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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Im Good Looking and Women stare and smile left and right..But im too      Home login  
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 dolemite411
Joined: 1/15/2013
Msg: 1
Im Good Looking and Women stare and smile left and right..But im too shy to approach with confidencePage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Please Help!!!!!!

Im a guy who just recently discovered these forums and I love it!!!!

Heres my situation..

Im a good looking guy that women look at and smile at on a daily basis..some with rings on their fingers and some not...some my age and others alot older..

But when I think in my mind to approach I freeze up..I feel like somehow and someway Ill be rejected and made to look like a fool..

Like maybe Im misinterpreting the looks I get..Maybe its a "Hey He looks nice but I hope he dont talk to me" type of thing.

I just kno that Ive been single going on a year..and I am having the Hardest time finding someone to talk to and interact with..Havent been on a date in the longest i might add..

My question is to all the men and women..How do I get over this fear or should i say this insecurity? It holds me back alot but still..I cant shake the jitters when a attractive women gives me the "Hmm you look nice" eyes...

What do I do and where do i start to work on this issue of mines internally?

Also..I only have this problem with..How can i put this..VERY VERY attractive women..the women whom I approach usually be ALLL up on me and it gives me sorta like the spinach did to Popeye..I be all on it..but when a sexy FINE woman shows a tad bit of interest..I freeze..

Im open to all feedback
 TiltAWhirl1120
Joined: 9/10/2012
Msg: 2
Im Good Looking and Women stare and smile left and right..But im too shy to approach with confidence
Posted: 3/2/2013 7:14:56 PM
You have a confidence issue, that's for sure. It may be easier said than done, but all it takes is practice practice practice. Go where women socialize, and when you see someone looking at you in a lingering manner, just walk up and introduce yourself. Or, if you have female friends, if you're out with her, or a group of friends, and they invite some females you do not know, just introduce yourself, and strike up a conversation.
 relaxingwithyou
Joined: 2/12/2013
Msg: 3
Im Good Looking and Women stare and smile left and right..But im too shy to approach with confidence
Posted: 3/2/2013 7:56:04 PM
Real people get a little nervous around attractions with the opposite sex, it's normal and if they don't they are the ones to watch out for.

In my 20's, around your age, I got a job waiting tables to overcome my shyness, it worked. I recommend a job working with the public to anyone trying to get over shyness. Even if its just part-time around your other job. Good luck!
 dolemite411
Joined: 1/15/2013
Msg: 4
Im Good Looking and Women stare and smile left and right..But im too shy to approach with confidence
Posted: 3/2/2013 7:58:51 PM
Honestly..its very ignorant to respond with sarcasm when Im being very serious about my issue..See women like YOU, I dont get along with..They think I guess Im making things up or its just not possible..This is why I dont approach a women in which looks as pretty as urself..We just dont get along and usually it happens right off the bat...I pass on even responding to ur stupidity and keep it moving...Thanks for ur feedback..
 dolemite411
Joined: 1/15/2013
Msg: 5
Im Good Looking and Women stare and smile left and right..But im too shy to approach with confidence
Posted: 3/2/2013 8:07:26 PM
@Tiltawhirl " You have a confidence issue, that's for sure. It may be easier said than done, but all it takes is practice practice practice. Go where women socialize, and when you see someone looking at you in a lingering manner, just walk up and introduce yourself. Or, if you have female friends, if you're out with her, or a group of friends, and they invite some females you do not know, just introduce yourself, and strike up a conversation."

Thanks for your feedback..Yes it has been a issue of mines for a long time..Alot of my friends say If they were Me they would have alot more better looking girls than I tend to date..If they only knew...I used to get teased alot bout that very thing..Dudes that would be..lets say..less attractive than I..would show up with VERY exceptional looking women..and Mines would be just mediocre according to a few of the guys.

