Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Do you give second chances?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Aintnothang__
Joined: 2/12/2013
Msg: 1
Do you give second chances?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Met a fella, not on here btw. We hit it off. Talked on the phone, text daily and met for a couple of dates. One night he gets a phone call and goes all cold. After a couple of days of no communication I ask him what's up. His reply is he's really busy and likes me but doesn't want to lead me on. He is a nice guy but is too busy and ends up having to cancel plans which makes him look like an a**hole. Now I didn't say any of this as I'm a busy girl myself. But, I say fair enough, good luck to you and that was that.
Well now he's popped up again and wants to get together. I did quite like him but honestly if he's just gonna jam again when he decided he's too busy is it worth it? I'm asking you fellow fishers because I have a habit of having little to no patience lol Do I give him another chance and just go with it or carry on with what I've been doing?
 tnt144
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 2
Do you give second chances?
Posted: 2/24/2013 7:41:06 AM
The guy rejected you, he hurt you - aren't you mad at him? - you barely knew him - what has he done for you lately? --why give him the chance to hurt you again?
 Kay9876
Joined: 7/4/2012
Msg: 3
view profile
History
Do you give second chances?
Posted: 2/24/2013 7:44:41 AM
Has anything in his life changed that would make him less busy than he was before? If not, then you know what will happen.

Another line of thought is that he wasn't too busy for dating when you met. If his "busyness" was more about lack of interest in you, or greater interest elsewhere, then you know where you stand. The phone call that stopped him cold makes this a more likely scenario. It might have been an old flame calling. But even if that isn't the case, his interests and/or obligations prevent him from being in a first-class relationship with you unless there has been a significant change in his life. By "significant change," I mean a job change, graduation from college, a child left home, etc.

I do not automatically and forever toss out a man because he has an old relationship he wants to rekindle. When that happens, I step back and let their relationship run its course. If he comes back to me in a year or more, I'll reassess everything (him, his circumstances, my circumstances, my feelings, etc.) and make a decision then.
 Deadliest_Snatch
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 4
Do you give second chances?
Posted: 2/24/2013 7:45:24 AM
Two things I've (tried to) learn:
1) When people tell/ show you who/ what they are ... Believe them!
2) Second chances have a bad habit of biting you in the a$$.

 Aintnothang__
Joined: 2/12/2013
Msg: 5
Do you give second chances?
Posted: 2/24/2013 7:53:19 AM
No I'm not angry nor was I hurt. I wasn't emotionally invested in someone I had gone out with a few times. When he contacted me yesterday I made a point of saying "so what's changed that you have time now?". He said yes, his job has taken him away up until now and will be home instead of working away. I don't think this was a me issue I think it was a him issue. I'm a walk awayer, I'm good at it. Even when there could be something there if I lose patience I stroll lol Thanks for the advice, let's see if I take it lol!
 ouija2013
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 6
Do you give second chances?
Posted: 2/24/2013 7:54:36 AM
Reads to me that the new woman he become "too busy " for didn't pan out and you are getting a rebound.
I give second chances, but I don't give them lightly
 TooShadows
Joined: 9/26/2008
Msg: 7
view profile
History
Do you give second chances?
Posted: 2/24/2013 7:56:16 AM
I always gave someone a second chance,as my attitude is "Sh!t Happens". But I only gave 2 chances. Stand me up me twice,and that's it.
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 5/24/2012
Msg: 8
Do you give second chances?
Posted: 2/24/2013 8:14:07 AM
If I didn't give any women a second change many of my relationship would have never gotten past the first. You have to decide what is a dealbreaker for you and what is not who is worth a second chance and who is not.
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 9
Do you give second chances?
Posted: 2/24/2013 8:17:04 AM
2nd chances depend on the circumstances but for me flaking out with an "I'm busy" excuse doesn't earn it for them. We're all busy to some degree & if they don't follow up, it's typically because they don't want to.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 10
view profile
History
Do you give second chances?
Posted: 2/24/2013 8:19:02 AM
I have a problem with the way too many people talk about this kind of decision.

1. If you decide , based on the timing of what the other person does, whether they followed through successfully or whatever, then you set yourself into "date by gaming rules" mode. Not whether or not you want to be with the person. Now, lots of people do think that they can treat relationships like games at the start, and then switch to them being all about two humans melding lives together later, but I don't see how that can make any real sense.

2. If you do give someone a "second chance," what does it cost you? Each situation will be different, but from what I've experienced, whether a person was a really great person all along, isn't determined by the fact that they get a second chance, it's determined by who and what they are. Give a second chance to a jerk, and they'll blow it again. Give another chance to a wonderful person, and they'll reveal that they were that way all along.

3. Watch out that you aren't falling into the common trap of thinking that you are "training" someone to respect you, by cutting them off. The good people just feel depressed, and the not so good ones will not say to themselves "gee! I really have to straighten up and fly right!"

I figure the way to go, is to make sure of your own boundaries, and what sort of relationship you want to have. Don't bend your limits, as a part of "giving a second chance." If you have to make significant sacrifices to try again, then don't. But if all it is, is a matter of setting another time and place, then why not? The worst that can happen, if you stand by your principles, is that you waste another or hour or so. The best that can happen is much more than that.

