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Show ALL Forums  > Profile Reviews  > Females, can you please grade my profile?      Home login  
Joined: 8/19/2012
Msg: 2
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Females, can you please grade my profile?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Delete photos 2 and 5. Long hair or short hair? Which is current?

Delete the first paragraph and everything after "hobbies"

Describe the type of girl you're seeking using personality traits.
Joined: 11/6/2011
Msg: 6
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Females, can you please grade my profile?
Posted: 3/6/2013 5:58:52 PM
Too many pics is not a good thing, only one negative and youre OUT.
7 is really not esthetic, car pics are bad, one with the bear offer a nice cameo of your package, not sure thats good either, maybe wait for a lady opinion on this...
Joined: 3/15/2011
Msg: 11
Females, can you please grade my profile?
Posted: 3/13/2013 8:41:16 AM
Do as Indira suggested and get rid of pics 2 (car) and 5 (cuddly toy). You might like them but neither of these will help you attract girls. Some of the other pics are pretty bad too, get some better ones. Try outside.
Clean up your interests. Being positive is not an interest.
Starts off too boring, there's too much work info.

Break your paragraphs up with blank lines between, makes it easier to read.

Lose the 2nd paragraph, it doesn't really say anything.
Third paragraph says you love to take care and focus attention on the one you deeply love and trust... but your longest relationship is under 1 year? Seems a bit weird/creepy to me.

Remove last paragraph, you already listed these in the interests section.

First date, don't suggest a car ride, girls don't liek getting into cars with potential weirdos they just met on the internet.
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 19
Females, can you please grade my profile?
Posted: 4/1/2013 5:04:09 PM
Make your main pic one of you SMILING. Your profile is quite intense and your photos only add to that. Smiles are attractive, brooding angry looks are not.

In your About Me section, several times you repeat yourself.

I am a student finishing up on finance/economics/communications, that specializes on banking, advising & marketing. I love working, going to the gym, and pursuing my careers. I intend on being a banker/trader in the corporate world in the near future (currently taking on a internship at a finance co. in Greenwich, CT).
You can trim this down.

Something like " I am a student in the final stages of a degree that specializes in banking, advising & marketing. I am currently undertaking an internship at a Finance Co. and plan a career as a banker/trader. I l love going to the gym". You don't need to restate "pursuing my careers" - it's obvious from everything else you have written

I used to be a very fashioned orientated guy, (endless collection of quintessential attire and clothing).
If you 'used to be' that implies that you no longer are, so why mention it?

I love clothes, it resembles art. You can find pieces and match almost every piece of accessory,clothing with other matching pieces of clothing.
This sounds so (I hate to stereotype but I'm going to) It's weird to hear a man talk about fashion like this. Why not say something like "Clothes and fashion interest me - I put effort into making sure I am dressed well".

Food plays a quintessential ingredient in everyone's lives, as I love fine dining and discovering restaurants.
"quintessential" is such a 'try hard' word. You've used it twice. If you really really have to use it, use it only once. Also, this sentence makes no sense. Just say "I love fine dining and discovering new restaurants". You could add something about your favourite restaurant if you want to.

I am not materialistic nor a mess instead, I'm down to earth and outgoing.
This should be "I am not materialistic, nor a mess, instead I'm down to earth and outgoing." although "outgoing" doesn't belong in the sentence anyway as it has nothing to do with 'materialistic' or being a 'mess'.

I love meeting new people, I feel thrilled every time I meet someone new!
Repetitive. And being 'thrilled' just because you met a new person is a little disconcerting. I enjoy meeting new people, but I'm not 'thrilled' every time I do.

I feel like I've missed out on the good components of life when I've engaged in aspiring conversations.
Doesn't this contradict what you've said before? You are saying that you lose something by engaging in conversations? It's overkill.

We only live once, so you might as well try to enjoy everything before you close your eyes! Life is all about living it, for the moody ones, find that happy energy inside you and capitalize on it.
Delete this. It's repetitive and sounds like you are preaching.

I am here to meet new friends/possibly new connections, and see where life takes me next. Lets go on an adventure, so come along with me!
Delete this. You wouldn't be here with an active profile if you weren't trying to meet new people. Don't ask people to come along on the adventure with you. You haven't even met them yet. Again, it's too intense.

More about myself,
You don't need this. It's the 'About Me' section and you've been talking about yourself already so you don't need to say "more about myself".

I love to take care and focus my attention to the one I cherish.
This sounds clingy.

I want to become a family person, someone who enjoys spending time with their significant others family members and getting to know them. I love getting to know family members and talking to them, making them comfortable makes me feel alive and myself.
All you have to say is "Spending time with family is important to me". The fact that making them comfortable makes you feel 'alive' is strange. It sounds like you define yourself by how much you can 'fix' everyone else's lives.

**Here is my view/testament on cheaters, moral-less, barbaric individuals:

**People who cheat often do not carry, nor stand behind any morals. Being in a relationship consists of mutual trust and a foundation. If there is a lack of needs, desires, communications that aren't met why doesn't either terminate the relationship? This gives me incentive that one of them "keeps" the other for either financial gain or because there is a "benefit" that one gains by being with the other. Relationships, are similar to buildings if there is no foundation that supports the beams, that building is good as toast. Personally, I am not fond of cheaters/people who do not have any morals. I turned down this really beautiful girl because she had a boyfriend. I don't care if she wanted it. Just ask yourself, would you like it if your significant other was sleeping with someone else? How would you feel? Exactly. 0=)
Delete all of this. Why end your profile on such a negative note? Just say what you want, not what you don't want. Not liking cheaters is how people with morals feel. It is not something noteworthy - it should be the norm. There is no need to mention it.

**Bottom line, live a simple, clean, trustworthy life. Like a steak without fat. Its clean cut and perfect. If you cant commit to a relationship, why start one in the first place.
I'm sorry, but you just can't use the phrase 'steak without fat' in a dating profile. It's not an attractive phrase. Also, here again, you are preaching. You don't need to say this. You made it clear in the rest of your text that you consider yourself to be moral and trustworthy etc.

First Date

Wine & Dine. A cozy place yet, soothing so the both of us are comfortable conversing freely.
Don't offer dinner on a first date. And again here you are trying too hard. How about "somewhere quiet where we can talk easily"?
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