I honestly dont see how People could think Im looking for attention when this is a real issue of mines..Ive had kids with women who were SOOO infatuated with me and I settled for that..Because it made me feel good that a woman thought I was so Attractive and showing me off to their friends and family like "Look what Ive got" ..But of course I get bored with that..I be wanting the sexy lady I just passed in the store and I feel like I dont even have the guts to go get her ya kno..its all confusing to me sometimes but honestly the walking up and introducing myself part is theee..i would say 2nd to the hardest..the 1st hardest and most difficult thing for me is the conversation after my name..its like I have a million things to talk about racing in my mind and once Im there BAM ...total nervousness and a Loss for good topics to cover
 Nardo28
Joined: 12/19/2012
Msg: 6
Im Good Looking and Women stare and smile left and right..But im too shy to approach with confidence
Posted: 3/2/2013 8:14:50 PM
@CawkBlawker. Is trolling a job or a hobby for you? Do you really get off on trolling random people on the internet? What type of satisfaction do you get from behaving like this? I really want to know.

OP, I used to have the same problem. You have to remember, these women you find "VERY VERY" attractive are people too. They breath the same air, bleed, laugh and cry just like anyone else. Stop looking at them like they are in some unreachable stratosphere. Approach them as you would any other female, with class, confidence and respect.

Don't worry about being rejected. You have to remember. Thousands will love you, but millions will not. You have to look at it like this, "NO" is automatically happening if you don't approach. At least get your "NO" confirmed. Think of how many great relationships you've probably passed up.
 Doremi_Fasolatido
Joined: 2/14/2009
Msg: 7
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Im Good Looking and Women stare and smile left and right..But im too shy to approach with confidence
Posted: 3/2/2013 8:18:48 PM
OP, sounds as if "beautiful" women scare you. What is it you want from these "beautiful" women. What is it about such women that makes you define them as beautiful?? And, judging from your further responses I'd say you actually harbor hostility to these very same women you consider beautiful.

The women you usually approach don't give you a thrill buddy? But, the usual gals do make you feel strong and a lot more manly. Like Spinach to Popeye their just stroking your ego.

Try to see the beauty in everyone. Think with the big head for a change. In your case rejection could be a good thing. Might improve your inner vision... Good luck.
 dolemite411
Joined: 1/15/2013
Msg: 8
Im Good Looking and Women stare and smile left and right..But im too shy to approach with confidence
Posted: 3/2/2013 8:21:23 PM
Real people get a little nervous around attractions with the opposite sex, it's normal and if they don't they are the ones to watch out for.

In my 20's, around your age, I got a job waiting tables to overcome my shyness, it worked. I recommend a job working with the public to anyone trying to get over shyness. Even if its just part-time around your other job. Good luck!

@Relaxingwithyou

Yes FINALLY someone who understands..and yes I have a similiar job like yourself where I work with the public and to top it off I present the best customer service period at my job..Im currently training for Management for the next couple weeks so its actually easy for me to interact with people..THIS IS WHERE MY PROBLEM STARTS AS WELL.

Because of How I am and what I do at my job I encounter ALOT of women..sexy, pretty, all shapes and sizes..and of course when Im at work I get "hit on" by both customers AND co workers..The most recent co worker that was hired looks the best out of all the rest of the women that work at the establishment..Naturally..every male co worker was trying to hit on her..Offering to drive her home, Offering to help train when not necessary, those sorta things that guys do when they are trying make it obvious that they are interested..Me..I chose to kinda mind my own business and kinda keep my distance..which is hard when we are side by side working ya kno..So yesterday was the first time we worked together really..And it was like mind blowing..She was actually flirting with me in a VERY obvious way..And IMMEDIATELY i was so nervous that I was forced to go with the flow..She complimented me on my hands..their tatted so I thought she meant she just liked those..but then she said she had a "thing" for hands..honestly..kinda freaked me out..but I can tell it was just a compliment that she was giving me and it made me even more nervous..then she started asking me questions that WE NORMALLY ASK ONLINE TO PEOPLE WE WANT TO GET TO KNOW..I caught her staring at me while I was working on something and honestly..i didnt catch her i just felt eyes on the back of me..and I turned around and said "I feel like youre watching me" she just smiled..made me more nervous but I felt more in control..still..I didnt have the audacity to ask her out..And in a couple weeks officially Ill be her manager so I just kinda let it go..today she showed the same kinda interest..I still had butterflies..

but yes thanks for the feedback..it definitely helped..especially knowing it came from someone thats more my age so you kno how I feel..Thanks again
 dolemite411
Joined: 1/15/2013
Msg: 9
Im Good Looking and Women stare and smile left and right..But im too shy to approach with confidence
Posted: 3/2/2013 8:28:40 PM
OP, I used to have the same problem. You have to remember, these women you find "VERY VERY" attractive are people too. They breath the same air, bleed, laugh and cry just like anyone else. Stop looking at them like they are in some unreachable stratosphere. Approach them as you would any other female, with class, confidence and respect.

