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 Mark_It_Up
Joined: 3/15/2011
Msg: 1
The surprise me datePage 1 of 1    
I've seen quite a few girls profiles with "Surprise me! xx" written in the first date box.

So obviously all of the usual suspects are out the window like a drink in a bar or coffee shop, movie, dinner, pub lunch, walk round a lake etc. Even bowling, ice skating, mini golf, walk by the beach, ice cream... although fun activities do not constitute a surprise in my opinion.

What DO they want for a first date? A weekend break to Rome? Or "here we're going up in a plane, put this on your back, open the door, *shove* SURPRISE"??

So far I've seen this as a red flag, it seems like they are piling on the pressure right from the start and expecting me to do all the chasing in the relationship. Which I am totally prepared to do by the way, but not if they TELL me to do it!
 DepthChargeEthel
Joined: 2/16/2013
Msg: 2
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The surprise me date
Posted: 3/7/2013 2:51:43 AM
I've seen this to...and not because I check out the chicks profiles. I read the 'surprise' date as a form of cop out for not being able to come up with something other than 'coffee and strolls along a chandelier moon lit walk with dvd and cuddles'.
 aussiesealady
Joined: 11/10/2011
Msg: 3
The surprise me date
Posted: 3/7/2013 3:04:01 AM
I think they want you to spend a huge amount of money.
Try going to a free concert.
Meet under a tree for coffee from a thermos.
Wander around a free museum, art gallery, market.
Build sandcastles, a snowman anything that costs no cash and see what she thinks.
 Mark_It_Up
Joined: 3/15/2011
Msg: 4
The surprise me date
Posted: 3/7/2013 3:58:30 AM
Cop outs, I would regard as "you decide", "whatever you like" or just leaving it blank. I've no problem with that. Like I said I've got no problem putting in the effort, doing the chasing and coming up with the ideas, especially for the first few. But "surprise me", I don't feel is a cop out, I think it is demanding and pressurizing, putting me on the defensive and telling me she expects me to jump through hoops right from the start. Putting in the effort because I want to, is fine. Putting in the effort because she tells me she expects me to, is not fine. Maybe I am just over-thinking it... but to me it's an instant turn off phrase.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 5
The surprise me date
Posted: 3/7/2013 4:49:50 AM
"Surprise Me" = "Do something to make yourself stand out."


It's NOT what you do but who you are with. Try and remember that.


Ladies that are more concerned about WHAT you do on an early date - are more concerned about their next Facebook status update - than actually dating you. Use the KISS principle - Keep It Simple, Stupid. If they demand more, then ask them to spell out EXACTLY what they want, because God knows, it ain't in their profile.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 6
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The surprise me date
Posted: 3/7/2013 4:51:39 AM
I'm with cowboy, especially that you are over thinking. "Surprise me" is written into so many profiles, and is thrown out as a thing to say in so many third rate TV shows, that it really is just a cop out thing to say. When I run across it, I don't pay attention to it either way.

Generally, it falls into the large category of "stuff people put into profiles because they were in a hurry to get on to using the search function."
 H0wAboutIt
Joined: 9/9/2012
Msg: 7
The surprise me date
Posted: 3/7/2013 5:03:25 AM


Some friendly advice: Do not get caught up on the hoop-lah of word choice. All that means is no 'dinner and a movie'.

Coffee or a drink at the bar is ALWAYS the best thing for a first meet/date so you can make sure this person is who you think they are and so they aren't using you for something like a "Free trip to Rome."

What a woman wants for a first date is simple: a man who is confident, can hold a conversation, have mutual interests, and they are attracted to. If a woman LIKES YOU they can sit a bus stop and eat peanut sandwiches and be happy.

Good luck
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 8
The surprise me date
Posted: 3/7/2013 5:17:24 AM
Agree with cowboy - stop overthinking things. Lots of men put lame stuff in the First Date section too. I just ignore it and if he wants to meet me it is going to be somewhere doing something that I'm comfortable with REGARDLESS of what he wrote in his First Meet section.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 9
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The surprise me date
Posted: 3/7/2013 5:18:26 AM
I think I had that in my profile, when I was still looking. I didn't really mean anything by it other than that I wanted him to suggest something. I don't recall ever saying no to any suggestion that was a public place.

