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 GrayJake40
Joined: 2/20/2013
Msg: 1
Cell phone etiquettePage 1 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
So, I went on a date Friday night..
Pleasant lady.

During dinner, I excused myself to go to the restroom. I was gone just a few minutes. Our seating arrangement placed her with her back to the men's restroom. So, she couldn't see when I was returning.

But, when I was returning, I saw that she had switched sides, to "my" side. Okay, that's fine. But she hadn't moved her plate or drink or anything.
We chatted about stuff... Made plans for drinks. But she was acting differently. Hard to explain. Anyway, I noticed that my cellphone was facedown. I never lay my phone down facedown. I bring it with me because of my daughter. I once got an emergency call from her and did not have my phone with me at the time.. So, now I always have it.
Anyway, turns out, my date had went through my phone "a little bit" while I was in the bathroom. That fast!
I didn't make a huge deal about it then, but that also killed the date. She giggled and apologised and said that she was the curious type, etc. I just stayed mostly quiet. Once we finished dinner, I told her that I had to go. I walked her to her car and told her have a great night... And I bailed.

A week before that, on a date with a different woman, she basically stayed on her phone the entire time. She wanted to take a pic of "us' to send to her friend. And she texted most of the night away, because her friend was on a date as well with a "strange" man. I got fed up at one point, and said something. She put her phone down for roughly two minutes. WHY why why why! Oh yeah, I bought her phone a drink, and I told her since I'm dating both of you tonight.... LOL
I bailed on her too. She sent me five texts immediately, calling me names, telling me I am insensitive. Oooh, ow my ego. The next day, she sent more. I finally answered her. I asked if her friend was safe (yes), did anything bad happen (no). But, her friend didn't trust the guy and was worried. I asked then why didn't she just leave. Or, we could have gone to her!

Anyway. She sucks. They both sucked. LOL.

My question I guess is, is there no cellphone etiquette on dates???
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 2
Cell phone etiquette
Posted: 3/11/2013 7:27:33 AM

Oh yeah, I bought her phone a drink, and I told her since I'm dating both of you tonight..


You were doing the same thing-brought your phone on a date. Don't you have any pockets? I find it rude if someone plops their phone on the table in plain view. It means my company is low on the priority list.
 ThisIsExistence
Joined: 11/10/2012
Msg: 3
Cell phone etiquette
Posted: 3/11/2013 7:52:40 AM

I find it rude if someone plops their phone on the table in plain view. It means my company is low on the priority list.


He did explain about being available for his daughter.
Yes, his daughter is a higher priority for him . . .probably Top Priority.
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 4
Cell phone etiquette
Posted: 3/11/2013 8:07:28 AM

is there no cellphone etiquette on dates???

Yeah .. your phone shouldn't have been out on the table during the first date. Epic fail on your part.
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 5
view profile
History
Cell phone etiquette
Posted: 3/11/2013 8:07:31 AM
Having your phone out on display? Fine.

Can't seem to pry yourself away from your phone for an hour? You're not worth my time.

I think the biggest indicator is juxtaposing how much time/effort is spent texting you vs how much time they are on the phone when you are I their presence.
People love to use the "I'm busy" excuse, but they sure have no problem with updating their Facebooks with drivel and texting a mile a minute to all their other friends.

It just seems to be getting worse with the younger generations.
 tnt144
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 6
Cell phone etiquette
Posted: 3/11/2013 8:15:28 AM
Let me take story number 2 first - yes, talking/texting while dating is a big no-no. Simple enough.

Story number 1 - The violated cell phone man - I understand your knee-jerk reaction is to feel violated, it's like somebody looking through your personal diary, and somebody you barely know messing with your stuff. This is a tricky one, however.

Women, when they start developing a crush/start falling for a man, are natural top-rate investigators and want to find out everything to know about man. When seen in this light, for what it really was, it's pure inocence and actually a compliment - but only when you understand women and relationships.

Ease up on this one next time, and respect a woman who thinks you are special. After all, it's not like you are the President and it was the President's secret book she was peaking at. When something like that happens to me, I'm thinking, "What a woman!".
 ThisIsExistence
Joined: 11/10/2012
Msg: 7
Cell phone etiquette
Posted: 3/11/2013 8:26:28 AM

Story number 1 - The violated cell phone man - . . . This is a tricky one, however.


Not tricky at all. She violated his personal space.

I'm sure she wouldn't like it if she (accidently) left her purse behind while using the facilities, only to find that he rifled through it in her absence.