Don't worry about being rejected. You have to remember. Thousands will love you, but millions will not. You have to look at it like this, "NO" is automatically happening if you don't approach. At least get your "NO" confirmed. Think of how many great relationships you've probably passed up.

@Nardo28

Thanks for responding..whew Man you hit it on the nail..I try to keep in mind like they are just like me..just people and they have feelings too..But you kno how women are..especially those "unreachables" ..i like that..cause thats how I feel about em..unreachable..cant get the number..and a Date?!! forget it..its like I cancel myself out before they even get a chance to..and like i said..im just being honest..Alot of women think I have SOOO many females..and on my end..its like I dont have many or a few..or any at all if we really gonna be honest..the FWB dont count cause they really Dont wanna be in that category they wanna be in a relationship..and on my end..Im like well..Ive had women like them already..Had kids by em and everything..and its like..will i go the rest of my life with the 5's and 6's..or will I aim for the 9's or 10's because I never had one and If i find one and she is interested..Will I be able to have a long term relationship with such a woman..

youre so right tho..and definitely look forward to your input in the future
 relaxingwithyou
Joined: 2/12/2013
Msg: 10
Im Good Looking and Women stare and smile left and right..But im too shy to approach with confidence
Posted: 3/2/2013 8:41:06 PM
Maybe waiting tables was different than your job because it was acceptable for guys to flirt with me and I had to come up with a quick responce. I also tended bar for a while with alot of deep breathing to relax and that really helped....practice flirting everyday. So now when a very cool guy hits on me and they still do because I take very good care of myself, I am still nervous as heck but I can handle it.

Like another poster recommended....practice, practice, practice. Put yourself out there.
 dolemite411
Joined: 1/15/2013
Msg: 11
Im Good Looking and Women stare and smile left and right..But im too shy to approach with confidence
Posted: 3/2/2013 8:46:40 PM
OP, sounds as if "beautiful" women scare you. What is it you want from these "beautiful" women. What is it about such women that makes you define them as beautiful?? And, judging from your further responses I'd say you actually harbor hostility to these very same women you consider beautiful.

The women you usually approach don't give you a thrill buddy? But, the usual gals do make you feel strong and a lot more manly. Like Spinach to Popeye their just stroking your ego.

Try to see the beauty in everyone. Think with the big head for a change. In your case rejection could be a good thing. Might improve your inner vision... Good luck.

@Doremi

Yes, Yes, YESSS..they scare the living S**t outta me..They wont treat me like Im normally treated by someone who falls for me easily because of looks.

What I want from them? ............Acceptance that I have a right to be in that circle too..That I am worthy of being around them and their friends (who normally we all kno, the friends will be EXTRA hotter than the one you have..usually..so if you dont look good then you KNOW its like CUTTTT lol) ..

I define them as beautiful based off looks alone..Usually face, Mostly by total package i.e Body shape, thickness, if thin then how curvy...how feminine and if its cute or diva like..those type of things..

Yes I do..I have alottt of hostility towards them..well u seen what happened with the woman who posted that comment up top..Thats how "Sexy" women respond to me for the most part..I feel like because THEY know whatever they say to try and crush my ego is never really going to stop the many women that hit on me and I would be quick to point this out..that instant attitude and hostility enters into the situation..its like a Sexy female that rejects alot of guys because she knows more will be at her door..I feel like since I have that same Superpower women look at me as their kryptonite..and that men like me should NOT put it out there like even tho they dont want me..I can ALWAYS find many women that will..and they hate that..so naturally..this is why I dont approach or date Sexy women..its the truth and theres no other way to word what happens in my life daily..I live it..So of course I know better than anyone whats going on with me..

