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Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 2
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Casual sex and FWBPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
It's all true, but of course not for everyone. Some women can have sex with a guy - even repeatedly - and not get emotionally attached. And some men can't! Emotions may be involved - but just like and lust, not love. Many people do have spontaneous one night stands (ONS), but that's not something I've done or want to do.
Joined: 12/31/2012
Msg: 3
Casual sex and FWB
Posted: 2/23/2013 1:39:46 PM
I cannot be in a sexual relationship without being emotionally attached. Is how i am wired.
Joined: 1/12/2012
Msg: 4
Casual sex and FWB
Posted: 2/23/2013 1:43:23 PM
I don't usually post in this forum but...what the heck. At your age, that humans (male AND female) have the capacity to separate sex from emotion came as a huge surprise? Huh? I think this concept became clear to me when I was a young teen, but.....whatever.

The capacity for making this separation is available to us all. As to if one chooses to ever indulge it is another matter, and often guided by one's moral, religious, etc, etc, beliefs. For many, the experience while physically satisfactory, is otherwise empty and not worth the trouble. For some, it's a way of life (not making attachments.)

As to if a relationship can stay purely sexual or will it result in one or the other party developing an emotional's a crap shoot. Nobody knows how it will go, and by the time you do (if you're the one who develops feelings)'s too late, and you're going to be in a world of hurt.

Yes, people do meet and have sex in the same night (again, where have you been living? !!!). However, this does not automatically put the situation in the "casual sex" category....I spent several yrs with a man with whom I spent the night on our first in-person meeting. It's not something of which I make a habit...just happened that way on this particular instance, and I never had any regrets about it. But, when adults choose to have sex with a near-stranger, they should do so with the understanding that it COULD well turn out to be a one-night-stand, and do so only if they can entertain the idea without guilt or regret.....
Joined: 10/26/2011
Msg: 6
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Casual sex and FWB
Posted: 2/23/2013 1:54:11 PM
It just depends on the person. I love having sex with someone I love.
I also love sex with someone I just met possibly or a 'friend with benefits'
That's the best kind of friend.

It is NOT hard to not be emotional during sex. Some women just are attachers, some aren't.
I've only emotionally attached during sex once.
I like wild, passionate, intense sex but that doesn't mean I want to date you after. You know?
Joined: 10/26/2011
Msg: 7
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Casual sex and FWB
Posted: 2/23/2013 1:55:41 PM
Also, just a little background info: I went to catholic school my entire life, have never had any sexual abuse issues, etc.
A lot of people like to pin that on me cause I don't mind having sex without commitment sometimes ;)
Joined: 2/7/2013
Msg: 8
Casual sex and FWB
Posted: 2/23/2013 2:00:50 PM
I've met two women who've wanted to have sex at the end of the first date. Neither was interested in a relationship or so they said. I personally find it hard to keep emotion separate from sex. While I'm in an FWB relationship I would like a stronger commitment - she doesn't at this time. That being said, the long the FWB goes on the more I'm enjoying it.
Joined: 12/31/2012
Msg: 9
Casual sex and FWB
Posted: 2/23/2013 2:03:39 PM
I just cannot imagine being as close and intimate to another person as you can get and then not feeling anything at all for them. Makes no sense to me.
Joined: 8/17/2006
Msg: 10
Casual sex and FWB
Posted: 2/23/2013 2:05:10 PM
Being a plumbing contractor who makes house calls I can assure you that women love sex just as much as men and it is a great American past time

There are lots of women who actually enjoy giving a BJ and some who want other aspects of a sexual relationship that their spouses would never dare of thinking of

Religious leaders for example think their wife's are naive but these ladies have cravings their spouses would never dare allow to enter their pea brains

Also because of age or physical problems a section of out society because they cannot have a normal sexual relationship just stop having relations

The wives love their husbands but also have physical needs and one has nothing to do with the other.
Joined: 1/12/2012
Msg: 11
Casual sex and FWB
Posted: 2/23/2013 2:09:00 PM
OP...thanks for the explanation and for not taking offense :) I truly was just a bit confused as to how someone 30+ could be so in the dark about these matters.

Just as an FYI, there IS a difference between FB and FwB. In the former, people have nothing to do with one another, and simply meet up now and then for the sole purpose of sex. In the latter, there is usually a friendship already in place, and the two people decide to add sex to it with the understanding that, for whatever reason, they're not otherwise suited to be a "couple."

