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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Why do men want to sit at home instead of going on dates?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 rockstar_ocnj
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 10
Why do men want to sit at home instead of going on dates?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
OK, OP, you're meeting guys online. Maybe they're just tired of going out and spending money on a dead-end meet with someone who isn't going to have any interest in them at all after that night, because they made the mistake of not being completely perfect.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 11
Why do men want to sit at home instead of going on dates?
Posted: 3/5/2013 10:39:54 AM
I would LOVE to go out and do different activities - but I don't drink very often. I would get rather turned off by a woman who pretty much insists a "Date' has to include stopping at a bar, a club, or require a beer or bottle of wine with dinner. I even put it in my profile text; "C0ckail parties are fine with friends, but 'Happy Hour' twice a week is too much." I agree staying at home to watch TV is a rather dull date - but there's a time and place for everything. If I came down with a stomach bug or something like that, I sure as hell wouldn't want to go out to a fancy Thai restaurant for Saki Bombs or Sushi that would only stay down for five minutes.

The sad part is that I know women who can't even fathom the idea of JUST going out for a bike ride or playing tennis or disc golf or something that doesn't require a paid membership, or a bar stop afterwards. Some feel it's not a 'date' unless they get dinner. Expectations all play a role in that scenario - and we're all guilty of expecting too much from a fledgling relationship.

When I read, "I just want to be romanced." -- It translates to, "I just want a man to spend money on me." Why? Because 'being romanced' doesn't mean anything by itself - it's just another generic complaint of not getting what you want. You have to be able to define WHAT is 'romance' to you - and TELL him. Are you helping plan any of the dates? My Ex never bothered helping me out with planning ANY dates - she'd just criticize them afterwards. Drove me crazy. I eventually gave up, and if she asked me, I just said I wanted to go to the movies - because it's rather hard to screw up popcorn.

If you're picking guys that have lots of toys; keep in mind they all need insurance, gas and upkeep. Having a lot of toys doesn't mean they can still afford a $200 dinner date, or a pair of $250 football tickets for next Sunday. Some people are frugal and save lots of money for kids' college and retirement. They may live in a million-dollar house, but they also may have bought it for half that much and sunk a half million of their own money and sweat equity into fixing it up again. Maybe you should think about being 'romanced' as a type of 'sweat equity', where you have to do a few odd activities that are NOT of your choosing in order to demand 'romance' of your partner.
 brinaalina
Joined: 10/26/2011
Msg: 12
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Why do men want to sit at home instead of going on dates?
Posted: 3/5/2013 10:44:47 AM
If you want to go on a real date, like out to dinner or something, then suggest it!
There's nothing wrong with that. I don't mind having dinner or spending time at someone's home, AFTER I've met them several times and have got to know them, but yeah, I agree, going out is much more fun usually.

I wouldn't worry about 'why' a guy wants to spend time at home. I like to also, but they do have to leave the hacienda eventually, so why not make it be with you?
Suggest an outing. Say you love to do that sort of thing.
It doesn't need to be somewhere expensive, or somewhere that costs any money at all!
Just say something and I'm sure, if the men are decent, they will take you somewhere fun.

A guy took me to the zoo for a date this time and it was actually the most fun I had on a date in a LONG time.
It was so innocent and fun. We had a blast.
Doesn't need to be a lot of pressure to make it a fancy 'date'. Just have fun. Go to a park? Idk, but definitely say something.
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 15
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Why do men want to sit at home instead of going on dates?
Posted: 3/5/2013 11:20:21 AM
A lot of guys don't like inviting women who they don't actually want to date, but just want to have sex with, out. The reasoning being that they're embarrassed being seen with a woman that is below their DATING average, but is "just good enough to have sex with" in public, especially if they can run into people they know.

The flip side being, if it's someone they view as hotter than their normal, they take her EVERYWHERE to show her off.

Even if this is subconscious, this is the motivator for a lot of men when it comes to stuff like this.

