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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > What does she want exactly?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Apocalyptic_Love
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 1
What does she want exactly?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
So I met this girl over this site (she actually approached me and initiated conversation which is pretty rare) and had a very pleasant conversation which ended up with us exchanging numbers.

After a few days of just texting, we had a phone conversation which went great.

After a week, I asked her out on a date. She turned me down, saying she doesn't meet up with people online that early. A little disappointed, but I took it in stride.

After two weeks, after going through some issues with her family (she wasn't very specific, but I'm not one to make people talk about what they intend to keep secret) the texts eventually stop coming. I don't text her at all, figuring she'd found someone better.

Another week, a text from her. She apologizes when I confront her about disappearing. She says she doesn't have any better reason than how "things came up". I give her a second chance. She tells me that she really likes me a lot although she isn't sure what she wants. I tell her I like her too. Later in the day, I end up spending hours on the phone with her (she's a night owl) and have a really genuinely deep conversation with her. I hadn't had those kind of deep talks since my last significant other, it felt cathartic and liberating. She asks me not to hang up the phone at the end of the night so she knows that I'm still there, I agree.

These last two weeks, family issues for her rose up again. She tells me isn't in the mood to talk with everything going on, so I hold off texting her for a week. I recreate an account on here to seek help on the forums (I had deleted it before, I don't like talking to more than one girl I'm interested in at a time). After logging in, I see her profile on the website. She was online. Dismayed, I decided she had simply found someone better. She sent me another text message today, with a Hello! and her favourite emote. I check on the site here and she's still online.

Now that you know my story, any words of advice from the people here on the POF Forums? I know what I want already, something that will eventually grow into a LTR. After the long talk I had with this girl a few weeks ago, I feel that she was sincere telling me that she liked me although she wasn't sure what she wanted. I'm completely willing to wait, although her continued presence on this site suggests she's looking for someone else. I've thought of confronting her about it, but I'm not quite sure if directness or subtlety is the better way. Help?
 Apocalyptic_Love
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 2
What does she want exactly?
Posted: 3/3/2013 7:58:13 PM
If you are the said girl this post is about and somehow come across this, please be direct with me as to what your intentions are. I know you may not have all the answers, but I don't know what to think about all this. I just don't want to be kept in the dark.
 forumitejunkie
Joined: 1/12/2012
Msg: 3
What does she want exactly?
Posted: 3/3/2013 8:12:51 PM
Wow...you deleted your profile based on a a few texts, and phone chats with someone who wasn't even willing to see you when you asked?

It also seems you're feeling it's necessary to do a whole heck a lot of "confronting"....again, with someone you haven't even met. Bad sign. And why do you keep saying you're willing to wait? What has she given you to wait for?????

My advice? Let this go asap. An awful lot of drama and you haven't even had a cup of coffee yet. If you take this further, it will be a train wreck.

Yeah, I know...you're saying "But I DO keep letting it go....then she texts Hello!" Well, delete the texts. Her interest in taking this absolutely anywhere other than you being a guy she sends random texts to seems nil.

Sorry, not what you want to hear, most likely. Keep looking, something better will come along.
 Apocalyptic_Love
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 4
What does she want exactly?
Posted: 3/3/2013 8:16:15 PM
Sometimes the best advice is advice you don't want to hear. I'd like to hear more opinions though before I do anything.
 Apocalyptic_Love
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 5
What does she want exactly?
Posted: 3/3/2013 8:18:47 PM
Also, the first part of _TALL_IQ2_'s response made me grin.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 6
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History
What does she want exactly?
Posted: 3/3/2013 8:25:35 PM
Kick her to the curb. Don't waste your time.
 brinaalina
Joined: 10/26/2011
Msg: 7
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History
What does she want exactly?
Posted: 3/3/2013 9:02:10 PM
Why are you asking us what she wants?
ASK HER. Derr.
 ABritInBurnaby
Joined: 8/31/2012
Msg: 8
What does she want exactly?
Posted: 3/3/2013 9:10:18 PM

ASK HER. Derr.