Either way though....when two people engage in the highly intimate act of sexual activity, there IS always a risk that emotions will grow from it....and though you've only heard from your female friends, this can happen to males as easily as to females (developing unintended emotions.) So, it's often risky and why I called it a crap shoot....
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 12
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Casual sex and FWB
Posted: 2/23/2013 2:45:56 PM
Most girls seem to be looking to just get happy. Its pleasant to imagine they'd like to hear about my plans to build intergalactic spaceships and invade Andromeda-- but its not obvious that they're maybe just a little smiling and waiting for that convo to end. They're not always looking to chit-chat and imagine a world of that.

I hate to be the bear of bad news,.. but they're sometimes just after some butt. How shallow of them.
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 13
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Casual sex and FWB
Posted: 2/23/2013 2:53:08 PM
One other thing that males this whole subject area such a mess: TONS of people believe that they can and do separate sex from emotions at will. TONS of them are wrong about themselves. And many who think they separate it all out, actually appear to be able to do so, because they actually suffer from hostility to the opposite sex, that they've hidden even from themselves.

So no matter what words and labels people apply, and no matter how glibly or confidently they can describe all things emotional to you, you wont actually know for sure what you are getting into with anyone, until you ARE involved.

It's just the nature of being real human beings.
Joined: 5/9/2012
Msg: 14
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Casual sex and FWB
Posted: 2/23/2013 3:19:40 PM
In my experience either gender can have sex without emotion. I think the real key for women is to have enough trust in their partner that they won't be put down for being sexual. Believe it or not once some guys have sex with a woman, they feel entitled to be disrespectful or rude. These guys are idiots and don't have a clue. An emotional connection isn't necessary but consideration and respect is.
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 15
Casual sex and FWB
Posted: 2/23/2013 3:25:16 PM
OP. I have had my share of FWB, and always been honest with my intentions. Matter of fact I would bring up this conversation many times just just to confirm that the particular woman hasn't lost focus of what I said, and that is, you are my friend, we have sex, but we are going no further than that, FWB. But what I have found many, not all of those women only heard what they wanted to hear, and were hurt when I cut things off, yet I still wanted to be friends. They on the other hand would get angry, call me names,etc. No big deal for me, because I laid my cards on the table more than once. Although there are a few women to this day, we are still friends without a sexual relationships. Also my girl today knows of all of them,, for I have no secrets in my life..
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 16
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Casual sex and FWB
Posted: 2/23/2013 4:38:24 PM
can i do it?.......yup.........................but.i choose not to
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 17
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Casual sex and FWB
Posted: 2/23/2013 5:08:55 PM
Well, this ol' boy certainly can't separate the two.

For the record: never had a ONS, Never had a FWB (don't believe such an entity actually exists), and pretty much agree with Igor if my understanding of what he said comports with how I would have In my opinion, as soon as you introduce physical intimacy into a relationship (and I would define physical intimacy as contact that begins way before intercourse, way before) it is only natural that "feelings" develop. Be ye male or female. Thems that deny this fact of our nature risk desensitizing themselves to actually developing those feelings when they are appropriate.

As for the future: even if I could I would not want to separate the feelings/emotions that go with physical intimacy from being in a physically intimate relationship. Nope, no how, no way. It's just the way this ol' boy mounts up.

Joined: 2/22/2009
Msg: 19
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Casual sex and FWB
Posted: 2/23/2013 8:21:33 PM
I always thinking it was the milkman and not the plumber.
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 21
Casual sex and FWB
Posted: 2/24/2013 9:04:03 AM
A guy can only get away with it...when the woman he's having sex with, allows him to get away with it. Otherwise she'd notice his words don't match his deeds, and keep the paddock shut to his little baloney pony :)

women have matched men lately in a lot of fields:smoking, binge drinking, etc. Frankly, it questions the old theory that women are mature sooner than men--once a social norm against women doing something testosterone-fueled, women step up and do it nearly as much. some think that's what feminism is about.

you can keep casual sex casual if you start it out as casual. if you don't know what you're doing except that it feels good..well, its like everything else without a plan. If you drink w/out a plan, you can get smashing drunk and be unsafe to drive, tho you didn't want that at the beginning. you failed to plan, so you planned to fail.
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 22
Casual sex and FWB
Posted: 2/24/2013 9:33:18 AM
most men are quite capable of separating sex from emotions.