The OP said it wasn't about sex in her case, so she probably just went out with a shut-in or a few, but that's something people really need to watch out for in general, because it's rather common.
 Deadliest_Snatch
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 16
Why do men want to sit at home instead of going on dates?
Posted: 3/5/2013 11:26:42 AM

Why do men want to sit at home instead of going on dates?[/quote

Because it's closer to the remote ...
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 19
Why do men want to sit at home instead of going on dates?
Posted: 3/5/2013 1:02:53 PM
There are a lot of guys that say that they are into sports. What they really means is that they like to spend most of their weekend sitting at a chair watching football, basketball or baseball. I can't do that. Not even in the winter.

The same thing applies to boating. Oh yeah is a sport. Really? You take the boat out on the lake and then you sit around all day eating chips and drinking beer. That is not a sport.

Anyway, the same can apply to women. That is why I prefer the athletic type of women that like to go outside, get dirty, and enjoy the out side.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 20
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Why do men want to sit at home instead of going on dates?
Posted: 3/5/2013 1:04:08 PM
Not all men are like this? My guy loves to take me out and do things, and he has always been like that with me.

Why do you accept multiple dates from men who do not offer what you want? Find men who are more compatible with you to date.
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 21
Why do men want to sit at home instead of going on dates?
Posted: 3/5/2013 1:05:03 PM
He said he didn't want to go out until we knew each other better.


That is not a good sign. I'm prompted to ask if you have sex with any of these men.? Have you offered to take any of these men out? Are they still resisting? If so, then stop because you are getting yourself into FWB situations. Read what abmccray wrote.

I'm also worried that you might be settling and seeing these men because you don't think you can meet men otherwise. Please don't do this to yourself because you will become bitter and judge all men.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 22
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Why do men want to sit at home instead of going on dates?
Posted: 3/5/2013 2:52:01 PM
How does a grown woman end up at a guy's house sitting on the couch watching TV? 5 times? Did he tie and handcuff you?

I NEVER went to a man's house until 3 or 4 dates and he sure didn't come to mine.

OP, I'm assuming you have a brain and can make your own decisions in life. I'm baffled by what exactly you are doing with this type of man. There are so many of these threads in which we women come accross as irresponsible whiny victims. It's embarassing.

Her: Do you want to go for a hike...no

Him: Do you want to come to my house and watch TV....ok

Then she's posting on POF complaining about it. (eyes rolling)
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 23
Why do men want to sit at home instead of going on dates?
Posted: 3/5/2013 3:03:49 PM

The same thing applies to boating. Oh yeah is a sport. Really?...That is not a sport.
Anyway, the same can apply to women. That is why I prefer the athletic type of women that like to go outside, get dirty, and enjoy the out side.


+1 to that! I'm soooooo tired of the 'urban princesses' that don't want to be outside unless they can lay out and tan somewhere. There's a million things to do between drunk margarita tanning on the deck of an overpriced boat -- and taking a dump in the pouring rain in a hole you just dug in the middle of nowhere. It's not one extreme or the other. Getting 'outside' should sometimes require NON-motorized transportation, IMHO.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 24
Why do men want to sit at home instead of going on dates?
Posted: 3/5/2013 3:52:35 PM
Sometimes poetry says it best:

Guys that are well off and set....
Don't need to break a sweat.

Why go out and spend on a honey....
When you'll sit on their couch merely cus they have money?
:-P

Bottom line:
Date guys that like to do what you like to do.
Don't expect the well off to change their routine.
It's working for em as is.
 GJBrown
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 25
Why do men want to sit at home instead of going on dates?
Posted: 3/5/2013 6:48:02 PM
the type of men who don't want to go on dates.
horny
lazy
broke "cheap"
selfish
overly jealous
boring
all the above
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 26
Why do men want to sit at home instead of going on dates?
Posted: 3/5/2013 7:09:22 PM

When you'll sit on their couch merely cus they have money?


Cat,

I don't think it's an issue about money, but lifestyle. I have friends that are loaded and with boats. They sit around and they fit what you say. Yet I have friends that have money, but are super active, running half marathons, doing Iron Man, doing 100 mile rides on their 13 thousand dollar bikes. NOw, these are bicyles, not motorbikes. So money is not the issue. LIfestyle is.

For instance my group right now we are all about 560 to 600 miles for the year and are about to double that once it gets warmer. It is a state of attitude. I was going to buy a boat last year with a friend, then decided against it.

