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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > He says I have potential to be beautiful.      Home login  
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 Yesready
Joined: 11/24/2012
Msg: 1
He says I have potential to be beautiful.Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
My boss says to kick him to the curb. When a new connection told me I had potential to be beautiful, I guessed he wanted to give me a makeover--clothing and makeup style. For what purpose I asked? So I can look finer on your arm? What gives? I'm an unadorned natural woman on a budget. I could do with some new mascara and lingerie. Maybe a trip to a spa and Victoria's Secret is in order. I'm not offended by such attention or should I be? Maybe I can snag some expensive wrinkle cream and underwires. My girls are usually in work clothes. Dating is exhilarating. I'm on the rebound and feeling my oats.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 2
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He says I have potential to be beautiful.
Posted: 2/28/2013 7:54:14 AM
Sounds more like a neg to me.

Did he SAY he wanted to buy you things? Why are you hoping that strangers on the internet will buy you things?
 Yesready
Joined: 11/24/2012
Msg: 3
He says I have potential to be beautiful.
Posted: 2/28/2013 8:02:34 AM
No, he did not elaborate. Maybe he will over lunch today or club dancing this weekend. He's not a stranger--we had a coffee-meet last week, followed by an evening of dancing and a second date to a movie and restaurant. I'm flattered by the attention, although it may be misdirected or harmful. Does he like the real me or what I could be?
 4u2explore
Joined: 1/23/2013
Msg: 4
He says I have potential to be beautiful.
Posted: 2/28/2013 8:14:30 AM
Anyone has the potential to be beautiful. my ex scares people in the morning but after putting on base and filler, mascara, color, lipstick, eyeshadow, and other cosmetics, silicon lifts in her bra, butts pads for round butt, a wig, some fine clothes and she transforms into such a vision of beauty that guys just can't go by without some type of remark.
Maybe he just meant with proper attention your beauty can be brought out in finer detail? And be careful taking advice from guys like your boss. Only you can see if a man is truly compatible to you.
 phoenix_55
Joined: 7/25/2012
Msg: 5
He says I have potential to be beautiful.
Posted: 2/28/2013 8:16:04 AM
Well, you're "on the rebound" so this guy will likely fizzle out before the next date, so why worry about it?

For the record, if some guy ever told me I had "potential" he'd probably find himself with my drink in his lap.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 6
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He says I have potential to be beautiful.
Posted: 2/28/2013 8:17:58 AM
I would tell him he had potential not to be an assclown.
 Freudian
Joined: 3/15/2010
Msg: 7
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He says I have potential to be beautiful.
Posted: 2/28/2013 8:21:02 AM
He's going to show you how beautiful you can be by draping silk wrappings around your naked body and posing you just so, while he takes pictures to show you the result from his perspective.

Then they'll wind up on the web and you'll never get them off.
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 8
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He says I have potential to be beautiful.
Posted: 2/28/2013 8:21:26 AM
I'd walk away from this fellow NOW. Run.

As a guy I'd never comment on any improvements a woman might make in appearance. Especially if she wasn't my long time partner. The exception would be if she came out and asked me in a forthright way that wasn't just small chit chat. Even then I'd be quite sensitive

Comments on appearance are best made on the positive side to reinfore what we like. I can't stand the thought of my girlfriend cutting her hair so I like her to know how much I like running my hands through it and how it makes her look so vibrant and delicious.

Or, we all have our fetishes and there is a time to bring up appearance 'in the moment'.
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 9
He says I have potential to be beautiful.
Posted: 2/28/2013 8:25:38 AM
Have you ever heard the age old complaint that once people have gotten married, their new spouse tries to change them? It never works because people are who they are.

If someone told me that I had the potential to be beautiful, I'd wonder what element of me it was, that they considered needing improvement. I'm also quite straight forward so I'd likely have asked them to explain when the comment was first made. For me, the sentence suggests that this man is viewing you are falling short somewhere. That doesn't mean his view is valid and even if it is, it doesn't mean that his view of beautiful aligns with your view of who you want to be.

