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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30'      Home login  
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 mainelythere
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 1
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?Page 1 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
I read so many discussion and profiles that make people who arent interested in single parents out to be monsters.

What worse is the denial that kids are a major and i mean MAJOR thing. they are a time drain a money drain and an interference with life. It's hard to put up with if they aren't your kids.
 kgirl2305
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 2
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/24/2013 11:01:02 AM
I see your point. Not monsters. But I think you can say your not interested without being harsh. :-)
 forumitejunkie
Joined: 1/12/2012
Msg: 3
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/24/2013 11:17:33 AM
We live in a time in which Political Correctness has run amok, and so practically any and all dating "preferences" a person might have are bound to "offend"....SOMEONE.

Don't misunderstand me, I do believe there are many areas of life in which SUBJECTIVE preferences (based on age, gender, creed, race, marital status, children, etc, etc, etc) don't usually belong....employment would be one, for example. But, when it comes to the person I date, the person sharing my life??? Hell yeah, I'm quite entitled to keep that to my particular and very subjective likes and dislikes.

If you do not wish to date a person with children, or a person of this or that age, or whatever you criteria may be....then that's that. Don't do it, and no, it doesn't make you a monster. Now, if instead you were to use derogatory terms or pass judgement upon others based on that...THAT would be wrong.

My 2 cents :)
 sassybaby2013
Joined: 12/31/2012
Msg: 4
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/24/2013 11:30:48 AM
No one said you have to. It is a preference. If your treating. Single parents differently then that is something else.
 koski456
Joined: 1/3/2013
Msg: 5
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/24/2013 12:12:24 PM
It's your life and your choice. I'm in the same boat and could care a less what others have to say bout the issue. Now if i happen to meet someone offline that has a kid and we get along great then it doesn't matter. It's not a deal breaker but a preference at this point in time.
 mainelythere
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 6
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/24/2013 1:08:48 PM
thanx for the answers guys, i guess as i look at profiles in my "age bracket" i see a lot of profiles that make it seem like i said i must be an unreasonable shallow monster with high unreasonable expectations. On TOP of that there is either the outright statement or implication that a person willing to date a person with kids is morally and philosophically superior to me.

it gets right in my craw.
 4ced2register
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 7
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/24/2013 1:56:06 PM
It's not wrong. Just stick to women with no kids. Problem solved.
 neck romancer
Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 8
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Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/24/2013 2:34:38 PM
You know I have been doing this since 2oo2... and I have never seen this phenomena written in profiles.

As for why.. because they dont want to be excluded and are trying to make someone pity them. Or something like that.
I know those that think they are no different than a childless females are delusional. Very different situation and relationship.. the dynamics are completely different.
 vestaceres
Joined: 6/13/2012
Msg: 9
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/24/2013 3:26:01 PM
Our opinions about your preferences are irrelevant. You -- and only you -- can know and decide what's best for your circumstances and if single parents are not your cup of rooibos tea, then by all means, don't date them.

Unlike you, though, I don't see children (particularly my own) as drains on my time, my money, or as interferences in my life; quite the contrary, they enhance it and teach me, a lot. I'm not selfish, and since I brought them into this world, it's my responsibility to be as inconvenienced by their needs, as much as possible. :) So, yes, they're a major deal.

As an (educated) woman and parent myself, my preferences are very strict and numberous and my standards are very high, for not only the sake of my well-being, but for that of my children. No matter who enters my life, I must be cautious and selective. If I meet somebody and they don't match these, I don't invite them into our lives. I'm not desperate for companionship nor am I irresponsible; I respect everybody's wish to be as selective as they want, even if their choices don't favor me.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 10
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Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/24/2013 5:21:10 PM
I've never seen a thread wherein people who didn't want to date single parents were made out to be monsters.

I have seen a ton of threads (this is another such) , where over-sensitized people (including single parents) have come on to complain that they are being persecuted because they aren't taken to be identical to people who aren't like them. Some single parents complain that they are ignored by the people they want to attract, because they have kids. Some shorter guys complain that they are ignored by women who want tall men. Some young guys complain that an older woman they are hot for, wont give them a moments time, because they are so young. Lots of individual profiles, contain rants about all sorts of things, which I suppose you could take personally, but I recommend against that. And on and on.

But I've never seen the whole of the forum community here, nor anywhere else, all join hands and declare someone to be a monster because they didn't want to date someone with children already. You are over-sensitive, I think.
 Liebe2015
Joined: 12/17/2012
Msg: 11
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/25/2013 2:28:13 PM
I agree. I don't want a man with kids and I'm in my 40's. Its rare to find someone without kids at a certain age.
 nikkisenko
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 12
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/25/2013 5:22:21 PM
I don't think it is wrong for you not to want to date someone with kids. Your life, your choices.

