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 liloleme53
Joined: 11/21/2012
Msg: 1
Fear of getting naked?Page 1 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
There must be other women out there who fear the getting naked phase. You know, you meet them, it goes well, you like him, he likes you, you've been out 4 or 5 times...and you know getting naked is next. EEEK! I have had 5 children and am overweight (although not huge) and look at myself and think yuck. How sad for me, but this is the truth. I have talked to a guy who I really liked who was ready to meet. He was 7 years younger than me and sweet...I would wake up to a hello every morning, we talked on the phone, and the next step was...meeting in person. And I dumped him. Another man I went out with 5 times, I was getting that feeling, and I dumped him. I really hate the way I look and have lost weight but still I see myself with a critical eye.

Have you had this type of experience? How did you get over it? Get past it? Let it not rule you?

Thanks.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 2
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Fear of getting naked?
Posted: 2/27/2013 7:40:35 AM
I had breast cancer... and recon.. full of scars. My shape is not bad but I am full of scars. Try not to get naked in
direct sunlight is all I can tell you... lose weight if your overweight... stay away from men who are hyper critical and expect a woman to look like a magazine cover, and find ones who are more mature emotionally. Granted this is hard to find a mature man, but they are out there... keep dumping them until the right one shows up.
Good luck.
 phoenix_55
Joined: 7/25/2012
Msg: 3
Fear of getting naked?
Posted: 2/27/2013 7:44:40 AM
We've all been there, OP. My issue wasn't necessarily my weight, but several huge surgical scars that made me very self-conscious. The first man I was with after my divorce was aware of my scars, but hadn't seen them. I was terrified at that strip-down moment. And, you know, he never said a word -- told me he didn't even notice. Now, he may have been lying through his teeth, but that really helped me get over my insecurities about those scars.

Always remember ... "If you're the only naked woman in the room, you're gonna look good no matter what!"
 forumitejunkie
Joined: 1/12/2012
Msg: 4
Fear of getting naked?
Posted: 2/27/2013 7:54:16 AM
Not to be unkind OP, but it sounds to me like you really are not prepared to be here, seeking to date, if your reaction is to dump every man who starts to get close enough where getting naked is next. It'd probably be a better use of your time to do whatever is necessary to improve your self-image, so that you're comfortable within your own skin.

There ARE things we can do to improve our bodies (if this is important to us) via diet and exercise. However, unless plastic surgery is an option, there are by-products of aging and lifestyle and having had children, etc we simply can't reverse...things just "aint" where they used to be :) But, that doesn't mean we HAVE to stop feeling attractive, and sexy.

In my experience, we (women) tend to be more critical of our bodies and more conscious of their flaws than the men in our lives are....It has also been my experience that a huge turn-on for a man is a woman who is NOT self-conscious and critical of her body.

As an addendum....soft and flattering lighting and sexy but appropriate lingerie can help put a woman at ease when it's time to get intimate with a new man.....
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 5
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Fear of getting naked?
Posted: 2/27/2013 7:58:46 AM
I don't feel that way.

I go back and forth between about ten to thirty pounds overweight, at the moment, although definitely going in a healthier direction, overall. And I'm almost fifty. But I feel better about my body than I did when I was 25 and 115 pounds.

My guy thinks I'm gorgeous, but I already felt good about myself before I met him.

I wouldn't date a guy who was critical of my body, especially because I dated guys my own age, and they're not perfect, either.

I also feel that if you panic at the thought of getting naked, you probably have some work to do before you start dating. While a man certainly shouldn't put you down, it's also not his job to fix your self-esteem and insecurities. Healthy, secure people attract the same.
 DoubleParked
Joined: 10/22/2008
Msg: 6
Fear of getting naked?
Posted: 2/27/2013 8:05:45 AM

How did you get over it? Get past it? Let it not rule you?