And yes my ego gets stroked alot..thats the problem and thats the main reason Im kinda backing off from them types of females for awhile..

Like I read a post in a forum about a guy who moved into a house with a female within a couple weeks because she let him..Alot of females called him a con, a loser, all other names in the book..What women dont understand is THAT HAPPENS WAYYY MORE OFTEN THAN PEOPLE THINK..I get the come stay with me offer from girls I normally deal with at LEAST 3 times a month..Back when I was doing that whole thing and trying to make relationships work like that it always backfired..and those usually end with kids on the way and a breakup..Thus leaving the man to start from square one and for some reason..females be fine,..life goes on for them..but those situations have effected me forever..

I just wanna see if a relationship with someone who looks Beautiful on the outside will work versus the normal that Ive been dealing with..Obviously my past relationships have not been successful..So i want to change some criteria..Nothing wrong with that I dont think..

Thanks for your feedback it was very useful and it gives me alot to think about
 dolemite411
Joined: 1/15/2013
Msg: 12
Im Good Looking and Women stare and smile left and right..But im too shy to approach with confidence
Posted: 3/2/2013 8:54:21 PM
Maybe waiting tables was different than your job because it was acceptable for guys to flirt with me and I had to come up with a quick responce. I also tended bar for a while with alot of deep breathing to relax and that really helped....practice flirting everyday. So now when a very cool guy hits on me and they still do because I take very good care of myself, I am still nervous as heck but I can handle it.

Like another poster recommended....practice, practice, practice. Put yourself out there.

@relaxingwithyou

Its not all that different..Im in the food industry but at the same time..Like i said ..the way I am at work its always needed that i be in contact with the customers as much as possible..Customer Service is not really abundant in my area but I just refuse to work for little money.Working where I work is bad as it is in my eyes..But like I said I make sure that I move up the ladder pretty quickly..

So when Im dealing with a Awesome looking female..and of course Im being Super professional..which looks over the top at my job but in my eyes totally necessary, and she does a little extra flirting and smiling..I professionally HURRY and mechanically solve the situation quick so I can walk away and gather myself..stop the blushing..that sorta thing.

Yes Yes,..I will start practicing..it just seems so hard..I feel like Im still gonna struggle..this is gonna be super hard for me..You all just dont kno smh..reading the feedback is helping alot .still..Im super nervous..

Thanks for your feedback once again,..I will definitely practice Puttin Myself Out There
 relaxingwithyou
Joined: 2/12/2013
Msg: 13
Im Good Looking and Women stare and smile left and right..But im too shy to approach with confidence
Posted: 3/2/2013 9:00:00 PM
Put yourself out there in an environment that lets you flirt back. It sounds like even tho you get tons of attention you need to controll yourself and be professional at work, not good. This is not helping, in fact I think it may be hindering you. What other options do you have besides going to bars, which btw can be good practice too?
 dolemite411
Joined: 1/15/2013
Msg: 14
Im Good Looking and Women stare and smile left and right..But im too shy to approach with confidence
Posted: 3/2/2013 9:06:23 PM
@CawkBlawker

And to respond to ur comment about my tat on my neck..Yes alot of women Compliment me on that very thing..and most of em have tatoos so I kno most of them know a few people with MANYYY more than me..but usually they use the tat on my neck as an conversation opener I noticed..and this is in person that Im talking about..Online..well u kno I get the messages about my neck..never really had a negative comment about it..not even at the work place..

Ive never gotten the vibe that it scares females away..it magnetizes them to say something to me because Im so professional and good at what I do as far as handling customers and dealing with situations fit for a managers duty..It comes from my extensive background as a 3rd party collections agent and customer service call center experience during my time in VA..So when they see this Professional guy with the big tat on his neck..more curiosity seems to be the reaction more so than fear..

Im also studying to enter into the medical field..and also my experience and OJT in that field makes me more important to employers even tho yes I have a big tat on my neck..it never hinders me from employment in any field.so yea thats pretty much it on that note.

