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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Boyfriend of 3 years wont have sex with me anymore      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Anomalyxgirl
Joined: 3/28/2011
Msg: 1
Boyfriend of 3 years wont have sex with me anymorePage 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I asked him why, he replied I was to fat for him; I am not a tiny girl, but not huge either I would say chubby and curvy. I am smaller than I have been in a long time as I have recently lost 20 pounds, I do not find myself to be ugly, neither does anyone else. If anything people say I am to good looking for him; but that is not the point, I love him for who he is.
I put out a good effort sexually and am willing to do pretty much anything he asks or wants. I have tried everything, and he says he would rather porn over having sex with me, I have asked him not to view porn if he isn't going to have sex with me as it hurts pretty badly (it hurt's anyways he wants to look at other women). It hurts really really badly, everyday I feel so low like crying a lot, my self esteem is pretty bad (it was never great, but 100 times worse now). He used to make me feel great about my body, and never picked out my flaws. We used to have a very healthy active kinky sex life until about a year ago and he started to avoid it and make every excuse in the book not to sleep with me. I know he isn't cheating, but he admits to fantasizing about women at work. He has some fetishes, he is pretty obsessed with not going to lie. I have tried a lot to role play with him, or let him act them out if he wanted to as I am open sexually to pretty much anything. Please help me, any advice would be great!
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 2
Boyfriend of 3 years wont have sex with me anymore
Posted: 2/21/2013 5:44:50 PM
threads like this are sad.

[1] get your self-esteem in order. it's important. it's EXTREMELY important. poor self-esteem will taint everything else around you regarding your personal life, especially your relationships.

[2] jettison that dead weight of a guy, because you're better off alone. free yourself up to rebuild your self-esteem and *then* you can find someone who actually loves you and wants you. but ya gotta love YOU first. i can guarantee ya that when you take steps to improve your outlook, you'll look back at the time you were seeing this guy and you'll say OMGWTF was i thinking.
 nivixo
Joined: 2/9/2013
Msg: 3
Boyfriend of 3 years wont have sex with me anymore
Posted: 2/21/2013 5:45:18 PM
Move on. Relationships thrive on sexual chemistry. You two are lacking that AND he's a****ace. He's probably hooking up with someone, I'm sorry. The only reason a man has to stop having sex with his girl is cause he's having sex with someone else. You deserve better than that treatment. You may love him, but you will love someone after him too. It may hurt now, but when you get someone who treats you right, you will see the difference (based off experience)
 Anomalyxgirl
Joined: 3/28/2011
Msg: 4
Boyfriend of 3 years wont have sex with me anymore
Posted: 2/21/2013 5:47:11 PM
Thank you. I didn't mean it to be sad honest. I just really need advice from people. I think my low self esteem is keeping me with him. Just this huge fear I will never find someone who loves me, or someone who I love as much. I do love him a lot, but I don't think I can live without sex especially when he isn't willing to try. I have offered to lose weight, and workout and such. I really don't think his opinion or ways of thinking about me are in order or anywhere close to humane, but then again I think maybe it is my fault for being a chubbier girl?
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 5
Boyfriend of 3 years wont have sex with me anymore
Posted: 2/21/2013 5:47:22 PM
My advice is kick the guy out. Also never let man or woman wreck your self esteem. Be strong, and use your body wisely, and that is not to keep a man, nor to attract him,, find someone who likes you for who you are, Best of luck.
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 6
Boyfriend of 3 years wont have sex with me anymore
Posted: 2/21/2013 5:47:54 PM
O C'mon.. you've barely lived. You are a young beautiful women.. get rid of this turkey and get out there and find someone who wants you and start living.
 imNOTyourPrince
Joined: 3/16/2012
Msg: 7
Boyfriend of 3 years wont have sex with me anymore
Posted: 2/21/2013 5:48:26 PM
personally i don't see what the problem is. you look adorable.
 Anomalyxgirl
Joined: 3/28/2011
Msg: 8
Boyfriend of 3 years wont have sex with me anymore
Posted: 2/21/2013 5:49:43 PM
Thank you ! Really helps give me the confidence to make a decision.
 Anomalyxgirl
Joined: 3/28/2011
Msg: 9
Boyfriend of 3 years wont have sex with me anymore
Posted: 2/21/2013 5:52:29 PM
I really don't think that he is cheating, he goes to work and comes home. It's hard to just walk away as we have built our lives together. But I can't see me being able to handle no sex at all, and no affection sexually. He wont even touch me. Last few times during sex he would sigh and act frustrated like I was doing something wrong, or he was mad. It was never like this the first 2 years we had amazing sex, even when I weighed more than I do now. =[
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 10
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History
Boyfriend of 3 years wont have sex with me anymore
Posted: 2/21/2013 5:53:42 PM
No, no, no, OP!