When I see Brina has posted, I pretty much know what has been said before I even read it now.
 brinaalina
Joined: 10/26/2011
Msg: 9
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What does she want exactly?
Posted: 3/3/2013 9:26:20 PM

When I see Brina has posted, I pretty much know what has been said before I even read it now.


Probably because these questions are so idiotic. I don't even know why some of them are being asked, as the answer is SO obvious.
It's sad. People over-think things waaay too often.
 Apocalyptic_Love
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 10
What does she want exactly?
Posted: 3/3/2013 10:29:38 PM
I've already asked her.
 Petraeus
Joined: 7/8/2009
Msg: 11
What does she want exactly?
Posted: 3/4/2013 11:52:28 AM
You are both not being completly honest lol.

YOU: Deleting profiles? Making new ones? confronting a person over the internet? Are you psycho? You aren't her daddy, she owes you nothing. Sounds like you are a control freak and shes better of ignoring you.

HER: Shes keeping you on the back burner because you keep engaging her in conversation on a whim, wants to know how long she can string you along before one or both of you get tired of it. Will never meet on a date, not interested in you for any other reason but the one formerly listed.

ADVICE: Stop txting, and ignore each other, you both have problems.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 12
What does she want exactly?
Posted: 3/4/2013 4:06:09 PM

After a week, I asked her out on a date. She turned me down, saying she doesn't meet up with people online that early. A little disappointed, but I took it in stride.

That's usually BS if they're giving out their #. They just want someone they can talk to and have some problems.

After two weeks, after going through some issues with her family (she wasn't very specific, but I'm not one to make people talk about what they intend to keep secret) the texts eventually stop coming.

It's good you stopped texting her when she did like that. And again, "things came up" and left at that = not-that-into-you.

I know what I want already, something that will eventually grow into a LTR.

Dude, she's not into you. It's that simple. Why would you waste your time chasing a girl you haven't met?

I've thought of confronting her about it, but I'm not quite sure if directness or subtlety is the better way.

In a kind, cool, light-hearted but serious manner, you call her out on it. You let her know that hey, in the dating scene, we all got stuff going on, we have our drama, etc. But I don't want to be pen pals or anything -- that's weird and kinda creepy if gone on for too long when we live in the same area. I'd like to meet & get together, it's normal, it's status quo, and you know that and I know that, so let's be real. I'm free on xDay -- would you like to meet then? Okay, it's been many weeks, so just hit me up when you know you'd like to meet. In the mean time, I'm going to enjoy options out there. And all the while, don't let her string you along for excuses, etc. And don't talk to her unless it's about the date/meet-up. It's that simple, man.
 Doremi_Fasolatido
Joined: 2/14/2009
Msg: 13
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History
What does she want exactly?
Posted: 3/4/2013 5:49:32 PM
Drop her a line and ask her what she wants.... Incidentially OP, did she have pics. posted on her profile?

In the same message, let her know how to go about reading this thread. If she reads it and feels she wants to contact you and explain, she will. Then let her make the next move.
 deere_rancher
Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 14
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What does she want exactly?
Posted: 3/4/2013 7:04:52 PM
Op.. her "family" issues , sound a lot like an (ex) boyfriend
Your playing the role of backup. Being a doormat is no way to go thru life.
 paul.walker
Joined: 2/20/2013
Msg: 15
What does she want exactly?
Posted: 3/4/2013 8:15:12 PM
Let it go, there's too much hassle involved with it already, and you haven't even met her, everyone else has already said it best, either ask her yourself or move on bro.
 Deepseaceecee
Joined: 1/29/2013
Msg: 16
What does she want exactly?
Posted: 3/5/2013 3:19:48 AM
Meet or delete. simple.
 H0wAboutIt
Joined: 9/9/2012
Msg: 17
What does she want exactly?
Posted: 3/5/2013 4:47:26 AM

After a week, I asked her out on a date. She turned me down, saying she doesn't meet up with people online that early. A little disappointed, but I took it in stride.