As long as you understand it naturally shrinks your dating pool, then all is good.
 waitingforyoutoo
Joined: 7/19/2012
Msg: 13
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Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/25/2013 5:47:07 PM
Personally speaking, I raised 4 children and the only reason I would raise anymore is if the woman is the right one. I do not rule it out, but I also take it into account. It is not unselfish to want to find someone without children. In the old days a woman had to settle for whoever would take them.
If she has a good job or got a huge divorce settlement then she can do it on her own now even though it is still a financial investment. It cuts down from any alone time and going places(school). What a lady needs to understand with children here is the fact that if a man is willing to give up his life for her and her children then she had better treat him right.
To many think that just because we are men that we should take care of her and her children without her help. Other then that, a family is a family, if you want children then it shouldn't matter. Hard to say you get the good with the bad, instead you should look at it like you are getting everything you ever wanted. Again the woman should be with you until the end of time before you decide to commit and not just playing you.
 2wheellife
Joined: 8/28/2012
Msg: 14
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/25/2013 6:52:23 PM
I'm early,early 30's and I'm not looking to date a woman with kids, I've enjoyed being able to go do things at a moments notice and not have to wait for them to find a babysitter or dump them off at grandma's. I want kids someday but don't wanna raise someone else's kids. I dated one woman that her oldest is 16 and youngest is 9 but it just didn't work out with her and we decided we were better friends.
 JenSnider
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 15
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/25/2013 6:54:34 PM
It wouldn't be my number one choice to date a man with children, but that wouldn't be a deal breaker for me either. I guess it would all depend on the guy, and how he treats his children and their mother.
 KatarzynaLuiza
Joined: 10/5/2012
Msg: 16
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/26/2013 4:59:29 AM
I'm early,early 30's and I'm not looking to date a woman with kids, I've enjoyed being able to go do things at a moments notice and not have to wait for them to find a babysitter or dump them off at grandma's. I want kids someday but don't wanna raise someone else's kids.

I jut raised my case as well. So so so def agree. I tried to dated guys with kids. What a nighare. They always broke aliways tried n never Avaiable on weekends or just to take a day off n do something with me. Yea yea yea. I know I'm selfish. But I don't have kids n I want from a guy as much as I can offer him I return. Def. do not on any sircumstances I would date man with kids. N bc chives are slim I remain single. Guess would rather go shopping beach movies take a nap lol Han put up with someone's kids. But hey that's me I want my own if time will permit for it. Bu dont need whole kindergarten in my house two in max. My own two
 harspaw76116
Joined: 1/18/2009
Msg: 17
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/26/2013 9:10:11 AM
I have found it to be a tough profile decision for me too! On one hand you never now if the perfect one out there might have a kid or kids already, on the other hand the thought of having to meet more than one person that you have to change your lifestyle for is kinda scary! Meeting a woman is one thing, meeting a woman and her kid or kids, and the Ex, and all the other judgemental caring people in their life is another! :-0
 KatarzynaLuiza
Joined: 10/5/2012
Msg: 18
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/26/2013 9:15:16 AM
Well ur kids are best thing ever gift from god and so on n it's great for u. To me def deal breaker. After u spend fri night with them whole sat n half sun n mist of ur paycheck don't call me then to come chill in front of TV bc u to tried n to broke. I derived guy who doesn't not have financial n time straints bc I come here to find someone to spend my weekends n holidays with. If someone think that that will work for potential partner that must be out if their mind. Case closed
 papiobelle
Joined: 4/5/2011
Msg: 19
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/26/2013 11:25:23 AM
I think it is a matter of preference. The 'Have/Want Children' is part of a dating profile for a reason. My child is almost in college and I really would not prefer to start over with someone with young children, but I would never have an absolute (and selfish) exception like that when it comes to love.

Just be honest...I think most women wouldn't want a man around who sees their child or children as a "money drain and an interference" anyway, if that helps! :)
 pescando75
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 20
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/26/2013 12:32:40 PM
"Financial burden." "Too time-intensive."
Well, at least we know how you feel about it.

It's not "wrong" in what you seek. But you need to do a major re-evaluation about how people think about their kids and how such verbiage is interpreted. Your message could come across MUCH better than you have demonstrated in here.
Your words here border on absolute distaste of kids. Not good. I don't even have kids and can see how they'd roll their eyes at you. It is a very selfish mindset the way you present it. Not that not wanting kids is selfish.
 Jennuh78
Joined: 11/2/2012
Msg: 21
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/26/2013 2:13:47 PM
Spot on, penscando. And not only for the reasons you pointed out, but also he's not in a position to be that picky. Speaking from a physical attractiveness standpoint.
 TheFuryan
Joined: 1/29/2013
Msg: 22
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/26/2013 2:55:59 PM
Speaking from a physical attractiveness standpoint.



That's a narrow-minded way to look at it. Just because YOU don't think he's attractive, doesn't mean he should settle on what he's looking for. No one should.

After looking at your profile, I'm not really shocked that you would say something so close-minded.
 mainelythere
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 23
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/26/2013 3:00:43 PM

Spot on, penscando. And not only for the reasons you pointed out, but also he's not in a position to be that picky. Speaking from a physical attractiveness standpoint.
honey no offense, but you really dont - kids or no kids -have much room to be selective either.

On top of which your profile suggests a lack of depth of personality and intellect. so what is it exactly that you think you bring to the table.
 mainelythere
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 24
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/26/2013 3:03:35 PM

It's not "wrong" in what you seek. But you need to do a major re-evaluation about how people think about their kids and how such verbiage is interpreted.


Thats not really really true though

there is NO WAY to parse the situation without people being offended or indignant. To water it down to the point of offensiveness would make the underlying meaning of the words inaccurate.

there is a big difference between " i dont like beef because it causes indigestion" versus " i dont like beef because i dont like the taste" versus "i dont like beef because of how it is raised in factory farms"

all three have the same initial point " i dont like beef", but the reason are entirely different
 mainelythere
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 25
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/26/2013 3:04:01 PM

After looking at your profile, I'm not really shocked that you would say something so close-minded.
im right there with you man
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