Your self-esteem is in the toilet BECAUSE of this loser. I agree, please dump him. What are you losing? A guy who's blaming his issues on you, doesn't please you sexually, and is emotionally abusive.

Go fix yourself, and you won't even remember what you ever saw in him.
 nivixo
Joined: 2/9/2013
Msg: 11
Boyfriend of 3 years wont have sex with me anymore
Posted: 2/21/2013 5:56:53 PM
Sweetheart, my sister is FAT and her bf is not. It's not you, it's him. Just find someone better!!!!
 Anomalyxgirl
Joined: 3/28/2011
Msg: 12
Boyfriend of 3 years wont have sex with me anymore
Posted: 2/21/2013 5:57:05 PM
I honestly have tried to call him out on being way to hard on me emotionally and he will just deny it and make it seem like it is my fault. I am in a constant circle of apologizing for things I don't feel I should be. But then again; I would do anything not to lose him due to the fact I do love him so much. Why, I am not sure to be honest. He has done a lot of really mean uncaring things to me that have left me pretty emotionally scarred. I guess I just need the strength to do it on my own. We also have a 2 year old son together, so it makes it that much harder for me to leave as he is a very good father. I just wish he would appreciate me and realize what he would lose.
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 13
Boyfriend of 3 years wont have sex with me anymore
Posted: 2/21/2013 5:57:57 PM
I think my low self esteem is keeping me with him.

yes it is.

having low self-esteem leads people to make really crappy choices. conceptually i'm sure you know that there's a different reality out there because you realize that other people are living it, but it doesn't resonate with you. but YOU have to reach for it. self esteem ain't nowhere but in you and of you and from you and oozing out of your being and transforming your world and POV. and it will.

even if this turd started treating you better today, it wouldn't be anything more than a temporary distraction for the underlying issue that is the low self esteem.

nobody can give you self-esteem but more importantly, when you claim it nobody can ever take it away from you.

you are with a guy who treats you the way you feel about yourself. stop doing that. 3 years of this nonsense is enough.
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 5/24/2012
Msg: 14
Boyfriend of 3 years wont have sex with me anymore
Posted: 2/21/2013 6:03:26 PM
I think my low self esteem is keeping me with him


and


ya gotta love YOU first


pretty much says it for me.

This guy is a bad habit you need to break. If you think love is like a bullet to the head ( your headline ) you need a different outlook on relationships start by improving your relationship with yourself.
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 15
Boyfriend of 3 years wont have sex with me anymore
Posted: 2/21/2013 6:09:35 PM
OP, I started into my marriage with loads of self-confidence but the slow and insidious insults and things being my fault. Apologizing for making him angry etc. Him pointing out other women and saying if you made a little effort, you could look like that and so and so forth. Did it for 15 years, walked away with no self-esteem and it took a long, long and help to work my way back to a confident adult. Why did I stay? Not really sure, but I am sure that I wish I had left much sooner. You are seeing it now, get out and move on to someone who is not belittling you all the time.
 pescando75
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 16
Boyfriend of 3 years wont have sex with me anymore
Posted: 2/21/2013 6:35:24 PM
That's sad, and I agree, you look like a beautiful young woman. Knowing now a kid is involved is going to steer the content of my response to you OP.

Do you want this guy to continue to be abusive to you, and potentially do the same to your child? I'm not saying that is going to happen, but abuse is abuse. People rarely save it for just one person.

I'd get out of there. For you and your kiddo.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 17
Boyfriend of 3 years wont have sex with me anymore
Posted: 2/21/2013 6:45:28 PM
OP, if your pictures are correct, you're not fat and this line of thinking could lead to bulimia and anorexia.

You really need to seek out some counseling or get some help before you go off the deep end.


VVVVVVV I'm serious as a heart attack. What you posted about your eating is the type of thing that leads to health problems. It can lead to anorexia and no matter how much weight you lose, you'll look in the mirror and see a fat person. You need help and sooner rather than later. The longer you wait to seek help, the worse the problem will get.
 Anomalyxgirl
Joined: 3/28/2011
Msg: 18
Boyfriend of 3 years wont have sex with me anymore
Posted: 2/21/2013 7:04:00 PM
Thank you all, you are all right. I am going to try to seek therapy again for it, and keep thinking seriously about leaving. It's just so difficult as money is a issue to and moving out would cost a lot of money.