Thanks for responding to my post either way tho..It was very helpful and honestly..I wouldve been surprised if someone didnt come through with a negative comment..Im used to it lol
 dolemite411
Joined: 1/15/2013
Msg: 15
Im Good Looking and Women stare and smile left and right..But im too shy to approach with confidence
Posted: 3/2/2013 9:14:17 PM
Put yourself out there in an environment that lets you flirt back. It sounds like even tho you get tons of attention you need to controll yourself and be professional at work, not good. This is not helping, in fact I think it may be hindering you. What other options do you have besides going to bars, which btw
can be good practice too?

@relaxingwithyou

O no no Im ALWAYS professional at work,,thats the thing..when a women flirts with me while Im at work,.I kill it by being "Professional Employee" ..get what I mean?

and me ...I RARELY go to bars.,.I dont know..It just seems kind of ..ummm..old headish...to be sitting in a bar..sipping a drink..looking around the bar for someone to talk to..lol smh..glancing at the tv being interested in whatever program because No women is actually All in your face..

I made a new years resolution to try and get out more and maybe go to a few bars..but aye to be honest..I went to my first bar at 24..Im 26 now and I have only been to the bar 5 times in my life period..not counting Ruby Tuesday or restaurants of that nature..and no I do not go sit at the bar at those establishments either..

I dont know I just feel like when I walk in the dorr and sit and the door its like "Who the hell is this guy" and I hate when i dont know if its like Negative looks or positive..Plus..seems like older people almost Always crowd the bar..and I be looking around like oookkkkk wheres the 21-28 crowd or something ya kno?
 relaxingwithyou
Joined: 2/12/2013
Msg: 16
Im Good Looking and Women stare and smile left and right..But im too shy to approach with confidence
Posted: 3/2/2013 10:29:47 PM
Well I still think you need to get yourself into some environment where unlike your workplace you can actually flirt back. You gotta find that environment where you can be free and express yourself. And yes I agree, I don't go to bars either.
 TragicallyHip
Joined: 11/28/2006
Msg: 17
Im Good Looking and Women stare and smile left and right..But im too shy to approach with confidence
Posted: 3/3/2013 6:07:04 AM

the FWB dont count cause they really Dont wanna be in that category they wanna be in a relationship..and on my end..Im like well..Ive had women like them already..Had kids by em and everything..and its like..will i go the rest of my life with the 5's and 6's..or will I aim for the 9's or 10's because I never had one and If i find one and she is interested..Will I be able to have a long term relationship with such a woman..


Please do not have any more children with women you have no intention of committing to. It's not fair to the kids and it's not fair to society as a whole.

Honestly, you seem like a nice kid and I appreciate your honesty, but your attitude about wanting a 9 or a 10 "because you never had one" and want to impress your friends is insulting and frankly disturbing.

Women are not game to be stalked, taken down and mounted. Jesus.

Your point about being nervous around pretty women is well-taken.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/6132718/Men-lose-their-minds-speaking-to-pretty-women.html
 DontAskMe2CarryUrPurse
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 18
Im Good Looking and Women stare and smile left and right..But im too shy to approach with confidence
Posted: 3/3/2013 7:12:36 AM
Nardo has got a good point and good way to look at it and while he's cool, my approach is a bit more sane. Why wrap yourself in a knot over women who look good but you know nothing about. Save the asking out gig for women you know a little more about. Get involved in volunteering or hobbies where there's a lot of women to work elbow-to-elbow with. They'll get to know you, you get to know them, take your time, have fun, no pressure, the words will come out when you're ready not just because some babe gave you a look. Don't let some stranger control you. Smile or wink and move on. Save the real you for someone you respect and know a bit more than some complete stranger. Good luck and happy fishin'...!
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 19
Im Good Looking and Women stare and smile left and right..But im too shy to approach with confidence
Posted: 3/3/2013 7:35:08 AM
dole, you've done more typing here than anyone else. that tells a lot about your sense of self, and that attitude attracts a certain type of female.

the way to overcome your reluctance is as easy as it is difficult--don't talk to these women with an expectation. Its the expectation that the convo will lead somewhere, that freezes you right up. b/c if you don't reach the goal of the convo, the convo feels like a waste of your effort.

