Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > what about therapy      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 4
what about therapyPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
It really would depend on the reasons why the person was seeking threrapy. For instance, if he had anger-management issues and a history of violence toward his previous partners, then I think he should be in therapy. Would I date him if I knew about it? Probably not.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 5
view profile
History
what about therapy
Posted: 3/4/2013 6:45:44 AM
I see it as a plus.

I'd much rather date somebody who works on his issues than blame everybody else. That said, I would also not want to date anybody with violence issues, and it would also depend on how long he has been in therapy and to which extent he has overcome his issues.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 6
what about therapy
Posted: 3/4/2013 6:51:17 AM
^^^^ I tend to agree---although I think there are certain issues that can't really be overcome, even with therapy.

Although I'm in favor of therapy for certain issues, it would immediately raise a red flag with me if I knew someone was seeking it, and I would question the reasons why.

I would want to make sure that his mental issues wouldn't have an impact on my own safety and well-being before becoming involved with him.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 7
view profile
History
what about therapy
Posted: 3/4/2013 6:56:54 AM
True, but if somebody had those issues, the issues would be the deal breaker, not the fact that he's in therapy.
 LyamB
Joined: 7/25/2010
Msg: 8
view profile
History
what about therapy
Posted: 3/4/2013 7:13:30 AM
I see it as a plus. If someone's having therapy, they're trying to better their life. So many people assume therapy is for lunatics, or for the mentally unstable. That's my opinion, anyway... :D
 Debisusanne
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 10
what about therapy
Posted: 3/4/2013 7:55:35 AM
Gosh, If i were IN therapy... i would keep it to myself until I was dating a man for a while.. as its NO ones business.

Nothing wrong with therapy tho. I think most of us have baggage we could use help to unpack.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 12
what about therapy
Posted: 3/4/2013 8:29:35 AM
They are all wack jobs. Stay away from all of them. I asked my therapist about it and he agrees with me. LOL.

I go to therapy. I did not have a bad childhood. I did have issues about my father as a teen. But mainly I went to therapy because when I split with my last I went through a huge depression.

Has it worked? Absolutely. It helped me realize why I went into that relationship even though it was extremely toxic. It has given me perspective, since I seem to want to "rescue" women. So I seem to attract super hot women with a dark side.

I also used to be accused by women not to be emotionally present.

I am actually still going to therapy. I am in a relationship right now that is not toxic. I think it has helped me break the cycle. I probably will keep going to therapy until the summer.
 Green_MK2
Joined: 11/6/2011
Msg: 13
view profile
History
what about therapy
Posted: 3/4/2013 9:03:50 AM
People don't always wait until they're starving to go buy groceries.

Someone who willingly goes into therapy is likely to be self-aware, lucid, humble and wants to improve his quality of life.
We are all messed up, some more than other agreed, props to the ones who are willing to work on themselves.
 brinaalina
Joined: 10/26/2011
Msg: 18
view profile
History
what about therapy
Posted: 3/4/2013 12:05:14 PM
Therapy is not a red flag. That is a very immature thing to think. If you're actively working on yourself, ACTUALLY working on yourself, and not just going to therapy because someone thinks you need it, then that is a really good thing.
It means you realize you may have some issue to overcome, and you're doing what you can to do just that.
And I'm not just saying that therapy is great because that's the industry I'm working in and going to school for.

I think people really need to give therapy or counseling more of a chance.
Not just writing people off that are in therapy and saying they must just 'have issues'.
Uh, everyone has issues last time I checked.
I think someone actually working on themselves actively is much more attractive than someone in denial or pretending that they are perfect.

So no, it's not a red flag :)
 Della D
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 19
what about therapy
Posted: 3/4/2013 12:31:06 PM
The fact that a person is in therapy is definitely a positive thing and would not be the red flag.

The issue/s why the person is in therapy would probably be the red flag: Like substance abuse, anger management issues, violent temper etc....
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 20
what about therapy
Posted: 3/4/2013 12:38:07 PM
I think people really need to give therapy or counseling more of a chance.


I don't want to give therapist a chance or even my money. Yet, one week you are feeling great and you are driving towards your therapy session and you say, what on earth would we talk about, and you think, that maybe it's time to terminate the therapy and keep the co-pay. It would pay for a couple of nights out a month. Yet you get there, and you vomit. Yes, you vomit your guts out. You cleanse your soul and at the end of your session you say to your self, fvck yeah, dude, see'ya in two weeks.


Then in another occasion, this friend died. One of my friends went to the deep end and had to go to therapy. But after a few weeks all he wanted was the meds. I went to therapy at the time feeling very dark, the drive there was dark, empty, nasty. One hour later when I walked out of there, the road was bright, everything was positive, the world was awesome. He didn't tell me anything that I didn't already know. Just gave me a new perspective. No meds, just thoughts.

And everything begins and ends with your own mind.
 brinaalina
Joined: 10/26/2011
Msg: 21
view profile
History
what about therapy
Posted: 3/4/2013 12:44:53 PM

I don't want to give therapist a chance or even my money. Yet, one week you are feeling great and you are driving towards your therapy session and you say, what on earth would we talk about, and you think, that maybe it's time to terminate the therapy and keep the co-pay. It would pay for a couple of nights out a month. Yet you get there, and you vomit. Yes, you vomit your guts out. You cleanse your soul and at the end of your session you say to your self, fvck yeah, dude, see'ya in two weeks.