Also, I have actually been starving myself a lot, eating gives me a lot of anxiety so I really cut back my eating a lot. He has never told me I should stop eating, but all this negative light he has shed on my appearance with his porn addiction and words has really took its toll. I guess I just always wished to be what he wanted sexually. I guess I am fighting a losing battle, I don't think he will ever be pleased even if I was thinner. =[ Hurts a lot though.

But I know I need to move on.
 Mozzily
Joined: 11/29/2011
Msg: 19
Boyfriend of 3 years wont have sex with me anymore
Posted: 2/21/2013 7:44:32 PM
First of all I truly and deeply think your boyfriend is a major a**. The fact that he does all if this to you is beyond appaling. Though why would you be with a person like this? Yes maybe you love him and love having someone but is that really worth having the person you are with tear you to shreads on a regular basis? Why wouldnt you want to use the dating site that you are on for its original purpose (yes this site isnt ONLY for the forums, hard to beleive right?) Anyways, in all reality if you do stay with him then what he is doing to you is as much on your own shoulders as it is on his. Good Luck!
 simplyme60440
Joined: 12/31/2012
Msg: 20
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History
Boyfriend of 3 years wont have sex with me anymore
Posted: 2/21/2013 7:50:31 PM
I'm sorry but your boyfriend sounds like my almost ex husband. He cut me off sexually and blamed me. I knew he wasn't cheating because he was always home. I did some research and found out that he had a passive/aggressive personality. Those people use punishment to gain control over everything. I am 38 and it hit me just as hard as it seems to be hitting you. I would have a problem with something and I would try talking to him about it. At the end of the conversation I would walk away scratching my head trying to figure out how the whole conversation turned against me and how I ended up apologizing. My self-esteem was in the toilet as well. My next step was walking away. I have been working on myself and he has been alone wondering what happened. He actually admitted to me that the reason he couldn't have sex was a medical problem even though all along he was blaming me and my lack of turning him on. My advice to you is the same. Get rid of him and be glad you didn't have to put in more time to found out he is like this. Anyone who uses sex as a weapon to control is wrong and not worth your time. You are a beautiful young girl and you CAN do better. I'm sure you have inner beauty as well. Do what you need to do to remind yourself everyday that you are worth way more than what you are getting. Good luck!
 LathaMath
Joined: 1/2/2013
Msg: 21
Boyfriend of 3 years wont have sex with me anymore
Posted: 2/21/2013 7:51:23 PM

Thank you all, you are all right. I am going to try to seek therapy again for it, and keep thinking seriously about leaving. It's just so difficult as money is a issue to and moving out would cost a lot of money.
The usual advice here is to get yourself sorted out before trying to get into a relationship. Reading your profile I can see how your attitude would try a man's patience. I'm sure you are fine in many respects but you do not seem like relationship material as you describe yourself now. When you are ready you can try again.
 Anomalyxgirl
Joined: 3/28/2011
Msg: 22
Boyfriend of 3 years wont have sex with me anymore
Posted: 2/21/2013 8:29:42 PM
I am not really sure how that pertains to my issue. My boyfriend is a lot like me, so your judgmental post is irrelevant. Thank you though.
Thank you girls above. I think that the passive aggressive thing makes a lot of sense to me. Sounds a lot like him to be honest.
 simplyme60440
Joined: 12/31/2012
Msg: 23
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History
Boyfriend of 3 years wont have sex with me anymore
Posted: 2/21/2013 8:53:33 PM
Definitely read up on passive/aggressive behavior. The many articles and stories from other people who have dealt with it was eye opening for me. Some have it way worse of course but when I was reading about it so many things made complete sense. Just remember it is not you!!
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 24
Boyfriend of 3 years wont have sex with me anymore
Posted: 2/21/2013 9:30:15 PM
Are your parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and any other family nearby that can help provide housing?
The sooner you and your son change to a positive, supportive, upbeat, and sunny environment...the better.
You seem like a charming woman who knows the decisions needed and what must occur. Go for it!
 privat33r
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 25
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History
Boyfriend of 3 years wont have sex with me anymore
Posted: 2/21/2013 9:58:06 PM
You seem happy with your bf ... okay-- that start to my post made no sense...All the guys are on the "okay-- where is Moncton?",. but you seem interested in keeping what you have.

Some guys lose interest. Its not weight or whatever. Time and history can affect things, even for people that have a lot of great connections. However if you're looking to lose some weight don't starve, look for appetite control and exercise that works for you, your personality, your lifestyle. There are lots of methods, the best make it easy because they dovetail with your life and make it simple- maybe not easy but if it works with who you are it still works.
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Boyfriend of 3 years wont have sex with me anymore