One way to get over your body shame is to get a full length mirror and every morning when you get up look at yourself in it stark naked. Just look, don't judge yourself. This is YOU, this is YOUR BODY. Respect and love yourself enough to be able to look at yourself as you are at this moment. Then go on with your day. Over time you will become more comfortable in your own skin and the next time the 'naked truth' is about to be revealed you will be fine with how you look and who you are. After all, if you can't bear to look at yourself naked, why should anyone else?
 funnershine
Joined: 10/6/2012
Msg: 7
Fear of getting naked?
Posted: 2/27/2013 8:08:31 AM
I am not sure we ever get over it.. It really does not matter what weight we are.. I am thin and still have anxiety over getting naked for the first time.. A lot of men feel likewise but I think when you reach a comfort level with one another these concerns will end up flying out a window.. At least I hope so..

funnershine
 ReadBeforeWriting
Joined: 9/30/2012
Msg: 8
Fear of getting naked?
Posted: 2/27/2013 8:13:35 AM
It sounds like you are realistic about your appearance, good for you.
It is delusional to think that the way a female looks nude won't matter! Absolutely delusional Oprah, feminist empowerment crap.
If you body is truly unattractively heavy with rolls of fat, saggy breasts and cellulite, most males shall not like it.
Stating the obvious, losing weight and toning via exercise is the fix.
Pretending that if a male loves a female it won't matter is also a tad unrealistic. And he must be attracted before he can develop love.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 9
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Fear of getting naked?
Posted: 2/27/2013 8:15:19 AM
I'm proud of my body. I've worked hard to keep fit and eat a healthy diet. And no, having children is not an excuse...it's a cop out.

Surgical scars are rarely dramatic and I doubt if most men hardly notice. They are too preocuppied with your your thighs, nipples. and hopefully still tight ass. An issue like a mascectomy is another level of discussion to have with a partner.

Anyways, lose weight and get in shape. All the stuff about loving yourself, accepting who you are is feel good B.S. because you will still have to get naked in front of a man and he is still going to stare at your body.
 grnecountrygirl
Joined: 1/23/2013
Msg: 10
Fear of getting naked?
Posted: 2/27/2013 8:19:57 AM
I have to agree with "double parked" I have lost 140lbs, in last 18 months....I never looked at myself in the mirror before..no pics so every time I was in a dressing room trying to buy a new bra or blouse it shocked me how bad I looked. Well now I live in an apt after leaving my ex after 30 yrs, and I have mirrors every where, first thing I see before I go to bed is necked me, and get up in the morning to a necked me...and I have alot of loose skin, and freckles and moles...and stretch marks...but then I notice hey my breasts are holding up better...my stomach isnt hanging as bad...you get use to looking at you...yeah the first time..I bought a bra and it was a 46D instead of a 54 DDD I looked in the mirror and didnt know who it was looking at me...
Also there are alot of men out there to my surprise that love, love big women, its amazing and scary that these men like what I criticized about myself for years..So get over yourself, give yourself a good look in the mirror and say " I AM THE BEST THAT I CAN BE TODAY AND I EXCEPT WHO I AM TODAY!!!!!!!!" GOD BLESS
 Freudian
Joined: 3/15/2010
Msg: 11
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Fear of getting naked?
Posted: 2/27/2013 8:20:00 AM
You've received the usual advice, and it is good advice. Confident people usually attract others whether it's confidence due to a great physical appearance or confidence gleaned from other sources. So, pick something and actually do it. It really doesn't matter which solution you choose to gain the confidence, it matters that you do something.

However as it stands now, you're being a jerk. Leading these guys on until the time comes to move forward and then dumping them because of your own failing is practically the definition of 'jerkdom'. If they did that to you, you'd howl about how the men are just using you and leading you on. Instead, you cite a shortcoming of your own as a reason for jerking the guys around and then seek a defensive posture in the 'poor me' camp.