A woman's curiosity is not an excuse for her lack of self-control.
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 8
Cell phone etiquette
Posted: 3/11/2013 8:34:24 AM
First off, she should never had looked at your phone no matter what, who cares if it was "right there". And it is rude on your part OP for having the phone out on the table. No way should it have been, you could have had it in your pocket and looked when you went to restroom to see if your daughter had called in an emergency situation. Just like the one woman continually texting while you are on a date, it was wrong. Naturally we all want to know as quickly as possible in an emergency but this is rediculous on your part and any woman having a damn phone on the table "waiting" just in case. No way no how!
 GrayJake40
Joined: 2/20/2013
Msg: 9
Cell phone etiquette
Posted: 3/11/2013 8:42:27 AM
"When you participate or enable an "attractive nuisance" by leaving your cellphone laying there,
maybe as a "test",
don't be so surprised that some peoples curiosity will get the better of them..." --Tall IQ2

Hmm. Never thought of that. That I was testing her, or enabling her. Now I feel so guilty! Not.
Actually, I never touch other people's cellphones, or purses/wallets, carkeys, or go through their cabinets and drawers if I'm at their house, etc. So I tend to think they just may respect my stuff in return. This was a first date, as well.

To the person that said I had my phone out for my daughter, yes. I had the volume on low, and I would not have heard it if I had it in my pocket. Plus, I don't want to keep my phone in my pocket, when I'm sitting down. Just, no.
I don't like baggy pants. LOL

The slow burn I did, with date #1, was that I did not initially know who she was texting, coulda been her child? Which is absolutely fine by me. -Single parents may date, but we are still parents 24/7. Once I knew it was a friend, then it was an issue.

BTW, I fell for a situation long ago, like your red box scenerio! I learned! LOL Your phone app idea is great!

Thanks for the input everyone.
 ThisIsExistence
Joined: 11/10/2012
Msg: 10
Cell phone etiquette
Posted: 3/11/2013 8:44:49 AM
I'm a woman, and if my date had explicitly told me he had his phone out to be available for his daughter in case of emergency, I'd have no problem with that.
An emergency is urgent, it doesn't wait to happen at someone else's convenience.
 GrayJake40
Joined: 2/20/2013
Msg: 11
Cell phone etiquette
Posted: 3/11/2013 8:50:28 AM
"I find it rude if someone plops their phone on the table in plain view. It means my company is low on the priority list"

No, it doesn't. It only means they have a cellphone. It means they may have other priorities that will exist regardless of the date. Like, children. Like, sick friends or relatives.

How many dates, do people sit down and upon the table, comes the cellphone, sunglasses, and keys?! LOL Our gear!



 14everBlessed2
Joined: 6/21/2012
Msg: 12
Cell phone etiquette
Posted: 3/11/2013 8:56:18 AM
I have to agree with you on this one. Having a cell phone out so the daughter could call is reasonable. Having your date snoop on your phone, rude and intolerable. Having a woman texting the whole time, rude and discourteous.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 13
Cell phone etiquette
Posted: 3/11/2013 8:56:51 AM
Holy crap - your date nosed through your phone while you were in the men's room??? I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year now, and I've never gone through his phone - and he leaves it laying all over the place!
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 14
Cell phone etiquette
Posted: 3/11/2013 8:58:54 AM
I understand emergencies don't wait for anyone, obviously. But there are times you can't have your phone "glued" to you, for different reasons which are also obvious! Now if it is a situation where a person is sick or something like that, then yes, explain that and I would not have a problem with it. We all know how cell phones become attached to us but manners still go a long way, even though that may be dwindling now a days.
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 15
Cell phone etiquette
Posted: 3/11/2013 9:03:31 AM
First off, both your dates were goofballs. You should have bailed!!!

Snooping thru your phone...just wait..there would be alot more of that behavior to come..looking at your e-mails, stalking you on Facebook, grilling you on who is that other woman, etc etc. Good thing you found out early and split.

She was wrong.

The second woman..on her phone constantly...I would have left after about 10 minutes. Wrong wrong wrong to be sitting on your phone, screwing around texting on a date, for cryin' out loud. Rude, selfish, tacky...disrespectful to you and your time with her.

Then she starts hounding you with texts..I would have ignored them all. This is insanity.

You didnt do anything wrong. You didnt tempt or bait anyone. Any normal, respectful and grown up woman would have waited for you without digging into your personal information or taking out her phone to screw around with.

Jesus, adults are so childish these days! Whatever happened to common courtesy, respect, maturity?
 charliesmom21
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 16
Cell phone etiquette
Posted: 3/11/2013 9:09:46 AM
I loved that you bought the cell phone a drink, lol. Both examples were good examples of being rude. I keep my cell phone on silent and only answer if its my kids. To spend a date on the cell phone is just plain rude. For the woman who went through your phone.. that's just plain psycho, jealous and irrational behavior in my opinion. I have never personally felt the need to check up on a spouse or a boyfriend. To read his emails or look in his phone says their are bigger problems in the relationship. Both pf these women were rude, childish and probably nuts. I think you might have a faulty picker..
 phoenix_55
Joined: 7/25/2012
Msg: 17
Cell phone etiquette
Posted: 3/11/2013 9:11:05 AM
Both of those women were rude, OP. I don't blame you for bailing. Honestly, I'm horrified that anyone has the nerve to look through someone's cell phone -- especially a stranger. I never looked at my boyfriend's cell phone while we were dating.