It's interesting that so many men see it as a negative, and I will remember that, if I ever find myself out there looking, again (which I very much hope I won't).
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 10
The surprise me date
Posted: 3/7/2013 5:21:35 AM
A visit to the corner sex store checking out all the new and improved toys???? Of course, coffee included.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 11
The surprise me date
Posted: 3/7/2013 5:29:52 AM
I have no idea why women would say something like this. A meet or date should be based on the ongoing conversation - things you discuss liking or wanting to do. Then again, I'm all logic and common sense, so "surprise me" is a good way to end up somewhere you don't want to be.

I'm not knocking it, but IME men are already not sure what to do in the initial stage, so this just adds more confusion.

And yes, who you are with is ultimately more important, but until I've known you long enough to know if I really want to be around you - the place, time spent, expense, etc. is just going to matter.
 GarnerGirl71
Joined: 2/10/2012
Msg: 12
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The surprise me date
Posted: 3/7/2013 5:52:00 AM
Women putting that don't want some spectacular first date. They want you to know that they are oopen to almost anything. By the time a date comes around, you will have been talking long enough to get a general idea of what someone wants, and the date is usually well discussed. If in talking you find her too high maintenance, move on. You may be missing out on fantastic women because of a misunderstanding. I swear with all the "red flags" people see out of nowhere, I feel like I'm at a bullfight!
 Aristotle_Amadopolis
Joined: 12/8/2011
Msg: 13
The surprise me date
Posted: 3/7/2013 6:03:45 AM

So far I've seen this as a red flag, it seems like they are piling on the pressure right from the start and expecting me to do all the chasing in the relationship. Which I am totally prepared to do by the way, but not if they TELL me to do it!

If you saw it as a red flag you would not be asking how to deal with it.

Unless you are that desperate that you would consider contacting someone that sends up red flags.
 spilling_fire
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 14
The surprise me date
Posted: 3/7/2013 6:16:39 AM
It's not very fair of you to assume she has some hidden meaning or plot to empty your bank account. In fact, it almost makes you sound bitter and suspicious if you read that deeply into things.
"Surprise me" could easily mean "let's not do the same old dinner and a movie" shtick.
 DancinDan1
Joined: 10/24/2012
Msg: 15
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The surprise me date
Posted: 3/7/2013 7:13:56 AM
Me: "Open your hand and close your eyes and you will get a big surprise."

Her: "OOOHHH ICE CREAM !!!!!
 Petraeus
Joined: 7/8/2009
Msg: 16
The surprise me date
Posted: 3/7/2013 7:33:18 AM

You guys way way over think this crap. Ask her to meet you for a drink at Happy Hour. Its NOT what you do but who you are with. Try and remember that.

She just didnt have anything SPECIFIC in her profile. That doesnt mean you have to think of some crazy whacky original theme date. The first one isnt a date. Its a SHORT meeting thats all. Go grab a drink at a fun bar or pub. Trust me MOST of the time you will be glad you limited that first meeting to 20 minutes and a quick drink.

Cowboy


*Cowboy* you are the most level headed person on this forum! And hit it dead on the head.

"Surprise me" doesn't mean a weekend in Paris! It doesn't even mean WHAT you do, but if you read between the lines it means, don't be like all those OTHER guys I didn't like. Be yourself, be confident. Thats the "Surprise" they want.
 Mark_It_Up
Joined: 3/15/2011
Msg: 17
The surprise me date
Posted: 3/7/2013 7:38:45 AM

If you saw it as a red flag you would not be asking how to deal with it.

I'm not asking how to "deal with it". I am asking if my feelings on this commonly used phrase are the same as others. I have been duly and abruptly slapped back to reality, thanks all :)
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 18
The surprise me date
Posted: 3/7/2013 7:46:06 AM

Yeah but I would bet my bottom dollar you are also someone that would just meet for a quick drink after work at somewhere easy.

Thats the point. The first ones are not dates its just a quick meeting to see if there is any attraction.

Cowboy

Oh, absolutely. All my first meets (yep, I call them that) were under a half hour, convenient to schedules, and inexpensive. To me the first "date" is something we'd plan once we actually established real time romantic interest.
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