Bottom line, it makes no sense to set a hard and fast policy about second chances. Go with your instincts about the other person, stick by your principles, and accept what results.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 11
Do you give second chances?
Posted: 2/24/2013 9:14:56 AM
I know I have cast a dry fly to one steelhead in particular and it came up and rejected my fly over 20 times before it finally took the fly and gave me one hell of fight for 15 minutes before I brought it to shore,unhooked it and watched it swim away again to live another day.

Does that help????
 neck romancer
Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 12
view profile
History
Do you give second chances?
Posted: 2/24/2013 9:53:50 AM
I dont see how he is an asswhole for being busy... life happens afterall.
As for a second chance.. well if you think the gamble is worth it then go for it. If not dont. I personally think you are taking "busy" too hard.
 brisco414
Joined: 4/20/2012
Msg: 13
Do you give second chances?
Posted: 2/24/2013 9:58:04 AM
Depending on the circumstances. Yes, I would give a second chance.
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 14
view profile
History
Do you give second chances?
Posted: 2/24/2013 10:09:00 AM
There's never been a male in the history of the universe 'too busy' to make time for a woman he is attracted to. I've driven 4 hours half the night to meet my girlfriend for a coffee during her work break and then driven 4 hours home. We have no brain once the hormones kick in. 'You' become our focus.
 justgowithit74
Joined: 1/26/2013
Msg: 15
Do you give second chances?
Posted: 2/24/2013 10:49:20 AM
I sort of went through a similar situation. I would say he was interested in someone else. I wouldn't go so far to say you are a backup. But to me someone else got his attention and for whatever reason it didn't pan out. I believe people deserve a second chance, but I would be worried he'd flake out again.
 ManhHeartLove
Joined: 10/20/2012
Msg: 16
Do you give second chances?
Posted: 2/24/2013 11:09:03 AM
life is all about second chances beauty is sometimes hidden
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 5/24/2012
Msg: 17
Do you give second chances?
Posted: 2/24/2013 11:23:12 AM
There's never been a male in the history of the universe 'too busy' to make time for a woman he is attracted to


I'm surprised you would say that ... as an engineer you should be familiar with juggling family, friends other commitments and a 80 plus hour work week.


We have no brain once the hormones kick in.



By the age of 61 I would have thought you would have gotten that monkey off your back by now.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 18
Do you give second chances?
Posted: 2/24/2013 11:31:46 AM
We can't say whether you should do this or that.
Or what the result is likely to be.

However I think your own words are plenty good.
Use them.
"I did quite like him but honestly if he's just gonna jam again when he decided he's too busy is it worth it? "

Ask him that.
And depending on what he replies...
Decide then.

after a couple of dates...
then him breaking it off....
it's a legit question.

Good luck.
 Aintnothang__
Joined: 2/12/2013
Msg: 19
Do you give second chances?
Posted: 2/24/2013 11:45:12 AM
lol I'm not concentrating on the too busy part. Honestly I'm not really worried about anything except if I invest more time will I end up with the same result? I think that a coffee and a talk will clear it up. He is a good guy and I do want to see if the attraction we had at first is the real deal or not.

I am listening to all of your advice! I think he is worth the second chance or at the very least the look to see if it could be something.
 msright78
Joined: 12/11/2012
Msg: 20
Do you give second chances?
Posted: 2/24/2013 11:50:49 AM
I wouldn't give him a second chance.

Why? If he was truly interested in u in the first place, he wouldn't have dodged u at all. He would tried to get to know u or something.

I don't believe in second chances. I gave my ex a second chance and it didn't work out. B4 that I never gave ppl second chances cuz I know it doesn't turn out well.

So I'm gonna stick with my plan as always and never ever give into a second chance no matter how badly they try to convince u. If u effed up on the first chance, that's all u get.

So yeah, plenty of fishes in the sea, if one doesn't pan out, move on.
 soulsearcher012
Joined: 7/4/2012
Msg: 21
view profile
History
Do you give second chances?
Posted: 2/24/2013 11:51:29 AM
only in horseshoes
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 22
Do you give second chances?
Posted: 2/24/2013 12:38:49 PM
If he is sincere & wants to be with you, he will make the time instead of giving you all these excuses, & disappearing.
If you are looking for a man to date casually, on ocassion, with no strings attached, then go out with hm again but don't expect a comittment or any regular contact.
If you are looking for a boyfriend or a relationship, then he is not worth your time.
 Della D
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 23
Do you give second chances?
Posted: 2/24/2013 1:07:12 PM
Well, things have a way of coming up, that's life, the issue is how to deal with it. Whatever it was that came up and why he is all of a sudden so overly busy , the way he reacted and is IMHO immature and the way he talked to you does not show much respect for you.

Therefore, going by the sparse info supplied in the OP, I would most likely opt out, as I do have little to no patience as well with b/s.
 launchnretrieve
Joined: 6/7/2012
Msg: 24
Do you give second chances?
Posted: 2/24/2013 1:56:13 PM
If he's not married and you want to give him a second chance, go for it, but do so with your expectations low and your guard up. This time the proving is up to him.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 25
view profile
History
Do you give second chances?
Posted: 2/24/2013 4:25:04 PM
Too busy?
If you liked someone would you be 'too busy'? People will go through contortions to see each other. Guys go AWOL from the army, woman miss work with phantom flu, dead grandparents die again and non-existent funerals need to be attended. Kick this dud into the gutter. You are not his priority in life and any man who wants to be with you will make you his priority just as you will find time to be with him
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Do you give second chances?