The writing was on the wall when she said she "doesn't meet people online that early." Normally, most are willing to meet right away (after 4-5 messages) as you don't know your REAL attraction or chemistry until you actually meet. Women make up all sorts of excuses to brush a man off. A broken date without a counteroffer always means that it's going nowhere.

You seem like a nice guy who's giving her the benefit of the doubt, but you can't let anything slip past you in dating. It's always best to pay attention to the little things and details. It's "platonic relationships" upside down.

If she's going through problems she should be excited to see you because she knows you're fun to be around and it'll be a positive experience not the other way around.

She clearly isn't interested. Just move on.
 charliesmom21
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 18
What does she want exactly?
Posted: 3/5/2013 5:32:27 AM
She could be married a flake or one of a dozen different things. She told she she does not know what she wants. There is your answer. Don't waste time with people who either refuse to meet or make excuses. I would just move on.
 FoolsDayBaby
Joined: 1/21/2013
Msg: 19
What does she want exactly?
Posted: 3/5/2013 7:36:37 AM
I agree with deer_rancher. It sounds like she has an on-again-off-again boyfriend and she's trying to figure out if that is going to work or not. You are her backup for sure. That much talking and no meeting is a huge red flag. Ignore her and move on.
 SuperFunGuy
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 20
What does she want exactly?
Posted: 3/5/2013 3:08:11 PM
Sounds like a bunch of BS to me man. There are a lot of women out there. You need to find someone who appreciates you for you. Your time is valuable and thats the last thing you need is someone leading you on. All it will do is lead to a lot of headaches. If she likes you and yet she doesn't know what she want, you have to ask yourself this. Why are you still talking to her? I would have red flagged her long ago. Simple answer, she's not that into you. Find yourself a woman who actually wants to date and spend time together.
 tnt144
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 21
What does she want exactly?
Posted: 3/5/2013 3:25:14 PM
It's pretty simple, really. She rejected you already. Why play with someone who does not like you enough to date, or has too many problems to date? How many times do you have to touch a hot stove and get burned before you stop doing it? Also, she is on the rebound, and not ready to date anyone - she is just playing over the telephone lines, getting her jollies, and wasting your time, and playing with your heart. There are other women, and some are actually healthy, and you only need one.
 PetiteInWatauga39
Joined: 12/5/2011
Msg: 22
What does she want exactly?
Posted: 3/6/2013 11:17:26 PM
Let me tell you that a lot can happen in a week for a lot of people. Maybe she is this lonely soul and playing games or maybe she is careful who she meets due to past experiences and secondly LIFE has happened and made it hard to meet. Also third, maybe you complain about seeing her online yet so are you so quit ur ****ing!! You can't complain that she is on this site yet you are and if ur on private yet still watching her then your creepy and have MAJOR issues!! Noone knows what is going on in this womans life...If you felt a connection then give it a try, don't give up is my motto...You never know and if she ends up being this no good for nothing woman then she will still be the good for nothing woman...She is going to always be alone...I am a firm believer in giving someone the benefit of the doubt. If I am wrong then that is on me...Trust your heart..You will be ok!! =)
 PetiteInWatauga39
Joined: 12/5/2011
Msg: 23
What does she want exactly?
Posted: 3/6/2013 11:26:14 PM
Also maybe she did have a family thing going on with her kids or other family that she didn't want to bring to the table at the time after just talk on the phone. Maybe she needs to feel more secure with you and is afraid that the info is just to much for you guys not meeeting...The men on here that have left there responses so negative are very butt hurt individuals and def aren't getting any messages from women...If they were or more mature they would not be such haters...
 tatersprout
Joined: 8/23/2013
Msg: 24
What does she want exactly?
Posted: 9/16/2013 9:13:20 PM
One more opinion for what it's worth.

Forget her. Delete her # and move on.

She is using you as her "phone a friend" and you are wasting your time.
 meetme28269
Joined: 4/11/2011
Msg: 25
view profile
History
What does she want exactly?
Posted: 9/22/2013 8:37:32 AM
She doesn't know what she wants.
How can you or anyone on this board know?
Stop wasting your time.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > What does she want exactly?