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 6kitten
Joined: 11/26/2011
Msg: 1
I can't cum with a guyPage 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
I'm 40 and have never been able to achieve orgasm with a guy. I can masterbate and cum in minutes if I want, but can't seem to get over the edge with a partner. I get really close most of the time, then nothing. Talk about frustrating. I usually go into sex assuming I won't cum so I don't get too bummed out. I haven't established a gyn in my new town yet, but have been considering a sex therapist. And guys always think that they'll be "the one" but I think they overestimate their skills...or patience. I fall back on the idea that maybe when I meet my love, he'll take the time to get to know my body and find the magic. Fairytales. I know. lol
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 2
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 2/26/2013 12:03:57 AM
Have you tried adding a vibrator or some self-stimulation into the love-play?

(also, if you do a thread search, you'll find lots of input on this topic)
 brinaalina
Joined: 10/26/2011
Msg: 3
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I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 2/26/2013 12:05:18 AM
Can you cum when he goes down on you?
I can't cum from regular sex either. It's pretty common. Clitoral stimulation is how most women are able to achieve orgasm
 brinaalina
Joined: 10/26/2011
Msg: 4
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I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 2/26/2013 12:18:59 AM
^^^^Good advice

*I get that, 6kitten. When I'm with a guy, being ****ed definitely feels SO much better than oral. I suggest clitoral stimulation while he's ****ing you. That usually can work wonders.
 6kitten
Joined: 11/26/2011
Msg: 5
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 2/26/2013 12:19:05 AM
Thanks Jeffrey. I have been with women and it's not my preference. I think that's the approach I'll try. I like the idea of him being near me and carressing or playing with me while I masterbate. Also, I tend to cross my legs while masterbating and my thighs and muscles are really tight when I cum. I can cum with my legs apart on a rare occasion, but only with alot of toy penetration and stimulation. It takes awhile. An no, I have not cum through oral stimulation. It usually just annoys me because I like to be ****ed more that oral. Or I haven't found someone to give me good head.
 neck romancer
Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 6
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I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 2/26/2013 12:43:43 AM
is it possible for him to enter you with your legs closed from behind? Maybe that would help?
 LennyPane
Joined: 2/2/2011
Msg: 7
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I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 2/26/2013 1:28:15 AM
Try rubbing your clit while having sex.
 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 8
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 2/26/2013 3:37:32 AM
That must be awful...i cum every time thank goodness : )


Oh to be male.
I'm 48 and I'm in the same boat and no amount of effort has changed facts.
Thankfully,I can come via oral and manual stimulation, mainly mine.

You are FAR from alone and I don't believe anything shy of clitoral stimulation,
by you or him with get you off unless you have a very well-located G-spot
or a sufficent Clit to vagina distance(C-V distance),it can be physically impossible for women (75%) to come via penetration alone.And,it's not in our heads.


Explain to your partner why you have difficulty so he can make you feel relaxed about it and assist you in your overcoming the difficulty. Communication with parters is always the most important thing. And most guys are only too willing to help their lovers get off.


Sure they are,but that will never mean that penetration will get most of us there and the threads that keep "cumming" up here about this same subject make it obvious that this is the norm.


I can masterbate and cum in minutes if I want, but can't seem to get over the edge with a partner. I get really close most of the time, then nothing. Talk about frustrating. I usually go into sex assuming I won't cum so I don't get too bummed out.


Only plauible answer is to masterbate during penetration.
I figured that out when I was 17.Guarenteed orgasms and much bettet than solo. :)
 TenderKisses546
Joined: 1/13/2013
Msg: 9
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 2/26/2013 5:28:09 AM
I want my 2 cents on this 1 too :)

I think you can cum with a guy. You just need to find a man that can have sex for a long time. No sense in trying to cum as fast as a 2 pump chump, because it will never happen. When you do find that man that can keep up with you then I'm sure you'll fall in love too, or at least he might be worth holding onto for a while. lol
 yerkiddinrite
Joined: 12/19/2012
Msg: 10
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 2/26/2013 5:54:27 AM
Don't feel bad, OP, I'm in the same boat, kind of although I can get off from manual done by him or oral. I don't think it really matters how you get off as long as you do.

Mutual masturbation is really hot. You should try it. Lay side by side with your guy and watch each other masturbate, looking into each others eyes at the moment you climax.............super hot! I like to time it so that we both get off at the same time. Takes a little practice, but so much fun.

Hopefully you can find a guy who is open and into doing whatever it takes to make you feel good too. That is key right there. Nothing should be taboo or off limits that you both agree feels good.

Good luck.
 59thShadeofGrey
Joined: 9/25/2012
Msg: 11
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 2/26/2013 5:56:31 AM

I can masterbate and cum in minutes if I want,


So you know what stimulates you to orgasm.


I fall back on the idea that maybe when I meet my love, he'll take the time to get to know my body and find the magic. Fairytales.


Exactly. It is a fairytale to think some magic guy is gonna wave his wand over your vulva and make you cum. It's youR climax - you know how to reach it - you could just communicate that to your lover.

If you still can't reach orgasm with a partner, then yes, therapy is indicated.
 wink558
Joined: 1/8/2013
Msg: 12
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 2/26/2013 6:18:53 AM
Sigmund Freud claimed the female orgasm was a myth and I tend to agree with him. Most men dont really care if a woman orgasms or not as it is not our responsibility. These forums are a really good place for men to make themselves sound like they give a rat's arse or are great in bed, reality hits hard in the real world. They are also a wonderful place for women to whine and moan about how bad men are, how they are selfish lovers. You know what, it is what it is..you not gonna change things so instead of constantly complaining, accept it and make your man happy. That way at least he is a happy camper and will then want to make you happy buy doing special things just for you like buying you a new blender or ironing board, bringing home a bucket of chicken to give you a night off in the kitchen etc. Is an orgasm that really doesnt exist worth all the energy and discontent you women put into it? Be happy.
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 13
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I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 2/26/2013 6:53:50 AM
You have the same problem some men do when you masturbate a certain way (for men, it's the death grip, most of the time) to the point where, now, you mentally associate orgasm with that specific thing and can't orgasm any other way.

