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Show ALL Forums  > Science/philosophy  > So how does this online dating thing work anyways?      Home login  
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 1086012701724
Joined: 2/20/2013
Msg: 1
So how does this online dating thing work anyways?Page 1 of 1    
So I'm new to online dating, and this feels very different from what I'm use to. Usually when I meet a girl that I like in person, I'm confident, I'll make eye contact, smile and try to come up with something clever or funny to say. I usually get my foot through the door. I can't say I've been rejected much. But it's completely different here. There's no spontaneity, no spark or anything like that. It seems to me like all the cute/pretty girls are getting messaged maybe 50 times a day, so they really have their pick of their "perfect guy", which is fine, but doesn't work so great for me, because I'm short and Asian. I'm not complaining because I know that for the most part, women of all races find me attractive to some extent. But I just feel like when most American girls think of their "perfect guy", it usually isn't a short Asian guy, lol, regardless of other factors. But face to face, my intangibles usually help me overcome any physical or racial reservations a girl may have towards me when I'm being clever, funny, and confident. Being a law student also helps too. But it seems like those intangibles don't really matter as much online because a girl can just ignore me if I don't fall under her idea of the "perfect guy," and she can afford to wait around for her perfect guy because she's getting messaged 50 times a day. I guess the point I'm trying to make is that when I flirt in person, what matters are my qualifiers, what makes me special to her, and the spark I create that gets her thinking about me. But here, it's more about my disqualifiers, like how I am different from what she had in mind.

So what do you guys think of my "perfect guy" theory for online dating? Does it make sense? Got any advice for a newbie like me? Also, usually how long does it take before you really make a meaningful connection with someone on this site? I've been here 3 days and I've messaged about 15 girls or so, and I've gotten about 4 replies back. But it's usually just one word answers like "lol." So yeah, is it suppose to be this hard?
 RussArtLover
Joined: 5/13/2010
Msg: 2
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So how does this online dating thing work anyways?
Posted: 2/23/2013 6:06:30 PM
appreciate the serious effort but diss is the science BS forum. maybe a moderator can move it to Ask a Girl or Global Thermo Nuclear man cave.
 Albvs
Joined: 2/14/2013
Msg: 3
So how does this online dating thing work anyways?
Posted: 2/24/2013 8:42:34 AM
I think you're brilliant for figuring this out so quickly. And for the record this is a science-related thread not an "Ask a Girl" kind of thread.

My newbie advice? Leave. Seriously. If you have no trouble dating in the real world then run away from this place or any online dating site, it's just a waste of your time and your cheerful disposition. Anonymity is the problem here, it's the same reason that people when driving misbehave so much more badly than in social settings.

If you walked up to a girl and said "hi" in real life she'd be obliged to respond. There's something about the Internet and that anonymity which convinces her here that it's completely okay to be rude and ignore you. And yes, in response to the rationalizations of others on here it is in fact rude not to politely respond to a private message made in earnest.

You're correct about people on here attempting to select that one perfect person and then expecting that this person will have selected us. It just won't happen without that crucial eye contact, the reading of subtle clues in body language and even pheromones. And once that "perfect coupling" attempt doesn't happen then the person doesn't then lower their standards and try again.

I discovered this myself perhaps two days ago (maybe I've been on here two weeks) so I've just been here on the forums posting as a distraction.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 4
So how does this online dating thing work anyways?
Posted: 2/25/2013 5:49:40 PM
Seek out women who are abit jaded
and know a perfect guy doesn't exist.

That doesn't help though
if you are only seeking a Barbie doll type.
(Then it is you.... that needs to be more realistic.)
:-P
 Albvs
Joined: 2/14/2013
Msg: 5
So how does this online dating thing work anyways?
Posted: 2/26/2013 2:11:50 PM
(If he removed his photo from his profile then I'm guessing that he took my advice.)
 mark777771
Joined: 4/22/2012
Msg: 6
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So how does this online dating thing work anyways?
Posted: 2/26/2013 6:49:32 PM
same guy who took down his picture and asked the same question. Just take your swings guy, some say yes others say no.
 Thor_the_Great
Joined: 6/22/2011
Msg: 7
So how does this online dating thing work anyways?
Posted: 3/3/2013 12:12:20 PM
What I have found to work is to make a generic semi funny semi insualting message and then modify it slightly for the girl you are messaging to make it seem like you took that three minutes to be funny just for her.

Example:

"""
Hey Baby, U 2 fine. U wanna hang out wit me in mah moms house an play maden or some shit? L8ter we can take my moms dog for a walk and get some gelato at the mall or sumthin.

Just kidding!

Anyway that picture of you in Paris is amazing, I have always wanted to go there! Did you visit the Louve? I saw in your profile that you like art, you should totally post some of your work in your profile, you seem really creative.

Oh, and on a serious note, Gelato some time?

"""""

If you seem like you really are interested, and cast enough lines, you will eventually get some hits. Then you get to play the fun game of discovering how old their pictures are, how old they really are, how many kids they actually have (0 is basically the same as 4 right?), that they are still married, in a relationship, have an STD, are a total drug addict, live with their parents or all sorts of other fun information they like to keep out of conversations and their profiles.

Its a lot of fun.

If you get enough hits consider making a blog about your experiances.
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