To me excitement is doing a century in some cool city. Then going somewhere, eat, relax, talk to your friends, enjoy.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 30
Why do men want to sit at home instead of going on dates?
Posted: 3/6/2013 9:53:33 AM

The men are way too defensive and obviously didn't read where I said I was suggesting nature walks or even a card game at home.

Meh. Doesn't matter what you meant. The members of the Male Bitter Brigade here on POF will spew their particular brand of delusional nonsense at any female who posts - regardless of what your post actually SAID.

Don't bother defending yourself.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 31
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Why do men want to sit at home instead of going on dates?
Posted: 3/6/2013 10:23:23 AM
Not all of us saw it just one way, and now I will put my two cents in for discussion!!

OP.....You said that you suggested some other things, and that is your mistake. You should have set it up, invited him to join you and if he chose not to, then go any way! Suggesting, in my mind, still leaves it up to the other person, while inviting becomes that assertive statement about what you want to do, and hope that they want to do it as well......AH....a date!

Now, saying all of this, you could be setting yourself up by getting to know someone primarily in your home and/or his, and that can be an invitation made by you and received by them, that this is how you do it when you are getting to know someone of the opposite sex! Having home dates can be awesome, and makes the mind wild with anticipation, but overall, I think that they should be kept to that private time, once you know each other better.

It two do the meet and greet, and then decide on a date, or more, it seems logical to me that you would take turns planning, inviting, paying, and finishing that time together. If I suggest a ride after a meet and greet, I would invite you, tell you where we are heading, for about how long, and where the end of that happens. If you are expecting me to do that each and every time, with all parts of planning dates, you will be on the list of those that I seldom see.

I just do not like being the one that has to do all the work when it comes to dating and fostering a relationship, and if you want me in my armor, riding my horse with sword in hand to show you that I am your knight, you will have to move on and continue your fantasy elsewhere!

cd
 LuvADKs
Joined: 8/31/2011
Msg: 32
Why do men want to sit at home instead of going on dates?
Posted: 3/6/2013 8:20:16 PM
It could be because Western NY is like Siberia this time of year, and they don't want to go out and freeze an appendage off..
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 34
Why do men want to sit at home instead of going on dates?
Posted: 3/8/2013 8:00:20 PM
in your profile, you ask for a guy who is "low key". that isn't automatically a secret code for, "I don't live in a tiny apartment so I don't need to go out, I make sure to live in a nice place b/c I want to spend my time there", but for some...it is the beginning.

perhaps find a more detailed description for what you mean by, "low key". state how you want someone to be low key while exploring what the world has to offer, say.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 37
Why do men want to sit at home instead of going on dates?
Posted: 3/9/2013 9:10:20 AM
Funny, cause most of the women that I know LOVE to be under a roof. Eating. Drinking tubs full of red wine. "Dancing". Shopping. Eating. Drinking tubs full of white wine. Talking. And then they love to define this kinda things as "dating". Of course they have no clue who the phuck the guy is that they are eating,drinking,dancing, shopping,talking with. The wine drinking comes with a large quanity of hens.

Don't want to go to a guys house for a date???? Then don't. You're past the age at which you should have to be told that you are actually responsible for your own actions.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 39
Why do men want to sit at home instead of going on dates?
Posted: 3/9/2013 1:47:21 PM

Some of these men are quite well off so it's not a money issue. I seem to attrack homebodies, and there is nothing wrong with that but I want real "dates". I feel people get to know each other better in real life situations and experiences. Laughter is very bonding, and experiences give us history. Sitting around and watching tv is boring and the relationship doesn't progress. I want to be romanced. If I tell them that we need to do more, they get defensive and act like I'm rushing things.

I agree that one should not always stay at home... but if you've already been out on several dates -- there's no need to keep a dog & pony show going to keep "wining you over". They don't have to be nor should they be expected to always be romantic outings after that initial phase. But also, no, you shouldn't go from a few dates -> watching Murder She Wrote re-runs every time either.