Get over it, get naked and see what the heck happens. If it's bad, get over that and try again. Do something besides complain and feel sorry for yourself.
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 12
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Fear of getting naked?
Posted: 2/27/2013 8:28:06 AM
^^^^^
Then it's a false confidence. Few men find blobby women attractive.

Best to be confident AND be in shape. Being in shape and getting one's act together in life is what gives confidence.
 liloleme53
Joined: 11/21/2012
Msg: 13
Fear of getting naked?
Posted: 2/27/2013 8:36:50 AM

However as it stands now, you're being a jerk. Leading these guys on until the time comes to move forward and then dumping them because of your own failing is practically the definition of 'jerkdom'. If they did that to you, you'd howl about how the men are just using you and leading you on. Instead, you cite a shortcoming of your own as a reason for jerking the guys around and then seek a defensive posture in the 'poor me' camp.


Brutal. Truthful. I have a date with a new man on Saturday. I promise to be more kind. I never saw myself as someone who acted like this. In fact, I never acted like this before, and I feel awful for what I did to them. I am a jerk. Wow.
 Freudian
Joined: 3/15/2010
Msg: 14
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Fear of getting naked?
Posted: 2/27/2013 8:43:47 AM
sciencetreker, Bullshit. I see way too many 'blobby' people happily living their lives. You may have a problem, and that would be YOUR problem. Your friends may have the same problem; birds of a feather you know, but that's THEIR problem. Just like dumping interested guys due to lack of self confidence is the OP's problem.

I get really sick of people being expected to fit in some box of requirements touted by the movies and news. The skinny gals on the runways in NY at fashion time look like an advertisement for world hunger dressed in draperies stumbling along an elevated platform to entice the few heterosexuals in the crowd wearing shoes that resemble stilts. Gross.

Go chase skinny gals and have fun with it.
 Freudian
Joined: 3/15/2010
Msg: 15
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Fear of getting naked?
Posted: 2/27/2013 8:48:04 AM
Brutal. Truthful. I have a date with a new man on Saturday. I promise to be more kind. I never saw myself as someone who acted like this. In fact, I never acted like this before, and I feel awful for what I did to them. I am a jerk. Wow.

Now that's what I'm talkin' about. YOU GO GIRL, and have fun.
 grnecountrygirl
Joined: 1/23/2013
Msg: 16
Fear of getting naked?
Posted: 2/27/2013 9:31:19 AM
Thank you Dream Fire and Freudian for those lovely comments...no one in this world is perfect...if only...it would be a boring world..
And there are alot of men out there that like women that are not perfect, in any way...sexy is in the eyes of the beholder. I will say though its always better to be doing healthy...eat well, try to get some exercise into your normal daily regime...just gives you an oomph when you need it...LOVE YOUSELF and someone else will notice I know easier said then done at times...
 TimeforAChange48
Joined: 12/10/2012
Msg: 17
Fear of getting naked?
Posted: 2/27/2013 9:34:07 AM
If you're uncomfortable with how you look naked. Find a trainer who can help you with your eating habits, incorporate some weight training and improve yourself. It's commendable of people to do the " love yourself the way you are " but in reality, that attitude is what taxes every countries medical system. I have been on both sides, overweight and in shape, I prefer that latter.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 18
Fear of getting naked?
Posted: 2/27/2013 9:42:13 AM
I remember being where you are. I had been in only two relationships and very little dating so for me getting all nekkie for the first time after, shall we say after..."many years of celibacy" was damn scary.

My body like many others is not without it's flaws...I've had three children, some scars and parts are definitely not as perky as they once were...lol But honestly, in the throws of passion, body image will be the last thing on your mind. *grins*

If he cares about you, a few bulges here and there aren't going to make a damn bit of difference...trust me.

Just go out there on Saturday and wow him. Have fun and Good luck OP.

And btw...you look terrific in your pics, especially the middle one.