For guys, the trick is to stop masturbating, period, and after a while, the lack of stimulation makes almost any stimulation a good thing, nullifying that. I'm not sure if it works the same with women, though.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 14
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I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 2/26/2013 7:15:51 AM
Stop trying. You're putting way too much pressure on yourself. Look up self-fulfilling prophecy. You're doing that to yourself. Stop thinking of an orgasm as being the end goal and focus on enjoying the sensations.

When you stop thinking "it's not going to happen" and start thinking "this is going to be good!!"... that's when things change. Trust me.

Also.. you know like 85% of women don't orgasm from PIV sex, right?
 TenderKisses546
Joined: 1/13/2013
Msg: 15
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 2/26/2013 8:07:52 AM
I'm sorry I just thought of this now.

Try using Arousal Gels. You can pick them up at a local sex shop, but there are some available at the pharmacy. We use them sometimes and really like them. There are some for your Clitoris and some for your G-Spot. My suggestion is to use both because its 2 different areas and they increase the pleasure in both spots. It will be A Lot Easier for you to achieve orgasm through penetration with the G-Spot Arousal Gel. The clitoral arousal gel is just a nice little bonus and gives a tingling sensation I think.

Try these and then you can come back and brag about your orgasm :) lol
 LennyPane
Joined: 2/2/2011
Msg: 16
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I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 2/26/2013 9:06:40 AM
Try watching Piers Morgan Tonight while
having sex. Or Big Mama's House 2
(t0T@11y b3tT3r tH@n dA f!R5t 0n3), or the
latest Adam Sandler/Kevin James
masterpiece. And if for some insane reason that doesn't work, put on an episode of Dog the Bounty Hunter during sex. Guaranteed success.
 705cutie
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 17
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 2/26/2013 9:35:52 AM
Most women are like this! Only 1 out of 10 women can achieve orgasm through intercourse! Lot of women "fake it" i have on maybe a handful of times achieve through intercourse but most of the time cant, try bringing a vibrator into it (while your on top have the vibrator on your clitorius. or even while your on top have him play with you!) This helps achieve orgasm wonderfully! Good luck!
 EyesRgreeN1962
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 18
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 2/26/2013 9:55:09 AM

have never been able to achieve orgasm with a guy


I think the good thing is that you know you can orgasm ... that's half the battle.
I'll bet is something psychological ... the inability to give up control of your orgasm to someone else. Do you have problems with intimacy in general or is it just during sex?
 Vox_Populi
Joined: 1/8/2013
Msg: 19
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 2/26/2013 11:01:57 AM
OP, you're profile says "a few extra pounds" overweight. If you'll notice, most of the women posting here with the same inability to cum are also overweight. That's part of the problem. Try losing weight, you'll be amazed! I've found men don't like overweight women anyways, & the woman can sense that, & it affects her self-esteem & ability to relax.
 ChiTownTommy
Joined: 9/13/2005
Msg: 20
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 2/26/2013 1:56:10 PM
Hi,
I think that you need to relax and not worry so much. That, in itself, will help you cum. Then, find a lover who is really into you...really in to flirting, kissing, cuddling and touching. He should like oral sex too. Guide him into what feels best for you and then just relax and enjoy.
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 21
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I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 2/26/2013 1:57:28 PM
3ffervescent,

you are correct that, in general, weight is not the problem.
Son's mom was nigh on to 105 lbs at 5'4" when we married and although she came close a few times intercourse was enjoyable but no fireworks for her. She was orgasmic, but it took time.

My concern is that based on the OP's language that she has set herself up with a self fulfilling prophecy in that she admits she now goes into a sexual relationship with no expectation of orgasm (through intercourse). If this is the case then perhaps some therapy to cross that threshold or perhaps a toy or two may be in order to traverse the chasm.

TK
 CAM-THE-LOVER
Joined: 9/29/2012
Msg: 22
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 2/26/2013 3:36:35 PM
IT"S SIMPLE >>> STOP PLAYING WITH YOURSELF AND LET YOUR BODY GET BACK TO IT'S ORIGINAL STATE BECAUSE THE MORE YOU PLEASE YOURSELF THE HARDER IT BECOMES FOR A MAN TO FULFILL THAT NEED......
 EyesRgreeN1962
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 23
I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 2/26/2013 4:10:12 PM

OP, you're profile says "a few extra pounds" overweight. If you'll notice, most of the women posting here with the same inability to cum are also overweight. That's part of the problem. Try losing weight, you'll be amazed! I've found men don't like overweight women anyways, & the woman can sense that, & it affects her self-esteem & ability to relax.


Vox ... I think you are totally off base ... there are plenty of men out there who appreciate a woman with more to love. One they feel they can really get down with and know they are not going to break her. There is someone out there for everyone. In general the most fun and relaxed women I know are those who are not obsessed with their weight.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 24
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I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 2/26/2013 4:46:35 PM
If you can masturbate and cum in minutes, then there is nothing wrong with you (anatomically). You're problem is most likely psychological.
 domainfullduplex100
Joined: 12/21/2012
Msg: 25
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I can't cum with a guy
Posted: 2/26/2013 6:00:57 PM
relax :)...you live in Hawaii after all.. That alone makes me pleased that you can't have it all lol
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