Then in another occasion, this friend died. One of my friends went to the deep end and had to go to therapy. But after a few weeks all he wanted was the meds. I went to therapy at the time feeling very dark, the drive there was dark, empty, nasty. One hour later when I walked out of there, the road was bright, everything was positive, the world was awesome. He didn't tell me anything that I didn't already know. Just gave me a new perspective. No meds, just thoughts.

And everything begins and ends with your own mind.


I agree with everything beginning and ending with your own mind, but some people don't know how to actually look inside themselves and find the real problem.
That's where they need some help. And yeah, obviously if you can't afford it then don't go lol. No brainer there. And most insurances will cover almost all of it anyway, so it's not like you're paying much.
It works for some people and it doesn't for others. If you go in not believing or wanting it to work, then it wont.
I wouldn't go to a psychiatrist necessarily, who can prescribe medications, because so many just write you a prescription and send you on your merry way. Which is how addictions start.
Counselors are a good start (what I do). Or advocates, or someone you don't even have to pay to just listen to you and help you figure out what your problems are and how you can fix them without hanging drugs over your head.
 Drawesome32
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 22
what about therapy
Posted: 3/4/2013 12:56:07 PM
i know that my opinions on this arent going to be popular, but i have yet to encounter any reason why i should feel otherwise.

i wouldnt say id consider the act of seeing a therapist a red flag, but i wouldnt exactly consider it a good thing either. i consider it a weakness, a crutch. from what ive seen, therapy just provides people with an reason why people feel the way they do, and sometimes gives them an excuse to act inappropriately. i have encountered some truly frightening crap in my life, and i have yet to feel the need to talk to some stranger about my problems so they can give me some drugs and a new label to live up to.

for those who feel they need someone to talk to, i suggest friends and family. if someone doesnt have any friends or family they can share things with, i wonder why.

perhaps im just old school. my plan for dealing with the stuff that many guys might cry to their therapist about is to "man up"
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 23
what about therapy
Posted: 3/4/2013 1:21:49 PM
for those who feel they need someone to talk to, i suggest friends and family. if someone doesnt have any friends or family they can share things with, i wonder why.


Totally disagree with this. Why? Because every person is causes and effects of their own actions and how they interact with others. Your family IS way to close to you and they may BE part of the problem, or part of that attitude that you are trying to overcome. Friends can be the same thing. A lot of negative people go hang out with their negative friends and their negativism just feeds on each other. You have to think or find someone outside of that box.

There are people that hide under their therapy. Yet there are a lot of people that can use it and benefit tremendously. If anything to gain perspective. In my case, I felt very bad and guilty for the outcome of my last relationship. She had gone through breast cancer, she had been stabbed in the neck by her ex husband (PTSD), she was ADD and took addaral, then was diagnosed to being bipolar. Her life was extremely tragic, yet even her retired surgeon father had disowned her. When we split, I knew she was a mess, but still I could not get her out of my mind. Then in therapy we talked about Karpets Drama triangle and it was huge. Now everything HAD perspective. Did it help me? Hell yeah.

But again like Brina said, if you are not willing to take the help, you never will.
 Green_MK2
Joined: 11/6/2011
Msg: 25
view profile
History
what about therapy
Posted: 3/4/2013 1:41:36 PM
If you need someone to support you, tell you it's gonna be okay. = Friends and family
If you want someone to coach you into figuring out and improving your own behavior = Therapist

You don't need to have been trough really tough sh*t to be needing help, sometime it's just life or just you...
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 28
what about therapy
Posted: 3/4/2013 5:08:08 PM
Honestly, when I reread the OP's questions pretty hard to give a one word answer to all the different questions.

Some therapists = VERY good.

Others = shouldn't be talking to a hamster.


Some of the very best "therapists" are listeners and people that just point out the obvious,which sometimes is oblivious to the person that the therapist is "helping" because the "obvious" is being "clouded" by something that has happened in the past.

I don't have a problem with people that find the need to go talk to someone about "stuff". What I do have a problem with is when the person that is doing the seeing starts generically repeating what the therapists has to say. That is NOT what therapists are for. They are for the individual themselves and if you listen closely the "changes" are suppose to come from the individual, not those around that individual. If it were any other way, the therapist should be requesting to talk to those "others".

Like anything, it's basically a case by case scenario for me. How the individual is handling the "therapy" (advice really), and where they are going with that advice into their future. Nice to go, useless if you want to throw it all away a couple months down the road proclaiming "you're cured". We should always be keenly aware of the situations around us, and how those situations affect us, and the people around us. It can be a never ending battle(adjustment) for some.
 brinaalina
Joined: 10/26/2011
Msg: 31
view profile
History
what about therapy
Posted: 3/4/2013 9:32:33 PM
Walts, I totally agree, and THAT is why people need to do their research when looking for a therapist, counselor, psychiatrist, psychologist (I'd stay away from those unless you actually have a chemical imbalance that requires medication. Actually requires it. Not just using it to numb you), advocate or whatever you need.
Read testimonials NOT paid for by the professionals, themselves.
That's one of the best things you can do.

There are a LOT of shoddy 'helping professionals' out there. Just because you have your degree doesn't mean you're gonna be successful at counseling people. The trick is to actually listen, and to NOT give advice or tell the client what to do. They're meant to help the client realize what it is that the need to change in their lives.

So yeah, research first was my point haha.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > what about therapy