As both of my kids are adults, I never even take my cell phone in on a date/meeting because there's no need and I don't want the distraction. And I have walked out on a guy who sat there texting while were were trying to talk. I excused myself to the ladies room and then just walked out the door. I'm not sure how long he sat there before he realized I wasn't coming back.

Basically, the answer to your question is no, most people don't have a clue about etiquette -- cell phone or otherwise.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 18
Cell phone etiquette
Posted: 3/11/2013 9:11:08 AM
If you need to be on call 24/7 and be completely attached to your cell phone for fear of your daughter getting sick or injured while you're out for an hour, you should put off dating until you are available to be with other people.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 19
Cell phone etiquette
Posted: 3/11/2013 9:12:00 AM
Whatever happened to common courtesy, respect, maturity?

So agree.....apparently, people will and can justify anything....both instances are just ...rude
After dealing with another disrespectful/rude man..again this weekend...I am at my wits end...lol.
However...I will not fall in line with....accepting bad behaviour to "have a meet/date"...

By the way...I as well will place my cell phone on the table...
Strange....How people want to blame the OP because he left his cell phone on the table. Would I have to hide my bill receipts/mail/ if "you" came to my home because they are there....for you to snoop???
 Advwench
Joined: 12/29/2012
Msg: 20
Cell phone etiquette
Posted: 3/11/2013 9:14:14 AM
Story 1 - No. Just... no. If the phone was sitting on the table right in front of me, I'd never pick up someone's phone and start looking through it. It's not pure innocent or a compliment, it's a woman being super nosy. Please do NOT think all women are like that and say it's the norm.

Not all of us snoop, nor would we dream of it.
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 21
Cell phone etiquette
Posted: 3/11/2013 9:15:03 AM

If you need to be on call 24/7 and be completely attached to your cell phone for fear of your daughter getting sick or injured while you're out for an hour, you should put off dating until you are available to be with other people

+1 There is absolutely NO excuse for someone having their phone out on the table.
 Advwench
Joined: 12/29/2012
Msg: 22
Cell phone etiquette
Posted: 3/11/2013 9:16:03 AM

Story number 1 - The violated cell phone man - I understand your knee-jerk reaction is to feel violated, it's like somebody looking through your personal diary, and somebody you barely know messing with your stuff. This is a tricky one, however.

Women, when they start developing a crush/start falling for a man, are natural top-rate investigators and want to find out everything to know about man. When seen in this light, for what it really was, it's pure inocence and actually a compliment - but only when you understand women and relationships.


Sorry, first time posting and I messed up the quotes... my previous post was in response to this.
 charliesmom21
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 23
Cell phone etiquette
Posted: 3/11/2013 9:26:44 AM
Sorry Whiskey River.. I too have had my share of rude and pathetic dates. I am dating on a different site and so far, much better . I found a good deal of the men in my local area are either players, trying to get another notch on their belt or sad sacks...pathetic, crazy men who who have problems in real life because of their behaviors. Dating can be so frustrating at times. I have stopped dating for periods of time because I just can only take so much of the insanity. I can not believe that some women are admitting to peeking at a mans private information like it was ok.. IT"S NOT. I have found lots of scary behavior on POF, even in the forums.. there are some who should be sitting in the chair across from me rather than trying to date. JMHO
 spot4username
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 24
Cell phone etiquette
Posted: 3/11/2013 9:33:03 AM
The first one is a no-brainer. I can't imagine a date or anyone for that matter going through my phone or anything of the sort. That would be like having someone look through my purse. This woman has no manners or boundaries whatsoever. I can't even begin to imagine.

The second one is also a no-brainer. I, like you, have children and keep my phone within reach but I don't actively use it during dates. I don't see an issue with asking to take a photo as long as it wasn't too weird. I'm sure your spideysense would tell you if it was. As far as being on the phone the entire date - I would have told her that I could see she needed alone time with her phone and left her to it. *sweet smile*
 GrayJake40
Joined: 2/20/2013
Msg: 25
Cell phone etiquette
Posted: 3/11/2013 9:38:58 AM
"If you need to be on call 24/7 and be completely attached to your cell phone for fear of your daughter getting sick or injured while you're out for an hour, you should put off dating until you are available to be with other people. "--maleman999

I wasn't attached. It sat on the table until SHE picked it up. And then when I noticed it facedown. And then, again, when we left.
And, an hour? Such a short date? I think three hours total, is the average for dates. Travel time included.

How many kids do you have? How old are they? If you do have kids, (no, I checked), do you stop dating? Do you plan on being a hermit daddy/parent?

Nope, you live a normal life. You date if you want, and you play standby if needed, for your kid. A cellphone provides us (single parents) a tool for "just in case".

If my date does not understand this, seeya! It's a huge pond full of "fish" here. I can afford to filter out the ones that do not agree or understand such a basic parenting tool.

If it means my dating life will suffer, at least I got a daughter with no regrets from or for her dad.

Something tells me, tho, that it all works out fine.
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