looking like the fool also goes along with that. if you weren't trying to influence what people thought of you...you wouldn't care they thought you a fool. you'd be you, regardless of what they thought about you.
 tnt144
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 20
Im Good Looking and Women stare and smile left and right..But im too shy to approach with confidence
Posted: 3/3/2013 9:05:54 AM
You get over it with practice. Once you initiate a conversation with 100 women, it will be easier. Start with the ugly ones if you want - if they don't like you, who cares, lol.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 21
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Im Good Looking and Women stare and smile left and right..But im too shy to approach with confidence
Posted: 3/3/2013 9:56:50 AM
Practice.

Hit on every woman with a pulse if you are that desperate for experience haha. If you want to graduate to the upper level to hit on the 10's you need to build your skills up. Hope this helps!
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 22
Im Good Looking and Women stare and smile left and right..But im too shy to approach with confidence
Posted: 3/3/2013 10:38:15 AM
Oh good lord, grow a set, would you? Honestly, what do you have to lose? So what if you approach a woman and she rejects you? Eventually one will not reject you! Just put yourself out there, and fake it till you make it. You honestly have NOTHING to lose. Face the firing squad bravely and run the gauntlet of lovely women until you can pass through the trial by fire unscathed. Nothing is more attractive to a woman than bold confidence, so go fake some until you find some!
 baronobeefdip2
Joined: 7/17/2012
Msg: 23
Im Good Looking and Women stare and smile left and right..But im too shy to approach with confidence
Posted: 3/3/2013 11:37:20 AM
approach is a gamble, people who try will end up with better chances of being a success, while those that don't will never get anything. Just remember that rejection is easier to put up with once you start doing this enough (for women not so much you reject them they go into a spiraling state of depression since the are move by affection mentally while us guys let our little friend in our pants make all the decisions for us, but at least the dumb ones do. Let your brain win the game of chess that he is challenging you junk at (Seinfeld reference of course lol)) Like I said rejection is much more drastic for them than us so that's a lot of episodes of Oprah she needs to watch to get over it. I will always bring my friends but in some cases don't let her know they are your friends. A great way to put it off is say really lout (This is hilarious) "Man if she didn't go for that line she's obviously a lesbian!!". Naturally she gets upset but ridicule is your best weapon against stereotypical observation and judgementalness. It has always worked for me since it makes them feel bad about what they have done just now I think it lowers their self esteem sometimes since this almost says that she is either worthless or has her standards too high and will likely end up dying alone.
 Doremi_Fasolatido
Joined: 2/14/2009
Msg: 24
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History
Im Good Looking and Women stare and smile left and right..But im too shy to approach with confidence
Posted: 3/3/2013 12:14:29 PM
So, having a 9 or a 10 woman to be your girl is your aspiration? That's cool, we all have different goals in life.

Maybe some advice though. Not just me but others have noticed this too. While you work your way up the ladder of ladies to that elusive "10" you seek. Don't make babies with every 5 or 6 along the way, or flavor of the week. That just causes heartache and will ultimately empty your wallet.

Most "10" rated women probably expect you to pay for the date.
 James8330
Joined: 4/22/2013
Msg: 25
Im Good Looking and Women stare and smile left and right..But im too shy to approach with confidence
Posted: 5/3/2013 9:59:56 AM
One of the biggest lessons I had to learn in life and honestly I am still learning it is that nothing comes easy in life. In order to overcome your fears you have to face them. In order to be great at your craft it takes hard work and dedication. And in your journey to becoming great at your craft you have understand and except that you are going to make mistakes / fail along the way. But that's how you get better. Think about some of the great ones you have seen in their era..... ( Michael Jordan hand a hard time making the basketball team, he ended up being the best player of all time , even Bruce Lee lost his first fight ) . So don't worry about saying the wrong thing or getting turned down . That is how you get better and you will be able to talk to any women you see after that. You will be surprised that some of the most attractive women in the world are the easiest to talk too and keep in mind that they are no better than you. They bleed once a month like all the other women in the world.... Quote by Tupac
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Im Good Looking and Women stare and smile left and right..But im too shy to approach with confidence