When you really like someone, you could watch paint dry and it'd still be enjoyable (as long as it isn't the typical arena). If you have to rely on stuff going on around you all the time -- you may be not into the guy or not able to be that into a guy -- but instead, be into the fanfare surrounding it. To some degree, the first few dates should have some of that of course... but to have a decent amount of time spent together watching a good movie, cooking, etc -- that's a Good thing (notably when you know it's not about s-e-x).

Don't be one of those gals who expects to be "pampered" or romantically-ego-stroked every time you're spending time with them. But again, I agree -- you shouldn't always stay in the house doing nothing all the time either! Two very different venues.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 40
Why do men want to sit at home instead of going on dates?
Posted: 3/10/2013 7:41:16 PM
Op, your interests are homebody types of interests. You even list movies/TV , cards and listing to music as 3 of your six interests. They are basically sitting around the house interests.

I list travel, white water rafting, anything I have never done before is always interesting as part of my interests.

I think your ad is appealing to men that like to stay at home.

Based solely on your interests I wouldn't ask you out because you seem like 99% a homebody, while I like adventure. While I do like movies, TV, playing games, these aren't things that are high enough on my list activites to put them in a profile. They are nice to do as a part of a romantic relationship but I would get bored just playing cards and going to flea markets.
 Endosutra
Joined: 12/8/2012
Msg: 45
Why do men want to sit at home instead of going on dates?
Posted: 3/12/2013 1:34:15 AM
I guess attraction can only take hold when there's money being blown. Maybe you should try to find a date with a wallet?
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 48
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Why do men want to sit at home instead of going on dates?
Posted: 3/13/2013 8:53:59 AM
I would never invite a woman over for a home date. That is like showing you lack creativity to think of places to go (eg. park, beach) as it doesn't have to involve a lot of money either (ice cream shop, etc). If a woman insists on inviting me to her place for dinner or for my place I am cool with that.

 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 49
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Stay-at-home cheapskates. Even worse.
Posted: 6/2/2018 8:41:26 AM


- They are looking for an instant house frau.
- The only reason they have money is because they never go out on dates.
- They are lazy, antisocial, asocial, or didn't wanna miss their favorite show about muddin' or "Titty Bars of the World" on the Travel Channel.

Pick a reason. "Not a match".

I've never met anyone like that myself, but if I did I certainly wouldn't waste another minute of my time trying to train him to behave in a way that suits me personally. Not a match is not a match. Simple. The problem solves itself when you go away. Some guy who wants to stay home and watch television, how riveting. What else do you think you might be missing out on besides a few shrimp****ails with Homer Simpson??? Don't complicate your life unnecessarily is what I aways say.


Bingo.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 50
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Stay-at-home cheapskates. Even worse.
Posted: 6/2/2018 3:29:04 PM
Too many want "spur of the moment" dates.

Seems like they want you to be inventive, and spent a lot of money on them. Just about the time the transmission fell out of your car, and you had to cough up $3000 bucks to fix it, last week.

Or you planned one, and they didn't like what you planned.
Or you planned it, executed it, and they didn't think it was so special.

Now this one, I did several times with my ex- Put into a group of her friends that I had nothing in common with, and I was expected to socialize with them. And they aren't exceptionally friendly to begin with. Ever spend an afternoon/evening in a group, and be by yourself? That's a real picnic in itself.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 51
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Stay-at-home cheapskates. Even worse.
Posted: 6/3/2018 3:37:31 PM

purplerider1200
Too many want "spur of the moment" dates.

Nothing wrong with an impromptu date. I always appreciate being asked, whether circumstances permit me to go or not. And I’ve definitely been known to ask women out on the spur of the moment. Some women like spontaneous, some don’t. You will quickly learn which is which.



Seems like they want you to be inventive, and spent a lot of money on them. Just about the time the transmission fell out of your car, and you had to cough up $3000 bucks to fix it, last week.

Damn, PR, I thought you were the kind of Mr Fixit who would charge right out with a screwdriver and a pair of pliers and rebuild your own transmission right there in the driveway!

On a more serious note, being inventive is often about not spending money, or spending very little money and still having a good time. Pack a few sandwiches , a few bottles of beer (or wine, cheese, and crackers, your choice), and drive down to the beach for a picnic. No, not that crowded tourist beach, the one that’s twice as far but nobody ever goes there.
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