You are not an ornament. And he is not ordering a custom piece of furniture. Every single one of us has flaws and no body is truly perfect even if they manage to create the illusion of being so for a short while. A relationship isn't about changing someone to better suit our perception of what we would like. It's about finding someone who brings us joy, supports us when we need it, challenges us to grow for our own benefit and who accepts our flaws. Of course, in return, we need to provide the same level of respect and encouragement.

I wouldn't view this statement as a compliment but then I wouldn't view it as a bad thing either. It could be a clear indication that this person would expect you to change to fit what he wants and who isn't accepting of who you are. It's quite a selfish statement IMO especially as it seems to have just been left hanging and un-clarified and it's possibly indicative of someone who expects to be in control so when I say it's might not be a bad thing, it's good in the sense of you are now paying attention to his words and actions and trying to figure out what he really means.

I don't see this at all as a statement suggesting a make-over because if that were the case surely his comments would have been that you ARE beautiful as a make-over is simply enhancement of what is all ready there. That said, you were present to hear his tone and I think sometimes words are clumsy and messages poorly delivered.

The objective of dating is to find out about someone new. Part of that process isn't just about sharing information about yourself but hearing the messages they are giving verbally and non-verbally. This might be one of those messages and in your situation, I'd be paying close attention to his words and actions now to help determine if this was a selfish expectation or if it was a poorly thought out compliment which could have used some clarification.



Just a side issue and this will depend I guess on the type of work environment you have but WTF are you sharing such intimate information with your boss?
 Yesready
Joined: 11/24/2012
Msg: 10
He says I have potential to be beautiful.
Posted: 2/28/2013 8:28:15 AM
Thank you. Each of you have made valid points. I appreciate forums. Glad I started this thread.
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 11
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He says I have potential to be beautiful.
Posted: 2/28/2013 8:41:20 AM
I have the potential to be beautiful he says? Is he inferring you are ugly then? To me, that is the opposite. I wouldn't take too kindly to his comment. And especially if just brand new dating. Think if things went along, what else would he be changing. Sounds as though this man may have control issues
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 12
He says I have potential to be beautiful.
Posted: 2/28/2013 8:47:18 AM
Could be his way of saying you'd look a lot better if you got yourself in better shape physically.
 ladywyatt
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 13
He says I have potential to be beautiful.
Posted: 2/28/2013 9:19:30 AM
He wants to see if you hop to it to make improvements in your appearance...this will therefore show him that you are easily manipulated....

CONTROL FREAK

If this is the kind of guy you like go for it
Personally, I would walk away.....
 Midwest_Southwest
Joined: 9/9/2012
Msg: 14
He says I have potential to be beautiful.
Posted: 2/28/2013 9:28:20 AM

He wants to see if you hop to it to make improvements in your appearance...this will therefore show him that you are easily manipulated....


Yes. And if you tolerate criticism as a foundation for a relationship.

I wouldn’t meet him.
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 5/24/2012
Msg: 15
He says I have potential to be beautiful.
Posted: 2/28/2013 9:41:04 AM

my ex scares people in the morning but after putting on base and filler, mascara, color, lipstick, eyeshadow, and other cosmetics, silicon lifts in her bra, butts pads for round butt, a wig, some fine clothes and she transforms into such a vision of beauty that guys just can't go by without some type of remark


Thanks for the Chuckle - what's funny is that there is too much truth in that with some women.

OP some men want to change a woman just like some women cannot help wanting to change a man. I am convinced that many women see us as fixer uppers. I have had women tell me in the past that if I knew how to dress I could look great or that I had potential... I have let comments like that just roll off me just like I do suggestions about getting a nicer car or fixing up my house.

I have to say that looking at your pictures you are not putting yourself in the best light but if you are happy with yourself the way you are then what matters is to find someone who accepts you the way you are.
 LiterateHiker
Joined: 11/30/2012
Msg: 16
He says I have potential to be beautiful.
Posted: 2/28/2013 10:52:40 AM
What an insult. Kick him to the curb.
 Acehonestlady
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 17
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He says I have potential to be beautiful.
Posted: 2/28/2013 11:38:47 AM
That sounds a manipulative comment to me. Perhaps he is trying to make you think that you are not currently beautiful in order to lower your self-esteem so that he can control you.