‘Sex without emotion’ is a misnomer. People have emotions every waking minute whether having sex or not, but especially so during intense physical and mental stimulation. It would be impossible to have sex without emotion.
People can and do have sex without love, attachment and bonding. And what’s probably more to the point, people can have sex without fantasy and infatuation, if they're not too neurotic.

Swingers have casual sex without bonding. Hook-up culture is a growing phenomena. One-night-stands have been around forever. And as many women are participating as men. That’s who these men are having sex with, for the most part.

What any of this has to do with FWB escapes me. Presumeably we all care about our friends and have feelings of affection and concern for their welfare, and those feelings wouldn't stop when we included sex in the relationship. I suspect that ‘FWB’ in this context is just a vague catch-all for any non-traditional relationship.
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 23
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Casual sex and FWB
Posted: 2/24/2013 10:12:20 AM

How true is this for women?

It can be true, depends on the woman. BTW... there are plenty of men that NEED to have an emotional connection with their lover. Not all men are emotionless callous **stards.

What are your experiences?

All mine have been good.

If you started having sex with someone with the intention of it just being sex, did you end up getting emotionally attached to them or were you always able to keep it casual?

That's not FWB to me. That's FB.. sport f*cking.

All my FWBs were *gasp* friends for a minmum of 5 years before we had sex.

I've had 1 FB.. and it was purely about the sex. After about 3 years tho, I was starting to have feelings for him that I knew he wouldn't reciprocate, so I made myself less available to him. We've chatted a few times since then... I'd totally have sex with him again.

Also, is it really as common as people make it sound for people to meet someone and have sex with them the same night?

For some, yes. I can count on one hand with several fingers left over the number of times I've done it... and that's over a time period of 33 years.
Joined: 2/19/2013
Msg: 24
Casual sex and FWB
Posted: 2/24/2013 10:47:32 AM
I'd like to **** you
Joined: 11/30/2012
Msg: 25
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Casual sex and FWB
Posted: 2/24/2013 11:03:20 AM
That's what I say, It is all about just having a great time. If that doesn't happen it is like wasting.
people please give it all, maybe you should take lessons. and just because you be doing so, doesn't mean it you are doing well.
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 26
Casual sex and FWB
Posted: 2/25/2013 12:13:18 AM
I can do it if I know thats what kind of relationship it will be. I've also had more serious relationships turn out to be better as FWB. As long as both people feel the same way it can work. BUt there are so many kinds of relationships. There are just **** buddies, super casual which isn;t my type. I like to really get to be friends and have long term FWB. Or even not super long when someone gets a bf or gf but have no bad feelings against each other. THats one thing I like, the fighting and etc isn't there in my FWB so I am happier, tho, I do get lonely. So it can be a tradeoff. It all gets so confusing lol.
Joined: 11/1/2011
Msg: 27
Casual sex and FWB
Posted: 2/25/2013 10:36:24 AM
i agree especially if the women brings me to places i dont get to visit very often. its easy to get attached to a woman who knows what shes doing and easy to not get attached to women who dont
Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 28
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Casual sex and FWB
Posted: 2/25/2013 11:29:15 AM
wrong forum - but to answer your question, sex is just that sex. It is call physical pleasure for a reason. The act of getting to know someone is what complicates the whole issue. If you were to go smash some prostitute, you will have no feelings for them (unless that ass was really good jk).

Interacting, communicating and being with someone on an emotional level creates a stronger bond after sex. A simple hello, rip clothes off and banging each others brains out will have no effect on either women or men. However continuing to do the dirty will eventually create some friction (lmao) as the two of you will eventually have to some sort of feelings in order to continue your FWB.

FYI, do not do this with a close friend because it will end up really well or extremely bad

Very Respectfully,
The Coach
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 29
Casual sex and FWB
Posted: 2/26/2013 5:50:22 PM
honestly it depends on the woman for me if the sex is really good it'd be real difficult for me to seperate emotion but I'm just being honest on the other hand if the sex was mediocre or bad I would have less difficulty seperating emotion I honestly think this is the case for everyone but what do I know. Put it this way to all the guys and women out there if it was the best sex you ever had could you seperate emotions completely and I think the unanimous response would be "NO" but that's my thought on this.. I've come across women that we're just unemotionally attatched to men altogether so there are those types also some people are incapable of feeling emotion altogether so it's a difficult question.
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