...mae
 grnecountrygirl
Joined: 1/23/2013
Msg: 19
Fear of getting naked?
Posted: 2/27/2013 9:52:45 AM
I am so tired of the holy then thou people who think its that easy to lose weight and get in shape, and if you have been really over weight for along time that loose skin is not going to go away...unless you have it surgically removed. And I am not in a rush to have surgery just some man wants to have sex with me...if he cares for me for who I am he will except what I look like....isnt that what is important...looks are not everything..caring, empathy, taking care of the people around you and doing gods will is whats important ugh.....
 Freudian
Joined: 3/15/2010
Msg: 20
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Fear of getting naked?
Posted: 2/27/2013 9:59:33 AM

but in reality, that attitude is what taxes every countries medical system

I'm far from convinced that that is true. If I go to the hospital I see far more slender people than I do fat ones. When I go to the doctor's office, there are seldom fat people there. When I go to the emergency room, there are a lot of fit people there with breaks, strains, and wounds. Old folk homes are full of slender people. While all the time the heavy ones are in the stores, malls, restaurants, driving, and visiting slender people in the hospitals.

Sure, there are a lot of overweight people, but that doesn't imply any cause and effect; just prejudice.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 21
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Fear of getting naked?
Posted: 2/27/2013 10:15:53 AM
Right on "Mae".....!!

Most that are enjoying the passion again, the sensual thoughts and sexual desires, just seem to not worry about how they specifically look, but much more how they will perform and be satisfied about and with the one they are with!! That intense satisfaction that is so deep inside you, that desire to touch that person, feel that person, have them touch and feel you, and enjoy all that they bring to that bed and when done, to just lay there as one comfortable with each other!!

Now, there are things that we all can do to make all of this a little more acceptable to all, by getting naked with candles instead of all those intense light blubs.........to go slowly and enjoy the one you are with, and share yourself as much as taking the person there in front of you!! At my maturity now, I do not need to have a camera rolling while we enjoy, or take pictures of the activity we are engrossed in, but much more to let our imaginations soar while we connect as one, knowing that the other is just as mature and life tested as I am!!

There is no fear of getting naked in my mind, but much more......fear of not!!

cd
 TimeforAChange48
Joined: 12/10/2012
Msg: 22
Fear of getting naked?
Posted: 2/27/2013 10:31:48 AM
You're correct Freudian, it's about the quality of nutrition ingested that counts. There are many " skinny " people who consume garbage on a daily basis damaging their organs. They just don't gain fat, or have the " skinny fat " situation, with the little pot belly they can't rid themselves of. For most, overweight is just an outward physical symptom of bad eating and lack of exercise. I see most heavy people up here riding in scooters sucking down a frothy Starbucks beverage. Maybe you don't have such a sight where you are, I see it everyday, while on the way to the gym to do my part to not burden the medical system.
 Bogie_Bacall474
Joined: 1/19/2013
Msg: 23
Fear of getting naked?
Posted: 2/27/2013 10:32:05 AM
I gave up worrying about this topic years ago. I would hope that while in bed with another man my age, he is enjoying my body as much as I'm enjoying his. I'm not looking at wrinkles or tummys or loose skin. We all have this, get over it. And I bet he's not looking at my flaws either and if he is, he's an azzhole and I made a huge mistake.

Go forth and get naked.
 LiterateHiker
Joined: 11/30/2012
Msg: 24
Fear of getting naked?
Posted: 2/27/2013 10:44:41 AM
As a lifelong athlete, I feel proud of my body. Scars are badges of an active life. Weightlifting gives me good posture and makes me feel strong and sexy. But I need to control the urge to ask people to feel my biceps! HA. My daughter rolled her eyes into the next STATE.

OP, that's what candles are for. You can slip off his glasses and kiss him.

This is a universal insecurity for women, thanks to unrealistic images of beauty in advertising.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 25
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Fear of getting naked?
Posted: 2/27/2013 10:47:43 AM
I have a red silk lantern in my bedroom, specifically for erotic times. But candles are good, too.
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