You have beautiful skin and hair and look young for 57.

I would have said to him that he has the potential to take a knee in the groin and ask him if he wants to find out for sure!
 relaxingwithyou
Joined: 2/12/2013
Msg: 18
He says I have potential to be beautiful.
Posted: 2/28/2013 11:50:15 AM
Hard to tell without seeing his body language etc... He may not be a very good communicator and just put his foot in his mouth. However I do agree you are quite good looking however the hair style in your profile photo is not flattering.

I think he should have told you that you are beautiful and he would love to give you some make-over suggestions. But the way he told you would not be acceptable to me and I'd walk away based on his lack of social skills. If he is around your age of 57 he should know better.
 TantricJedi
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 19
He says I have potential to be beautiful.
Posted: 2/28/2013 1:36:44 PM
Disgusting remark and don't fall into that trap of making excuses to rationalize his behavior. Pathetic. Jeez, there's a bullet coming right at you at 2 miles per hour...get out of the way! Sounds like he lost his beer goggles. If his comment exhilarates you, email me and I'll exhilarate you some more...
 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 20
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He says I have potential to be beautiful.
Posted: 2/28/2013 1:39:12 PM
U make it entertaining
My thoughts are ...
If someone cannot accept YOU for who YOU are, then they are not worth it.
Simple.


+1111 Absolutely, I would never say something like this to someone. You either accept someone for who they are or you don't. I find 'conditional' acceptance off putting.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 21
He says I have potential to be beautiful.
Posted: 2/28/2013 1:46:39 PM
Could be a weird compliment, but it sounds manipulative and controlling, especially so early on in a relationship.

I do know once someone has had a longer term relationship, there often are things one person will want the other to change to improve something. But if so, this should be done in the spirit of this would be better for both of us, if you can't change I am still with you, not something that is really some sort of ultimatum. For instance, if one partner were very overweight, the other might want them to lose weight, or dress better, whatever.

Dating is exhilarating !? It can be, hope you keep that positive attitude, many people seem to lose it.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 22
He says I have potential to be beautiful.
Posted: 2/28/2013 2:48:09 PM
I once told a girl if she could lose 20 lbs
I would marry her.
and I meant it!
I would have.

She dumped me though.
Go figure.

He is not set on how you are now.
Shallow or not...either change to suit him...
or find a guy who likes you as you are...now.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 23
He says I have potential to be beautiful.
Posted: 2/28/2013 3:59:23 PM
I had a young lady once tell me that I had potential to be a really nice guy and not so much of an a-hole. I told her to go phuck her hat. Had to make sure I eliminated THAT "potential". Scared the shiat outta me.
 Deepseaceecee
Joined: 1/29/2013
Msg: 24
He says I have potential to be beautiful.
Posted: 2/28/2013 4:02:36 PM
I wouldnt see him again, a man who is really into you, sees you as beautiful with or without all the artifice. Is he so hot by the way? I would not be talking to my boss about these matters either. He wants to change you and that is a bad sign. Men do see women as a reflection of their ego and the hotter the woman the more other guys envy him because men put such store by looks. One thing if you had asked for his advice but another when he offers it, unsolicited.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 25
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He says I have potential to be beautiful.
Posted: 2/28/2013 4:09:43 PM
There are really no good options here, as I see it.

1. It's a neg. = He's a controlling, game playing assclown, trying to put you off balance and make you feel insecure. I think this is what it is, because I don't believe he would ask you out again, if he found you unattractive. In this case, if you put up with it, you're showing him that you're an easy target for more emotional abuse.

2. He finds you unattractive. = Not a match. Never date a man who doesn't think you're hot. Nothing but heartache ahead.

3. He has absolutely no social skills. = Why put up with that?

Evaluate why you have these White Knight fantasies. They're dangerous.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > He says I have potential to be beautiful.