally care, cause the guys who don't appreciate me, don't deserve me. And you certainly shouldn't date me because well there aren't any without kids avaible to you right now. That's unfair to me and a waste or my time.
 Zuglo65
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 15
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I've never dated a Single Mother before.. Advice?
Posted: 2/22/2013 7:35:08 PM

OP. if you don't want to date a single mother then don't

Pretty simple, eh..Not a rocket surgery..


And you certainly shouldn't date me because well there aren't any without kids avaible to you right now. That's unfair to me and a waste or my time.

I agree.
 stricking
Joined: 8/27/2010
Msg: 16
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I've never dated a Single Mother before.. Advice?
Posted: 2/24/2013 11:10:25 AM
every situation is different and therefore would require different advice. her kid or kids shouldnt become a main focus of ur relationship until it becomes serious. sometimes dating a single mom can be just like dating any women thats single with no kids depending on the situation. my girl has every weekend with her dad and alt thur which gives me alot of time to go out and not have it be an issue. instead of fearing what if ,u just need to accept it as almost normal. more people are single parents then not, its just become the norm today.
 feyfaith
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 17
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I've never dated a Single Mother before.. Advice?
Posted: 2/24/2013 3:07:04 PM
Single parents come in waaay too many flavours for there to be a magic formula & the only way to find out what suits you is to do a little research.

For example my Mum became a lone parent after she was widowed. She decided that no man could possibly top the wonderfully happy 30 years plus she'd enjoyed with my father. No man stood a chance with her, & though a few asked her out, they were always politely refused. Women like this are never asked to appear on the Jerry Springer Show, and you'll never get the chance to date them. Many service widows fall into this type of category and the younger ones are often open to the idea of a new partner.

At the other end of the scale you have the woman who thinks she has to have baby by every man who smiles at her, or that crazy octoplut Mum. This type may come with all kinds of financial and emotional demands + untold "Baby Daddy" drama. You also get the woman who was treated so badly by the father of her children that she really needs a course of professional therapy to help her recover from the experience rather than a new lover. Avoid the bitter men haters if you can.

In the middle is a group of attractive sensible, financially stable (well as much as anyone can be in this economy) honest, hardworking women who happen to have children. They may have sole 24/7 custody, but access to reliable vetted babysitters or the father may be involved in raising the children allowing you to get some "couple time".

A few single Mums are stunningly beautiful millionairesses in their own right, with good cause to establish whether or not you are a gold digger. All Mums worry about the stories we hear in the news about child abusers and the like.

Children too come in many flavors from the totally bratty, to utter delights. Some children may actively welcome your involvement in their life, others may have unresolved issues from their parents break up. You just don't know until you meet em!

There are a few things you have to take into account such as respecting the boundaries set in the initial stages of a relationship by the mother. (Avoid excessive displays of PDA's at the start, use some common sense show some respect for the child's sensitivities).

If the mere thought of a woman with responsibilities is too much for you then avoid like the plague. Also avoid any woman that might be caring for elderly parents (given your age there's a lot of childless women in this position) or dog owners or even ladies who keep chickens in the back yard too. These ladies also have to organise things in advance before flying to Hawaii for the weekend. As with any woman try and consider what qualities you are bringing to the table too, as I'm not sure you'd be a single Mum's ideal date just yet.
 afarmenian
Joined: 1/26/2013
Msg: 18
I've never dated a Single Mother before.. Advice?
Posted: 2/24/2013 10:39:54 PM
Don't settle, honestly i tried once and if you have any doubt than your shouldnt even consider it because long term it wont work.
 awesomeo4000
Joined: 2/20/2013
Msg: 19
I've never dated a Single Mother before.. Advice?
Posted: 2/26/2013 9:04:49 AM
Here's my advice - STOP with the thinking that they might be your only option. You live in a great area for picking up beautiful,single, childfree women. Read up on attraction, game, social skills, confidence, etc. And learn how to country dance if you haven't.

Dating women with kids isn't for everyone (and that is perfectly fine). It's not for me. It sounds like it's not for you either. So don't do it.

Dig the Rounders quote bro.
 relaxingwithyou
Joined: 2/12/2013
Msg: 20
I've never dated a Single Mother before.. Advice?
Posted: 2/26/2013 10:26:08 AM
I can tell you from experience that dating a single parent, male or female, is a whole different ballgame. Bottom line is parents should date other parents and singles without kids date each other, 2 separate camps with vastly different rules.

Unless you enjoy being #2 and contantly being put on the back burner, go for it. You will put her first in your life as the relationship develops and you will be in the line somewhere after the kids, never #1. Don't go there. If you fall in love with her you will be stuck in a non-reciprocal imbalanced relationship, and it suks.

When my last bf and he had 2 kids, talked to me about getting married, he let me know his assets will all go to his kids, yet he figured my assets would be for "us". I asked my married friends about that crazy inequity and they agreed with it. Like I said, a completely different one-sided universe. Don't go there.
 Football11234
Joined: 2/24/2013
Msg: 21
I've never dated a Single Mother before.. Advice?
Posted: 3/3/2013 9:43:08 PM
That's offensive. Kidding. Don't date them. Try to find someone out there who isn't a mom, or if she is - is self sufficient with a good head on her shoulder.
 kara41
Joined: 6/14/2010
Msg: 22
I've never dated a Single Mother before.. Advice?
Posted: 3/3/2013 10:32:22 PM
You asked for advice in dating a single mom. Well, as a single mom, here is the best advice I can give ya.
-Be accepting of her schedule. When asking her out, let her know what times are best for you, but be sure to let her know you understand the demands of being a single parent.
-Tell her you admire the amount of time and work she must put in to raise her children alone.
-If you are going to date long term, get to know things about the children before getting to know them. IE if they have activities, their age, fave foods, ect.
-Discuss your needs as the 'boyfriend' and discuss what role/how much involvement / time you are both comfortable with you being around the kids.
-If you really deicde you like Mom, remember you get to be the cool guy boyfriend. Takin Mom to dinner? Sneak those kids some candy before you walk out. Nothin will get you in the door quicker than a Mom whose kids are buggin for you to come take her out again.
 LoveBeautifulDays
Joined: 2/21/2013
Msg: 23
I've never dated a Single Mother before.. Advice?
Posted: 3/5/2013 4:58:18 PM
Definitely dont try to win the kids over by buying them things early into relationship
Dont try to be Dad
Be yourself
Be open and Honest
Take things slow
 LoveBeautifulDays
Joined: 2/21/2013
Msg: 24
I've never dated a Single Mother before.. Advice?
Posted: 3/8/2013 4:01:42 PM
Im sure there are women who dont have kids out there
but why havent you thought about having your own kids?
 Peter_Hungus
Joined: 11/3/2012
Msg: 25
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I've never dated a Single Mother before.. Advice?
Posted: 3/8/2013 4:26:53 PM

Funny.. I didn't see a single woman flame him.. what I did see is a lot of men putting down single mothers.

Funny how i'm way better off then my boyfriends ex.. I make more money, have more education and more common sense then her.

Funny how you all judge a book by it's cover or in this case a group they happen to belong to

Funny how it's more often then not the guys who want to stay in and watch movies. *in my experience and that of most of my friends* , even when my son was a baby.

Funny how if we never introduced the kids, guys get upset, but if we introduce you into our lives too soon, guys get upset.

Funny huh..


Is you child's father involved? No? Then you fit in my generalization. I don't mind if you ghost my posts, but do so to prove your point, not mine.

Funny huh? :)
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